Gao Chuan is not a genius, I have known this kind of thing for a long time, Gao Chuan is a stupid, immature high school student, and in the world, he is also the most ordinary student, even if he is reduced to a certain city in China, he can only be regarded as an ordinary honor student. Its level of excellence may not have reached the general level of the top students of the elite school, and before obtaining the magic pattern, its talent can only be used as an honest student in a corner. Even if he obtains the magic pattern and develops an extraordinary talent such as chain judgment, his original inherent quality is only at the level of being an honor student. The power brought by the magic pattern is like amplifying and developing on the original basis, but the original foundation also limits the foundation for future development - not that it cannot reach the same height as a genius, but in the same time and the same effort, it will only get farther and farther away from the real genius.

Yes, even if you think that as long as you can improve yourself, you will definitely be able to reach the height of a certain genius, but the time that people have is limited, and the height that cannot be reached in a limited time is just a delusion. More often than not, people have less time to increase themselves than they think they have, not because life is limited, but because they are debilitating.

Getting old will be debilitating.

Being sick is also debilitating.

Emotional instability can be debilitating.

An imbalance in reason can also be debilitating.

These debilitations will occur much earlier than death.

Therefore, Gao Chuan, who is not a genius, cannot get the same harvest as a genius at the same time and with the same effort. Even if you go with good luck in true genius. No, in the eyes of real monsters, it's just "barely".

Boring, ordinary, barely enough, so-so. It's not bad, it's ok...... I've heard this kind of description more than once, and each time I think, "Ah, that's the most accurate description of myself."

So, when Youjiang, who is a monster, said to me: I thought I was bored, but after the fight, I unexpectedly felt that it seemed to be a little underestimating - this made me somewhat happy. As for whether she really has these emotions, whether she really thinks so. Whether it's a cynicism or not, I don't care about it. Because, my brain capacity is too small, even if I have some psychological knowledge, I have been applying this knowledge and common sense to judge the situation and recognize the meaning of others, but it is still very cramped in the face of such a monster whose existence is difficult to understand. to people at the time. I can't even fully judge the other party's true intentions when it comes to monsters. Where do you get so much leisure? If I could, of course, I would prefer to concentrate on the simpler fighting, but my mind was often uncontrollable, and even if I felt that I should be more restrained, I couldn't really do it.

So. Although I claim to like to think, in fact, it is largely due to the fact that I have to think, and I have to diverge my mental activities like rhapsodies, conjectures, and fantasies. Barely confined to a confinement in relation to the object in front of you, otherwise, these thoughts will only spread aimlessly, further affecting their own state of movement.

I don't think anyone likes to think about unanswered questions, and no one wants to use their own limit state to grudgingly face a dilemma that is almost beyond their own talents. However, when you really have to face these dilemmas, it is no longer a question of liking it or not, whether you want it or not.

I had to stand here, I had to look at Youjiang, listen to her every word, guess every message she revealed, and connect with every potential possibility. It's hard and painful.

I'm stupid, and in the adventures of these days, there are so many paradoxical and unclear things piled up in my head, however, it is not okay to ignore them, and there is no way to escape them, because these are already happening to me, and they are a given result. So, even if I barely bothered to, I'm here, and I'm here at this moment, and I'm having to think about what other people see as "unnecessary."

It's really embarrassing.

Really confused.

Everyone I met was hurt, but until then, I was no different from the victims. In the end, the reason why there are so many people who can fight, but in the end, I am the only one left, is simply because I value this moment more than them, and I also have the strength to barely participate in it.

From this point of view, I would like to be grateful for this kind of "reluctance", because maybe in some places, there are some people who can't participate in it because they don't even have the strength to "barely work".

Therefore, from this experience, I have gained a truth: the so-called "reluctantly", "okay", and "ordinary" are not necessarily derogatory terms, but the minimum of a higher standard, and more often, can even be regarded as a compliment, an accident, and an acknowledgement. For me, who is not a genius, it is the basis for me to do more.

Actually, I'm a bit of a lucky person. I thought so.

"yes, it can make you happy, even if it's a clown." I didn't take my eyes off Youjiang's face at all. Her severed arm had recovered, but the fallen wrist was still in my hand, "Even if it's reluctant, you can do something." ”

"That's right." Youjiang seems to be interested in talking, maybe procrastinating for time, but for me, time is also important, whether she really wants this time to talk or not, I value this time more than she does, "So, let's eat." She said.

"Eat?" I do not quite understand.

"In order to make me more pleasant......" Youjiang's smile is what people describe as the devil's smile, sharp, like mockery, with extreme malice, as soon as you see it, people feel that it will not be a good thing, and it will often develop into a worse situation than you imagined, but you have to do it, and the other party seems to see through the fate of this moment. It's like flipping through a story and teasing the characters in it. I saw it, and her gaze fell on her severed right palm that I had caught. I immediately understood what she meant, but I didn't think I should be surprised.

"Eat it. Eat my right hand. You Jiang brushed away his long hair in front of his face, revealing his empty left eye. It was an indescribable "hollow", a deep, dark hole that seemed to hide many things, "I allow you to eat it." Once you've eaten it, you're no longer barely reluctant. ”

What is difficult for ordinary people to accept at all, but in Youjiang's mouth, it is as usual.

"But if you eat my right hand, you still can't kill me." You Jiang grinned, "I'll come back with a mouthful." Eat your body, gouge out your eye, your left eye. It's the left eye, not all of it, but your left eye, which is set into this socket. She pointed to the hole in her left eye.

"Left eye? Why the left eye? I asked rhetorically, and when she showed her left eye, I felt that something was wrong. For others, the left eye is meaningless, but. For me, the left eye means a lot. On this left eye, there are many stories about the "river", and in a sense, this left eye is more likely to be regarded as a certain active embodiment of the "river". My left eye is not mine, but "Jiang", gouging out the pain of my left eye. It's still in my memory, and I can't remember the details of the scene at that time, and Mae's face has become very blurry, but. Only this left eye, as in the past, with convulsions and pain, made me clearly remember its existence and abnormality.

I don't think it's pointless for Right Jiang to mention his left eye at this time.

It's just-

"I don't know." Youjiang replied without thinking, "Although I don't know, I just want this left eye very much." It's not a collector's item, although the urge is getting stronger and stronger, but I don't think I can take it by force, why do you think it's why? Takakawa. ”

I didn't speak, just stared into her empty left eye socket.

"Maybe......" Youjiang laughed again, "that was my left eye, but I don't know when, under what circumstances, and why it was on you." However, I already know your information, and although you are here, in fact, outside the repeater, in London, there is also a Takakawa. Your existence is obviously not normal, and you are not at all the person you think you are an independent being. Ah, is that so? I see, it must be like this, you, just a puppet who thinks you are human. She looked away, as if looking at something in the distance, and said to herself: "No, you don't seem to be stupid enough to be that point, so maybe you also realize that you are not a normal existence, so all your actions are based on the premise that you are abnormal?" ”

With that, she looked at me again and asked, "Hey, clown, Takakawa, what do you think you are?" Is it human? Is it a monster? Or is it just a pile of residues? At this point, it was as if she was telling a joke, but even she was moved by the joke, and she hugged her belly and laughed wildly, but I didn't think what the laughter of these words was. Her words and actions sent chills to me, but I felt that I hadn't wavered, but simply because of the horror behind her unscrupulousness. I already have my own answer to her question, which is the answer that I have thought about and obtained countless times, but after countless times of self-doubt, I have thought about it again and again and determined it.

"I'm not a human, I'm not a monster, I'm not a dregs." I said that I had come to a conclusion, maybe not the most correct conclusion, but it was a conclusion that never wavered in the midst of repeated doubts, "I am nothing, I am Takakawa." ”

"......" Youjiang's laughter stopped, and her deep gaze seemed to penetrate my soul, "It seems that you have a different idea of what Gao Chuan is. ”

"Takakawa is Takakawa." However, I am also very aware that for me, the so-called "Gao Chuan" is no longer an independent personality, but a more highly conceptualized, complex and cohesive symbol. He can have an infinite number of self-perceptions, countless personalities, different thoughts, means, and principles of behavior, but no matter whether Takakawa is a human or a monster, a person, or a thing, he must shoulder the same responsibility, the same desire, and the end of his thinking and action is the same goal.

Gao Chuan is nothing, Gao Chuan is Gao Chuan, I am Gao Chuan - this kind of answer seems unreasonable, does not seek to understand, is not clear, is unreasonable, is unreasonable, and is secretive, but, in my heart, it is the best and most correct answer. No matter what other people think of me and "Takakawa", that's how I see me and "Takakawa" like this. There is no need at all, to divide different Gao Chuan and these ambiguous things into a coherent level.

"So, what the hell is Takakawa?" Youjiang asked again, and she seemed to be really confused. But I don't understand what is confusing about this, I feel that my words, although they are a murky expression, cover all the meanings I want to express in the murky. If I don't understand, I'm not going to explain more.

Besides, I don't think Youjiang is really confused. Confusion should not appear in a monster like Youjiang at all, no, perhaps it should be said that Youjiang will not be confused, all emotional manifestations are just a disguise. My instincts told me that it wasn't my bias, it was the truth - in fact, Youe knew what I was saying and what I was trying to express. She teased me like a clown, with deep malice.

And I never intended to follow in her footsteps.

The content of the conversation itself was not the real purpose of the conversation to me at all, but judging from Youjiang's performance, she wanted my left eye, but it was something that I had to believe. She exists as Youjiang, and when I observe her so closely, she is independent from Mae, Tomoe, and Zuojiang, and although she is independent, she receives the same information feedback at a deeper level, and then produces thoughts and behaviors that are more in line with Youjiang's existence—this is how I perceive her. (To be continued.) )