I didn't expect the battlefield of Takakawa's tomb to become chaotic, and after killing multiple gravediggers, the elite wizards of the Doomsday Shinrikyo did not continue to test me, but immediately fought back and used the portal spell to exit the battlefield. It was precisely because of the actions of the elite wizards that the split of this group of temporary groups. The speed of their split, and the chaotic battles that followed, were enough to prove how deep their selfish intentions were buried while they were acting in groups, but it was also enough to prove that they had indeed completed a sufficient amount of acquisition before they began to split.

What exactly is buried under the tomb of Takakawa? I still don't know, because my actions are mostly driven by emotion, so I never thought of digging up the tomb of Takakawa and deducing more details from what was buried inside. On the contrary, it is precisely because of the actions of these gravediggers that I am full of emotional disapproval in my rational and calm knowledge.

I have no hesitation in killing these people, nor do I have any fluctuations in my feelings. And I realized that I would be like this only because I emotionally recognized that my behavior was "taken for granted".

Sensibility requires me to be angry, so I perform angry acts, however, these anger factors are not reflected in my own emotions throughout the battle. Anger is supposed to be a kind of emotion, a manifestation of emotional disapproval and rejection, however, when I killed these people, I suddenly realized that my "anger" was detached from "emotion" and "sensibility". This is a situation that does not theoretically arise in the conceptual system of common sense.

I can understand that happiness, sadness, anger, and so on, are related to *, and spiritual, but they are separated. The concept of being equal to *, spiritual, rational and sensual, has never been thought of. Or rather, unimaginable. However. When I unfolded my sword, I swept it relatively quickly. When he killed four gravediggers in a tenth of a second, he felt the change from the bottom of his heart.

The beginning and process of this change are completely out of my memory, as if the result was suddenly presented to me, and this result is so unbelievable and contradictory to my own perception.

If I tell someone about it, I won't be able to get their approval and trust. But although I find this change in myself unbelievable, I have no unacceptable feelings at all. I felt that something must be wrong with me, that my cognitive system, my sensibility and reason, my emotional and spiritual expressions, were all being tested at this moment, no, I should say, probably having collapsed.

However. I felt in my heart that I was right for this situation. It's just a state of calm and acceptance.

It is precisely because of this unusual change, and the unusual calmness when I feel this change, that I feel that I am being eroded from another angle. I can't describe this erosion, it's invisible, it's unforeseen, it exists before it forms an observable phenomenon, before it reaches an observable position. It seems to be conscious. It's like unconscious, or rather. Just the storage of zài will cause this qiē effect.

When I feel it. There was a great sense of fear, and I was very familiar with it.

Yes, "jiang", or "virus", is the root cause of this qiē.

And such a change, from the perspective of the reality of the hospital, is also a manifestation of the symptoms of the apocalyptic syndrome.

It is precisely because I have personally experienced this qiē and have repeatedly experienced it, no matter what world I am in, I have faced these situations as "Takakawa" that I am "accustomed to it". My body in the hospital has completely collapsed, and my personality has been revived by the power of "Jiang", and in the process, "I" has naturally undergone some different changes from my past self.

I have speculated about this in the past, and now it has only been confirmed in terms of more precise sensibility. That's why I'm in a calm mood at this time.

Because it was inevitable, it was foreseen, and the plan itself was based on this crazy and frightening change. Therefore, there will be no thought of resistance.

Whether it is "Jiang" or "virus", for patients with doomsday syndrome, any adverse effects brought about by them must be regarded as a natural, but absolutely irresistible existence before the production of antibodies and the completion of serum, and regard them as equivalent to a part of their own genes, and on this basis, other behaviors can be considered.

In a split second, I thought about many questions, but in a split second, I put them behind me. At this moment, the mind seemed to stop, and only consciousness was left running through the body. I "saw" myself swimming like a viper, as if traveling through time, and the target's reaction suddenly became extremely slow, and then the chopper in my hand pierced through the chest and tore in half. After that, with a backhand swing, "I" decapitated the target on the other side who had just done half of the action.

I felt like a third person, but not exactly a third person, and I could feel that this was what I was trying to do and what I needed to achieve. But my mind doesn't direct the movement of my body. No, in this nightmare world, my body is not a body in the true sense of the word, but only a manifestation of a state of consciousness. The current situation seems to be accompanied by the fact that when I recognize that my "anger" has become an independent concept equal to "emotion", "*", "reason and emotion", my thinking and consciousness itself have also produced a certain degree of conceptual disconnection.

The above description is difficult to describe my experience at this time, the separation of thinking and consciousness is also unimaginable, and it makes people feel crazy.

From the hypothetical theories that try to become a unified theory, such as superstring theory, thinking, personality and consciousness, and even any tangible matter and intangible energy, can reach a systematic, mutual transformation connection, and can reduce it to the most essential thing, and explain every change of the system from a higher dimension.

I have read through the popular science related to superstring theory, but the knowledge of the popular science alone does not allow me to have an "explainable" concept of my current situation.

Purely conceptual differentiation and independence, as if to make a qiē something based on the principles of basic matter and energy. It's all meaningless. However, in any scientific theory, concepts have always been impossible to exist independently. Independently produce change. Any philosophical reflection should be based on the inquiry of the discovered but insoluble existence. It is inevitable that it will be on a certain course, reflecting the existing existence of zài.

However, I intuitively felt that the changes that were taking place in me at the moment were absolutely contrary to this relationship. Concepts are operated independently, formed independently, and do not rely on any other matter or energy, but only produce a purely conceptual interaction with other concepts. However. What makes me extremely paradoxical and crazy is that for human beings, the definition of "concept" is: a unit of thought that reflects the common characteristics of a group of things, extracted from a group of things in an abstract way. A situation where there is only a zài "concept" without an actual connection to anything should not exist at all.

I found myself starting to get confused, any words that wanted to explain the current situation, starting to distort, and ideas starting to diverge and distort. I don't know how long it took, it should have been just a moment. I don't know what I was trying to say. As if "thinking" and "being wise" are themselves a mistake. No. It can't be said to be a mistake, but-

When the concept of "thought" is born, when the concept of "wisdom" exists, there is also a relative concept of "something outside the thought" and "a qiē existence that cannot be explored by a wise person".

And this relative concept should have no meaning, and it does not have any influence or interference with "thought" and "wisdom", but it is inevitable when "thought" and "wisdom" come into contact with and recognize it. There was an influence and interference with the "mind" and the "wise".

Since, "thought" and "wisdom" exist in order to expand the "known". Then, the "thing outside the mind" becomes relative to this meaning. Constantly going deeper into the "unknown" of existence. In common sense, the unknown is infinite, and the known finite can be infinitely expanded, which is an ever-expanding circle that continues to extend into the infinite darkness. The "thing outside the mind", then, is such a condition: it is forever in the darkness of the unknown, and as the known circle expands, the distance between it and the known circle not only does not shrink, but expands. Because the unknown is infinite, it moves into the depths of darkness without touching any boundaries, and the known circle can never be pulled into its distance.

As a result, things outside the mind become incomprehensible and incomprehensible in relation to "thought" and "wisdom".

Such thoughts, in my mind, stirred by madness, were the only thing that was pieced together. It was as if my mind had been stirred up in such a way that I had gone completely crazy, just to make such a thought take shape, and to make me have a more concrete and visual understanding of such a "thing outside the mind".

I stopped, and I fell to my knees, my head splitting. I felt that my mind had been raped, forcibly stuffed into something that would have meant nothing. And my confirmation is making it meaningful.

No, it's not!

I shook my head vigorously.

I began to realize what it was, and if we were to connect what I knew in the past with the changes that are taking place now, there would be only one culprit: the "virus" and the "river".

Whether it is a "virus" or a "river", it does not become meaningful. In other words, "virus" is supposed to be a meaningless thing.

In the actual data of the hospital, the "virus" was not observed, but in countless cases, similar phenomena were found, and it was attributed to the concept of such a "virus". On the other hand, isn't this extremely unscientific, and forcibly recognizing that there is such a thing as the root cause of those conditions?

The reality of what the hospital has done, and the root cause of the beginning of the reality, is not unscientific and crazy from the beginning, just like people imagine creating a god who rules all things, and then trying to touch the gods and analyze the gods.

It is very likely that the "virus" did not exist from the beginning!

However, there is such a group of people who forcibly assume that it exists and carry out the realization, and then something goes wrong so that the "virus" is really reflected in the cognition of such a group of people in the way of "saving zài".

In my mind, in the midst of the frenzied thinking tearing, in the fiery nerves, there was a sudden sentence: it is meaningless until it is recognized, once it is confirmed. It is still meaningless, but it has an effect on the cognitive.

I fell to the ground, and the pain intensified. A voice spoke to me. And I couldn't hear it clearly. My head and eyes are dizzy, when I open my eyes. He had already gotten rid of the nightmare and returned to his room in the hospital room. A certain existence that tears my mind, rapes my mind, distorts my cognition, is being conceived in my consciousness.

It's like a fetus that is about to hatch when it moves.

Suddenly, let me understand that if it is not "Jiang". It's a "virus".

"How so?" I didn't understand what I was talking about, I felt like I was going crazy, but the concept of madness was starting to break apart and become independent, and my heart was still at peace, like I was waiting for it to hatch.

I'm still thinking, but thinking itself is no longer voluntary. And it is full of a sense of compulsion. Confused thinking, splitting headaches, and inexplicable information constantly popping up. Tangled together, forming a mess of unconfirmed garbled and mosaic-like redundancy. It took a while for the situation to subside.

I seem to understand a lot, but there are many more puzzles, and I know that this confusion can never be solved, because it is not fixed in some unknown place, waiting for the known circle to encompass it. It seems to be constantly moving in the opposite direction of the known circle. Its position, relative distance from a known circle. It is an absolute gap that cannot be narrowed conceptually, and this absolute gap has nothing to do with any theory produced by thought and intelligence.

Even if you don't know anything. I couldn't think about anything, but I felt as if I had touched some truth.

I rolled and crawled, climbing the table to get up, but I fell to the ground along with the table. The pen and paper on the table rolled in front of me, and I felt like I had grasped a glimmer of hope.

I suddenly reached out, grabbed the pen and paper, and with a trembling pen, wrote words that seemed to come from instinct and were not controlled by thought. My eyelids were heavy, I was about to pass out in agony, and I wasn't even sure if I would be able to read the words and remember what I had written when I woke up again. But at this moment, I decided to follow this instinct and record these things that could be the "truth".

At the last moments when I was about to lose consciousness, a question suddenly occurred to me: Is there any positive or negative meaning to these things that I have recorded?

Then, a voice gave the answer: there was no point.

I fell into deep darkness.

#

I heard voices, people walking around in the distance, footsteps that made me feel irritated and harsh. So I opened my eyes.

The smell of disinfectant water rushed to my nose, I felt like a serious illness, and there was not a single hard bone in my body, but I could recognize it at the first time, it was not physical weakness, but more mental weakness. It's not that there is no energy to move, it's not that there is ostensity, it's just that the mind doesn't have an active mind and the consciousness to move. I struggled to raise my hand, and my consciousness itself still seemed to resist the slightest movement.

There is a needle in the arm, and the vial of the drip is hanging on the top left, and you can see it when you turn your head. Then, I heard the ticking of some of the testing instruments.

I tried to think about it, but a strong sense of tearing came over me immediately, and then a lot of information that was clearly stored in zài, but could not be described in words, and was chaotic, suddenly rolled out of my mind. Feeling this information makes it even more disgusting.

I wanted to throw up, but there was nothing to throw up, and my stomach was empty.

I wanted to calm down, but as soon as I tried to think, the clutter of information in my mind kept coming up, blocking any logical channels.

I tried a few times and finally gave up. However, when I didn't think about it, I could hear the cry of the baby and the singing of the woman.

I remembered "Jiang", I remembered "virus", however, only this name, and not much more of its meaning.

It was only after a while that my slow, bloated consciousness realized that I was still alive, and that I was lying in a hospital room. Immediately afterward, more orderly information, like a spring of water, flowed on the dry brain stem. I think of my name, Takakawa. Thinking about why I was in this place, I don't know how long ago, I encountered something terrible and crazy, and even I was subconsciously resisting to think about it, because it would make my weak self completely collapse at this time.

Not because of despair, but because of the mind, consciousness, cognition, and personality, forcibly torn apart by a terrible message.

And these extremely dangerous things, at this moment, are buried in the depths of the mind.

At the same time, I inexplicably had the feeling that cognition is a terrible thing.

Just as I was trying to think about it, another sudden wave of messy thinking came out of nowhere, disturbing the thinking that had just formed order.

I felt like something was wrong with my spirit, and that feeling was stronger and more real than every time I had ever done it.

After a while, I heard footsteps outside the door, which were less irritating now, but the footsteps of the new arrivals were clearly coming to me. Before I could guess what the person outside the door would look like, I had already "seen" her. It wasn't just an observation with the naked eye, but more like a sudden realization in my mind.

It's Dr. Nguyen Lê.

When such an idea arose, a word about Dr. Ruan Li slowly revived in his mind.

Dr. Nguyen Li walked into the hospital with his hands in the pockets of his white coat and a volume of files. She didn't seem to expect that I had woken up, and when she met my gaze, she was slightly stunned for a moment, but her eyes soon appeared with joy and concern, and then returned to her usual calm. She pulled out the chair next to the bed and sat down, examining me for a while before she said, "How do you feel?" Achuan. ”

I smiled reluctantly and asked, "What's the matter with me?" "It felt like I knew what was going on, but there was a force that prevented me from confirming what I thought was the truth.

"Side effects of medications." Dr. Ruan Li's tone was a little stiff and full of dissatisfaction, but he didn't particularly vent his meaning, "Now it has been proven that the chance of such side effects with new drugs is nearly 50 percent, and for a few of your individual patients, it is almost 100 percent. Fortunately, your constitution is very adaptable to this side effect, which is a great blessing in misfortune and a bit of an unexpected surprise. By the time you wake up, four of the seven patients have been confirmed dead, and one is in a severe coma—" She said this, paused, and seemed to make up her mind, and said to me, "The patient who is in a coma is Marceau." ”

I couldn't think, but I felt a sense of good fortune in my chest.

"It's just a coma, not death." I say.

"Indeed, only you are the only patient who has side effects." Dr. Ruan Li nodded and said, "However, Marceau's life is not in danger, it is ...... Can't wake up. ”

I felt as if I had been prepared for such a situation, so I was able to accept it with such a calm mind.

"Isn't there another patient who is still alive?" I asked.

"That's the only example where there haven't been side effects yet." "But I think that if you don't take further medication, side effects will inevitably occur. The time for side effects to occur after taking the drug varies from patient to patient, which is probably due to the different adaptability of individual constitutions. However, there is also a view that as long as there are side effects and they survive, they will inevitably not have similar side effects again. ”

"It's like a cold, when it gets better, it increases resistance?" I asked.

Dr. Nguyen Li just smiled disdainfully, as if he was mocking something.

"Don't think so well, Achuan. Those people are naïve, you don't want to learn. Dr. Nguyen Li said, "However, there is nothing to worry about, next time, I will be solely responsible for your medication, and I have already won this permission." ”

"Is it because there are too many deaths from routine patients?" I couldn't help but laugh, "Do you have to make concessions over there?" ”

"You don't need to think about these things. Just recuperate with peace of mind. ”

Saying this, she didn't intend to continue the topic, took Wen Jiàn out of the file bag, and said to me, "Before you fell unconscious, you recorded something interesting again. Do you remember? (To be continued)