I went through the second half of my sophomore year and the first half of my junior year with that conviction.

In the past year, I have been the same in front of my classmates and friends, but in the dead of night, only I know how difficult it can be.

I can't remember how many nights I looked at a photo of us and hid under the covers and cried, and I can't remember how many times I've had insomnia.

However, as soon as he left my world, I seemed to become very unlucky, I don't know if he took all my good luck, anyway, I took a lot of certificates in this year, but none of them.

Because of this, I have been depressed and depressed for a long time, and I have doubted my own intelligence, and of course I will not tell others about the torture and humiliation.

But when I was unhappy, I still looked for him twice on QQ, once because I asked him about a trivial matter, and once because I was in a very bad mood and felt that I was really about to collapse.

Although he also replied to me, I felt really estranged, I don't know if I was too sensitive, I could feel impatient from his answer, so after those two times, I deleted his QQ, WeChat or something, leaving only the mobile phone number.

The reason why I left my mobile phone number is because it is the same whether I keep it or not, and the numbers that I have long been familiar with cannot be erased from my heart.

Even though it was in my phone, I knew that the number would never ring again.

I deleted his contact information because I was afraid that I would always be unable to help but disturb him, and I also blocked all the news of our mutual friends, because I didn't want to know anything about him, I was afraid that it would affect my mood, and I was afraid that it would shake my determination not to disturb him.

During the winter break of my junior year, I was most impressed by a dream about him that night.

In my dream, I took my luggage and went home with a friend, who lived in a rented house off campus, on the first floor, closer to the street.

We were talking about things, but for some reason the friend suddenly pushed me into his house and closed the door.

I was still very puzzled at the time, but after a moment I heard their voices, and I will never forget the voice of He Yufan.

I don't know what they said, but I could see from the cat's eyes that my friend seemed to be forcing He Yufan to sign an agreement, and I saw He Yufan's face darkened.

I don't understand why I had to hide when I met him, and I don't owe him anything. So I kicked the door and yelled "open the door" in a rage, and it wasn't long before my friend opened the door.

As soon as the door opened, as soon as He Yufan saw me, he pulled the girl next to him behind him and said to me coldly, "If you have anything to do with me, don't trouble her."

I didn't do anything and didn't say anything, he warned me like this, I smiled bitterly and said, "I didn't expect that the first thing we said when we met again would be like this, and I didn't do anything, but you warned me like this, what do you want to live your own life, aren't you just for her?" ”

'You can think whatever you like,' he replied, and with that he turned and picked up the girl beside him, and walked towards the end of the street without looking at me.

And I watched him leave, he had never yelled at me before, and their blinding backs pierced my eyes deeply.

I turned and ran in the other direction of the street, crying as I ran, and when I was tired of running, I walked aimlessly by myself, as if I had been abandoned by the whole world, and when I was tired, I crouched down and sobbed lowly.

I don't know if I'm too sad, I woke up like that, and the dream just now is so real, the heartache is so real, I didn't recover from that sadness when I woke up, I shrunk myself in the quilt, crying heartbreakingly.

Even I don't know why I cried so badly because of a dream. When I adjusted my emotions, I picked up my phone and looked at the time, "half past two in the morning"

I rarely remember dreams so clearly every time I sleep, but as long as it is about him, I think it is because he is in my heart.

In the second semester of my junior year, although I didn't take all the certificates in the past year, I passed all the certificates in one go this semester.

If the past year was my bad luck year, then this new year is definitely my transit year, but it doesn't seem to be.

In this year, I also learned a lot of other knowledge, learned to make up, learned to dress and match, traveled to many places, saw a lot of scenery, and now I am very confident and sunny.

It's just that there is still a dark place in my heart, and I don't dare to think of him.

How many times have I picked up my phone and looked at that string of numbers, but I really didn't have the courage to press it.

This age is really a very embarrassing stage, without the courage of childhood, the impulsiveness of youth, and the maturity of material. I have dissolved those unrealistic conjectures, and I have accepted a lot of unsustainable facts, and I have been on the road, to be continued...

It's been two years since he left me, and in these two years, although there have been suitors, I don't have that mind, and I still remember the agreement, but I don't know if he will remember.

It's not so much an agreement, it's just an agreement I made to myself, so that I have the courage to persevere; Let me slowly accept the fact that he is gone; Let me slowly get used to life without him.

Sometimes I really don't know whether I should stick to it, but if I do, at least I will leave no regrets in my life, right?