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Coming out of the Emperor's Grandson's Mansion, I had a lot of thoughts.

Not just because of the things he said to me, but also because of the person who told him who I was.

Senior brother, or Lin Suwen, who are the two of them?

I know that Lin Suwen has saved my 'life' several times, and my senior brother is very close to me, so it stands to reason that he will not do such a thing that may threaten my safety.

But apart from them, I really can't think of anyone else who could know my identity and reveal it to Xiao Zhuo.

On the way back to the Hongwen Pavilion, I happened to meet my senior brother, who seemed to have just returned from the Criminal Department, and when I saw him, I first greeted: "Senior brother." ”

The senior brother stopped and hummed faintly.

When I came back from Ganzhou, because of what happened, my senior brother began to become silent, although he was quite gentle to me and my sister, and he didn't shout and kill, and even cared about taking care of us, but some things are different after all.

Just like he said, in his life, he will never forget Master's death, and we will never forget it, this incident is like a crack in the brocade that has been split by a knife, a chasm, forever between us, and we will never be able to laugh and laugh like before, and treat each other as close people in our lives.

He asked me, "Why haven't you returned to the Red Smell Pavilion yet?" ”

As he spoke, he looked in the direction behind me and said, "This street leads to the Emperor's Grandson's Mansion, but what is the matter with Your Highness looking for you?" ”

He was willing to take the initiative to ask about Xiao Zhuo's search for me, indicating that he still cared about my safety, and was not as calm as he seemed, so I hummed and replied: "Just now, His Highness ordered me to go over and ask some questions?" ”

"What?"

Senior Brother frowned slightly, and his worried expression became even more obvious, but after a while, he seemed to realize something again, and then gradually regained his composure, and said, "It must be for Brother Chen's business." ”

"Nope."

I denied: "Your Highness asked me, since Xiao Tan is obviously back, why didn't you look for him, and didn't tell him that I was still alive." ”

My words made Senior Brother's expression freeze for a moment, and then, with a little horror, said, "Why does he know about you?" ”

Senior Brother's reaction surprised me a little, and I asked, "Doesn't Senior Brother know about this?" ”

As soon as the words came out, I regretted it, what is the difference between asking like this and directly accusing my brother of betraying me?

Sure enough, hearing this, the senior brother said gloomily: "You doubt me? ”

"Nope."

I hurriedly said, "Senior brother, I will never doubt you, but I can't figure out who knows about those things." ”

But it was too late, and seeing that the senior brother lowered his head, he showed a more bitter expression, and he said lightly: "Scarlet, until now, what else can I blame you, if you want to say doubt, I also doubted you before, although the things I suspected are true, but indeed, as a senior brother, I have not completely trusted you." ”

"I told you not to lie, not to be self-righteous to test others, but I didn't do it myself."

My brother's words left me speechless, or more accurately, faceless, to explain something to him.

I was already ashamed of him and did the most hurtful thing to him, but my senior brother was lenient and generous, preferring to endure the torture in his own heart and forgive me, but I, because of some suspicions, destroyed the trust between us.

He cared so much about my safety, and when he first discovered the baby of Fahua Temple, I was so reckless that I angered the king, and would rather bear the consequences myself than take a little risk.

How could he betray me?

Although with Xiao Zhuo's "temperament" and my experience as Xiao Tan, even if he knew that I was Xiao Tan, he would not do anything to me, but Senior Brother must understand how heavy that identity and those past are to me, how can he tell others about it?

I wanted to apologize to him, but I couldn't, I could only hate my caution and suspicion in my heart.

Who will betray me, who will hurt me, no one, no one, so what am I afraid of?

Why do you always hurt the people around you who care most about you because of this inexplicable fear? The proverbs are like this, and so is the senior brother, again and again, over and over again, almost "forced" to stand in front of people, no longer pretending to hide, and the result is still the same subconsciously.

Isn't the price of losing the book of Proverbs enough?

Isn't the lesson of being reprimanded by the senior brother deep?

Why is this always the case, what am I afraid of?

"Scarlet, I understand now, what are you afraid of, you said that when you left Shengjing, you were only four years old, but you have a lot of adult memories and thinking, I used to think so, but now I feel that you are no different from twenty years ago, you have grown up, you have grown taller, but you are still the child whose whole family was killed twenty years ago, you said that you left the palace and left Shengjing, but I feel that until now, you are still standing in the sea of corpses and blood, and you have never come out."

His face was sad, and his eyes were filled with tears, but he was forcibly held back, and continued, "Do you know what I'm thinking now? ”

"I hate myself very much, I didn't find out about this earlier, I made you live in fear all the time, and I hate myself, I have blindly blamed you for this, and I hate myself even more, and now I know this, but I don't know what to do to pull you out."

His voice was very soft, choked, like a high mountain, a light feather, pressing my restless heart, but carefully soothing: "Scarlet, twenty years, the people who died back then are already dead, now is day, not the night, we are standing on the street, not in the palace, you see around us, there are all people, even if they walk past us, they will not hurt us, you can be yourself in front of them, don't care who you are in their eyes." ”

"Maybe I'm forcing you to say this, I know it's hard to make you change for a while, but, if you have the opportunity, don't stand still, try to come out, take a look at us, look at other people, people, you can bury the past in your heart, but don't lock yourself in the past."

Even though I doubted him and hurt him, my brother understood me so leniently and didn't bother with me.

I was even more ashamed and wanted to apologize to him, but when I saw that my brother had said these words, he turned around and left.

I didn't call him, I stood on the street, watched his back disappear into the corner, and then turned around and walked in the direction of the Red Smell Pavilion.

When I returned to the museum, I was told by my subordinates that Lord Xue was looking for me and asked me to go to see him when I came back from the Emperor's Mansion.

Today's journey is tiring, I am already tired, I was first called by Xiao Zhuo, and then I had a misunderstanding with my senior brother, I am now physically and mentally exhausted.

There was no choice but to follow Lord Xue's instructions and come to his courtyard to look for him, but he saw him standing in the middle of the house and packing his things.

"My lord, this ......"

I stood by the door, looking at him as if he was about to 'go home' and 'return home', a little stunned.

There were a lot of things in the room, but he was the only one who cleaned up, and he didn't even call a subordinate.

When he saw me, he turned around, and because he was now old and sluggish, when he turned to look at me, for some reason, looking at his figure, my heart suddenly became sour.

"You're back."

He beckoned to me and began to pack his things again: "I'm leaving, I can't take these things, I'll leave them to you." ”

Saying that, he took out a scroll of paintings, unfolded it and looked at it: "This painting, is your master's favorite, at that time he begged me, with the best treasure to exchange with me, I didn't want it, now leave it to you, this painting is precious, it took me half a year's money, you can be careful, don't burn it for me, you kid, always do things "Mao" and "Mao" irritable, after making trouble, your master came here to tire me......"

He shoved the painting into my arms and took out a brocade box, which contained a pair of wood-carved thrushes.

The carving was clumsy, not very good, I happened to see it, at that time I thought it was interesting, and saw that it was not a precious thing, so I asked him if he could give it to me, but I just came closer to see, and he chased him to the door with a ring ruler, and knocked on his head several times, so that I saw him for several days and avoided him from a distance.

"This thing ......"

He thought about it for a while, and said, "It seems that when I was young, I had nothing to carve when I was idle, is it good-looking, it's not very good-looking, you kid doesn't have a good eye...... But even if it's not a good thing, you can't just give it if you want it, your master, it's just too arrogant to you, and you don't know how to teach your children at all. ”

Since I came to the Red Smell Pavilion, he has been very critical of me, words and deeds, and even whether I walk well or not, I have to be taught by him again, I used to be not familiar with him, I only knew that he was an old friend of the master, so he sold him a little face, now I think about it, he will do this to me, just treat me as his own child.

After a while, I was stuffed with a lot of things in my arms, and I couldn't hold my pocket, and I was about to fall down.

I felt uncomfortable and said, "My lord, why are you leaving?" ”

He packed his hand, paused for a moment, and said, "I'm old, it's useless, and it's time to go." ”

At the age of Lord Xue, it is indeed not suitable to be busy in the court anymore, and the imperial court sent him to the Hongwen Pavilion to control us, just like adults and children all day long, they also want to give him an idle job.

I still can't help but ask: "Why so suddenly?" ”

I found that I seemed to be accustomed to his discipline, and when I suddenly learned that he was leaving, I was a little reluctant.

He was silent for a moment before replying, "Is Your Highness reluctant to give up the old minister?" ”

I was stunned by his words, and then I saw him look at me and say, "You are suspicious, why do I know your identity?" ”

I didn't answer, I looked at him a little guardedly, I saw him smile again, turned around and packed up my things and said: "Your master, don't look at the always babbling, in fact, always love to talk to people, one year, he wrote to me, saying that he had accepted a smart little apprentice, and was considering whether to teach him magic, but in less than half a month, he sent me a letter, saying that he regretted it, his life was ruined by magic, and now the king doesn't like warlocks, so that you can spend this life safely, or just teach you to read." ”

"Your Highness, although he has done many wrong things and is not a good person, he really cares about you."

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