September 22, 1984

I know I've made Zheng Qihang completely desperate.

That's exactly what I'm trying to achieve. But only I know how much my heart hurts, and I can't remember how many times I woke up crying from my dreams.

I deliberately approached Huang Wutao (everyone called him tall) who came to the door of my class every day to see me, and deliberately handed over the love letter written by Zheng Qihang to the head teacher (I didn't want the head teacher to stick it on the wall), all I had to do was to make him completely dead to me.

The more infatuated Zheng Qihang is with me, the more ruthless I become.

In a word, my image has completely changed in the eyes of my classmates.

October 9, 1984

Today is the day when Zheng Qihang transferred to the countryside to study.

I didn't expect Zheng Qihang to make his brothers find trouble with tall people for me, and I didn't expect that Brother Jun would bring a murder weapon when the tall man retaliated, and he relied on Zheng Qihang because of this.

obviously didn't want to affect Zheng Qihang for anything, but it backfired, and his whole life was affected by me. I feel so sad when I think about it.

Therefore, when the school announced the expulsion of Zheng Qihang at the assembly, I felt that there was a sudden darkness in front of me, and if it wasn't for my classmates supporting me, I would immediately collapse to the ground.

I barely slept that night. The more I want to stay away from a person, the more I care about that person, and I really don't know what kind of psychology I have.

It was only at this moment that I realized that Zheng Qihang had settled in my heart. Or, he was always in my heart, but I was deluding myself and felt that I pushed him out.

Therefore, when I found out that Zheng Qihang was going to study in a rural middle school today, I immediately decided to go to the station to see him off.

I don't know what role I'm playing, going to the station to see him off, but I'm cold like a passerby, but one thing, I saw him, and that's enough.

Sometimes I comfort myself that maybe the transfer is a turning point for Zheng Qihang, after all, he can't learn anything by messing around with Brother Jun and them all day long in No. 2 Middle School.

That's all I can do to comfort myself.

Still, when I turned to leave, tears clouded my eyes.

June 16, 1986

Seeing Zheng Qihang in the high school entrance examination room is really something that I never dreamed of.

It's been nearly two years, I once thought that I could completely forget this person, I let loose and kept ruining myself, in order to take revenge on society and my vain mother, but I didn't want to, as soon as Zheng Qihang appeared, my heart could still surge, surging for a long time.

I decided to change my destiny. I can't just fall like that. Shangcang arranged for Zheng Qihang to be in the same examination room as me, and the front and back tables, (I was on the 29th, he was on the 30th) just to tell me that Shangcang had not forgotten me.

Maybe God can't bear to see me sink again.

And my vain mother, who never let me live in school since Joon and the tall man had a fight for me, and kept an eye on me all the time, hoping that I would be admitted to high school.

Truth be told, if it weren't for the fact that the brute had been in a car accident and couldn't have harmed me anymore, I wouldn't have been able to go back to that villa.

Originally, I didn't have the slightest idea of going to high school, but Zheng Qihang reappeared in my sight, and I changed my mind. Not only do I have to go to high school, but I also have to think that I will be in the same high school as Zheng Qihang!

Then, I can only ask Zheng Qihang for help, no matter how well he studies, as long as my grades are between him and him, we will definitely be in the same high school.

June 17, 1986

The three days of the high school entrance examination passed in a blink of an eye.

Everything seems to be going well.

Although I have to meet Brother Jun before every exam, I have already made up my mind that as soon as the high school entrance examination is over, I will completely get rid of him and start a new life.

I don't want to have an accident at the last exam. I've been cautious. I "bothered" Zheng Qihang in the last forty minutes of each exam.

To be honest, Zheng Qihang's cooperation gave me hope.

Maybe I'm still the god in his mind.

Otherwise, he would not have cooperated with me so well in the field exam.

I don't want the invigilator to take action in the last exam. We were given a test paper and given a zero score.

At that moment, I understood that I had deeply hurt Zheng Qihang again.

I remember that before Zheng Qihang transferred to another school, I wrote this paragraph in my diary: "I obviously don't want to affect Zheng Qihang, but it backfired, and his whole life was affected by me."

At that time, I didn't know that this impact must be a negative impact, and there was a kind of luck, hoping that the act of transferring to another school would have a positive impact on Zheng Qihang's life.

And today, the exam was given a score of zero, which is not a positive effect.

Could it be that for Zheng Qihang, am I destined to be his disaster?

No, God, I don't want to be Zheng Qihang's disaster star, I want to be his lucky star!

September 22, 1986

God has not forgotten me.

Zheng Qihang and I were both admitted to Hua'an Railway Middle School, just as I expected. Also, we were in the same class.

It seems that the fate between me and Zheng Qihang can't be broken.

However, Railway Middle School is the most ordinary high school in Hua'an City, and it can be inferred that Zheng Qihang and I were both sentenced to zero marks on our political papers.

A lot happened as soon as school started. Tall men and handsome guys came to harass me. The tall man went straight to the class. Zheng Qihang kept saying that he didn't care about me, and just when the tall man grabbed my wrist and wanted to take me out, he made a move, in front of many people in the class, saying that I was the one who loved, and that he didn't care about all my past, prompting the tall man to leave stupidly.

Zheng Qihang said so loudly and without hesitation, who would believe that he would be perfunctory?

Zheng Qihang really solved my concerns - the tall man and the handsome brother fought each other, one went to another world, the other went to prison, and I no longer had to worry about someone harassing me. I was getting ready to develop my relationship with Zheng Qihang, and the scene of Zheng Qihang and Chu Huoyu dating on campus shattered all my dreams.

In particular, the words that came out of Zheng Qihang's mouth made me disheartened, and once again made me realize that I was an unclean person and a tainted person.

It turned out that Zheng Qihang despised me in his heart.

November 12, 1986

Oh my God.

What to do? What to do? What am I going to do?

Dong Yunhong, why did he kill the "five big and three coarse"?

(Note: Wu Lianzi made a lot of corrections when she wrote this diary, and only these three lines were left in the end.) The word "killed" was crossed out repeatedly, but the handwriting could still be seen clearly. ）

December 20, 1986

It's been more than a month since that nightmare day. I also have less nightmares at night.

Frightened, frightened, frightened!

The fact that the police did not come to summon me means that Dong Yunhong did not confess the relationship between me and him. Count him as having a conscience.

Yet, he deceived me and hurt me. The conspiracy behind his sweet words still surfaced.

I can't figure out myself, with a tall man, I can do nothing without breaking the bottom line, and then I mixed with Brother Jun, how many times, it was difficult for me to control, but when I thought of Zheng Qihang, my will still prevailed.

Maybe I subconsciously know that whether it is tall or handsome, they are all the objects of my "sinking", and I have no true feelings with them.

And being with Dong Yunhong is purely to take revenge on Zheng Qihang, and there is no concept of a bottom line.

Because, Zheng Qihang really doesn't care about me at all!

Dong Yunhong and I watched a movie, and he saw that he was not stimulated at all, and he did not do anything to hinder it; I asked for leave so often to mess with Dong Yunhong, and he never "warned" me about anything.

So, what other bottom line do I have to keep?

December 23, 1986

No, no, I didn't keep the bottom line, and the root cause is Dong Yunhong. He's too cunning.

Every time I am with him, he always "whole" me to the core, "whole" to the hot, "whole" to the heart full of desire.

That beast tore my shadow disappeared when I was with Dong Yunhong. Not only is there no shadow, but there is great eagerness.

Now I understand that it was caused by Dong Yunhong's "caressing".

I looked through a lot of information. From a legal point of view, Dong Yunhong always "caressed" me like this, in fact, he was seducing me, even if I couldn't control it and slept with him, I could sue him for seduction.

Perhaps, based on this, Dong Yunhong will not confess me.

January 25, 1987

There are four days left to celebrate the New Year.

All I thought was that there were still 14 days before I went to school.

I want to go to school. When I went to school, I could go to Zheng Qihang and take me to the Maternal and Child Health Hospital.

There are many dreams at night, and the sooner you "tidy" the contents of your stomach, the better.

My mother was already very suspicious of my symptoms, but fortunately I prevaricated.

I would like to thank Zheng Qihang. If it weren't for Zheng Qihang, I really don't know what to do?

Undoubtedly, he hated me. However, no matter how much he hates me, as long as I ask him, he will still help me.

He had already been to the maternal and child health hospital, and he had already found a doctor, and as soon as school started, he took me to the hospital, and everything was settled.

February 18, 1987

It's been more than a week since the start of school, and I'm in a hurry to get to the hospital, but I can't find a good time.

If you count it, the "thing" in the stomach should be more than three months old.

I can't wait any longer. I can't wait any longer!

According to the information I have consulted, the "stuff" of three months has already taken shape.

Also, my body shape has changed slightly. Now the weather is not hot, and there are still more clothes to wear, and you can still cover up, and if it continues like this, the weather will be hot, and you can't cover it up.

It must be disposed of immediately.

February 25, 1987

Oh my God, I'm going to break down. said that he would go to the hospital this Saturday, but there was news that Dong Yunhong would be arrested and sentenced at our school on Saturday.

How is this possible!

How do I deal with it?

If I don't attend the public judgment meeting and ask for leave, it will further promote the suspicion of my classmates. There have been many insinuations that I am "Ya Pear" and that I am the culprit of the tragedy.

But if I participate, will Dong Yunhong not be able to stand the stimulation and confess to me on the spot?

Oh my God, what the hell am I supposed to do?