"If Anyone Asks Me, Have You Been in Love" • IV / 2016-03-01

When I opened my previous diary, I couldn't believe it, my past was a mess.

I can't believe how selfish and timid I was before,

I can't believe how deeply I was poisoned by preconceived notions before, especially the damn movie review that I once believed in,

I can't believe that I didn't contact her again because of her last sentence, and I should have sorted out the time earlier.

2007-2010 I seem to have helped her make or fix something, and she always likes to laugh at me.

2010.09.** D met me, I proposed to write a reply, only to see others write, not to reply to others, and I can't say anything.

2010.12.18 For some reason, I was very unhappy, and a lot of things in the space were deleted. At noon, she called and said that you have some ...... in the space Words, you should go for an update. I told her I was going to delete it all, and she said no, and I didn't say anything about it, because I had just come back from the business hall and it felt empty, like an illusion. So she said I don't just say "um, um, um", and the tone was sad, and she asked me many times if I was okay because I didn't take the initiative to speak, and said that I was really not good at talking. At that time, she cared about me, and I didn't realize it.

2011.02.** Started a study group, met C, felt very quiet, and loved to read.

2011.02.** In the morning reading, I met D.

2011.02.27 Because of the sentence, "I see my own shadow in you", I confessed to A and was rejected. I was hopeful because of the conversation before I confessed, but when A interviewed me, I realized that A thought that the person I was going to confess to was A's roommate. It's really speechless, if I had known that, I wouldn't have hurt myself and others for so long, and later A also understood me.

2011.02.** I bought a few books that A liked, and I was going to give them to A during class, but A's roommate helped me pick them up, and then I sent them back.

2011.02.** Once in class, I heard A's crying in the back row, and my roommate comforted me, "I'm out of love", and the people in their dormitory were very good to me, I remember, and later A said that he was afraid that he would hurt me.

2011.02.** At that time, my view of mate selection was deeply criticized by the film - why Lu Tao didn't love Milai's poison, no, it was only recently corrected.

2011.03.21 I saw my desperate signature - I went in happily, scarred and tearful, but I still didn't want to come out...... She called twice and asked a lot of small things in daily life, which didn't touch my pain, and I said I'm sorry I deleted a lot of her reply in the space, and she said that if she felt guilty, she could share something with her about English level 4, and during that time, we often talked on the phone. She cared about me, I could sense it, and I accepted her kindness.

2011.03.** In the evening, I took the prepared experience and plan about English, ran to the street lamp of Wenhua Guangchuan, and helped her explain, she seemed to be very moved, and asked you if you are not cold.

2011.03.** That night, I sent three text messages in a group to A/B/C, saying that I could choose one of the three of them, one I liked first, one who loved me, and one that I thought was suitable, and then I chose B. Come to think of it, I was really funny. Except for her, I don't know what A/C is like or what it really thinks.

2011.03.** Tomorrow I feel very ashamed, I can't live with her, someone loves themselves is a very happy thing, not to show off, so I skipped school for the first time to go to their school to see her, she said a few words to me and went to class with a book, and asked me to go back. At that time, it was Yang in the class who was in charge of studying, and I seemed to have said hello to him, and my roommates thought it was strange that they didn't see me go to class.