I have realized that I, like the "mutinous" mystical experts, am undergoing a change from the end of my mind, and my reason is telling me little by little about the correctness of the Doomsday Shinrito and how stupid I am relative to them. Pen ~ fun ~ pavilion www.biquge.info

However, I still feel that I am different from other people, and I have never denied my stupidity, my limitations, and my mistakes. Although I can draw many conclusions from my constant thinking, these conclusions are not the most important to me, nor are they the ultimate guide to behavior. I am more stupid and narrow-minded than any other sensible person, so whether the people of the Mar Jones family are really crazy or not; Regardless of whether or not Doomsday Shinrikyo really possesses ultimate correctness; Whether or not my companions, who oppose them, who have been fighting alongside me, are stupid or clever; For me, it's not the basis for making any plans.

I just want to make the people I love happy no matter what, and no longer look like a patient who can't even accept them.

My rational thinking, in any case, could not give a way to achieve this result, and I was still rigorously proving that such a pursuit was meaningless and impossible to achieve, so I gave it up.

Even though I could still think, and there was logic, and there was reason, I gave up on these things.

They're working, but my actions have been actively disengaged from them.

It is precisely because I am detached from them that when other people use common sense to understand me logically, they will not be able to understand me in the end. When others try to predict me by "thinking", they will make mistakes. They are jealous of me, they say that I am strong, that my strength comes from something that does not belong to people, but in reality, I feel that it is not a matter of "strength or weakness", but simply that we are "not on the same line".

Can love save everything? Is it really that powerful to something so human, that reflects the limitations of human beings themselves? The salvation of love looks like a naïve fairy tale, not something that a mature person with normal logic should say, not a scientific truth. Whether it is to carry out the apocalyptic truth or to oppose the apocalyptic truth, "love" should not be the most essential need.

Yes, in their thinking, this is the only correct and rational logic.

However, I have long since abandoned this logic of correct reason, so this negation has lost its meaning to me.

I can give my answer at any time: Yes, love saves everything. Love transcends everything, it has nothing to do with the finite and the infinite, nothing to do with the micro and the macro, nothing to do with science and the mysterious. This is not a rigorous conclusion based on reason, but it is an outcome that I must follow.

“…… I don't understand, Mr. Takakawa. He listened for a long time and said to me, "What do you want to tell me when you say this to me?" What should inspire me? How should I respond to you? I'm dealing with physical life, so how can what you said help me? ”

"I'm not telling you this to enlighten you, not to make you respond, and I don't have a deep truth, so it probably doesn't help." I replied, "It's just that I think I can deal with the truth of the end because I think so." And if you don't even have the consciousness to carry out an irrational outcome, you probably won't be able to cope with the physical life supported by the Doomsday Shinrikyo religion. Taking a step back, even if you were to defeat the physical beings and put an end to their sacrifices, you would find that the actual effect of the outcome was not as correct as you expected. Will you be able to accept such an outcome? ”

"No, of course not. I can't understand how the planned steps to destroy the enemy, little by little, can turn out to be the wrong one? "It's not logical at all." ”

"That's exactly why I'm telling you these things." I tried to warn her and let her know the seriousness of the problem: "When faced with a situation involving the Tianmen Project, you can't just pre-assess the logical correctness of your actions and use this correctness as a guide for your goals, otherwise, when you actually observe the Tianmen Project, your spirit, your position, your current seemingly firm consciousness, and your persistence will collapse." Just like the people I've met who eventually joined the Doomsday Shinrikyo religion. If you can't understand what I'm telling you, then you have to construct your own mind, one that is strong enough to resist the truth of the end and the Mar Jones family. This thought must be substantial enough for you to sustain all your present and future actions without any wavering...... At least to the extent of Father Sissen, even if you can't prove that it's really that powerful right now. In the world of ideas that belongs only to you, you should be fanatical. ”

“…… No way, it's so irrational, I hate fanatics of any idea, I hate that crazy feeling. He looked disgusted, "I didn't think you were such a person, Mr. Takakawa. Why did you become like this? ”

"Because, otherwise, you can't support the ending you want to see." I wasn't disappointed by her disgust, "If I fall, no one will come to save me, and no one can do it." What about you? Reserved and expecting, can others do things you can't? ”

"I ...... I didn't think of it that way. After saying this, there was silence for a while. I listened to the voices in the pipes, and there was no one but us, but it was not quiet, and the sound here was by no means the rustle that I had heard in the reality of the hospital, and after the silence, the sound that was unique to this place, and which was very different from the rest of the world, became louder. There is no night or day, the light is artificially made, diffuses from corners that are unknown how far away or close, pale, yellowish, sometimes a little dangerous orange-red, but also darker and darker, these lights and corresponding shadows outline the outline of things, but, when it falls into the eye, the outline swells in the mind, distorts, becomes plausible, full of fear.

The sound here is so commensurate with the reflection of the scenery that only reflects in the human eye, and the scene that swells up in the human mind. Mystical experts often say that the landscape in the ruins of the Ruling Bureau is monotonous, pale, dry and cold, and yet, in my eyes, even such a terrible landscape is full of warmth. A long time ago, I didn't hate anyone - whether it was the apocalyptic illusion or the reality of the hospital, whether it was the Doomsday Shinrikyo or the people who fought against the Doomsday Shinrikyo, whether it was ordinary people or non-humans, I fought, quarreled, fought to the death, never because I hated them, hated them, on the contrary, I loved them deeply, I understood them, I felt that I could understand why there were all kinds of conflicts between each other that had to be risked with their lives, why they spoke coldly, Why blame and ridicule each other.

While many people are disgusted with the ugliness embodied in these contradictions, I can feel the bonds between people, regardless of ugliness or beauty, justice and evil, exuding a faint warmth. The love I felt from it could not be shared with others, because no one believed that in the contradiction between life and death, there was no right or wrong, no ugliness of humanity, but full of warmth and love.

I understood that they couldn't see it from my point of view, and even then, I never thought of giving up on them. Occasionally, I would fall into the blind corner of mundane and narrow thinking, and then use the attitude and language that I usually feel disgusted to insult, scandalize and slander the guy I hated for a while, however, this never made me feel happy, and every time I reflect on it afterwards, I always realize that this is the ignorance caused by my limitations.

Over and over again, I felt warmth and love from the contradictions, over and over again doing things that I also hated, treating my enemies maliciously, reflecting on myself over and over again, and feeling how stupid and narrow-minded I really was. I also get bored in this repetition, but I can't stop flowing thoughts and emotions, but in this repetitive mood, behavior, and thoughts that seem impossible to stop as long as I live, I can also feel something intangible that calms people at some point.

It's like now, in this silence, in the silence that never stops—the movement and the sound never stop, it's not at peace physically, but my heart is calm in their movement.

I don't know if she can be as calm as I am at this time, I think she should be calm, even if she has just experienced a terrible sacrifice, and the future is so confused, she must be like me in the past, like every mysterious expert, deeply feel that her own strength is so thin and fragile, and the bonds between her companions are so fragile, but she still needs to rely on such strength and bonds to fight against those enemies who are watching grow stronger, how desperate it is. I hope that she can calm down from this despair and confusion, and if she can feel the warmth and calm that still exists in this life-and-death struggle, she will definitely be able to break free from this despair and pain for a while.

It is impossible to escape despair and misery completely, because, no matter how robust she is here, she must still be just a patient from the point of view of hospital reality. The inescapable, unpredictable, and inevitable physical and mental collapse of the disease began when she realized that she had been "born", and death was never the point, whether in the reality of the hospital or in the apocalyptic illusion, life went back and forth like a hell until it completely became a blank. If you realize this, but you can't break free, then this life is too painful and hopeless, if you can have at least a moment of warmth and peace, then you will definitely save a little strength and hope in the journey of more pain and despair in the future.

He is so young, so full of hope, ideas and drive. Probably different from when I only wanted to free the people I loved from this painful cycle, there was a more beautiful and huge dream in her heart, and there was a desire to save more people and help more people - in this consciousness, she was actually more qualified to be a hero than me.

However, I am well aware of how painful and desperate it is for a patient to become a hero, both in the reality of the hospital and in the apocalyptic vision. I used to do that, and I fell, and I've seen more people try to do it and fall. Now there is another one, who seems to be ready to do so, but I have nothing to really do but pray for her - I can't be a hero anymore, but that doesn't mean that I like to see people who want to be heroes, who qualify to be heroes, are tormented to death by the madness, despair, and pain of reality. I also feel heartache and sadness when they give up their dreams that were once immature and innocent but warm to me in order to survive.

What can I do? I'm just a stupid human being, I've lost my qualifications as a hero, and I just want to make the people around me happy, so I can't always show up when she needs help. I can only keep telling her everything I have learned in my own life, even if the limitations of people, the barriers between people, so that my words and thoughts cannot really reach her heart, I can only tell it over and over again. When I said everything I wanted to say, there was only silence.

There is also an end to silence. Standing in our way is a towering valve. The crimson valve was all over the body, and every screw seemed to exude a dangerous smell, telling the unpredictability behind the door. The visual height is more than 300 meters, as if it is some kind of hint, and the seemingly casual lines and scars on the door have a faint mystery. I don't think there's an easy road behind this door, and I obviously don't think so. Even so, if we don't turn it on, there's no way out.

I felt it, it was like my life, peace was always inadvertently in the corner, and when I opened a door, there were terrible enemies outside the door, human enemies, inhuman enemies, material enemies, and inner enemies. If you just want to be happy for yourself, it's good not to open it, and if you stay where you are, you can definitely feel happiness, but if you want to make others happy, if you want to save your loved ones, you must open it.

If the Mar Jones family has its own "Tianmen Plan", and other people also have their own "Tianmen Plan", then this door seems to be everywhere, but in fact, it is not such a gate, it is my "Tianmen".