At night, I lie in bed to rest, in the night of the countryside, from time to time I can hear, the sound of knowing, and the sound of the wind, the sound of the window, in the middle of the night in this rural hospital, very quiet, much quieter than in the city, there is no city, the horn of the car, there is no noise of everyone, so it is very quiet here.

For the whole countryside, added, sweet and natural colors, I just arrived in a strange place, so a little insomnia, lying in bed, looking at the ceiling, but my heart can not be calm for a long time, I still remember, my wife has just been pushed into my hospital, she has terminal cancer.

The whole person looked so pale, like a skeleton, skinny, I was wearing white clothes, sitting on the edge of the bed, holding my wife's hand, and said: "Wife, it's all my fault, it's all my fault, I didn't observe in advance, you actually have terminal cancer, if I can find it early, your cancer cells will not spread, and now I can't save you if I want to recover." ”

Since I became a doctor, my mind has been all on the body of those patients, and I have not asked much about the affairs of the family, even my wife, I don't know that she has cancer, and my wife is also a reasonable person.

He saw that I was worried about the patient's affairs, so he didn't take the initiative to tell me that he had cancer, so he kept dragging it out, and finally he couldn't get it off, I found out that my wife had cancer, and the cancer had turned into a late get-out, these days I have been helping my wife with chemotherapy, but obviously it is useless, I see that he is getting weaker day by day, and I have no way, it is really uncomfortable.

My wife's eyes opened slightly, and she looked at me a little tiredly: "Old ...... Male, this, it's not your fault, it's your duty to save lives, it's your responsibility, I can be by your side like this, watching your patients, come back to life in your hands, I'm actually very proud of you. ”

"Wife, don't say any more." I cried to stop: "You are very weak now, you can rest well!" No matter what, I will find a way to save you, and I will not let you leave me. ”

"Husband." My wife looked at me with a smile: "Although I am not a doctor, I am still very clear about my physical condition, husband, I, I am really leaving, although I am barely alive now, but I only live one day at a time, you should know best, my cancer cells have spread, even if I use chemotherapy to drag my illness down, but I will leave sooner or later." ”

"Wife, don't say it." I cried and said, "I will, I won't let you leave me, I will definitely find a way to cure you, and you will definitely come back." ”

"Hey, if there was really a rescue, there wouldn't be so many people dying of cancer." My wife took my hand, tears flowed from the corners of her eyes, and said: "Husband, I have no other regrets, that is, how long have I been married, I just haven't had a child with you, I feel very sorry for you, husband, I'm really sorry for you." ”

"Don't say anything." I stopped my wife: "It's all my fault, it's all because I'm too busy, I didn't have children, I always feel that it's too early, and we'll have children when we're done, but I didn't expect this delay, how long my wife has delayed, I'm sorry for you." ”

......

"Husband, husband." The wife said: "I know, this is all your responsibility, you are really a responsible doctor, with you, no one else will, because of the loss of loved ones and sadness, you are my pride, this profession is very sacred, you must not discard, you must not give up." ”

"Ahem." The wife coughed: "Husband, you must do this job to the end, husband, I am proud of you, I can see you worry about these patients day and night, I know, my husband wants to save one more life, husband, you are really great!" ”

"Where am I?" I cried and looked at my wife: "Although I can save others, but my dearest and most beloved wife, I didn't do it, I can only see you, getting weaker and weaker day by day, but I can't do anything, I really hate myself, why didn't I take you to the hospital to check at that time, if I abandoned my wife because I saved others, I would rather die." ”

"Don't say that." My wife looked at me and comforted: "No matter who it is, it is life, you have the qualification to live, you can't die because of my departure, husband, in my life, I can meet you, I am really the happiest, I know you are very self-blaming, but you must not blame yourself, you have to remember, I will be proud of you, no matter where I am in the future, I will remember my husband, if, if there is a next life, I hope to be your wife." ”

"Wife!" I hurriedly took my wife's hand, the tears in my eyes kept flowing, dripping on the white sheets, my heart was really uncomfortable, I looked at my wife who was very weak at this time, but there was no way, this feeling of helplessness, it really made me uncomfortable, and said: "Wife, you are really a good wife, if there is a next generation, I will also be your husband, wife, you wait for me, don't drink the Meng Po soup of the king of Yama, wait for me to go down to find you, we will be together for the rest of our lives, wife!" ”

My wife's eyes were a little tired, but she still nodded very happily, and then her eyes slowly drooped, and even the instrument to check her heartbeat became a straight line.

"Wife!" I suddenly yelled bitterly, but my wife, there is no breath anymore, obviously dead, at this time I saw the cold wife, the heart is constantly dripping blood, my wife left me like this, how do I not feel uncomfortable, I love my wife so much, but I didn't expect that in the end I actually left me.

"It's all my fault." I looked at my wife's body crying and blamed myself: "Why didn't I find out earlier, my wife died, what qualifications do I have to be called a doctor, why?" Why am I like this, wife, are you awake, I can't leave you, wife. ”

"Knock knock."

Just when I was crying here, a middle-aged woman walked into the ward, and the middle-aged woman looked at me kneeling in front of the sickbed at this time, and sighed: "Li Feng, don't be embarrassed, until the last time you leave, Yanyan can see you, it's very happy, you forgot what Yanyan said just now, he doesn't want you to blame yourself for her death, you are a good doctor." ”

"Mom." I looked at the middle-aged woman and screamed.

......

This woman is Sun Yan's mother, the middle-aged woman looked at the cold corpse lying on the sickbed, shook her head weakly, and said: "My daughter died, I, as a mother, of course sad, but I didn't blame you, I know that you are very worried about the patient, Sun Yan is right, you are his pride, so his death, there is no unwillingness, he is willing, you are a good doctor, if you want to repay him in the future, you have to save one more person's life, I believe in Yanyan's spirit in the sky, Will definitely be happy. ”

"Mom, I see." I swore here, palms up, and said, "As long as I have breath, I will save others and put the patient first." ”

The middle-aged woman nodded with satisfaction, walked to my side, took out a letter from her arms, handed it to me, and said, "Li Feng, this is a letter written by Yanyan to you, he seems to know that he is going to die, so he wrote it in advance, handed it to me, and asked me to pass it on to you, you can take a look!" ”

I took the letter, opened the envelope, took it out, looked at it, the middle-aged woman looked at it, then turned her head and walked out, I looked at the letter here silently, it said: "Husband, when you see this letter, I am already dead, I know that my husband's heart is very uncomfortable." ”

When I saw this letter, tears flowed uncontrollably.

"Husband, I know you are very sad and blame yourself, but this is not your responsibility, I see you often, for the patient's illness, you can't eat or sleep, I know the sadness in your heart, you want to treat the patient well, want to let those patients live, I know you are very dedicated, but you can't always be like this, when you should have a good rest, you have to have a good rest, you know?"

"Husband, since I met you, I really realized, what is happy, what is reluctant, it turns out that with you, I am happy every day, when I was diagnosed with cancer, I thought that I was going to leave you, I was really very reluctant, I felt that every time I was with you, it became a luxury, living one day less, I was really reluctant to leave you, although I was reluctant to leave you, but I had to leave in the end."

"Husband, you haven't had a good rest for a day, you have to have a good rest, you don't have me to take care of you in the future, you have to take care of yourself, you told me when I was sick, why didn't I tell you, I have cancer, in fact, I didn't mean it, I just don't want you to be worried, I want you to put all your mind on your patients, don't put all your mind on me."

"Husband, I really love you so much, it turns out that at the last moment, when I was about to leave you, I was really reluctant in my heart, I really didn't accompany you well, I really didn't want to leave you! Although I am reluctant, but I still want to leave you, in the future without me, you have to take good care of yourself, you can find a woman you like to marry, don't live in the shadow of my death for the rest of your life, so that I will also be sad, love your wife Sun Yan! ”

I looked at the letter in my hand, my hands were trembling, and suddenly I yelled: "Wife, I'm really reluctant!" Wife, I'm sorry for you, if I don't have any responsibility, I'll go over to accompany you, goodbye wife. ”