From the time I returned to my family in 06 to the time I traveled, it was more than a year, but for me, this short year seemed to be longer than the first 19 years of my life combined.

In this year, I have experienced the stimulation of my true nature, the change of my whole outlook on life, to the timidity of going out for the first time, to the crampedness of my first travels, and now, I have thrown away all the burdens that I had suppressed in my heart in the previous nineteen years.

In a sense, this is a relief, but I also know very well in my heart that letting go of the past also means that I am getting deeper and deeper in the business of Wuyantang, and I can no longer pull my legs out of this mud.

And what really pushed me into this puddle of mud was not my second master, nor my parents who had been missing for many years, but a completely unexpected outburst.

I know that the one who is surrounded by anger is the real me, but anger is not all I have.

I don't know what words to use to describe how I felt at that time, as if there was a detachment in my heart that I had never experienced before, and under the detachment, it was too extreme silence - on the surface of my heart it was like depositing a pool of stagnant water, and under the surface of the water, there was a huge vitality that was difficult to see with the naked eye, and in that place was a turbulent undercurrent that I could not see through myself.

From that moment on, I could no longer simply use "mystery" to describe other people in this industry.

Everyone is a mystery that cannot be solved, the second master is, Yu Heng is, Yu Yanan, Yu Liyan, Bao Youyi, Zhuang Youxue, everyone is like this, in the depths of everyone's heart, there is a puddle of silt that has been deposited for a long time, and under the silt, there is a brilliance that no one can see.

It wasn't until much later that I realized that the reason why everyone was surrounded by layers of mystery was that there was only one word - Tao.

Everyone's understanding of the Tao is different, and everyone has lost and had an epiphany on their own path of pursuing the Tao, but in the end, no one can say what this so-called Tao is.

And on that night when the night sky flashed red, I only understood one thing, why should I look when I can't see through it, and why do I still pursue epiphany when the so-called Tao is everywhere? Not for, not enlightened, unintentional, not desired, chic and natural, this is human beings, but also Tao.

At this point, I thought it would be necessary for me to say what Lao Zuo thinks about the "Dao", which is in danger of disrupting the structure of the story, but I decided to talk about it anyway. After all, I'm a person who tries to do everything once and for all, and I don't like to talk about these vague things, such as the Tao, and I want to finish it once and never mention it again.

For Lao Zuo, I haven't introduced too much before, and now I really haven't detailed his plans, after all, the first time he and I crossed paths was in the Olympic year. I just want to say one thing here, before I started to wander, whether it was a person from the family or Bao Youyi, there was a person called Zuo Youdao, saying that he was a genius in Tianzhong, and he made a great name in the industry before he was twenty years old, and Lao Zuo, who compiled my experience into a book, is Zuo Youdao.

In the future, I will no longer call him "Lao Zuo, Lao Zuo", in the whole industry, there are not many people who can call him that, even if an old-timer like Kongyun Dao Chang sees him, he will also call him "Zuo Zhangmen", and in ...... It was about a year or three later, when many juniors in the industry mentioned this guy, they often called him "Corpse Dao Sect", and given that he had many different titles, in order to prevent confusion, I would better call him by his name.

Half of Zuo Youdao's understanding of "Tao" comes from his bizarre experiences since childhood, and the other half comes from the Gai Dong who sent me on my journey. He said that his early experience made him see the complexity of the human heart, and Gai Dong told him what the human heart is.

Heavenly principles are human desires, and human desires are where heavenly principles lie.

Zuo Youdao said that the first person to put forward this point of view was not him, but a sage in the Ming Dynasty, named Wang Shouren, but later I checked the information and found that Zuo Youdao's statement is also debatable.

However, in Zuo Youdao's Taoist theory, what really shocked me was not the four words "Tianli and human desires", but his explanation of these four words.

The pursuit of unintentional and non-desire, including the "emptiness" pursued by the Buddhists, is, to put it bluntly, itself a kind of desire, as long as it is pursued, as long as the heart wants to get it, it is a desire.

As long as people live, there will inevitably be desires, and only those who live can pursue the unattainable way.

The ultimate state of the Tao is emptiness and nothingness, but after people reach the realm of emptiness and nothingness, do they really have no desires?

If you want to be a noble and selfless person, is it a desire? If you want to benefit all sentient beings, is it a desire? Carrying on the mastery of the past saints and opening peace for all generations, is it considered an extreme desire?

Zuo Youdao said, people no longer want to exist, there is no heavenly principle, if the heavenly principle is the Tao, the heavenly principle is gone, where is the Tao?

He himself admits that even if you decide in your heart what the Tao is, you can't be sure where the Tao is, this is a philosophical question that cannot be explained at all, and there is no need to explain it, just remember that there is no good or bad in all desires, only good and evil.

Beauty is beauty, and evil is evil; What is good is good, and what is not good.

For different people, good and evil are not absolute, only desire is absolute.

In Zuo Youdao's view, once the so-called Tao is discussed, it is necessary to detach from the earthly world, forget all the realities in this world, and only use the mind to realize the Tao. The heart is full of evil, only desire, unable to achieve enlightenment, the heart is full of good, it may also be one's own goodness, maybe it can have an epiphany, maybe it will not be able to touch the door to enlightenment for the rest of your life.

He said that this so-called Tao seems to be the ultimate law of the operation of this world, but the set of laws themselves is that there is no law, it is everywhere, but it has never appeared.

I remember the first time I talked to Zuo Youdao, Zuo Youdao pointed hard at his heart, and then pointed to his head, saying, the Tao is in my heart.

He said, "If the heart is not destroyed, it is good, and if it loses its heart, it is evil."

If the desire comes from outside the heart, then such a desire can only be said to be the principle of heaven...... It is a manifestation of the Tao, but it does not fit into the essence of the Tao.

I asked him what his heart was, and he just smiled at me and didn't answer.

It wasn't until I talked about the night when the red light appeared in the western sky that a trace of envy finally appeared on Zuo Youdao's face, and in addition to envy, there seemed to be a little bit of jealousy.

In the eight or nine years from the first time I heard Zuo Youdao's name to the middle of the year or five, I often envied his outstanding talents, but I didn't expect him to be jealous of me once, which was a great comfort to me.

At that time, Zuo Youdao removed his hand from the keyboard, the envy on his face turned into surprise, and said to me thoughtfully: "Your luck is really not ordinarily good, hey, you can't say that, you are not luck, it is chance, Li Ergou is really lucky, if he hadn't fallen in love with you, it is estimated that he would not have encountered such a fate in his life." ”

I asked him why he said this, but he didn't answer directly, but told me that it took him twenty-two years from the time he became a disciple of Jisoulzhuang to the time he came to Bohai Bay to find me, and it took him twenty-two years to figure out what his heart was, but I only found it because of a violent outburst, which was unbelievable for him.

His words were very confusing, and I told him that I still don't know what my heart is.

Zuo Youdao said, I don't need to know, because I have already found my heart on that night many years ago, and according to what he knows about me, my heart has become more and more stable in recent years.

Zuo Youdao also said: "Since you have found it, why bother looking for it again?" It's better to go with the flow. ”

Zuo Youdao is not a special case, in our industry, many people talk about some specific things, there is a mysterious taste between the words, to say good, some of the words they say, can only be understood, not spoken, said ugly, this is nonsense.

At least to me, that's, although I sometimes do.

As for whether or not what they pulled out was right, at least in my opinion, most of the time.

From that night at the end of '07 to the present, I have been in a state of going with the flow most of the time, and the so-called "going with the flow" is to forget that I have to go with the flow, and the so-called "obedience" is sometimes obedience in the true sense, and sometimes it is rebellion and rebellion.

As for when to be obedient and when to rebel, I don't have any specific principles, and I think that everything is fine as long as I am affectionate and polite, although I am not a person who pays attention to etiquette.

Zuo Youdao said, although I am extremely willful, sometimes even willful to the point of madness, but after all, I have never harmed anyone, and I have always been a person with good quality, and the reason for this is because I have found my own heart.

Willfulness without the heart is basically equivalent to looking for death, and obedience or rebellion without the heart is basically equivalent to nonsense.

Although Zuo Youdao's words are a bit vulgar, I think about it carefully, and this is indeed the truth.

said a thousand things and ten thousand, on that red night, Li Huaishan and I did find the original thing.

Well, that's all I have to say about the heart and the Tao, and the reason why I put it together is because I'm not a person who likes to talk about these things at all, and they seem to me to be too illusory and ethereal, and there is no passion to talk about.

(End of chapter)