Chapter 148: I Hate Myself

Fate seems to have played a big joke on Xu Xiaoyu, why is it so arranged? What is the birth of Yu? If Zhang Fengyi is his biggest weakness for him, his death hole, and the person he can love with his life.

Then, Fang Longxing is his old enemy, the contender arranged by fate, and the person who is destined to come to grab his beloved. It seems that the battle between the two of them has long been doomed, and a bloody contest will inevitably unfold between the two of them, and no one will escape.

What made him most aggrieved was that he had not yet started a formal fierce competition with Fang Longxing, and he was defeated by TAMA without a fight. I ended so dramatically in Xiaoyi's life. Can he be willing? How can you be willing? Just swallow this breath? He can't! He wants to fight back, he hates himself, so many years have passed, and he hasn't let Xiaoyi fall in love with him.

Xu Xiaoyu has been an underground worker for so many years, dedicating all his love without complaint, burning all his enthusiasm, and his enthusiastic youth is waiting in the quiet flowers. He sheltered Zhang Fengyi from the wind and rain, stayed with him silently, and wishfully linked his life closely with him, worked hard to please him, cater to him, and in order to maintain close contact with him, he actually involved Rhodiola and Du Pengyuan into their lives, and painstakingly wanted to be closely related to Zhang Fengyi's fate.

However, the most ironic thing is that when everything could go according to his plan, what he didn't expect was that his Xiaoyi was so in and out of pairs with others when he was defenseless, and his love was better than Jin Jian. I became a laughing stock in the eyes of others overnight, and the people and things I worked hard to manage became someone else's bag, and I made wedding clothes for others.

Xu Xiaoyu's current spirit has become a little dazed under the influence of alcohol, and he thinks a lot of things. He didn't know what he was. Every time I joked with Zhang Fengyi and called him wife, I was either beaten by him or scolded by him, when did that person really put this "wife" in his heart? When did you go through your heart?

Oh, yes! As long as he puts a little thought into me, he will know that I am serious, very serious. In his heart, can't I catch up with someone who is so far away from him? What's more, Fang Longxing is still a thought of his childhood? The more I thought about it, the more I felt that Xu Xiaoyu was angry.

A self who has been with Xiaoyi for so many years, is it really not as good as a person who has never been by his side? Xu Xiaoyu! Xu Xiaoyu! Are you too useless? Little righteousness! You dead-eyed, don't you know that I, Xu Xiaoyu, really love you? Or do you just know it, so you will repeatedly reject my kindness to you? Or is it deliberately pretending that you don't know anything? The reason is that in your heart, you can't let go of that person? What is it for? Can anyone tell me?

Now it's okay, Fang Longxing is back, and you can finally get your wish, you can live with him and live together. What about me? What should I be in? As you said, we are the best buddies, the best friends, and the best classmates! But why don't you ask me if I'm willing to accept these titles and titles? It's not what I want, what I want is the identity of "your lover".

Xiaoyi, you can not give it to me, you can also choose not to love me, you have the right to choose him to be your other half, but what I want to explain is: You don't want to escape from my palm in this life, you will eventually fall into my Xu Xiaoyu's arms! Don't blame me, it's because I love you so much that I can't and won't allow myself to watch you fall into someone else's arms.

Love is selfish, please don't blame me for my selfishness, I must not love you less than that person, or even more, between you is just a simple love when you were young, between you are only childhood memories and thoughts, how much have you experienced together?

You must know that I am the one who has really spent more than ten years with you, sixteen or seventeen! Is the time short? Over the years, there have been too many things that have happened and faced together, too many, and any mention of one thing is my best memory at this time, and I don't believe you won't care! You're so cruel that you ignore me!

Xiaoyi, maybe you will make me forget this, let me learn not to care, let me know clearly, your feelings for me are not called love, some are just family and friendship, but I want to tell you, that is impossible! I can't regard this affection for you as friendship and family affection, I am sure that it is admiration for you, it is love! Do you think a big man, who cares so much about a man's feelings every day? Are you happy or worried about you?

Xiaoyi, I hate myself, I hate my own youthful frivolity and ignorance, I hate my own nonsense, doing so many ridiculous things. Originally, I thought that I could completely forget my feelings for you, and I even wanted to continue this friendship, but after so many years of tossing, I found that I still can't let myself treat you as my buddy.

I hate myself even more, why didn't I clearly express my heart and love for you to you at that time, and I did all the wrong things again and again. If I had been brave enough at the time, I would rather risk that we wouldn't even be buddies in the end, and completely express my love for you to you, and now I will only use alcohol to kill my sorrows, and I won't be so sad and sad, what kind of thing is my TAMA!

Xiaoyi, don't blame me for being dead-eyed, why aren't you? If it weren't for your attachment to his feelings, I would have found nothing today if a tree had been hanged? A fool can see what I have in mind for you, and as shrewd as you are, you don't really know nothing.

I know that you cherish this friendship between us very much, and you have deliberately emphasized the friendship between us in front of me countless times, just to make me die for you, in fact, I also want to let go of you! This love is painful and tormenting, and you can understand the pain of my lovesickness! Your love for him is lovesickness! We're each other! Don't say anything about anyone.

Those ridiculous things I did, in the end, I just wanted to prove in front of you: I'm normal, I'm a straight man, without you, I can still live a very chic and wonderful life, but what about the result? As a result, I am constantly injured and tormented, and this wound is probably difficult to heal, and in the end, I still can't forget this love for you! Baby! My little righteousness! Who made you so charming that I loved you so hauntingly, couldn't extricate myself, and wanted to be with you?

Also, this woman sitting next to me now, I just don't love her at all, you know who I love, right? Xiaoyi, you simply know that the person I love is you! Am I right? Remember why I married her back home? If you hadn't forced me at the time, would I have chosen to marry her? You see how much I listen to you, I did what you asked me to do, I married him, this time you should get your wish, right?

Oh, yes! You say you're doing it for my own good, for my sake, but don't you know that I want to live with you in the end? I can not care about anything, what are you afraid of? Oh! I forgot, the person you love is Fang Longxing! He's right all the time, right? I really admire your dedication to love, otherwise I wouldn't love you so much!

Now that I have a family, am I not qualified to rob you with Fang Longxing? Baby! It looks like you're wrong! You underestimate it too much, my feelings for you, you enter my heart, you can't go out again, can this TAMA blame me? How can you put this sin on my own to bear and face alone? I've loved you so much, it's painful enough. So, baby, don't blame me, no matter what I do wrong in the future, I hope you can forgive me in the end.

Xu Xiaoyu's mood at this time was extremely conflicted, and his thoughts were very chaotic. He thought about a lot of questions and asked himself a lot of questions, but the result still made him feel very confused. He has never been able to accept the reality and not be able to wake up in time. But it's not a question of letting him sober up. When it comes to emotional matters, it is really difficult to distinguish between right and wrong, and which is wrong.

In fact, sometimes, there may not be a return for paying, the main thing is whether we can give everything we have without any expectations, including the heart of loving each other. If we do a good deed, no one even says to us, "Thank you!" "It doesn't matter.

The most important thing is that we should not stop our original motivation to do good because others did not say thank you, and we should not let our instinct to do good be lost, but we must persist and continue to insist on our good deeds.