Three years ago, Bamboo Shoot was a serious and regular begging practitioner. Asking for food is actually not as simple as imagined.

Of course, this is not talking about traditional beggars, who have to be able to play allegro and sing lotus falling, but this is a bad habit before liberation.

Now that the people's standard of living and cultural quality have improved, this means of begging has become obsolete.

Today's begging practitioners are not simple, because first of all, you have to make people look quite pitiful, so there are roughly two ways to choose.

Those who are literate and hyphenated can write a tragic and bumpy experience, which will make the listener cry and the hearer sad, and it would be better to have a little talent

For example, writing a beautiful chalk word, chalk drawing, or being able to play a guitar, play an erhu, and move people's hearts with feelings, the income will be expensive, this kind of spelling is culture.

There is also a category that relies on superb special effect makeup skills to disguise themselves as terminally ill and dying patients with a face like gold paper.

Or bloated like a drum, or legs as thick as a column, or simply paraplegic, there is a special category of beggars with special skills, who can use the skills of a special effects makeup artist to beat him with arms and legs without losing some money.

As for the bamboo shoots, he didn't belong to either, his parents died early, he didn't study, and he was raised by a family in the village who gave him a mouthful of food.

In fact, he is not a bad person, but he is a little lacking in intelligence, and he can't learn anything, so he has to ask for food.

The day of asking for food is actually quite suitable for bamboo shoots, sleeping until three poles on the day every day and then starting work, walking the streets and alleys, saying two auspicious words from door to door, and sending a New Year's painting every New Year's holiday.

Originally, someone gave him some change, but as this kid had a big heart, he gradually reached the age where he was interested in women, and when he saw women, he would be angry.

The young eldest girl and little daughter-in-law in the village were not treated with him, only an old widow in her fifties from the next village secretly communicated with him, and kept him food at every turn, waiting for him to come and eat.

Originally, you and I were very willing, until one day the widow's son suddenly came home, broke the adultery, beat the bamboo shoots stinkingly, and chased and beat them for thousands of miles.

The bamboo shoots had no choice but to pack up their burdens and leave their hometowns to wander around begging for food.

Although it was cleaned up after a meal, Zhu Zhu is an ambitious person, and his interest in women has not diminished in the slightest.

He adheres to: the professional cultivation of making steady profits at a glance, and not losing money when he touches his hands, and insists on the great cause of molesting women while asking for food.

When there is nothing to do, the bamboo shoots have to go to study cultural classes, and the hard work pays off, so after a few years, the bamboo shoots actually know a lot of words.

Although most of them were learned by bamboo shoots from the telephone poles next to the road, in any case, it is good to learn to read and write on your own.

When he is not working, he will also stop near the school, through the wall, and listen to the sound of children reading aloud.

His favorite writer is Lu Xun, who eavesdropped on a lot of Lu Xun's works selected into textbooks, and felt that he spoke very tastefully, so he began to learn how he spoke.

My favorite is still that sentence: If the monk touches it, I can't touch it? It is regarded as a classic quotation by him.

But whenever he is empty, or the girl pities him and gives him a good face, the bamboo shoots will tear off other people's skirts with a hara, touch other people's feet, and be spitted, so as to quickly say this sentence, so as to appear that he is a literate hooligan: if the monk can touch it, I can't touch it?

Sometimes bamboo shoots will also go to listen to small songs, once I heard an old prostitute singing "Not Fu Lao", I also liked it very much, and tried every way to learn this song, every time I asked for dinner when the woman was beaten, I would sing this song.

I am a "copper pea" that is not steamed, cooked, cooked, hammered, fried, or exploded.

When the person who beat him heard it, he shouted, and he started with me! The men beat them even harder.

The bamboo shoots continued to cheer themselves up: You lost my teeth, crooked my mouth, lame my legs, broke my hands, and God gave me these kinds of bad symptoms, and I still refused to stop.

Not to mention, this song is still suitable for him to sing when he is beaten.

In fact, the bamboo shoots were also very angry when they were beaten, and they held back to retaliate against others, but they couldn't stand to grow and ugly, so they had to take advantage of the third watch in the middle of the night when everyone was blowing out the lights to rest, and quietly touched people's doors.

If other couples are doing things, they will listen secretly for a while to relieve their hunger, and what they say about themselves in private will also be secretly listened to and remembered, even if the neighbors say something, they will eavesdrop. If you hear a woman talking about which man is good-looking, she will throw pebbles in the dark and say a few words of heart.

To say that his biggest hobby is to be beaten by a family during the day, and sneak back at night to steal that woman's underwear.

Underwear is generally put in a separate place by women, washed separately, dried separately, and he took advantage of the fact that people took out the underwear alone to wash it, so he stole it out and hid it when he was free.

As time goes by, the burden of bamboo shoots for women's underwear is getting bigger and bigger, and those who don't know think that his burden is a futon spread at night.

In fact, it's almost the same, the bamboo shoots do spread these underwear at night, and lie in it with a cover.

After I don't know how many beatings I received, this time, the bamboo shoots were finally not so lucky, they were broken and their legs were broken and they collapsed in a dilapidated temple.

Because I don't have the money to treat my legs, I thought that it would not be so convenient to go over the wall and steal women's underwear in the future, and a sense of grief and indignation arose.

Everyone has the right to pursue their own happiness, why is my happiness so difficult, now that my leg is broken, it will be inconvenient to steal panties in the future.

I just have such a hobby, and they all stop me, where is my happiness, thinking of this, I have nowhere to find the indignation in my chest, so I have to sing my favorite little song again:

"You have lost my teeth, crooked my mouth, lame my legs, broken my hands, and God has given me these kinds of bad symptoms, and I still refuse to stop."

He sang that it doesn't matter if he was hi, and a Taoist priest from the wandering side over there also came to the temple to spend the night.

Seeing the bamboo shoots lying there, covered with women's unwashed underwear, I was taken aback at first, but after calming down, I thoughtfully talked with the bamboo shoots.

Bamboo shoots looked at the fact that someone finally paid attention to him and talked to him, now it is very energetic, 1510, he has told his experience for so many years, a handful of snot and tears, and now his legs are also discounted, and he has no money to treat, I really don't know what to do in the future.

I saw this Taoist, with silver hair twisted in his hand, thoughtful, as if he had doubts, and then looked at these belongings of bamboo shoots, this shape, as if he had made up his mind, said:

Anyway, just think of it as saving people's lives, and the poor Dao will pass on your Taoist skills. At least heal your leg first. It's just that this method is originally an evil art, and it's a little dirty, I don't know if you're willing to do it?

As soon as the bamboo shoot heard that this Taoist was going to teach him Taoism, and he could also heal his legs, he happily turned his fat face upside down like his buttocks, bowed his head, and said: Master.

Lao Dao hurriedly tiptoed, jumped away in one step, and said: Don't don't, I teach you to teach you, but don't call me Master, I don't recognize you as an apprentice, I teach you this method because I don't want this Taoist technique to be lost, but it is too dirty, and no one wants to learn it. Second, you're really pitiful. Three......

Lao Dao was silent when he said this, and the bamboo shoots thought that he regretted it, so he hurriedly asked: What happened to these three?

Lao Dao pointed to the underwear of these women lying on the bamboo shoots and said, "The third reason is that the first thing you need to cultivate this Fa is readily available here.

The bamboo shoots have a bit of an effect on studying these days, and the scholars said that the cross talk hugged their fists and said: This immortal chief, dare to ask what is the name of this method?

Lao Dao smiled slightly: This method is called "Chaos Easy Muscle Method".

The bamboo shoots were overjoyed when they heard it: this name sounds very mysterious, please explain it to me, and I am stupid and willing to hear it in detail.

The old Taoist twists his beard: If you want to practice this method, you actually need two things that are extremely dirty. The first thing is: when you practice the Bagua clothes, when you cultivate, you need to wear this clothes, and after you have achieved success, you will wear this clothes, you will not be invaded by water and fire, you will not be stained by the dust, you will not fall into hell, you will not enter reincarnation, you will not suffer from vicious difficulties, and you will not encounter the den of tigers and wolves.

When the bamboo shoots heard this, they were overjoyed, and hurriedly asked: How to get this fairy clothes?

"First of all, you need to get the journey map"

"Ask the Taoist for advice"

"In fact, it is necessary to have different women's unwashed underwear, which must be worn on any day, on ordinary days, and on menstrual blood, these traces on the bottom of the underwear are the "travel map", you cut off the square of the bottom of the pants stained with these traces one by one, and then sew these "screenshots" together to make a Daomen gossip clothes, which is the first magic weapon needed to practice this chaotic and easy tendon method. ”。

The old man's voice did not fall, only to see bamboo shoots, hit the bridge of his nose horizontally, and pat his chest:

I have!