On March 28, 2016, Chiba wrote a diary "It's Impossible".

"It's Impossible Anymore 1"

My world has been patiently rebuilt countless times, and countless times it has been destroyed helplessly with pain. I have plucked up the courage to swear to show myself to the world, follow my heart, realize my own value, and show my uniqueness that is different from others, but every time I don't go long before I hit a wall and get frustrated, and I am often worried about the misunderstanding of the past by new people, worried about the decline of my impression in the hearts of others, worried that there is no protective film to protect myself in the face of reality, and I am worried that the protection of my friends around me is not enough to hurt them, etc., and slowly self-denial on the road over time. The phenomenon is that every once in a while to change a life guiding ideology, change a life direction marker, change a QQ signature, space and blog things are confidently passed up again and again to share, after a period of time, with a collapsed heart quietly in the network to empty the record, disappear, this cycle is repeated again and again, each time it brings heart-wrenching pain, I want to hold high my faith and value life, because this can live happily and freely, and will not leave any regrets, But for the four reasons mentioned above, I had to make myself embark on the path to the dark abyss in the opposite direction many times.

At that time, I liked to show myself and realize my value, whether it was on the Internet, such as space, blogs, Weibo, Zhihu or Tieba, or in real life such as speeches, heart-to-heart talks and teaching. However, I also like the kind of life of walking alone, being alone, and meditating alone, and yearning for the kind of "high mountains and mountains are silent, deep water has no waves", and what thoughts or emotional experiences are completely unrevealed; In addition, I was very shy and shy at that time, and I couldn't cope with such a situation with so many strangers.

On that day, I experienced the fragility of life, and one day, we may really leave suddenly, no matter how hard we fight, we can't open our eyes, no matter how hard we fight, we can't make a sound, we can only leave our family, relatives and friends with tears and unwillingness, and leave this world alone. Dad, don't be sad, don't be unwilling, you have worked hard, you have done your best, the rest is still here, I will take care of my family and relatives and friends with you, what do you want to say, we can roughly know, I never even dared to imagine that I can climb so high and go so far, this is all thanks to the hard work of you and your mother, maybe this is all fate, all fixed, so holy and unchangeable.

Recently, in the early hours of the morning, the momentary realization of an idea led to a sudden change in preconceived notions, and I completely accepted all my self and found a way to connect with society, and it was impossible to change back to the distorted way it was.

One of the ideas mentioned, and the meaning of the above paragraph,

The details are all in this diary "******If anyone still asks me, have you ever been in love", additional address: Qiong Zimei ttp://us Zhao Shuidan r.qzon Zhao Shuidan.qq.que Xinyue om/*********/Ao Chuxue lo Xiang Xiaofan/1456732040

It turns out to be so happy after becoming the original self and having nothing to worry about, what kind of sense of comfort and comfort is that, what kind of comfort and comfort it is like in the previous life or when it was just born, for a long time, for a long time, I haven't experienced it, but it should be after 12 years, countless times of construction, and countless times of destruction, so long, so long a trough, I can't be blamed for the collapse, I can't do anything about it, after all, I'm tired of swinging around. Recently, I'm doing what I want to do, and I feel similar to what I want to be, especially now that I'm confused about my hobby of writing, and I'm recognized by people who have been recognized, but that's just what I was at the beginning, and there's nothing surprising about it.

The sentence mentioned above, "Especially nowadays, when the confusion about the hobby of writing is solved",

The details are all in this diary "****** My Dream - The Meaning of Life - Life Planning 01", which has not yet been edited and published.

In the face of fragile and short life, all these little annoying cerebellums are so vulnerable, what if expressing the true thoughts of the heart may hurt their friends? What about uncovering your old background, taking off your mask, and crossing off the protective film, so that you are seriously damaged? What about accepting and manifesting all selves, good and bad, good and evil, so that others see their flaws and shortcomings and turn away from them? The mix is very sleek, the performance is very real, but there is guilt and regret, is such a person really happy? Follow your heart, live without regrets is the last word, different three views on the meaning of life definition is different, the definition of the word regret is naturally different, when your mind is coated with a layer of film by default to achieve your meaning, naturally there will be no troubles mentioned above, such as those walking in the dark. In this world, everyone is unique, they are all individuals separated from the god of common consciousness, and they all have their own uniqueness, therefore, we should fully reflect our uniqueness in the ways and means to realize the value of life, give full play to our own personality and advantages, and do our duty in our own position.