337. The Place of Gaze (II)

The first month of the thirteenth year of Yongzheng

As in previous years, there are no surprises in this New Year, every New Year is nothing more than a pilgrimage, a banquet, and then countless flattery, endless flattery and ugliness - and this New Year makes me even more sad, the thirteenth year of Yongzheng, if I remember correctly......

I knew that the fourth elder brother would become the emperor, I knew that he would be full of blood in the future, I knew everything, but I forgot one thing - he was a human being, and he would also die, and I suddenly had to face this day when I woke up.

In the thirteenth year of Yongzheng, it seems that the Yongzheng Dynasty was really only thirteen years in my memory......

I've been living in fear all these years, I know that the seventeenth elder brother will die, but I never thought that the fourth elder brother would leave me earlier - he has always been unstoppable in my eyes, even if it is Lu Siniang, although I have always guarded against it, it is just a wild history. In addition, although he deliberately gambled that day, maybe he still recorded my words in his heart, he didn't favor Lu Siniang in the end, I only heard that he once summoned her to talk and play chess, but this reduced my worries - the palace can't carry weapons, Yongzheng's martial arts are not weak, and it is not dangerous to talk about chess in public.

Until today, until today, I heard the eunuch's decree - the thirteenth year of Yongzheng, it turns out that I have lived for so long, it turns out that living too long is not a good thing, and I will face more and more partings......

I still remember when I was just in Chaohe, I can still look at him from a distance as I did in previous years—the lines of my face are still so stiff, and my cold and hard expression has not changed for so many years, everything is the same as before.

It's just that his hair began to turn gray, and his back was a little rickety—he was old, and he had always been in good spirits, and he had to have the eunuch read it for him, because his eyes began to blur with age......

I've been running away from the entanglement between us all my life, but I can't imagine that this entanglement will be so long, so long that he is getting old, so long that it will end with his death!

"Be careful!"

My footsteps staggered, and the seventeenth elder brother helped me in time: "I don't change my habits when I'm old, I still like to stand so high to watch the snow, be careful to slide down!" ”

Am I old too?

I looked at Brother Seventeen, after years of illness and torture and the hard work of the past few years, the corners of his eyes were wrinkled early, and even his hair had a few gray hairs - my fault, he was only in his thirties, and he had already aged like this! It was I who made him a copy of another thirteenth elder brother, if it wasn't for helping me, if it wasn't for me to worry about it......

"Let's go back! You are also old, take care of yourself a little more, you are not in good health, what should you do if you catch a cold! "For him, I always stop remembering the moment when he kissed me in the Imperial Garden, and I always screamed in my heart as a child. But ignoring the passage of time, suddenly the "child" has gray hair, and suddenly the "child" is no longer young......

"You think I'm old!" He deliberately made me laugh: "Don't forget that you are two years older than me, and I don't dislike you as an old woman!" "That means how aggrieved you are!

I knew that he had seen my sadness and deliberately made me laugh, so he pretended to be very interested so that he would not worry: "Where am I old, I have only just reached my forties." Also, people are just over a year older than you, so don't exaggerate. "Once upon a time, I didn't mind the difference between the two years (because the actual age difference was more than a dozen years at all), and now, no matter how you look at it, he is older than me!

"Yes, yes, yes! Lady, you are very young, you are old for your husband, and you are not worthy of your husband for you! The seventeenth elder brother said while deliberately tickling me: "But if you dare to dislike me, you will be unlucky!" After saying that, he immediately laughed and ran away, leaving a long trail of footprints in the snow.

"Stop, you stop me!" I also pretended to forget all the troubles, and happily ran after him: "You dare to do it to me, against you!" ”

Brother Seventeen didn't run very fast, and I didn't chase it seriously, I knew he would deliberately let me catch it - from childhood to adulthood, even if it was a joke, he would let me. Sure enough, it didn't take long for me to catch up with him, and he let me tickle him, deliberately pretending that he couldn't stand the surrender: "Ah! Lady, let your husband go! ”

"Don't let it go!"

"I know, I know, of course such a good husband and lady don't want to let go!"

"Damn it, you're less stinky and beautiful!"

"Lady, you actually called your husband to die!" The voice is as aggrieved as it is!

Although I knew that he was just messing around to distract me, I regretted it as soon as I said "die" - we all knew that he would earn one more day of life now, and none of us knew that he would suddenly leave us one day, "Seventeen, I ......"

I know that you have lived a hard life all these years, and every time you fall ill, it is a kind of torture for you, but I beg you, never give up. I know I'm the most selfish woman in the world, but I just want you to be with me!

"Don't say it, listen to me!" He threw me into the snow, but turned around in mid-air, and he took all the impact himself, and let me lie on top of him: "Qiyun, I'm glad I look older than you!" ”

"Seventeen Elder Brother!" I can't imagine that what I've been sad about is actually what he expects - Brother Seventeen, in love with me, how much leeway do you leave for yourself?

"Qiyun, don't cry, I mean it!" He covered my eyes with his hands the moment I closed them: "Don't cry, this is what I have been looking forward to for many years - I am always afraid that you will think I am young, you think that I am young will stand in front of me at the moment of many things, I am always afraid that I will push me away at a critical moment." I wish I could be older than you, I could die before you, Qiyun, don't be sad, this is my long-standing wish! ”

How could I not be sad - what would have become of me if I had died first?

I can't think of a time when no one looks at me with such hot eyes, I can't think of the solid back that I can feel without looking back when I make any decisions, I know that even if I am going to be the enemy of the world, you will not turn your back on me - I am used to this, how can you be so cruel, so rash to face your own life and death?

"Qiyun, you promise me that I will die before you, just let me do it! I'm too cowardly, I can't stand the pain of losing you, but you're strong, and if I die, you must live well! ”

Seventeenth brother, do you say this because you feel something? That's why you deliberately used this way to comfort me, are you afraid that I will do something stupid?

"I promise you......"

Brother Seventeen, I have never reassured you in my life, can this lie reassure you?

Looking at the majestic Heart Cultivation Hall over there—he was inside, but I didn't even have the courage to look at him again. I couldn't tell him, he was dying; And in the face of him, I can't face the guilt of hiding the news of his death.

One last glance, I wonder if our eyes will unexpectedly look at each other?

The seventh day of the first month of the thirteenth year of Yongzheng. Prince Guoyi's Mansion

When the seventeenth elder brother came back, he fell ill, with a high fever, coughing so much that even his voice seemed to be torn apart. Only then did I know why he said such strange things that day - it turned out that his health was getting worse and worse these days, he knew it himself, and the imperial doctor also knew, but he only hid it from me!

Only then did I know that his condition had gradually improved in the past few years, and he pretended to make me happy, and he forced himself to realize this lie step by step. He knew that I had a lot of fears in my heart, and even if he didn't know how to help me, he hoped that he could ease some of the burden for me.

However, the day when the lie was finally exposed again, it was hard for me to imagine that he was already deeply unwell that day, but he insisted on accompanying me into the palace because he noticed my abnormality. It hurts to think that he is actually suppressing the pain and frolicking with me in the snow, and using every bit of effort to act in my eyes—I think of how many scenes he has done this in the past few years, and how much bitterness he has secretly swallowed, in order to give me an illusion and make me a little happier, and I want to kill myself-

Why, even with all my efforts, I still can't save him, and I still have to watch him suffer—why is it a torture to love each other?

Is it because I'm not qualified to love someone, or do I really not know how to be nice to someone? Why did he still suffer for me in the few years he had left?

"Qiyun, I'm just typhoid fever, you don't have to worry too much, my old illness is much better. It's all me who accidentally made you worried! ”

Why lie to me? Why are you still putting all the blame on yourself? I really wanted to put my arms around your neck and ask loudly, but when I saw your pale face, even though I frowned in pain, I still stared at my concerned gaze - I can't say what I questioned, I can't bear to blame you for anything, I can only blame myself for it!

But now I can't even let you see the self-blame!

"Gege, Your Majesty is invited!" Leaning on the head of the seventeenth elder brother's bed and pretending to sleep-I can't close my eyes at all that I'm worried about now, but I heard Yinzhen's message that he wants to see me.

"Don't go!" Staring at Brother Seventeen's chapped lips, I don't want to go anywhere now.

"Gege, you didn't arrive on the day of the second family banquet, Your Majesty is worried about you, a hundred operas are staged in the palace today, Your Majesty is worried that you will be too sad, so you will ......" This father-in-law means that I am too pampered and arrogant, and I don't know how to lift.

"I won't go!" If it weren't for the fear of disturbing the seventeenth elder brother, I would have beaten this eyeless dog slave out directly: "Go back and tell your majesty, I'm tired and can't go." My father-in-law is here to preach, not to teach people, you can take my words back. ”

"You-" Although this father-in-law is just a eunuch beside the emperor, he can be regarded as enjoying all the flattery on weekdays, but he didn't expect to meet a super iron plate like me today. "I don't know how to lift! No decency! ”

"Well, you just need to reply truthfully."

I stared blankly at Brother Seventeen, I didn't know at that time that I had lost the last chance to see him, and I still broke his heart in our last transaction......