It's been 4 months since the book ended, and it seems that it's too late to explain it at this time.

At that time, I didn't say too much, because I thought it was too hypocritical, so I didn't say it.

Now I say that it is because there should be no one to read this book anymore, and I came out to make a summary, which can be regarded as an explanation for myself, and it is also in order to see what is written now when I turn to this book one day in the future, and remind myself how to avoid mistakes.

1，

Much, long after the book ended, several book friends said to me: The girls in this book are so miserable!

Is it miserable?

I was stunned.

But when you think about it, it's really miserable.

How miserable is it?

Miserable to the point where I had a depressive episode, hahaha!

That's right...... Healthy, sunny, positive, and I used to have nothing to do in the space to send chicken soup for the soul, but I actually triggered depression because of writing a book! Ha!

This is not hypocrisy.

Actually, I didn't grow up in a healthy environment, I had a childhood shadow in my heart that was difficult to cross, I had been fighting for it until I was 24 years old, so I fled to live in an unfamiliar place, and finally went home in disgrace, and then a book came out, and I was so loved by readers that I thought I had completely let go of that shadow.

I've been fighting for so many years, pretending to be happy, heartless, positive, and exuding positive energy everywhere.

But actually, by the time the Assassin wrote about the peach blossom with a human face, I was no longer good.

The girls in the book are so miserable.

Their experiences are a reminder of my past.

The first update of Assassin Soul started to become unstable because of this.

When the editor came to me for an update, my reply was: I want to kill myself, where can I have the strength to care about the update?

During that time, I cried every day, and the tears never stopped, and I, obviously since I was a child, was such a stubborn person, and I didn't shed tears even when I was bullied.

Since then, I really can't pretend to be positive anymore, I can't love the world anymore.

A few years ago, I pretended to be a filial child, telling everyone to love and understand my parents, respect my parents, or something, but now I can't say that, because under my skin, there is all negative energy.

I tried my best to please my parents, but I'm afraid that they won't be too upset if I die.

When I had a depressive episode, when I told the people around me that I wanted to kill myself, my dad told me to die, and my friends would come and persuade me to be responsible for my family and for myself when I was joking...... But in fact, if a depressed person is really willing to take responsibility for himself, he will not be depressed.

What people with depression need is not chicken soup, not advice, but understanding and companionship.

2，

Today's message, there is a message from September, the book friend said that he went to contact the Black Rock official, and the official said that the author had depression and was being treated......

Laughing ......

There is no such thing.

When I was depressed, I didn't tell anyone, I didn't even know it was depression, but I wanted to commit suicide for a long time, and I picked up the knife many times.

When I learned that it was depression, I found it out on the Internet more than half a year later, and I was in a state of ...... It's okay, except for the explosion of negative energy, there are no suicidal thoughts for the time being, let alone treatment.

In fact, the day before the suicide of many depressed patients, everyone thinks that he is a person with positive energy and three views.

I'm just one of them.

It's not hypocritical to say this. If this article written today can be seen, I hope that everyone will not ignore the "danger warning" issued by the friends around you, and don't think that a person who says "want to commit suicide" is joking, that may be his last struggle.

Thank you to the person who was with me at that time.

3，

Internet writers, in fact, are also people who are prone to depression.

I know a few, but everybody is doing well now.

For example, A (codename).

When I met him, I was 21 and he was 27.

At that time, I was still a sunny and a little bit of a second-class boy, and he was a father of one child.

One year, he kept telling me that he wanted to divorce, wanted to commit suicide, wanted to buy a car, took a beautiful woman all the way to Lhasa, and then died in the white snow-capped mountains.

I thought he was joking, and the joke was really bad, so I didn't take it to heart.

Last year, when I was 26 years old, I finally felt that pain too.

What I think of is that I am going to die before my parents and never die for them. What I thought of was going out to live, locking myself in a small black room, writing desperately, not going to the doctor when I was sick, and then dying of overwork in front of the computer, and the body rotted and stinked in the small black room, only to be discovered. I also want to write a suicide note to tell my relatives, please cremate me when I die, don't bury me in the soil, don't make me a spiritual position, please throw my ashes in the trash, because I am a trash.

And after surviving it, chatting with A again, both of them seem to understand everything.

I've also seen authors on forums describe their experiences of almost jumping off the stairs after hitting a bottleneck in writing a book and months of hard work in vain.

There are several.

Not much more.

It's too much hypocrisy.

I hope everyone will be gentle, and don't think that the author is joking when he says that he is sick.

4，

Now I'm trying to be nice to my rabbits.

Somehow it reads "Why do people with depression need a cat the most"?

Because when a depressed person can't control his tendency to commit suicide, a small life screaming at your feet can make you realize that there is a weak life in this world that depends on you, so you will let go of suicidal thoughts and obediently go back to shoveling. (Real!) ）

I don't have a cat, I have a rabbit.

A 3-year-old tsundere rabbit.

I suddenly remembered that when the cat was poisoned last year, I sent it to the doctor, and my parents said it was not worth it. It occurred to me that they wouldn't want me to go to the doctor if I was sick, and they were more concerned about the money I spent than I did about it — and I cried twice for that.

Once, it was when the cat died.

The second time was when I got sick and had no medicine to treat when I got sick, and suddenly I collapsed.

These depressive factors lurk in the shadows and can pop up at any time.

In the new year, I will buy myself fresh flowers, change the water every two days, go out every other week to buy new flowers, and force myself to be active, hoping that I can always maintain a peaceful mood.

5，

At that time, after surviving depression, he had two more serious illnesses.

The first was back pain.

When I woke up one day, it hurt very much, and that kind of pain hurt when I was lying down, so I didn't want to squat down when I went to the toilet, and I might not be able to stand up again after squatting down after all the hard work.

This disease has been cured for more than half a month, and it hurts for about a month.

It's hard to stick to the codeword.

So there was a second long break.

After my waist was well, I wanted to regain my strength, but it didn't take long for me to go into the mountains, I was not used to the local diet (peppers were put in every dish), and I was prone to inflammation, so I had otitis, tonsillitis, and tracheitis in a few days. There were no doctors or pharmacies in the mountains, so it took me 2 weeks to get out of the mountains. When I got home, I had a high fever. It was summer vacation, and I lay in bed for a day (fever), and the next day I couldn't stand it anymore, so I got up, covered myself with a blanket, and walked to the clinic shivering, and the return rate was extremely high along the way!

This inflammation and suppuration took more than half a month of injections in the hospital before it subsided.

So

Depression + back pain + inflammation took about 3 months, and a quarter of the year passed like this, and for a book, there were too many accidents and died.

Even if I adjusted everything and came back to writing later, I wouldn't be able to get back to what I had started thinking.

So I'm stubbed.

Not only is it unfinished, but it also maliciously wrote an ending that disgusts everyone.

6，

Regarding the mentality, it was really bad at the time, thinking that no one would read it and write an ending casually, and thinking that no one would read it and want to take revenge on society and write an ending that disgusted people.

After the end, I saw the messages of the book friends one after another, and I realized how bad this practice was.

But I can't correct it.

It was too late.

We can only remember this mistake in our hearts and never do it again in the future.

This incident taught me that no matter what, there should be no revenge on society when writing a book, because it will eventually react on the author.

Remember: no matter what happens in the future, don't be willful about your words!

7，

As for the body.

Be kind to yourself in the future.

Don't sit for long periods of time and be active, such as walking your rabbit outside.

Don't eat too much spicy stuff to avoid inflammation.

Write diligently, even if it's to get an injection, as long as it's not a brain pain, work hard!

8，

In 2019, I began to learn to write a good ending.

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