We looked at the slowly opening gate, and a glimmer of light burst into the center line of the gate more than 300 meters high. Although it is not dark in the pipes www.biquge.info of Pen, Fun, and Pavilion, the world outside this door seems to be brighter. The bright midline, which grows with the opening of the door, even strikes me a little bit. I can't imagine what the world behind this door is like, although I have been walking in the pipe, it does not mean that there is still a continuation of the pipe behind this door, even if it is the end of this pipe, it does not mean that there will still be a wider field of view to observe more pipes. Maybe there will be an enemy right outside the door, maybe not so quickly, but in short, even if you are used to imagining it from the worst angle, there are all kinds of possibilities. I sometimes think that it is a possibility that is greater than the possibilities of human beings themselves - is that a bit romantic in such a world? Romantic, really not an appropriate word.

The conversation and silence between me and Mi continued as long as the door was open, as if the door would never be completely open until the silence and conversation were over—I felt that this was my delusion.

"So that's what Mr. Takakawa thinks." She nodded, she seemed to understand, but I didn't know what she understood. However, I just tried my best to tell her, and I never thought I had to make her understand anything. After all, being able to really understand something is not something I can decide, but entirely her own business.

"So, can I ask another question?" She said this, as if she was afraid that I would not agree, "It is really the last question." ”

“…… What's the problem? "I don't think she has to be so careful.

"I've heard about you from Father Sissen...... Actually, I've met another Mr. Takakawa who is not quite like you. "My gaze sharpened, and I felt like I was looking at words. However, what she said didn't surprise me much. My existence is no longer a secret, and it is only natural that the other Takakawa is more familiar, after all, that Takakawa is the "orthodox successor" in the true sense of the word, whether from the perspective of this apocalyptic illusion, or from the perspective of the reality of today's hospital, and even from the perspective of the orderliness of "Takakawa's" personality. If I had the choice of resuscitation or not, I would not have recovered.

It's just that I obviously don't have the right to decide whether I want to live or die - it's an objective fact that I have to face, and it also portends some more terrible problems, all of which I have to solve, and to some extent, maybe only I can solve.

Of course, there is no need to explain this. On the other hand, I also believe that the other Takakawa understands and understands my situation, because although we appear as "two", we are still "one" in essence. I and he are just a question of "form", and the key lies in the more essential things behind this "form".

In my silent gesture, he continued: "Father Sissen told me that you have done a lot in the world of outsiders. You can say that you have a foot in all the events that they think are important, but some events are only a taste of them, while others are deep in them. You even took one repeater and rammed it with another, causing a terrible disaster. Even so, there are still many people who wonder, what is your purpose? It seems that no matter what you dive into or what you taste, you can't express your position and goals. Although there is a hostile side to the attitude towards Shinrikyo of the Doomsday, there are times when they stand by and watch. You are neither a mere spectator nor a mere participant, you are in the midst of every force, but you do not organize your own forces - and you are not as powerful as one person against all. Like now, even though you saved me, and I'm grateful to you, you made me trust my instincts, and I intuitively felt that you didn't need to save me. Moreover, judging from the previous battles, your actual combat strength can only ensure that you can retreat in front of the physical life, but you cannot effectively defeat them. So, what exactly do you want to do? What are you expecting? ”

“…… What a harsh question. I couldn't help but smile, I didn't expect it to be such a problem. It's true that what I'm doing sometimes contradicts my goals on a certain level. More precisely, my goals are sometimes the same as those of the Netballs, but sometimes they are on the same track as the Doomsday Shinrikyo. From a human and moral point of view, I can't abandon my former friends, nor can I turn a cold eye to the hurt of my loved ones, but in order to achieve my goals, I will inevitably stand on the opposite side of my former friends and the people I have always loved them, at least, in their eyes.

I can't act in line with my friends and my lover, and I don't consciously feel trusted by my friends and lovers.

Even so, I never saw them as enemies.

This contradiction has always existed, and I am well aware that it will continue until the "virus" is resolved, or all of us are resolved by the "virus".

I have a lot of things that I can't say to others, and I don't understand them, because they can't see what I can see, and they can't see the same perspective and thinking as I do - our own limitations lead to the gap between us, and this is an objective problem that has always existed and that no one has ever been able to solve.

However, in the face of serious eyes, I could not be perfunctory or silent as usual.

To put it simply...... "I know very well what I'm about to say will make it clear that we're not friends on the ground," I want to meet the monster in the collective human subconscious. ”

Her expression froze on her face, and she stared at me suspiciously, her gaze like frozen lamp oil, and even the emotion that jumped like a flame was a little shaky.

"What, what do you mean?" She said.

"It's literally, when I know that there is a so-called monster in the collective human subconscious, and now, it seems that everyone is making a fuss about this monster of the collective human subconscious, I want to see it. After all, I haven't seen this monster you're talking about, and I've never imagined a theory about its existence. "I didn't hide my thoughts at all," I was surprised when I learned about the existence of the night in Valpurgis and saw the existence of the repeater with my own eyes, especially what happened after the repeater hit. The human collective subconscious...... Even if such a concept exists for a long time, after it is actually confirmed, it is really difficult to describe what kind of thoughts and emotions are in the mind, and it is very complicated. ”

"You mean, you're just amazed, so, want to see it?" He looked surprised, as if he hadn't thought I'd say that.

"No, it's not that simple. However, surprise is also one of the motivations...... After all, why do you always think that when a person does something and expresses a meaning, the motive must be just a very simple thing on the surface? "I really find it incredible, because even if I do something, it is not the result of a simple motive, such as eating, and it is not just because I am hungry, but it is a tendency to cause a combination of many reasons, "Eating when you are hungry, you take it for granted, right?" ”

"Isn't it?" At this time, she showed some vigilance, not that she hadn't before, but more obviously than before, as if after listening to my account and seeing my testimony, she became more and more wary of me - I am not surprised by this, in the eyes of others, what I say and do must be very suspicious. However, it doesn't matter, I don't think this vigilance is wrong, on the contrary, it is just a proof of the limitations of people and the estrangement between people, and this is not a "good or bad" situation, or a "right or wrong" situation, but an "objectively existent" situation.

"For you, that's all, but for me, it's not." I say with great certainty: "I never eat just because I'm hungry, and even when I'm hungry, I choose not to eat because of different circumstances, and there is no absolute connection between the two." On the other hand, I can eat even if I'm not hungry. To be hungry or not to be hungry has never been my only motivation for eating. ”

“…… It's so complicated that you even have to think about eating? "I don't think that's right, maybe there are many reasons, but there are many reasons why you can't go deeper." What's wrong with eating just because you're hungry? ”

"No, there's no wrong." I laughed, "As you said, there are many reasons not to delve into it. So, in the same way, you can actually ignore a lot of things, can't you? Isn't that exactly what I told you before? However, you see, you have chosen not to get to the bottom of why you eat, but to get to the bottom of many things at the moment. ”

"Some things should be investigated, and some things don't." He was very cautious, but said without hesitation: "It turns out that I was a little confused, but I am sure now." Mr. Takakawa, you have a deviation in your judgment. ”

"I'm skewed - what are you using as a reference?" I asked rhetorically.

"Ordinary people." said.

“…… So, that's why most people think I'm mentally ill. "I'm not angry because it's obvious.

"It's a dangerous idea. Sure enough, Mr. Takakawa, you are a dangerous fellow just like Father Sissen and they said. Her vigilance was no longer on her face, and she took the initiative to distance herself from me, holding the box behind her with her hand. Just before we were out of our physical life, the box fell in front of us, and she didn't think it was strange at all, and picked it up - obviously, she knew what was in the box, or rather, the box, and to go deeper, even if she was disappointed that there was no outside help, but the box was a kind of support. When she picked up the box, although her expression was heavy, she should have been in a small corner of her heart, and she didn't completely fall into the dazed feeling of being alone in a desperate situation.

She held the box and stared at me, as if she would attack me if I didn't agree or if I did something misleading. I have a feeling that she will not show mercy or hesitate. Her hostility was vague, but it was real.

"Are you going to attack me with that thing?" I asked calmly.

"If Mr. Takakawa is going to do something stupid." "I sensed the danger. ”

"You should know that my speed will give you no chance to even get your hands dirty. At the same time, you're not as hard as a pisomorphic life. I said gently.

"You mean, do you really want to do something?" "But it's not so surprising now, because Mr. Takakawa, you really want to meet that monster." But I definitely don't want to see that thing, and the people who fight with me now don't want to see it, and they have paid a lot for it, not only us, but also you strangers. ”

"Yes." I'm not going to argue because she's telling the truth.

"That's a bad thing, and once it comes out, everybody's going to be out of luck, right?" said.

"Yes." I admit it too.

"You strangers see it as a symbol of the end times. It's like as long as it appears, everyone will die and the whole world will collapse, right? She continued.

"Yes." I admit it.

"But you still want to see it. You're conflicted, Mr. Takakawa. Obviously, more often than not, it looks like it is on our side, but it is against us on this most critical goal. He asked, "Like everyone else, I can't understand your contradictory thoughts." But if you want to get that monster out, it's our enemy. No matter what you think, your actions are on the side of the Doomsday Shinrikyo Religion, as you strangers say, even if you are fighting against the end of the world, but what you are doing, in essence, is promoting it...... I finally understand now. ”

"You don't ask why?" I asked rhetorically.

"No, I don't." "I would choose what to get to the bottom of, and I chose not to get to the bottom of it here." Mr. Takakawa, my instincts are warning me that, as you told me before, I choose to trust my instincts here. ”