On October 12, 2013, Chiba wrote a diary entry about her recent troubles, "Recent Perceptions of Values, Party Membership and Games".

Recent Thoughts on Values, Party Membership and Games

When did I start thinking about it? When did I start closing my eyes? Although some things are inconvenient to share with others, you must always have a dialogue with your heart, so that you will find that you know yourself better and understand the world better.

It's been a long time since I don't do things according to my own values.,With the complication of interpersonal relationships,QQ has long become a place of right and wrong.,In addition to showing their good side,Nothing else,It's not what I want but I can only do it.,For reality.、In order to protect yourself.、Also to protect the people around you.,The previous contradictions made me make that decision.,It's almost a quarter now.,It hasn't changed.,I like to show my own things., But the reality is that you can only show part of your own good will be more helpful to yourself.,Undoubtedly, in order to survive.,Personal value concessions,I had to become a person I don't like.,QQ space is not conducive to their own have been deleted.,It's also rarely dynamic.,To be exact, every time you send a dynamic, you will think about it.,What kind of impression will it give to others?,Is it beneficial to your own real life?,I thought it would become realistic in this way.,But this made me lose a lot of the joy of life., I can't realize my own value. When I chose this path before, I knew that "the current me" was abnormal, but I had no better way to solve this contradiction, let me choose to send half and change half, change or replace what I sent from my heart, I couldn't do it at all, because I felt that its original appearance was the most perfect, any modification was a kind of waste for him, and he couldn't even replace and delete a little thing, let alone do something against his will, I couldn't solve this contradiction, and I could only go on like thisUntil I find a better solution, I'll have to go on like this.

Since the second semester of my sophomore year became a little more realistic, I didn't read much Chinese and foreign classics, I felt that it was useless, no matter how much I read, I couldn't make money, and I couldn't make myself anything, neither could I enrich the relevant professional knowledge that might be useful for my future work, nor could I improve any ability needed to enter the society in the future, so I gave up. No matter how good the cultivation is, no matter how high the moral character, there is a fart in modern society! No one will look down on you! So I began to pursue something more practical, helpful for the future, and able to fill my stomach, and I tried my best to strive for everything that is conducive to my future growth. I feel that I am already very realistic, but I know that I have recently learned that compared to others, I still seem too naïve, and the reality is far from enough, so I know that to further increase my reality, there is only one way to improve my ability to adapt to society, to increase my understanding of society, only in this way can I improve my work efficiency, and at the same time ensure that the direction I am moving forward is correct. Because I didn't understand the format, I changed the thought report many times.

Recently, the efficiency of work is relatively low, a thought report has to be done for more than a day, and when writing a piece of paper, the teacher makes a mistake, so he rewrites, rewrites, and rewrites, and the low efficiency can not be lower, and he writes until he wants to vomit blood. In addition to some cumbersome things, such as correspondence, immediate family members and the like, we Miao people do these things to trouble the family, do not know a few words, for others to be easy things is a luxury for themselves. Recently, I have been hesitating to join the party or not, my goal has been achieved - to talk to girls, especially the one I admired the most this semester and the second class, I began to notice their group of people in my sophomore physical chemistry class, why do you know that you will fail and still try, why do you know that you will fail and still insist, whether you should change the direction when the goal is achieved, the former colleague of the three wings customer service suggested to me: when you want to give up, think about why you insisted and paid so much for it. It is true that my university grades are not good, and I want to prove to outsiders that my grades and other conveniences are very good by joining the party, and the status of a party member is enough to show this; Secondly, I think that an excellent person can mix in the environment of the party branch, and a really good person should also be able to live in it with ease, understand and control the rules of the game, and become a good gamer, like an actor to do so realistically, just like another self in life, a dual personality, different environments change and use different forms, and I think an excellent person, he can change very naturally, no need to worry about anything, Because his wisdom is enough to internalize the whole of the party branch into his own thing, like a natural reaction, without any unnatural elements. From a realistic point of view, insisting on joining the party will still help you in the future, so you must persist. At the beginning of my sophomore year, I accidentally found that the people in the class had a good attitude towards me, and there were more votes in many cases, such as poor students, class committee members, volunteers, etc. Therefore, if such a good mass foundation is not used, it is a great loss, and it will be difficult for graduate students to accumulate from scratch in the future, or it will take a certain amount of time, but I never expected that Hu Guanren would have to take the form of a note, and I never expected that many shortcomings in ordinary times would become the biggest obstacle for me to join the party. The note can't understand a person's recent situation, can't cite lists and ask questions to get to know more about it, can't rely on seven or eight people who are close to him to say something good about himself, so the side inspection of me is a complete failure, and it is a miserable, miserable failure. Joining the party has led to a great impact on the time of the postgraduate examination, if you want to give up, it is best to be before, but you haven't tried it yet, how do you know if it doesn't work, so you insist, after the postgraduate examination, if you give up if you have more time, then your efforts and efforts during this period of the postgraduate examination will not be in vain? So if I don't give up, I can't say the same, I applied for it with the idea that if I can talk to the inspector a few times, it will be worth it for me to copy 100 thought reports. So there is nothing worth it, mainly for the sake of reality.

In addition to this nearly week, there is about 50% of the time spent on the game, especially at night, GTA full series, bloody scoundrels, 3DHGAME adult games, etc. The most fun is GTA Grand Theft Auto San Andreas, driving, flying planes, rocket aircraft, driving boats, killing people, entering stores, oases, meadows, music can do anything, just like God wants to live in that city, even if he doesn't do any tasks, it's nothing, you can play as a racing car, you can use it as a city to live in, except for the average picture, it's very, very good. Although the GTA4 Grand Theft League in the back has a little better picture, but those engines are too realistic and not good, can't vent the player's desires, walks slower than a turtle, calls for planes are very unpleasant, the map is small and pitiful, there is no suburb, except for doing some tasks, life makes people want to vomit. 3DHGAME and av are almost the same.,It's really enjoyable.,Especially LoveGirlLove girls.,It's like a high-definition adult doll.,There's any posture in it.,You can also learn how XXOO.,There's a lot more.,Don't list it.。 Game Journey:

The first day of junior high school: violent motorcycles

The second year of junior high school, the third year of junior high school, and the first year of high school: DVD game disc, a game disc with more than 300 mini-games

The first stage of university: Nokia C6-01 mobile game (a lot of all types)

The second stage of college: The King of Fighters, Dinosaur Kombat, Three Kingdoms (these three are all classic games in the video arcade that I couldn't play in elementary school), 4399 mini-games

The fourth stage of college: more later, GTA series, 3DHGAME

In the past two weeks, I registered a second Ali Wangwang, 300 yuan to buy a 650G mobile hard disk, I didn't know how to download it at first, I bought a few adult games, because I didn't have a network before, I was busy and couldn't wait, I bought a few large games.

-------- recent perceptions of values, party membership and games End-------