Dr. Nguyen Li's answer made me wonder about the strange sources of the nightmares - were they all really the result of the sick consciousness of the patients on the peninsula? Although Dr. Nguyen Le said that it is normal for patients to hallucinate and conjecture, such symptoms are not common to every mentally ill person. The patients are not dying, they are just lacking in vitality, is it really just because they are all having nightmares? The new drug is a semi-finished product in the research and development process of "Paradise", and its most important ingredient is Claudia White, and Dr. Ruan Li and the seminar believe that Claudia White has an innate effect that affects people's spirits, and it can make people behave normally on the surface, but the source of the behavior, which comes from the cause of the spiritual level, is some kind of abnormality. In theory, new drugs have a similar effect.

All the mentally ill people who take the new medicine seem to be lacking in vitality, just numb, instinctive, and mechanically maintaining the most basic daily necessities, just like the patients I saw in my ward, and their spirits are very active in nightmares. To put it simply, they were all "sleepwalking" and did not wake up from a nightmare on a mental level - such a possibility exists.

However, I subconsciously sensed that there was something inconsistent with this inference. What worries me the most is that the number of patients taking the new drug @ "is actually not much, and the weirdness in the nightmare is several times the number of patients, excluding the crazy people in the residential areas I have seen, the embodiment and presentation of those weirdness are too diverse to match my observation of all the patients in the Peninsula Psychiatric Hospital, who are currently in contact.

Can the pathologies and imaginations of a dozen or dozens of patients constitute such a crazy, weird, and deep nightmare scene?

I don't think it's impossible.

Rather than the patients taking the new medication that make up the nightmare, I prefer to believe that the patient taking the new medication is only part of the nightmare. Or, what they constitute is just an entrance to the nightmare, an introduction to the nightmare event, or a shelter that is slightly more normal than the whole nightmare realm. And even more. In fact, this nightmare has been there for a long time, and it is only with these mentally ill people who take new drugs that they are observed.

If this nightmare of the deepest night has long existed, then it is certainly possible that the basis of this nightmare is not limited to this peninsula psychiatric hospital. It was only because of the perception of the patients who had taken the new medicine that the nightmare part had become a similar environment to that of the peninsula. Thus, it can explain what is currently encountered in the nightmare. Those paradoxical scenes, full of immediacy and visual environment, even seem to be closely related to the patients of the Peninsula Psychiatric Hospital, but it is confined to the patients and feel incongruous.

In this way, the existence of the old Hawke and the humanoid "system" is even more questionable. It is possible that the objects represented by the two, including the concept of the "deepest night" that has been stored in nightmares, were not created by the mysterious organization. The mysterious organization that is taking advantage of this nightmare is not the creator of the nightmare, but a group of invaders. It's just that. They discover and unearth the strange and mysterious phenomena that exist in the nightmare, and then cooperate with their own mysteries. constitutes the plan that is currently underway.

Of course, it is possible that the "seal" left by Old Hawke on me is not the work of a mysterious organization, but only a congenital limitation in a nightmare, and this restriction is valid for all "outsiders". However, I still think that whether this restriction is the work of a mysterious organization or not. Its existence is beneficial to the power of organization, and has a great clamping effect on the individual amount, thus satisfying the needs of the mysterious organization.

If the "Deepest Night" was not created by the Occult Organization, but merely the Occult Organisation intended to use the Deepest Night to complete a ritual promoted by tacit understanding, then. What was the original meaning of "Deepest Night"? What does it reflect more realistically?

These questions were pressed on my mind. There's a lot of information that's missing, and there's no doubt that the mysterious organization that entered the nightmare earlier must have found more things and took them for themselves, without leaving too many clues for those who came after. The same is true of the Tower, where the occult organization that had taken a step earlier had scoured everything they could find, anything they thought useful, and then left traps and caretakers on each level. I may not be able to get more information from the Tower, and if I want to know more, I will have to find these mysterious organizations in the nightmares.

Despite this conjecture, the actual result must be proved step by step on the top of the tower. If I'm lucky, or unlucky, then I might find something that the occult organization ignores, that is confined to itself and cannot be observed. It could be very evil and critical, but it could also be just something boring.

"How many people are taking the new medicine?" I asked.

"No more than fifty on the surface." "However, the seminar has the right to increase the number of participants at any time. ”

"I met Marceau and something seemed wrong with her." I say.

"She's always been in a terrible mental state." Dr. Nguyen Li was not surprised and said calmly, "The effect of the new drug on her is obvious, but in my opinion, except for the tranquilizing effect, it is all side effects...... " She paused and said, "This is just my opinion." "I know what Dr. Nguyen Le is saying that it is possible that the seminar may instead view Marceau's current condition as a benign reaction, or that although there are many adverse effects, those side effects are worth it compared to what they consider to be "benign" in her.

To make matters worse, Dr. Nguyen Le only had the right to supervise me, not the other patients. With the permission of Marceau's nominal guardian, she will need to take the seminar's new medication further. And this new drug is unqualified in the eyes of Dr. Nguyen Li.

"What about the patients other than me and Marceau?" I couldn't help but ask.

"Two of them had a significant rejection reaction last night." Dr. Nguyen Le said: "Moreover, the mental state has also suddenly deteriorated. I think that the change of those two people can be a wake-up call for the seminar, and it is precisely because they are unable to follow through on the bottom line that they decided in the first place that they will lead to such a bad result. I have contacted some people to reiterate the minimum criteria for side effects of medications. I have a hunch. If they keep lowering this bar, even if they do eventually develop a paradise, it will definitely not be the paradise that everyone wanted in the first place. ”

"How sure are you?" I asked rhetorically.

"It's a pity." Dr. Nguyen Li's calm face showed a slight hint of fatigue. Clearly, she was not confident enough to reverse the current practice. For the stubbornness of the seminar. She saw it as the result of being influenced by Claudia White. White Claudia is using the hand of the seminar to make humanity fall into the abyss, but unfortunately, the person concerned is not aware of it, and even if he faces the warning, he will only be subconsciously rejected and ignored by the other party.

"The only way to do this is to try to see if we can complete the original vision of the paradise before that mutated paradise is studied." Dr. Nguyen Le said, "Fortunately. Not all participants in the workshop were affected. ”

"I'm worried about you, Mom." I couldn't help but say, "If those people are really affected and break through the lower limit, there is a good chance that they will hurt you." ”

"I know, I've already started to prepare. Now, I need your help, Achuan. Dr. Nguyen Li said cautiously: "The communication channel between you and me has been specially encrypted, but it is still not enough insurance. I'll let you know by other means. Be prepared to leave the peninsula at any time. Right now. I give you a map of the entire peninsula and psychiatric hospitals. Although the journal you write is full of fantasies, what you gain from these hallucinations is not just a false experience. I can trust you on some of the most basic self-preservation, right? Achuan. ”

"Of course, Mom." I nodded vigorously.

"So. This time is also a test of adventure. Dr. Nguyen Le said, "But you have to remember. Achuan, in the story you wrote, you are the main character, so. You can do anything. But this time, the situation you're going to face is absolutely real, and you won't be omnipotent. Suppose you fail, you will suffer the most real punishment. Don't take the current situation as if it were all stories you've imagined. ”

"I know." I've always been serious, both in the hallucination in Dr. Nguyen Li's eyes and in the reality of Dr. Nguyen Lê right now. I didn't think a crisis would have hurt me a long time ago just because it was a "nightmare" and a "hallucination" that it wouldn't really hurt me. On the contrary, for occult experts, whether it is a nightmare or a hallucination, as long as the "mysterious" exists, any strangeness is dangerous, not an imaginary danger, but a danger that will be experienced firsthand.

In the distant past, dying in "nightmares" and "hallucinations" and dying in "reality" can already be equated in the eyes of occult experts.

So, whether it's a hallucination or not, whether it's a nightmare or not, I've always given it my all.

Dr. Nguyen Lê's concerns are unwarranted. I don't take the "nightmare" as a joke, nor do I think of this repeater world as "illusory".

After the communication ended, Dr. Nguyen Le transmitted a map of the entire peninsula and the psychiatric hospital to my mobile phone as promised. I compared it with the information on the wall, and then sorted it out again, adding more accurate geographical factors. Dr. Nguyen Li's concerns are not unfounded, and from my point of view, the crisis she feels is actually a fateful and inevitable crisis. However, it is precisely because of these bad situations in advance that in my heart, I have already had a set of self-insurance plans to ensure that if I fail, I can also take Dr. Nguyen Li and Marceau with me.

In addition to trying to prevent the situation here from developing in the worst direction, it is also to further refine the plan for self-preservation in terms of details.

After noon, the experts involved in the seminar came downstairs in vehicles. Not all specialists, according to Dr. Nguyen Lê, can choose the number of patients they want to observe, which can be one of them, or more, and generally have quite full autonomy. Of course, the people who came to my side this time were experts who wanted to obtain information about my condition. They brought me new medications, gave me medical check-ups and conversations. Although the focus of their research is on me, it is also necessary to conduct a check-up for patients in the entire ward.

There are only five experts in total, two men and three women, and only Mitsui Tsukao knows one person. However, they all greeted me as if they were very familiar with me, probably in the three days since I was lost.

I approached them with considerable caution and learned from Mitsui Tsukao about the fortune teller and fitness instructor. They had read the report written by Dr. Nguyen Li. I thought my condition was too complicated, so I chose someone else who theoretically had a more pronounced therapeutic effect. After all, for these experts, it is not the result that I observe the patient, and finally write a well-reasoned article. Papers that have been tested by examples are the ultimate goal of this event.

"So, why did you choose my side?" As I asked, I sketched the answer on a mental questionnaire. The five experts who decided to come to my side not only have a common inspection process, but also have their own test items. I had to complete five questionnaires with different topics and receive very personalized inquiries from five experts. Some of the topics and problems do not belong to the scope of psychology textbooks, but are recognized by them in their studies. I can figure out the problem of patient changes in the shortest time. The focus of these issues is, of course, different. When talking to me, the tone of voice, the pace of speech, the choice of words, the questions and answers, and even the physical movements of some details are different.

Of course, they also brought in enough new drugs for all the patients in the ward.

They asked me to answer all the questions they asked, although sometimes "silence" was an answer. But they don't seem to have considered the "silence" option in their question design. And for my question. They will answer selectively, and I can hear what they are thinking.

Although they have come to me to collect the number of jù and package it in some beautiful language, I also have a certain degree of psychological attainment, and I also know how to use guò words to exacerbate their feelings in conversation. Dig into the information you want. Although they are also called "experts", not every expert can completely arm themselves with their own theoretical knowledge, and not everyone can arm themselves with their own psychological construction and psychological defense. All of them can reach the level of Dr. Nguyen Li.

In the mutual temptation of words, these experts clearly showed resistance and vigilance. They stared at me with strange eyes, clearly aware of my small movements. My intuition is that among these five "experts", Mitsukasu's level is actually at the forefront. My familiarity with him is actually a breakthrough that the other party is trying to take advantage of.

"There's no need to be like a hedgehog, Takakawa." Mitsukasuo spread out his hand, said in a helpless tone, "We want to help you." If you cooperate, we can make an accurate report that will determine which medication you should take. ”

But the problem is that I trust Dr. Nguyen Le more than the seminar.

"You are here for treatment, I heard Dr. Ruan Li say that you would like to return to a normal life, but if you do not cooperate and make a diagnosis in the end, it may worsen your condition." One expert said in a cautious tone: "I heard Dr. Nguyen Le say that if you understand some psychological knowledge and related diagnostic treatments, then you should also understand that the most important relationship between patients and doctors is trust." I hope you can trust us. ”

"How do you know that I don't trust you? I accept all of your inquiries and write all of your questionnaires. I replied.

"The question is whether your answer comes from your heart." Another expert said.

"How do you know that my answer is not sincere?" I asked rhetorically.

"Such quibbles are very uninteresting." The expert rubbed his temples and looked irritated, "If you need proof......

"Your answers are all too normal." Another expert rushed to say very bluntly: "That's the standard answer for normal people, but obviously, if you're a normal person, you don't need to sit here, do you?" I have heard that you have always admitted that you are a mentally ill person, and Dr. Nguyen Li's report confirms this, that your mental state is very abnormal. ”

"From the normal answers, find out the abnormal doubts. It's your job, not mine. I said nonchalantly, "I think you should redesign the questionnaire and the questions." You think my answers are too standard, why not because your questions are too standard? ”

The five experts looked at each other, looking a little dejected.

"Well, if you insist." The experts stood up and said to me, "That's all for today. We'll come back tomorrow, and I'm sure you'll open your mouth. Please remember to take your medicine, and if you feel uncomfortable, please tell us tomorrow. Some of these medications are specially formulated based on the results of your examination, but because you do not cooperate, there is a possibility that they will cause large side effects. ”

"Are you threatening me?" I asked.

"No, I just hope—" he said in an accentuated tone, "I hope you will cooperate with us." We are not here to poison you, but to cure you. ”

"Healed? Do you think you're better than my mom? I said calmly.

The expert was silent, and after a while, he said, "Maybe I'll be luckier than her." To be honest, I have read part of your medical report from Dr. Nguyen Li, and I chose you because I know what your condition is. ”

"So, has anyone sued you? Shouldn't a doctor speak to a patient in such a resentful tone? I smiled and replied, "You chose me, which means you need me, not that I need you." It has nothing to do with me being a patient and you being a doctor. Patients need the help of a doctor, and it is not always right. ”

The expert wanted to say something, but he seemed to gradually understand my hints, and his eyes couldn't help but widen. Immediately after, other experts, including Mitsui Tsukao, also seemed to understand something, and they looked at each other.

Yes, although I admit that I am mentally ill, I never feel that I need a psychiatrist, and I need to adjust my thinking and observations according to the psychologist. I may be abnormal, but I can't get out of it, or rather, I don't want to run away from it. In the face of this kind of abnormal qiē, I have my own thoughts, my own responses, and this qiē constitutes myself at this moment. I've always recognized myself standing here in this form at this moment.

Yes, the most important thing is whether you recognize yourself or not.

I can say with great certainty that I have suffered, saddened, died, lived, been thinking stupidly, struggling, trying but not getting the results I wanted, and never seeing a clear future, but I have never denied my existence, and deeply recognized what I have done.

I'm Takakawa. Everything I do, what I think and think, proves that I am Gao Chuan. I recognize such Gao Chuan, and I recognize such myself.

So, even in the face of the deepest fears, darkness and despair, I couldn't tell where the illusion was and where the truth was, I never felt pain and sorrow, and never lost hope.

I am a mentally ill person, and the world I see is different from ordinary people, but I don't need a psychiatrist, because, no matter where I am, what I see, or what I endure, I have always worked hard and never given up. I don't need the world in the eyes of others, because I have never seen the world in the eyes of others. They say they are normal, but this normality also contains their own pain and struggle. So, what is the difference between such them and the sick me?

Yes, like the experts in front of me, they are working hard, they want to treat me, they want to correct me, and I recognize this effort, no matter how personal it is. But if I am "cured" by them and become what they approve of, and what I expect cannot be obtained from the world they approve, isn't that also a failure for me?

I knew what I wanted, and I used that to sift through the path. In their "normality", there is no zài salvation. Therefore, I refuse.

I watched the experts ride away, turned my eyes back to the medicine box, and now, I was going to take the medicine, and I knew that these medicine would never save me. (To be continued......)