Li Yue'er

I don't remember how I got back to my seat, the memory is still stuck in the moment when Mr. Guo pushed the door in, I fell into Chen Ran's arms and smiled smartly, listening to his nonsense and being known about our relationship, I knew he was joking, but even if it was a joke, it was full of sweetness in my heart. It seems that no matter how much I excuse and deny it, I still want to have a consummation with him after all.

So when Mr. Guo pushed the door in, for a few seconds, I felt as if time had stopped in the moment, and everything around me was frozen into a distorted shadow, and it was not real to see it when it was shaking. The world a few seconds ago was like the finest smooth silk in an instant, and with a slight lift from the external force, it pulled away with a bang, revealing the cold and rugged true face below, which was daunting. Only to realize that I had been standing there all this time and had never left.

Mr. Guo's cold eyes, like an extremely cold ice sheath coming from his head, froze me in the moment. It's not that I didn't want to be known, but I never realized that this day came so quickly, and it was still in the company, in Chen Ran's office! It's truly ironic! Where has my usual caution gone? I'm so cautious outside the company, how can I be so careless under everyone's noses today? I only know that when I stood at the gate of the community in the morning and looked forward to Chen Ran's arrival, but Tang Hai appeared in front of me to send me to work, I was so nervous and flustered, worried that Chen Ran would bump into me, and I was afraid that it would cause Tang Hai's misunderstanding again, so I had to take a taxi and hurry away; When I received the news from Tang Hai and learned that he was actually the one who sent flowers, I realized that "dumb people eat Coptis chinensis" has a bitter saying; When I walked into Chen Ran's office full of joy and heard him say the word "deception" to me in a cold and disappointed voice, the fear and panic in my heart were like snow flying in June, which made people feel cold to the bone...... That's right, I didn't care about when and where I was at a loss, I forgot all the consequences and accidents, let myself fully reveal everything in my heart, and let Chen Ran take me into my arms, I just felt that there was nothing warmer and more real than his arms at this time.

Blame me, blame me, if I hadn't avoided covering up and only thinking about myself like this, if I had confessed everything to Chen Ran and detailed everything after he left, there would have been no such tortuous misunderstandings, there would have been no Chen Ran's disappointment and heartache, and there would have been no embarrassment and horror that was suddenly broken by someone today!

Even if Chen Ran repeatedly told me that it doesn't matter, don't be afraid, everything has him, you have to believe him, yes, I believe him, of course I believe him, how can I not believe him. But I'm still afraid, my hands and feet are cold, my whole body is trembling, that real sense of fear suffocates me, I don't know how he will talk to Mr. Guo about our relationship, I don't know how Mr. Guo will look at me after this, and there are other people, if they know, what should I do? And how to deal with yourself in the company? …… I closed my eyes in pain, only to feel that my whole body was bubbling in a cold sweat, like the ice edges accumulated in the ice cellar repeatedly grinding my thin and pale body, soaking my back with chills.

At this moment, sitting in my seat, looking at everything familiar around me, I suddenly felt as strange as if I was about to leave me. The wind and sun outside the window are beautiful, the sky is blue and clear like a good glass green, and the white clouds are light and shallow floating dreams, holding up people's charming feelings. The birdsong is graceful, and it flies diagonally over the glass wall of different heights, leaving only a faint shadow fleeting. The summer is misty, the brilliance lingers, everything has not changed from before, only my heart has been caught off guard by the right talent, broken into a panic.

Several consecutive text messages startled me, and I clicked on it blankly, Tang Hai's messages were of different lengths, covering the entire screen, looking like ghosts.

"Yue'er, I wanted to surprise you and send you to work, but it didn't seem to scare you and cause you to run away, I'm sorry"

"Yue'er, why don't you accept my flowers today? Don't you like purple tulips? But I think purple is very good for your temperament, you are like purple tulips, elegant and beautiful, quiet and dignified. 'The snow river is clear and clear, and the empty valley is secluded', in my eyes, you are the beauty of the empty valley written by Du Fu. ”

"Yue'er, I rarely say such straightforward words to people, my uncle is right, I am a man, I should take the initiative. I'm not such a frivolous person, but please forgive me for all the abrupt actions I have been doing to you recently, if I make you feel uncomfortable, I'm deeply sorry, but the apologies are sincere and sincere, and now, I don't want to hide myself anymore, Yue'er, I want to ask you, what do you think of me, can you try to have a relationship with me? ”

……

I don't know if it was because of his refusal to take a ride, refuse to accept flowers, and refuse to reply to text messages that stimulated Tang Hai, so that after a long period of gentleness and several foreshadowings, he finally lost his patience and asked me for an answer. Even if it is working time at the moment, he is such a humble gentleman, and there are times when he can't hold it back. It seems that most men in this world have a time limit for the delivery of affection, and no one wants to waste too much waiting for an uncertain result. Yes, the years are like water, and the time is like gold, you can't live up to it, how can you waste it? Even Tang Hai and Wang Hao, who are single, understand that Chen Ran and I are still pretending to be so extravagant for a long time!

At this moment, looking at this full of tenderness, I can't feel the affection between the lines at all, and I only feel that the words are dazzling. How can I, who has just experienced the stormy seas, still be able to calmly deal with him. If you talk farther, isn't it because of his appearance that today's scene is surging! From the first blind date, to the later chance encounter, and then to the meeting with my father, step by step let me be implicated for no reason, how can he still show his love like an outsider, but leave me and Chen Ran alone in the rolling waves of reality? !

Even though I knew that this blame was very unreasonable, but at this moment I was afraid and angry with him, and I couldn't hold it back, I grabbed my mobile phone, and rushed to the rooftop on the 20th floor in a few steps.

"Hey, Yue'er?" Tang Hai quickly picked it up, "You, call me?" There was flattered uncertainty in his voice and joy that could not be concealed.

But under the anger, I couldn't care if he was happy or sad, and I was hysterical on the phone, "Tang Hai, I don't like you!" Don't say those things anymore and do those things again! I have a boyfriend! I love him and he loves me! Don't bother us again!! ……”

"Yue'er, what did you say? …… Did I hear me wrong? ......" on the other end of the phone was Tang Hai, hoarse in disbelief.

"You heard me right, didn't I speak clearly enough?! I don't like you, Tang Hai! Past, present, and future, will not like it! I have a boyfriend! I have a boyfriend! ……”

I shouted hoarsely, as if I wanted to vent the pain and helplessness that had been suppressed in my heart for a long time, and even the muscles of my whole body seemed to ache faintly. When the surroundings were quiet again, I couldn't help but be stunned. Was that the person who screamed frantically just now? is so desperate and leaves no room, and in the eyes of outsiders, I am as calm as water, but I also have such a cruel and resolute appearance?

The rooftops are wide and the views are excellent, and the city's high-rise buildings are not far as the eye can see. There is a warm wind blowing, stirring my messy broken hair and itching against my face; The occasional plane flying overhead roared, and the roar disappeared into the nine-fold cloud night. The world is so far away, I gradually disappeared into an inconspicuous dot in the countless steel forests under the clear blue sky.

Tang Hai must have been frightened by my appearance and my voice, there was no sound on the other end of the phone for a long time, only the sound of his fine uneven breathing seemed to come from nothing. I seemed to wake up suddenly, only to realize that I had just been out of shape and terrible, what was wrong with me, from Tang Hai's point of view, he didn't know anything about everything, he was just pursuing a girl he liked, whether it was sending flowers, picking up and taking a car, or even today's confession, it was a normal thing, he didn't do anything wrong, but I used such unforgettable words to pierce his heart straight to his heart, stabbing his heart that was not necessarily strong. Momentarily ashamed and embarrassed, "Tang Hai, I ......"

"Yue'er!" Tang Hai intercepted my words, "Why is this happening?" Why are you telling me this now? You make me feel like a complete fool! yes, I'm a fool! Tang Hai's helpless smile on the other end of the phone looked extremely depressed and dark. I don't know where he is at this time, but I feel the sound of the whirring wind surging with his undulating resentment, and I can feel his pain and unwillingness even through the earpiece.

"I'm sorry, Tang Hai" I looked at the endless loneliness under the vast sky, thinking back to what I had encountered today, and I felt very tired for a while, "I ......"

"Don't say it, Yue'er" Tang Hai's voice gradually lowered, "Please keep the last bit of dignity for me" After speaking, he hung up the phone in my daze.

There was already a burst of busy sounds in my ears, and I stood alone, looking at the dimmed mobile phone screen, and suddenly felt that the world was impermanent and chaotic and disorganized towards me, making me powerless to parry. After so long tossing and turning, so long avoiding and dodging, I finally said it to Tang Hai, broke his heart and cut off his love, but also planted an endless bane for myself. It won't be long before Pleasant Goat and my father will find out that I have a boyfriend, and they will complain about my cruelty to Tang Hai and my irresponsibility, while insisting on seeing the true face of this "boyfriend" who suddenly appeared, how should I deal with it? What's more, if my relationship with Chen Ran was made public before that, what kind of attitude should I take to face the eyes and torture of them and the world? ……

The road ahead is long, as if it is someone else's Yangguan Avenue, but I am like a lost traveler, standing at countless intersections that stretch into the distance but can't see the direction clearly, and I can't find my own bright future, and I can't hold back crying anymore.