The mother's belly was getting bigger.

I noticed that my mother's belly was getting bigger before the summer vacation.

One day when I came home from school, I suddenly noticed that my mother was walking with her stomach held up, looking strange. "Mom, why is your belly so big?" I asked curiously.

"Silly child, of course my mother is pregnant." Mother said happily.

"Pregnant?" I looked at my mother in a daze.

"It's just that Mom is going to give you a little brother or little sister. What do you think? Do you like it? "My mother took my bag.

"Like, like!" I jumped up for joy, "I've been thinking for a long time, why didn't my mother give me a younger sibling?" I'm thirteen years old. Looking at people's sweetness, there are younger brothers and younger sisters at the age of five or six. ”

Tian Tian is a little girl in the village, very cute, I often tease her. You don't necessarily remember, brother. She was only three or four years old when you left.

"Tell Mom, do you want a sister or a brother?" Mom touched my head. Happiness overflowed on my mother's face.

"Brother. I look at my mother as a little brother. I blurted out.

My mother was very happy to hear what I said. But she suddenly looked straight into the distance, as if she was missing something, and then muttered to herself, "I wish it was a little brother." ”

My bag fell out of her hand and she didn't even notice.

I wondered, what was my mother missing? It was like missing someone. If it's missing someone, who will it be? It won't be Dad. Dad stays by her side every day, and she doesn't miss her so much.

Also, why did my mother have to get pregnant at my age? I'm thirteen years old. Twelve years older than his brother or sister. The age difference is too big to speak.

Whatever, something is better than nothing. At least, I have someone to talk to when I miss my brother.

As the mother's belly grew bigger, the family got busy. Mothers are busy sorting out or begging the villagers for old baby's clothes and trousers, and we have a saying that it is good to pick up old clothes and wear children; Grandpa always burned some delicious food for his mother to eat, and the hens he raised that laid eggs were willing to kill and stew for his mother; The father went to greet Yongtai's midwife very early......

I was familiar with the midwife, and her silver hair made it impossible for me to guess how old she was. I just think that her hands are so amazing that they can always lift a baby out of a woman's belly. My mother told me, don't talk about me, even my father was delivered by her hands.

During that time, my mother used to call me to her side and let me lean on her big belly and listen to the movements in her belly.

"Did you move, Kiki?" Mother asked.

"It's moving, it's moving, my little brother is kicking me." I really felt my little brother turbulent in my mother's belly.

"I can always feel him moving. Kick me every now and then. Must be a naughty guy. Mother said.

"And was I so naughty when I was in your belly?" I asked my mother.

"No, you've always been quiet."

"That must be the little brother. Boys are more active. ”

Unexpectedly, the little brother was not born yet, but the grandfather had an accident.

On that day, I remember that when I came home from school in the evening, when I walked to the entrance of the village, someone told me, "Kiki, why don't you hurry home?" Something happened to your grandfather. ”

I was taken aback. Grandpa had an accident? Okay, what's going to happen to Grandpa? When I went to school in the afternoon, my grandfather told me to worry about walking.

I hurriedly ran home. Before I could get home, I heard the cries of many people coming from the house. I hurried into the house and found that my grandfather had been placed on the ground in front of the hall, surrounded by something called a "hemp mat" in my place that resembled a mat woven from bamboo strips.

A few people were crying softly on the sackcloth. Mom was crying in the room. Dad didn't know where he went.

Aunt Zhu next door, who is also Zhu Jinshan's mother, grabbed my hand, "Qiqi, come and see grandpa." ”

"What's wrong with Grandpa?" I panicked.

"Grandpa is gone." Aunt Zhu's expression was very solemn.

"Gone? Where have you gone? ”

"Your grandfather fell this afternoon, and he died."

"Dead? What the? Grandpa died? "I couldn't believe my eyes. I don't trust my ears either. How could Grandpa die?

No wonder there are so many people in the family. No wonder Grandpa was fenced off by a hemp mat.

I grew up knowing that when people die, they are surrounded by hemp mats. So, grandpa is really dead?

I cried. I lay on the hemp mat (the hemp mat was taller than me, but I pressed it down) and called out to my grandfather. Grandpa was lying on the ground, his whole body and face were covered with a sheet, and I couldn't see anything.

"I want to see grandpa, I want to see grandpa." I screamed.

I can't believe Grandpa has left me. For the first time, I felt the horror of death. Aunt Zhu persuaded me, and Yongri's mother also persuaded me, but I didn't stop crying, until my mother came out of the room to persuade me, I didn't let go of my temper, but I still kept sobbing.

My little heart is full of sorrow. That was the first time I faced death.

At that time, I didn't know what death was all about, and I didn't know that death was nothing, nothing.

When my grandfather was buried, when the hemp mat in front of the hall was removed, and when I couldn't see my grandfather's shadow anywhere, I felt more truly that my grandfather was really gone.

Grandpa said he was gone, gone forever, and never came back. I remembered that when my brother left, I cried for a long time, and my grandfather stood silently beside me, giving me a sense of security. Grandpa is my patron saint.

I often wondered, where would my grandfather go? What is the place where Grandpa went, and what makes him so nostalgic? Even his most precious granddaughter is willing to abandon it?

Also, what kind of place does one go and never come back? I do not know. I can't figure it out.

I also thought about how sad my brother would be if he came back to visit everyone and didn't see his grandfather, it was his grandfather Hao!

I miss my brother even more.

But what suffocated me was that before I could figure out where my grandfather had gone, my mother had gone with him.

I witnessed my mother's death. I will never forget that scene, so much so that later, when my friend gave birth, I asked me if it was better to give birth naturally or by caesarean section, and I did not hesitate to suggest that she choose to have a caesarean section.

While I was at the door of the operating room with my friend's husband, the miserable scene of my mother's temporary presence kept flashing through my mind, terrifying and alarming me.

The mother died in childbirth.

At the beginning of the delivery, everyone was happy. My father, in particular, was very excited. He walked up and down in front of the hall, as if he was very excited, and sat down on the bamboo bed for a while, and then went to the door of his mother's room to listen, looking nervous and uneasy.

The mother's voice kept coming from the room, and at the same time, the midwife's voice of encouragement was heard, "Work harder, work harder, and you'll come out." ”

At first, I waited in front of the hall because I wanted to know if my mother would give me a little brother or a little sister, but after waiting for a long time, I ran out to play.

It's late autumn. As soon as the wind blew, the leaves of the jujube tree at the door fell with a bang, and there were jujube leaves everywhere.

Grandpa is gone, and no one is in the mood to clean it up. Some of the branches and leaves still have some dates left, but they are red and shriveled. If my brother was here, he would definitely find a way to knock down these dates for me to eat before they dry up.

All the grain in the rice fields was taken home. The fields were barren.

I sat on the trunk of the jujube tree where I used to sit, stroking the meat ring on my left hand, unable to understand why my mother was in such pain. Mother's* was almost screaming, and I could hear it clearly even when I was sitting on the pole of the jujube tree so far from home.

I also saw people coming into my house one after another. They're here to congratulate you.

I didn't know the seriousness of the problem at the time, and my mother's hoarse screams had not yet alarmed me. I sat leisurely on the jujube tree pole and watched a bug I couldn't name flying in the air.

Later, when I felt my mother's cries weaken, I thought that my little brother or sister must have been born, and I decided to go home. As soon as I got home, I noticed that the people in the village who were gathered in front of the hall had very serious expressions, and they were still talking quietly.

Father had already entered the room.

I walked into the room and suddenly saw blood all over the floor. It freaked the hell out of me. Then I saw that the bed my mother was sleeping on was also covered in blood. The lower half of my mother's body was naked, and her whole body was covered in blood!

Mother closed her eyes tightly. The father lay on the bed and cried.

I heard the midwife say, "I've done my best, I've really done my best." The umbilical cord is around the neck, what can I do? "The midwife's silver hair is messy.

"Why is this happening? Why is this happening?! Father yelled.

I was scared, I couldn't figure out why my mother didn't scream, and she didn't move, and her lower body was still bleeding.

It dawned on me that my mother was dead.

I immediately began to cry and squeezed forward to lie on the bed and pushed my mother's body with both hands, but she did not move.

I can't tell you how sad it is. I haven't accepted the fact that my grandfather is gone, but I didn't expect my mother to leave me after her.

In particular, my mother's death was so horrible that I had nightmares for several nights, and I saw my mother walking towards me covered in blood, calling my name in a miserable manner, and I was so frightened that I screamed, and then I woke up.

When I woke up, my mind was blank. I don't know why people die when they are so good.

Why do people have to die? Grandpa is dead, mother is dead, and then my father will die too, right? If my father dies too, won't I be the only one left in this world? No, no, I still have a brother. But if my brother doesn't come to see me again, won't I really have one left?

Thinking about it, I feel so lonely.

For the first time, I really experienced what loneliness is.