"If you know what kind of life you want, then you can endure all suffering." Chang Sheng said.

Yuan Hanliang smiled bitterly, "You are really not suitable for chicken soup." ”

Chang Shenghua changed his words: "Your endurance is too poor, and you are not determined to change, and you can't blame others for your bad life." ”

Yuan Hanliang's little heart was simply poked bloody by her, "Sister Chang, you are so ruthless......"

Chang Shenghua was very calm, "Of course, what I said was before, now that you have determination, maybe you can change something...... Not to mention anything else, at least the courage has been trained. ”

"Deciding" is such a thing, when you don't do it, you never know how far you can go, once you decide a few more things, then you will slowly grow up, and you will have the confidence to control your life.

It's just that the premise is that at least the decision can't be foolish, and once the decision is wrong, it must also have the ability to bear the mistake.

Chang Shenghua felt that Yuan Hanliang was in such a period, he made a decision, but he was not sure whether he could pay the price of failure.

Yuan Hanliang said: "I don't know if I'm stupid and bold...... I used to think I was quite bold, but now it seems that I am not very accurate about myself. ”

Chang Shenghua nodded approvingly, "There is always a difference between the real self and the ideal self, and I often think that I am a bad person, but the one in my family thinks that I am very good." ”

Yuan Hanliang said faintly: "Is it really good to see the stitches and needles entrained with private goods?" ”

Chang Shenghua said calmly: "The main thing is that I am afraid that you will fall in love with me, and the empathy effect in psychological counseling is the most distressing thing for every counselor—I mean, an honest counselor who does not want to mislead the client." ”

Yuan Hanliang really didn't know what kind of mentality she used to say the word "integrity......

"Am I wrong...... Yuan Hanliang said with a scowling head, "I just said it casually, I promise that I will not empathize with you." ”

So, can you stick less knives in his knees?

"Very good," Chang Shenghua glanced at him approvingly, "maybe you'd like to talk to me about your first love?" ”

Yuan Hanliang was slightly stunned, "Sometimes I really feel like you are a god. ”

Chang Shenghua thought to himself that you are not the first, the little lion thinks so every day......

Yuan Hanliang's eyes moved, and he was obviously caught in the whirlpool of memories, "I don't know what to say...... She is the kind of girl who is very well-behaved, the kind of good student, completely different from my mother. ”

Chang Shenghua nodded, and when he saw him pause, he asked, "Your mother is very controlling?" ”

Yuan Hanliang smiled bitterly, "She can't wait to tie shadow puppet thread on me, and tell me what to do like a shadow puppet play...... She took care of what school I went to, what classes I attended, what friends I made, and even what color I wore, and then she pulled me out of the exhibition and told people that she had a good son. ”

"So your rebellious period is against her?" Chang Sheng asked.

"With her, with my dad, and with the Yuan ......family," Yuan Hanliang recalled, "Maybe at that time, I felt that the whole world was against me." ”

"But your first love was different?" Chang Sheng's painting guides the topic.

Yuan Hanliang's eyes were obviously gentle, "Well, she's different." ”

He didn't say anything different, but his expression said it all.

Chang Shenghua observed Yuan Hanliang seriously, "You have a very good past. ”

"Maybe, it's a very old-fashioned story, maybe you are boring to listen to......" Yuan Hanliang closed his eyes, "She is the top student in my class, the kind that beats the whole grade, I confessed to her, she was very shy and said that she can't fall in love before college......"

"I wanted to go to the same university as her, in fact, my grades were good at that time, but for her, I tried my best to stay in the top five of my grade, my mother was very happy, I came to the school to understand the situation, the teacher mentioned it, and reassured my mother that it was natural, early love is not all bad, at least I became serious."

Chang Shenghua nodded, "Then?" Your mother doesn't agree? ”

"At first, I didn't have any opinions, she was very good-looking, she was still a top student cultivated by the school, my mother felt quite face-saving, and I called her over on my birthday, showing her to my relatives like a doll...... "The gentleness in Yuan Hanliang's eyes slowly turned cold, "She was frightened, she was born in the countryside and has never seen such a scene." ”

Yuan Hanliang looked at the lively scene in front of him, and suddenly seemed to return to the birthday banquet many years ago.

Chang Sheng painted the image of the girl in his mind, "She alienated you? ”

Yuan Hanliang nodded sluggishly, "But I don't understand...... I didn't understand anything at that time, I just knew that she suddenly ignored me, I was very angry, and there were other boys chasing her, I had a fight with them, they lost face, and they teamed up with others to bully her in private......"

Chang Shenghua realized something, "But you don't know? ”

"I didn't find ......" Yuan Hanliang's eyes were scattered with broken numbness, "They didn't do anything, they just isolated her, excluded her, tore her rolls, wet her quilt, cut off her long hair in the middle of the night......"

This memory was too profound for Yuan Hanliang, and he was even able to retell countless details.

Yuan Hanliang said softly: "She cut her hair short, and said that it was for the college entrance examination, and it was inconvenient to take care of her hair often, but I actually ......believed it."

Chang Shenghua pondered, "At that time, the study schedule was very tight, and you still wanted to go to the same university with her, so you didn't have much time to pay attention to these details. ”

Yuan Hanliang showed a pale smile, "It seems that studying is a good excuse...... Her grades regressed so badly that I just thought she wasn't comfortable with the rhythm of the third year of high school, but my mom found out and told me to stay away from her, and I quarreled with my mom...... It may be that I rarely quarrel with my mother, and she is angry and thinks that my first love has brought me badly. ”

Chang Shenghua can imagine what Yuan Hanliang's mother did.

"My mother? forced her to transfer to another school, but she refused, and there were rumors in the school, saying that she had no skin and no face to seduce me......" The curvature of the corners of Yuan Hanliang's mouth was still held, but his eyes were completely covered with cold frost.

Only the most tragic ending can make Yuan Hanliang remember so many years, Chang Shenghua asked in a low voice: "She died?" ”

"Jumping down from the stairs," Yuan Hanliang's voice was even calm, only his fingertips trembled uncontrollably, "I watched her jump ......"

Chang Shenghua looked at him silently.

Yuan Hanliang leaned on the sofa, the room was so lively, but all the sounds seemed to be far away from him.

All he could hear was the sound of the wind in the school, the shouts, and the sound of the girl falling to the ground......

Chang Shenghua suddenly snapped his fingers in Yuan Hanliang's ear.

Yuan Hanliang was suddenly agitated, and looked at Chang Sheng's painting blankly.

Chang Shenghua shook his head, "Don't fall in." ”

Her voice was calm, and the beat of Yuan Hanliang's heart was slightly calm, and he sat up straight, and the re-surging noise around him made him feel a little more secure.

Ever since the girl died, he had become more and more afraid of the quiet space, and the quieter it was, the more he couldn't control the memories of the scene.

"Do you think she hates you?" Chang Sheng asked, in a tone that wouldn't hurt him.

Yuan Hanliang kept quiet for a long time before saying: "She left me a letter, saying that she doesn't blame me, she has always had a very serious depression, and my appearance made her feel very happy, but this happiness is very short-lived, she feels that she can't live anymore, even if it's for me, she can't do it...... She said sorry to me. ”

Speaking of which, Yuan Hanliang's eyes turned red, and he repeated again: "She actually told me that she was sorry......"

Chang Shenghua did not say anything to comfort her, she knew that Yuan Hanliang just wanted to confide and did not need any substantive comfort.

After a while, Yuan Hanliang slowly stabilized his emotions, and he said, "Sister Chang, I don't understand. ”

"There's nothing I don't understand," Chang Shenghua shook his head and said, "I just said ¬ - the endurance is too poor, and I don't have the determination to change, and I can't blame others for having a bad life, so she doesn't blame you, she blames herself." ”

Yuan Hanliang was a little stunned, "Why?" It was not her own person who caused her so much pain......"

"For her, it's herself," Chang Sheng's tone was very objective, but not offensive, "whether it's school violence or the emotional trauma you bring her, these are all pressures brought by the external environment, far less than the pain in her own heart...... Do you know anything about depression? ”

Yuan Hanliang nodded slowly, "I studied management in college, but there is also this part of the reason for entering this nursing home......"

"Compared with the external environment, inner pressure is the most difficult prison for depressed patients to break," Chang Sheng painted, "She came from a humble background, and the environment and personality created her inferiority, you are a very beautiful existence for her, but the better you are, the more it seems that she is not good enough - she trapped herself and couldn't get out, so she died." ”

Yuan Hanliang said in a dumb voice: "So I killed her?" ”

Chang Shenghua shook his head, "She said she couldn't live anymore." ”

Yuan Hanliang looked at her.

"She didn't want to live for a long time," Chang Shenghua said in a low voice, "Your appearance made her struggle for a while, but it was far from enough for her to have the courage to live...... In a way, you're right, if you had changed the time, the result might have been a little better. ”

In that student era, the economy was not free, time was not free, what was love? It can save people, but it can't save everyone.

Yuan Hanliang's eyes turned red again, he held his face with both hands to block the desperate look, and he could only hear his voice being very hoarse: "Intellectually, I can understand your analysis, and I also want to use this reason to comfort myself not to blame myself again...... But Sister Chang, I can't control it, I sometimes wonder, if she hadn't met me, would the ending be better? ”

Chang Shenghua didn't say anything more to analyze, but said, "Maybe." ”