March 1, 1987

I still followed Zheng Qihang's suggestion and participated in Dong Yunhong's public judgment conference.

Standing in the class line, I felt like a thief. The sirens of the police cars almost broke me.

My heart is always beating. That's really like a year.

Dong Yunhong was wearing a prison uniform, standing on the rostrum with his head down, so pitiful, so sad, at that moment, all my resentment towards him disappeared.

No matter how ruthless he is, no matter how scheming he is, he is still an outcast of fate.

The thought of his imminent end of life makes me hateful.

Why did things get so bad?

If there is a if, how good it would be, if I didn't care about Zheng Qihang's coldness, then I wouldn't think about retaliating against Zheng Qihang, and I wouldn't give up on myself to accept Dong Yunhong's confession. If I ignored Dong Yunhong's "teasing", he asked me to go to his office, I found a reason not to go, he wrote to me and I threw the letter directly into the trash, how could there be anything that happened later?

There won't be this thing in the stomach anymore.

Dong Yunhong didn't confess to me until he died, but he kept looking for me when he was standing on the sentencing platform, and I knew this, although I just looked at the rostrum with my spare eyes.

What I didn't expect was that after the verdict was announced, when he was escorted back to the police car, he would shout: "Ya Pear", I love you, I will always love you!

I fainted when I heard that.

March 9, 1987

The contents of the stomach are finally "whole".

It hurts so much.

It was like the tight spell on Sun Wukong's head was lifted, and I suddenly became relaxed, although the person was extremely prostrated because of a lot of blood, and even went up the steps out of breath.

After two days of rest, I was basically recovered.

I asked my mother to ask the head teacher for a day off in the name of catching a cold. Originally, according to the doctor's advice, I had to stay in the hospital for two days to induce labor like this. Zheng Qihang explained to the doctor the first time he found a doctor, saying that I was not qualified to be hospitalized, but the doctor agreed.

Lying in bed I thought a lot. I know that staying in the iron is far more painful than happy for me. The suspicion and contempt of my classmates, Zheng Qihang's coldness and indifference, and the teacher's family room, which is no longer inhabited, all made me unbearable.

However, I won't turn. No matter how much pain there is, I won't turn around. As long as Zheng Qihang is still in the iron, I won't turn.

I know I'm no longer qualified to love him. I'm not even as good as shit in his eyes. However, I still have to stay with him, as long as I can see him, I feel at ease, and I feel happy when I can't see him and smell his breath.

I don't care how cold he is, how he ignores, how much he even laughs at me.

He can do so much for me, what else can I care about?

He is the bond of my life.

May 20, 1988

Today, when I plucked up the courage to open my diary, I realized that I hadn't written a mood diary for months.

I was forced to transfer to this county-level high school, and I never wrote a mood diary again.

I felt like God was taking revenge on me.

In the first year of junior high school, because of me, Zheng Qihang was forced to transfer to a certain township junior high school.

I don't think I've been through this kind of journey as well. Another point, because of his student status, Zheng Qihang participated in the high school entrance examination as a student of Hua'an No. 4 Middle School.

Today, my mother told me that I was going to go back to study in Tiezhong because my school status was still in Tiezhong.

It's exactly what it is.

Is it the mockery of fate or the trick of God?

The thought of having to face those classmates in Tiezhong again, I felt very uncomfortable.

However, facing those classmates means that I can see Zheng Qihang again, and my heart is like a five-flavor bottle, with any taste.

However, I know that sweetness is the most important part of the many flavors.

May 29, 1988

The decision has been made to return to the iron tomorrow.

The past in the iron comes back to mind.

Looking back on that unbearable time, the only thing that can comfort me is that in order to clarify Xiong Yanfei's misunderstanding of Zheng Qihang, I went to the hospital to find Xiong Yanfei and told Xiong Yanfei about my relationship with Dong Yunhong.

This is what I did purely for Zheng Qihang. I don't regret it. Although it was also because in order to clarify this misunderstanding, Xiang Jianjun divulged my secret when communicating with Xiong Yanfei, but Zheng Qihang can still stand up for me and take all the responsibility on himself, what else do I have to say?

So when my mother proposed that Zheng Qihang and I must have a transfer, I offered to let me transfer.

I once said that as long as Zheng Qihang is still in the iron school, I will not transfer schools, because I want to see his figure and hear his voice.

But I don't know that Zheng Qihang can't leave Xiong Yanfei. I will fulfill him. Perhaps, loving someone is the fulfillment of a person.

June 1, 1988

It's still that bush of hibiscus, it's still that teaching building, it's still those students, it's still that location.

There are still so many discussions, still that kind of eyes, still that kind of smile, or that kind of entanglement.

And so I got back into the iron.

But Zheng Qihang's place was vacant.

What makes me unbelievable is that the two women who love Zheng Qihang deeply, Chu Huoyu is gone, and Xiong Yanfei is terminally ill.

So, how do I adjust my mindset and how do I put myself in the right position?

June 3, 1988

The principal called me to his office today.

He suddenly mentioned to me about the provincial "three good students" index, and he also asked me about the results of the joint entrance examination.

Speaking of grades, in the few months of high school in the county, although I abandoned everything to study quietly, but because I didn't take it seriously, although my grades in various subjects have been greatly improved, I have to go to university, even if it is like a junior college like Hua'an Normal College, I am so poor by 20 or 30 points.

"Haven't you thought about it?" The principal looked at me kindly, "If you are rated as a 'three good students' in the province, you can add 20 points." ”

"Provincial 'three good students'? Can a person like me be rated as a 'good student'? "I was amazed.

The principal walked up to me, and he grabbed one of my hands, "Xiao Wu, don't you know that there is a saying called 'things are done by people'?" ”

"What do you mean?"

"What do you say? Are you so smart that you don't understand? The principal gently stroked the back of my hand.

That's when I realized. Will there be a principal who trades the provincial "three good students" indicator? I quickly withdrew my hand.

"I'm sorry, Headmaster, I'm going back to class." I say.

"It's okay, it's okay, you can think about it. What tender hands. ”

In 1988*

Zheng Qihang is finally back.

How much he's lost weight. I haven't seen him for a few months, and he seems to be a little taller again. This hair hasn't been cut in months, right?

His eyes were full of melancholy and sadness.

He brought a shocking news: Xiong Yanfei died.

The woman he loved the most died.

I wanted to hold him in my arms, caress his hair like a mother, brush away his grief, wipe away his sorrow.

But I didn't do anything. No, no, it's that I can't do anything. I don't even seem to have the courage to look him in the eye.

June 8, 1988

The headmaster sent for me again. I ignored it. I didn't think that after a while, he actually ran to the class and called me.

I had to go to the principal's office again.

The sanctimonious head of the school tore off all the disguises, revealing his naked true face, he wants to trade with me, and use the provincial "three good students" indicator to make a deal with my flesh!

There will be such unscrupulous people! I turned around angrily.

But the principal's words hit my soft underbelly, "What you really like is Zheng Qihang, not Dong Yunhong, right?" ”

I stopped.

"Dong Yunhong is a victim of your revenge on Zheng Qihang."

I looked back at the principal, "What do you want to say?" ”

"I don't want to say anything, if you're interested, you can sit down and listen."

This principal can be described as well-intentioned, he grasped my complicated feelings for Zheng Qihang, and analyzed Zheng Qihang's emotional trend in an orderly manner.

After my mental guard relaxed, he poured me a cup of herbal tea.

Who would have thought that the principal would play tricks in herbal tea?

Less than a minute after I drank the herbal tea, the person passed out. When I woke up, I found myself lying on a wooden bed in the middle of the principal's office. I have a form next to me.

The tape recorder on the desk was playing loud music.

The headmaster was wearing his clothes.

The headmaster's methods of ruining me were exactly the same as the methods of the brute of ruining me.

"You can choose to sue me, or you can choose to fill out this form. If you sue me, you will ruin my reputation at most, and at the same time, you will lose your reputation; And if you fill out this form, your life may be changed because of it. It won't even be much lower than Zheng Qihang. ”

Tears flowed silently from the corners of my eyes.

What else can I choose?

It's just that I never dreamed that after I filled out the form, walked out of the principal's office, and went down to the first floor, Zheng Qihang appeared in front of me.

I felt like my eyes were dark.

Does the argument still make sense? The more you argue, the darker it gets. What he heard, what he saw, was enough to explain everything, not to mention me, a woman with a "criminal record".

……

After reading Wu Lianzi's diary, I don't know how many tears I shed. Seven years before and after. I misunderstood that Wu Lianzi had seven years before and after.

Suddenly thought of Wu Lianzi's name - a child who no one loves, can a person's name be a portrayal of her life?

Thinking about the class teacher seven years ago, I mistakenly regarded Wu Lianzi as Hao Junqi, will Wu Lianzi's fate be revealed at that time?

In the seven years that I have been separated from Wu Lianzi, I have always thought that Wu Lianzi is influencing me, and I always feel that Wu Lianzi is haunting me like a ghost, but now when I look back, I suddenly find that I am influencing her. Eventually, she also became my substitute.

Every choice Wu Lianzi makes, there is my shadow!

It was me who was originally ignorant, crying, reflecting, and emotional, all of them were Wu Lianzi; Now it's okay, because she stepped forward, it was she who was unconscious, crying, reflecting, emotional, it was me.

How can I be qualified to bear such a great gift!