5. Uneasy

"Come here."

"Finished talking?"

Turning his head, Huo Heng leaned against the head of the bed with a half-pulled quilt, one arm lay flat, and looked at Liangzi apologetically.

Liangzi went to Huo Heng and lay down, his head resting on his arm, and curled up in his arms.

"Hmm. Not happy? ”

"Why, I'm just a little sleepy."

"Tell me about your son, he looks like you, especially his eyes."

"Hmm...... Do you want to hear it? ”

"Of course."

"I'm afraid you're going to be upset again."

"Look at you, you always say I'm not happy, but how can I be unhappy."

"Okay. In that case, I will tell you. ”

"My son is very naughty, he always doesn't eat well, his mother always murders him, but it's very strange, every time I'm around, he becomes very well-behaved, and always sticks to me, he wants me to hug me when I get off work, and every time I sleep, I fall asleep." The more Huo Heng spoke, the more excited he became, his eyebrows raised very high when he was happy, and his voice became louder and louder, and he was suddenly a little jealous that his three-year-old child could get such favor from his father and stay with him all day long. Thinking of this, Liangzi was taken aback by himself again, "Liangzi, Liangzi, where did you go when you said you wanted nothing at the beginning, and now even a child is starting to be jealous!" ”

"He can be coquettish, every time he goes out to the supermarket and encounters something he wants, he doesn't dare to shout loudly, his little eyes are staring at that thing, one after another, and he calls Dad with a trembling little milk voice. The last time I picked him up from kindergarten, his teacher told me that he gave the little snacks his mother gave him every morning to the prettiest girls in the class, and he had to sit with them. You say this kid isn't funny, hahaha. ”

"It seems that it's up to you, and you can't walk when you see a beautiful girl." Ryoko tried to control her voice as much as possible so that she could not hear any displeasure.

"How can I be, you lie to me."

"You men, all of you have a virtuous nature."

Feeling a little pain, she raised her head, raised her hand to pull away the hair that was pressed by him, and brushed it behind her.

"You love your son very much."

"Hmm...... I don't know how to describe my feelings to you, but it's amazing. I didn't really feel much when he was still in his mother's womb, but when he was born, I felt so happy at first sight that I saw him, the pink ball of flesh in front of me was actually my own blood and bones, half of the genes in his body came from me, there was a feeling that life was being extended indefinitely, and I was so excited that I wanted to shed tears. Watching him grow up little by little, learning to walk and talk, every day will bring new surprises, every day when I come home from work and see his eyebrows and eyes that are increasingly similar to mine, when I call my dad to hug me, really, the fatigue of the whole day will dissipate. ”

"Aren't you going to have another one?"

"I don't have this plan for the time being, now raising a child is not like before, you just need to pull it up, the cost of raising a child is too high, and my mother and I don't really want it."

"Well, it's true that it's easy to have a child, but it's hard to raise it well. Since you have decided to bring your child into this world, you should take responsibility for him seriously. ”

"The truth is this, but if you only give birth to one, I am afraid that the child will be lonely, and I am afraid that the child will be too stressed in the future."

"Oh, don't talk about this, it's really troublesome, it's troublesome to live or not to be born, why are people so awkward."

"It's not, but this is also the general situation of society, you see that the two-child policy is being implemented now, maybe there will be any changes in this national policy in the future."

"If the policy changes, the way of thinking of this generation is already like this, and it doesn't feel like there will be any big repercussions. Aren't you an example, the decisive factor that determines whether you want to have a second child is not the policy but the cost of raising a child. ”

"We have nothing to do about it."

"I don't want children, and besides, I'm a child myself, so it's unreliable to let one child raise another. Besides, having a child should be responsible for him, but I am not a responsible person, I am afraid. ”

"Maybe you're just not at that stage of life yet, people's minds will change."

"Maybe that's what it looks like."

"Turn off the TV, we don't watch it, it's very noisy and wasteful of electricity." Ryoko got up and got out of bed, turned off the TV, turned off the lights, and the room immediately darkened, but she felt relieved, jumped on the bed, and got into his arms again.

"You hug me, hug me hard."

Huo Heng turned over, lay on his side face to face with Liangzi, hugged the person in his arms tightly, and pecked Liangzi's forehead lightly.

"What's the matter, this is so sudden."

"It's nothing, I just feel a little tired of having nothing to rely on."

"Fool, am I not there?"

"It's not like that, it's because I'm psychologically insecure and afraid of a lot of things."

"I don't quite understand what you're talking about."

"Hug me."

Ryoko is a little confused about her inner thoughts, pessimistic and cowardly by nature, and tries to retreat whenever she encounters trouble, in fact, many times the difficulties in front of her are not so difficult, but she habitually magnifies this difficulty infinitely, and then she can't move forward.

Afraid of losing him, but knowing that he will eventually lose him.

"Let's sleep like this tonight, do nothing, just hold it all the time, okay?"

"Well, whatever you say is what you say."

I had a terrible thought in my heart, if I couldn't mix each other's bodies, bones and blood, then just like that, let him die in his arms.

There is a demon growing in people's hearts, some people can control it well, and some people can only be controlled by demons, she thinks that she is like this at the moment, there is no worse woman in this world than her, but she has nothing to do with herself, such bad thoughts jump out by herself, what can she do?

Ryoko feels more and more out of control, more and more like a devil.

At three o'clock in the morning, he got up and sat quietly in front of the window, wanting to take out a cigarette from Huo Heng's pocket, and after groping for a long time, he remembered that he didn't smoke, so who was the smoker?

I couldn't see the good view from the windows on the sixth floor, and the lights were so bright that the night was no longer like night. The sky is full of tall buildings, and you can only see a small night sky from a small corner. From that small sky, Ryoko began to fantasize about the moon tonight, the slightly thin clouds like a light veil, a waning moon behind it appeared and disappeared, and when she closed her eyes, there were insects and cicadas.

However, Ryoko can't close her eyes tonight, and when she closes her eyes, she will think of that face for no reason......

6. Empathy

It is said that time can dilute all feelings, but no one said that time would make the cinnabar in their hearts even more crimson and killing.

There was once a girl who rushed to take a sip of her instant noodle soup and said, "Life is like the splendor of summer flowers, and death is like the quiet beauty of autumn leaves." Live for love, live for death. That's me. ”

Ryoko took the instant noodle paper bowl from the girl's hand, took a sip and said, "Will you die if you don't fall in love?" ”

The girl smiled profusely, her eyes crooked, revealing a small tiger tooth on her left, and answered categorically.

Yes.

Ryoko and the girl really met when they were in the second year of junior high school, and their grades were comparable, and they were arranged to be at the same table by the teacher who arranged the seats according to their grades. Before that, Ryoko's impression of girls has not been very good, and Ryoko, who is a regular girl, only knows how to listen to parents and teachers, and thinks that the behavior of early love is heinous, while the girl, as a teacher's child, changes a little boyfriend every once in a while, and has a very bad reputation. I wanted to stay away, but I found that the girl was a talker, and whenever she had free time, she kept talking about some novel things, which popular star was in love, what music was popular nowadays, which romance novel was better, and from time to time she had to talk about the little troubles of love, regardless of whether Ryoko wanted to hear it or not.

Because of that girl, Liangzi went to the Internet café for the first time, and realized that the Internet café was not as full of evil and filth as she imagined; Because of that girl, Liangzi began to understand Jay Chou, FIR, Wang Sulong and Xu Song; Because of that girl, Ryoko knows that there are many interesting things besides studying, such as going to the campus late at night to steal peaches to eat, such as love can also be sweet and sour instead of a flood beast. The girl's father is a school teacher, and his home is relatively close, so he goes back to live after evening self-study, so the girl asks her father's permission to review her homework and starts living in the office with Ryoko. It was the most unbridled time for Liangzi and the girl, after the evening self-study, they would not rush to line up to go to the toilet and wash up at the specified time like other students, there was no lights-out time, and there were no students or teachers patrolling the dormitory building, the two always went to the commissary to buy some snacks first, and did some high school entrance examination sprint questions while eating, the girl told Liangzi math problems, Liangzi made up English for the girl, and from time to time they had to stop to share the little love letters they received from each other, and one person wore a headset and lay on the bed to listen to MP3, I also played with my classmates' mobile phones on the grounds of helping to charge.,At that time, it was a powerful person among students to have a mobile phone that could log in to QQ.。

But what has time diluted, and what has changed?

After graduating from the high school entrance examination, both of them had good grades and were recommended by their teachers to go to high school in the provincial capital. The two who are far away from home have become more casual without the restraint of their parents. Sometimes Liangzi is also at a loss, what is the reason and what incident causes the two to become more and more separated? Noisy, noisy, sometimes far and sometimes near, sometimes good and sometimes bad. Between the two, which is the cause and which is the effect, they still can't figure it out if they are forced to do so.

Then the girl became pregnant.

The girl will give birth to a little boy for the boy.

Ryoko bets on the friendship between the two and bets that the girl will turn back, and Ryoko is full of thought that she will not lose.

But Liangzi forgot that the girl had said that she was born for love.

Born for love.

Ryoko remembers saying to herself, "If you choose him today, then it's over between us, really." ”

The girl turned pale and turned away, "So be it." ”

So be it.

Ryoko squatted in place and cried bitterly, recounting the past, exchanging love letters received from each other, eating the same bowl of instant noodles, and sneaking to the campus in the middle of the night to steal peaches...... It's terrible that what I thought was an unbreakable friendship should be so fragile. The chest is full of hatred, what are men, what is love, people are so obsessed.

At that time, Liangzi felt that her heart was cold, and the sisterhood was like paper paste, and it dispersed when the wind blew gently. After a long time in retrospect, I felt that I shouldn't be angry at the girl, whether it was right or wrong, the girl was alone at that time, and as a former best friend, Ryoko chose to hide in the world and stand on the opposite side of her.

The girl had an abortion.

Ryoko remembered that at noon that day, the two went to a restaurant to eat a bowl of beef noodles together, and the girl looked very happy, saying that the child had already done it, as if she was talking about someone else's business, looking at the girl who was buried in eating noodles, Ryoko was in turmoil, suspecting that she had indirectly killed the right of a life to come into the world, and her spine was cold for a while. The more the girl laughed, the more Ryoko wanted to find a place to cry, why she wanted to get involved in this matter, why she wanted to be an executioner or an accomplice. But not long after returning to school, the girl asked for sick leave from time to time and did not come to class, Ryoko was scared, chose to escape, and called the girl's father, and of course, the girl transferred to another school and was taken back to her hometown by her father to study in high school.

On the day the girl left, all of Ryoko's contact information was deleted.

I heard a lot of news from others about girls, failed the college entrance examination, could only go to junior college, broke up with the object in high school a long time ago, changed a few boyfriends, and so on.

In the past, Ryoko never refused to admit that he was wrong, even if his heart was always filled with the deepest remorse and apology, what could his seventeen-year-old self understand, and his seventeen-year-old self was equally stupid, ignorant, and self-righteous.

For some reason, in such a quiet night, Liangzi remembered that the girl had something that she couldn't understand no matter what, turned her head to look at Huo Heng's sleeping appearance, and finally understood a little.

If you are deeply infatuated with and dependent on the person in front of you, you will no longer have any scruples about the eyes, thoughts, and evaluations of others, and only think about how to be with that person, regardless of the world, and be paranoid like a madman. When she is immersed in love, how can she still have any reason, how can she have any morality and right and wrong, don't say that she gave birth to a child for him, even if she goes to death hand in hand, she has no regrets.

Now that I think about it, love is really like a quagmire, which makes people fall deeper and deeper, and look at what the hell they have become.

Liangzi is unhappy, which is stronger or weaker than the torture of affection and conscience?

But today's Liangzi still doesn't dare to imagine life without Huo Heng, I'm afraid that it will be ten thousand times worse than now.

After all, I understood the girl's desperate and hysterical.

But will it be too late to understand?

Ryoko always thought that she was not a fellow traveler with that girl, but now she realized that in the depths of her soul they were so similar, and they were all the same crazy.

If she could, Ryoko would listen carefully to the girl's story about her experience in all the times she had been absent from each other since graduating from high school, but the story between the two came to an abrupt end, and there was no good ending. Ryoko wanted to find her, but Ryoko didn't have the courage to face her, afraid that no one had changed, only them had changed.

If she could, she would like to forget that face, forget the past, forget everything, and start from scratch.

But in this world, who has been allowed to do it again.

The temperature of the air conditioner was a little low, and he sneezed unexpectedly, seeing Huo Heng moving in the dark, stretching out his arm and groping back and forth, Liangzi laughed unconsciously.

"Why don't you sleep well?"

"The moonlight is beautiful tonight."

"Come into my arms."

Liangzi gently climbed onto the bed, lifted the quilt and got into Huo Heng's arms.

"I love you, Huo Heng."

"I love you too."