When I got back to my lodgings, they weren't there, and I couldn't help but cry out loud.

But friends, if you also have grief in your hearts, release it too!

It's not a sin for a man to cry!

It is said that it is not easy to be a woman, in fact, it is even more difficult to be a man, it is said that men do not flick when they have tears, in fact, men and women are mortals, and if they have emotions, they must vent them, otherwise too much accumulation will lead to all kinds of problems.

If you read the previous chapter and stirred up painful memories of the past, if you can still feel a heavy feeling in your chest now, it means that you did not experience it when you experienced it before, but let time forget it, and finally sink into the subconscious.

Forgetfulness is not really letting go, but a kind of evasion, only by taking the initiative to feel can you really let go, now if you still have that dull feeling in your chest, please close the book, close your eyes, relax your shoulders, and feel the dullness in your chest with your heart. If you touch it with your heart, you will find that those dull sensations are a material with shapes, and you will touch it with your heart and touch it. Tell it, go, go away, I feel you now, thank you for letting me experience the joys and sorrows of life, your task is done, bless you, goodbye.

If these things that clog your chest slowly disappear, congratulations, you have truly experienced and released these pains and will never be bothered by them again in the future.

If it doesn't go away after a few minutes, then you may need to learn professional techniques to solve the problem, and I can recommend a book to you called "The Art of Mindfulness".

Okay, now back to my story.

Letting go was never easy, and no one ever taught me how to let go, just said to let go.

I didn't know how to let go, I couldn't do it without thinking about her.

As soon as I sat down in front of the computer, I would think about helping her with her graduation thesis.

As soon as I open QQ, I will remember the expression of her roaring screen when she came back that day.

Whenever I see a couple on the side of the road, I remember how I felt when I hugged her that day.

Whenever a female customer lifts the curtain of the door and enters the Internet café, she recalls the day she first met.

At this point, the heart will crumble and twist into a ball.

I just couldn't let go, no one taught me how to do it.

Uncle Wang watched me get haggard day by day, and he already understood everything, and he couldn't help me, but he came up with some bad ideas, and I understood his kindness, but those were really not what I wanted.

Her Athena avatar was permanently grayed out, never on the line again, and the messages I sent in the past were forever gone.

Finally one day something went wrong.

When I was playing a game that day, I suddenly felt a flicker in front of my eyes, and the picture on the screen became ghosted, like a mild myopia taking off his glasses. I thought I was tired from playing games, so I went back to the recliner and squinted for a while, and when I got up, I found that the situation was even worse!

At this time, I looked at things, except for ghosting, and found that the light around me had also dimmed, and I looked at everything around me as if I was looking at a TV screen, and there was a vague sense of distance. What was originally a three-dimensional vision has become the kind of flat vision on TV.

I've never been in this situation before, and I was just horrified.

I went to find Uncle Wang, he was sleeping on the bar, I was embarrassed to wake him up, and went back to my seat, trying to check the Internet to find out what was wrong with my eyes.

I don't know if I don't check, and I'm shocked when I check it!

It turns out that this visual impairment is a characteristic of a mental illness called "depersonalization neurosis", and I may have been mentally ill!

The next day, after work, I immediately went to the city psychiatric hospital, registered, and there were many people to see a doctor, and it was not my turn until 3 o'clock in the afternoon.

The doctor was a middle-aged man, and he first asked me about my condition, and then he took several test sheets and asked me to test. After I finished the test, I had to take an electrocardiogram and an electroencephalogram again.

When I finally went back to the doctor, he told me in all seriousness that you need to be hospitalized.

I was a little confused, and I asked him how much would it cost to be hospitalized.

He told me that it was too late today, or you should contact your family first, and your family would have to come and sign for hospitalization.

I returned to my place of residence in frustration, Ah Chao and Xiao Fang were eating, probably seeing that my face was ugly, and asked me what was wrong, I didn't dare to tell the truth, so I said that it was nothing big to be a little dizzy.

At night, I went to the phone booth to call home, and the next day my parents rushed over from their hometown.

After I picked them up at the station, I went to the hospital, and my mother was so uncomfortable when she saw that I was emaciated, and my father sighed and said that if I had studied hard, I would have become like this.

When I arrived at the hospital, I re-registered, and today I changed a doctor, and he read my examination report yesterday and told me to go outside first, and then discuss it with my parents.

After a while, my mom came out and said, "Purple, the doctor said you need to be hospitalized." Don't worry, your family has money to treat you, don't worry. ”

I feel ashamed that they raised me from a young age, and as a result, I didn't even get a college diploma, and now I have mental illness and drag them down, and my family is not in a good condition.

My dad came out too, sighing and shaking his head.

After a while, another doctor came and asked, "Which one is the family of the patient Wu Zi?"

My dad raised his hand and said we were.

The doctor said come with me and sign it, and my dad went with him.

My mom took me by the hand and sat on the hallway seat, wiping tears with the other.

I couldn't bear it, so I lied to her and said, "Mom, don't cry, I've checked it on the Internet, it's not a big problem, and it will be fine soon." ”

After waiting for more than ten minutes, my dad came back, followed by two people in security uniforms.

My dad also wiped his eyes and said to me, "Purple, don't be afraid, come with them, we will come to see you in two days." ”

"Dad, you go back and help me clean up my things. Then I borrowed a pen and copied Chao's mobile phone number to my dad.

I looked back at my mom and got up and followed the two men.

Step out of the hallway and into the backyard, where an ambulance is parked. The back door was open, and a doctor in a white coat with a pair of glasses was standing. The security guard told him, "The patient is here, you can take it," and then let me sit in the car.

I noticed that this car is different from ordinary ambulances, it has barbed wire on the inside of the window, I think it must be afraid that the mentally ill will go crazy and smash the window to escape!

The doctor also bent over and got into the car through the back door and said to me: "Hello, our inpatient department is not here, the road is a little far, I will give you a tranquilizer first, don't worry too much, your disease is not a big problem." ”

I nodded, and he took out a tiny disposable syringe from the medicine box, then took a little medicine from a small glass pill bottle and injected a shot in my arm, which was not very painful.

He told me to lie down on the emergency stretcher and get a good night's sleep, and I started to get dizzy and dizzy after a while when I lay down, and I fell asleep to death after a while.

When I woke up again, I was already in a room, a separate room with a bed in the middle, a separate bathroom, very new decoration, and an LCD TV across the bed.

I walked to the window and found that the inpatient building was very tall, with more than a dozen floors. It's also very long, forming a big arc, I'm about 5 or 6 floors, the whole building is on a hill, the distance is full of forests, except for a few buildings near the inpatient building, there is no sign of inhabitation nearby, and the sun has not risen in the distance.

At this moment, someone pushed the door in, and a beautiful little nurse came pushing a small cart, which was full of all kinds of medicine and equipment.

"Patient 1817 is right?" She has big eyes, double eyelids, and very white skin, and to be honest, she must have scored more than 85 points, but I was not interested in any woman for a short time after I fell out of love.

"Ah, I don't know. ”

"What's your name?"

"Wu Zi. ”

"Wait, I'll take a look. Then she walked up to me, looked carefully at a small sign on the chest of my hospital gown, and said, "That's right, you're number 1817, remember it later, this is your code name." I looked down and saw that there was a small sign on her left chest with the number 1817 on it, and there was also a small sign in front of her nurse's uniform, which was even smaller, because I was embarrassed to stare at it on the protruding chest.

"Oh, why don't you call me by my name?"

"Names may be repeated, codes may not be repeated!" she seemed a little impatient.

"Well, 1817, 1817, I remember. ”

"There are two needles today, one now, and another in the afternoon. ”

As she spoke, she picked up the disposable syringe and tore open the package, cut open a small glass bottle with a pointed tip, pulled out the liquid medicine from it, inserted the needle into a small medicine bottle with a flat head, squeezed the liquid medicine in, shook it vigorously, and then pulled it out.

"Spanking needle, sit on your side and sit on the edge of the bed. ”

"Oh. I listened to her and sat down on the edge of the bed.

"Pull down the gown!"

I was stunned, how did I pull down the hospital gown?

"It's pants!" she said in a bad manner.

I pulled my pants down a little to show a bit of my hips, and she applied a cotton sheet and slammed it down.

Damn, this injection really fucking hurts, it's much more painful than penicillin!

"Alright, 1817, I'll be back in the afternoon. Later, there will be a special person who will come to tell you the precautions for hospitalization. With that, she turned and pushed the cart to leave.

"Wait, I have a question for you. ”

"What?" she said, her eyes wide, wide.

"How much does it cost a day to live here?" I felt that it was too luxurious and worried about the medical bills.

"All the expenses here are covered by the Sweet Memories Fund, don't you know?"

"Don't you want a penny?" I think it's kind of incredible.

"That's right!" she pushed the door open and went out.

It's incredible that there is such a good thing!

I sat up and came to the window again, the sun had risen very high, and the fog in the mountains had completely dissipated.

I turned around and wanted to walk out of the ward, but as soon as I pushed open the door, I thought that there might be someone to talk about hospitalization, so I lay back on the hospital bed, put my hands behind my head, and couldn't help but think of Xiao Weilai.

She must have been working by now, and if she knew I thought she was mentally ill, would she feel bad or happy?

And is what the little nurse said true?

Originally, I was worried that my illness would cost my family a lot of money, but she actually said that someone would bear it all, how could it be? Damn, maybe they were playing tricks on me as a mental patient!

While I was thinking, someone knocked on the door a few times, pushed it in, and it was a doctor with glasses, who seemed to be the same person who brought me in yesterday.

"Hello, 1817. ”

"Hello, doctor. "I'm used to being called 1817.

I felt that it was rude to lie down and talk, so I sat up.

He also sat on the edge of my bed and said, "My name is 303, and this is my code name." In our hospital, all medical staff and patients are addressed by code names. ”

Oh, it's a strange psychiatric hospital, it's really different from an ordinary hospital.

"You can call me 303 directly in the future, and you don't need to add the word doctor at the end. He lifted his glasses, then opened a folder and continued to tell me, "I'm going to tell you about our hospital's hospitalization now, please be sure to listen carefully." ”

Then he began to lecture on one item after another: "1. No patient's family member has come to the hospital to sign for the return, and the inpatient cannot leave the hospital without permission. Do you understand that?"

"Understood. ”

"2. The patient's schedule is to get up at 8 a.m. and rest at 10 p.m. Take a two-hour lunch break at 12 noon. During the rest period, it is forbidden to walk around and make noise. Patients are free to move around during non-rest periods. ”

"3. The third floor of the inpatient building is a patient canteen, which provides breakfast, lunch and dinner, and patients who are not in a state of illness go to eat by themselves, and patients in a state of illness are delivered to the ward by medical staff. Later, I will give you an IC card, and you can swipe it when you go to the cafeteria to eat. This card is very important, don't lose it, and you also need to swipe this card to enter if you want to go to other entertainment facilities. ”

"Oh, got it. ”

"This card will be recharged regularly 800 yuan every month, and it can be accumulated to the next month if it is not consumed at the end of the month, and the consumption is generally enough. ”

"Who's going to pay for that?" I didn't believe the little nurse's words.

303 looked at me meaningfully, paused for a few seconds, and then told me, "This fee is paid by the patient's family." The balance of the card can be refunded at the time of discharge. ”

I knew that little nurse was.

"What about hospitalization and medical expenses?" I want to ask.

"Oh, you don't have to worry about this, these costs are covered by the Sweet Memories Fund. ”

"I'm not mentally ill, don't lie to me, don't you really have to pay for your own medical expenses?"

"Yes, I believe you, we are all patients here, not mentally ill. ”

I'm speechless.

"Anyway, you don't have to worry about the cost, take care of your illness. He said to me with a smile.

"I've never heard of the Sweet Memories Fund before. ”

"This fund was set up by a low-key wealthy philanthropist, and it's normal not to have heard of it. ”

Then he continued to read.

"Fourth, the inpatient clinic is on the 2nd floor, and the pharmacy is on the 1st floor, if you have other uncomfortable places, you can go to the outpatient clinic by yourself. However, drugs to treat mental illness are usually administered directly by nurses who come to the ward. The attending doctor will come to the ward every morning from 9-10 a.m. for rounds. ”

"5. If the patient is ill and has a tendency to attack others, he or she will be transferred to the top floor for special care. ”

Hearing this, I imagined the image of a mentally ill person with his limbs tied to a hospital bed and a bite-proof ball tied to his mouth.

"Sixth, there is a 24-hour on-duty nurse on each floor, and if you need help, you can press the bell for help at the head of the bed. ”

"7. Each room has a private bathroom, and cleaning staff change the sanitary products and hospital gowns every day. There is a TV remote control in the bedside table in the ward, so you can adjust the channels yourself if you need to, but pay attention to turn down the sound during breaks. ”

"Is there anything else you don't understand?"

"Nope. What time is it?"

He looked at his watch and told me it was 9 o'clock.

"Is there still an early sale in the cafeteria at 9 o'clock?"

"Maybe not, you haven't had breakfast yet, right, why don't you take a look, maybe there's still one, on the third floor." As he spoke, he gave me an IC card with the number 1817 painted on it, and then went out and left.

When he walked away, I walked out of the room in my hospital gown, and there were patients walking around in the hallway, as if they were not looking very good. I walked to the elevator and pressed the down button to get about to go down, when the nurse who gave me the injection walked by, and she turned her head to see me and asked, "Why are you going 1817?"

"I haven't had breakfast yet, I'll go to the cafeteria to have a look. ”

"There shouldn't be breakfast in the cafeteria now, you go and have a look, come back quickly, and the doctor will come to do rounds." With that, she left.

I went down to the 3rd floor, and there was a canteen out of the elevator, with a lot of seats, and it seemed that the hospital had quite a large number of beds. The appearance of the cafeteria is not very different from the cafeteria in the university, but there are no people anymore at this time, only a few staff members are still cleaning up the leftovers on the tables and chairs.

I walked to the window of the food harvest, there was an aunt cleaning up inside, I asked her if she still had breakfast to sell, she said you came too late, there were a few cold vegetable bags left, and the rest were all thrown out. I thought it would be good to fill my stomach, otherwise I would have to wait until 11 o'clock for lunch, so I swiped my card to buy two vegetable packets, 5 cents each.

When I returned to the ward after breakfast and felt bored, I turned on the TV and watched it. At this time, two people pushed the door in, one was the nurse who gave me the injection, and the other was supposed to be the doctor. The doctor was in his 50s, wore a pair of gold-rimmed glasses, and looked in good spirits. He walked up to my bedside and smiled and asked me, "Young man, are you used to the environment here?"

"Not bad! better than I ever thought!" I was telling the truth.

"That's good, I'm your attending doctor, you can call me 017 in the future, she is the nurse on your floor, called 084, there are a total of two nurses and six nurses on your floor, you can call them by ringing the bell at the bedside if you need anything in the future. ”

"How long am I going to stay here?"

"It's hard to say right now, I'll see when your condition stabilizes. Then he turned to 084 and asked, "Did he get the shot this morning?"

084 nodded.

017 turned back to me and said, "Now in addition to two needles a day, there are three oral medicines, and I will ask 084 to go to the pharmacy to get the medicine for you after I finish the order, and you can take the medicine regularly every day according to the instructions." ”

"Don't you need any other treatment?" This is not the same as what I have seen in previous movies.

"That's all for now, you can recuperate in peace!" he smiled and left with the nurse.

After a while, 084 came back and gave me a bag of medicine and told me to take it according to the instructions on the pill box. Then ask me if you have a cup of water to drink, if you don't have it, you can go to the small supermarket on the first floor to buy it, the basic daily necessities are available, and then I left.

I opened the medicine bag and found that there were three medicines, one was 1 tablet twice a day, the other was quinelupine twice a day, two pills each time, and a mouth-breaking tablet called risperidone, which melted immediately when I put it in my mouth, and I took two tablets every day after dinner. I opened the pill box, took out the instructions inside, and looked at it, it was very complicated and incomprehensible, but it seemed to have a lot of side effects.

Okay, this chapter and the previous chapters were originally the beginning of the story, but I was afraid that you would run away from the pain, so I changed it and put it here, you all know the story behind it, and the next plot is now the plot of the first chapter, and now I basically explain the origin of my soul's first love, since Xiao Xin died in order to save me, I haven't let go of this relationship, and I have to go through this relationship with her again in order to complete it, and let it go.