I don't remember how long it had been since I saw Tomie, it seemed like a long time, and it seemed like she had been there all along. www.biquge.info I don't understand more and more about the relationship between Tomie and "E", and I don't know more and more about the relationship between her and the final weapon, and the relationship that existed in the past apocalyptic fantasy seems to have traveled through time and space, to this world, and through the division of the world, and it is also vaguely displayed in the reality of the hospital. Tomie is the person I love, my wife, and a part of those intricate feelings, and I can't completely ignore her, but every time I understand her a little more, the part I don't understand becomes larger, and the part that I don't understand swells faster than the part that I understand, and eventually, even what she really is, becomes ambiguous.

In my hallucinations, in my imagination, in my diary, in my observations, she was not always there, but, deep down, she did never leave...... So, here's the question: does she really live in my reality? So, where is my reality? Is it reality when I can actually observe her, or is it when the vague hint proves that she "doesn't exist" that I live in reality?

If...... If...... There is a world that only I can feel, only I can see, and there are people who can actually communicate with me only in such a world, so is this the real world? Is this a real person?

I can't give an exact answer to these questions.

Tomie, in a world that is becoming more and more ambiguous and suggestive to me, but never gives me an accurate answer, has never disappeared. From this point of view, she is indeed one of the most common references I use when judging myself and the outside world.

I think this is the most incomprehensible thing for all those who don't admit that Tomie exists, as Dr. Nguyen Le said...... Ah, I am also getting more and more confused about which of the Dr. Nguyen Le I have seen, who have given me a lot of advice, and who continue to support me, which are the real Dr. Nguyen Lê, and which are the hallucinatory Dr. Nguyen Lê.

After all, does Dr. Nguyen Le really exist? Is she really dead?

No, I couldn't think any more - I endured the pain of my brain, trying not to leave a mark on my face. This is the pain of thinking, although painful but not to think, in thinking, things will cross the boundary between the real and the illusory, and even the science that was firmly believed in in the past is full of doubts, full of falsifications, no matter how profound or superficial the theory seems, it is not "completely correct" in the end.

Painful, so painful.

The world without truth is so painful, so people chase the truth, an absolute truth that can explain everything, and as long as you believe it, you can apply it, and you don't have to think about it anymore. I think that from this perspective, it is becoming more and more understandable why the "doomsday truth" is spreading. And this understanding makes me wonder more and more whether I have been captured by the truth of the end times.

If there is anything that makes me still insist that I am not a believer in the Doctrine of Doomsday Shinrikyo, it must be because the world of the end is the truth and it is painful.

In the world where the truth of the end of the world I have seen is rampant, there are symbols of "viruses", all standing on the verge of the end of the world, all in madness and despair. My loved ones are suffering, and countless others are suffering, and this torture comes full circle and back to square one, and they can't get rid of it -- that's what makes me feel the most pain, what makes me sad the most, and what makes me deny all of this.

Yes...... Yes, just like now, I can't stop thinking. Even if you keep telling yourself that you can't continue to think, you can't continue to doubt deeply, you can't stop.

The "I" named Takakawa is inflated, and if you think about it deeply, you will go crazy.

Even so, it can't be stopped. My Plans...... My Plans...... The plan to end it all......

"Are you alright? Achuan, you look miserable. Tomie's voice dragged me back from the fall of the dark abyss. I shouldn't have shown any flaws, I've been through so many things, even if I'm actually in a trance, no one should be able to tell from my expression that something is wrong.

"Is Mr. Takakawa injured?" The sound of the bow came from the other side. The lines of her face and body are a little distorted, and the color of her whole person is a little blurred...... I guess I'm hallucinating again.

It doesn't matter, I've been used to it for a long time, and I've expected it for a long time.

"It's fine. It's just a little disgusting. I said.

"Disgusting? To what? Tomie asked, and he looked puzzled, and then he didn't know what to show a vigilant expression, as if the enemy was hiding beside him.

"Well...... There will always be times when people are disgusted with everything around them. Even the most robot-like people have an emotional side, and that's what people are. I explained vaguely. I don't think I should have said the word "disgusting" before, because it was really not just "disgusting".

"Well, it's okay, it's understandable, because Achuan is a patient." Tomie said with a hearty smile.

He obviously showed a stunned expression: "Mr. Takakawa...... Is it a patient? ”

"This is a disease that only people with bad brains and people with good brains can commit." Tomie said in a teasing tone, still holding my shoulders and pressing them against my neck, squeezing over with his plump body as usual, without care, with a grinning expression on his face, and his fingers pointed at my temples, "However, if it weren't for this disease, we wouldn't have met." So, don't be afraid, Achuan, don't be afraid, no matter when, no matter what the situation, I will be by your side, I will always be there. ”

"Ah...... Well...... That's right. I smiled wryly, Tomie's interest was always so high, her attitude was always so cheerful, and I had never seen her lost appearance. Her immeasurable strength and unpredictability make her look always a way for me to describe as "the calm of a strong man" when I write my diary.

However, even such Tomie will have a certain hint of vagueness in some of the few words.

"However, if Mr. Takakawa is really sick, it is better to see a doctor early." The answer is so ordinary and simple, but in such an environment, under such conditions, in the world of unreasonable and incomprehensible things, it seems a little harsh.

"It's okay, I've already seen a doctor." I say.

It's just that even doctors can't do anything.

Tomie just smiled, smiling heartily as always.

He sensitively raised his head and glanced at the still tall door, as if he had just reacted, and said in surprise, "Ms. Tomie, you opened the door from the outside?" Then he looked at me with suspicion.

"How?" I don't know what she's trying to say.

"Huh?" Tomie also had a puzzled expression.

"Mr. Takakawa said so many strange and mysterious things before, but didn't someone open the door outside?" He said loudly, "It has nothing to do with intuition, Mr. Takakawa just sensed that someone was coming to open the door—and he didn't feel that it was Ms. Tomie coming." ”

"Aha...... Well...... "I didn't expect Ji to think like this, but this is a relatively normal idea, anyway, I said so much before, and I didn't have the idea that she had to accept it, so at this time, I didn't want to defend it, "All in all, we came out, and the result was right." ”

"Yes, yes, but it's luck." He complained a little, "If Ms. Tomie hadn't come, Mr. Takakawa wouldn't have been able to open this door from the inside, right?" It can be seen here that the core of the line is completely on the side of the door, and the door can only be opened in one direction. ”

"......" I smiled inwardly. Did I sense that Tomie would come, or was it because I wanted her to come? Did I want the door to open, so Tomie came here to open it, or did I have a premonition that Tomie would appear and open the door at this time? For now, though, the result is the same – we pass through the door. If you just want to get the answer of the moment, then it is enough to accept the result.

"Again, we're lucky. For people like us, luck is very important. I deliberately replied in a light-hearted tone.

"Ahh Now that I think about it, the mysterious things that Mr. Takakawa said before are not logical at all. Her head seemed to be aching, and she pressed her temples and grumbled.

"Well, then, it's time for us to say goodbye." Tomie and I looked at each other, smiled at each other, and said this to each other.

"Huh?" It took a second or two late to react, showing a surprised expression, "Mr. Takakawa...... You ......"

"I don't have anything more to help you. And, regardless of our positions, our goals are opposite. Remember what I said to you earlier? That's not a lie. "I mean something, but I probably can't fully understand it.

"But, but...... It's too fast, we can still walk together......" He said, suddenly showing a sudden expression, looking around at the scenery behind the door, "What kind of place is this?" Where are you going? ”

"I don't know, I'm still in the ruling bureau anyway, I just don't know which area I've arrived in. And I can't tell you where our next destination is. In short, there will probably be a different road, but we will meet again on the same battlefield after all. I smiled calmly, and I knew I could only smile.

“…… But I don't know where I'm going and which direction is the right one? He looked confused. After Tomie and I left, if she still can't get in touch with her companions, then she'll have to continue to fight alone. With a future at stake, no clear clues, the enemy is hidden somewhere, a deadly pursuit that may occur at any time, and this vast, desolate and cold world...... She's going to be alone with all of this.

I'm sympathetic to what she's going through, but it's a journey that every occultist is bound to go through. Occultists can also come in groups, but, more often than not, they are always lonely...... A person has to face the weirdness of suddenly killing himself at some point. Only by surviving the danger of feeling cold sweat when I recalled later, arriving at the final battlefield, and defeating the culprit for a while, can I gain some peace, but I have to imagine that the temporary peace I have obtained is just a subtle corner of the world that has gone mad, and the greater waves have been formed outside of my vision, and the peace I have at this time will also be destroyed by the terrible waves.

The momentary calm is more like an anomaly in the madness and despair that I don't see, but that absolutely exists.

The so-called "victory" is an illusion, the so-called "business as usual" is an illusion, and living in such a world is unfortunate in itself.

Even so, smile.

I can only smile.

"Laugh, huh." I said to her, "What can you do without smiling at such times?" You shouldn't choose to make a bitter face or cry your nose, right? ”

"When, of course!" He replied loudly.

As the volume increased, she seemed to be in good spirits. For me, that's the best goodbye. I couldn't help but reach out and touch her head, but she avoided it vigilantly, and she wasn't very happy with my action. The way she looked at me, there was no lack of vigilance. I can understand that, because I said to her before that I want to meet the monsters in the collective human subconscious, it is an indisputable fact that there is an opposition between us, and no matter how her attitude changes, this opposition is never gone.

I can be kind to her, and she can be equally unacceptable. Compared to the other me, the other Takakawa, I am still a strange enemy to her after all--this is good, this is good.

"Goodbye." As I spoke, I took Tomie's hand and casually swept in one direction, and the invisible high-speed passage passed through one dark corner after another as far as my eye could see, all the way to the distance beyond my sight.

As in the past, I jumped into it with Tomie, and then, in less than a second, the gate more than 300 meters high, and the door standing by the door, all disappeared without a trace like a fleeting bubble.

When I stopped, the sound of an air raid siren came from out of nowhere in the vast cluster of cold, hard buildings. However, I am sure that something important was happening somewhere where Tomie and I had landed at this time.

"What's next? Achuan. Tomie suddenly asked me, and she seemed to have just come looking for me, never thinking about what she was going to do when she found me.