A letter to a nasty old fellow. Pen × fun × Pavilion www. ｂｉｑｕｇｅ。 ｉｎｆｏ

My father's body was found on a sparsely populated beach to save his child from falling into the water, and I was called to take one last look and deal with the aftermath.

A month ago, I was taking wedding photos with Wang Zhanxuan, one afternoon, there were dark clouds in the sky, and my father's colleague called me and said Have you talked to your father on the phone recently, I said no, I asked, is it showing off that my daughter is getting married everywhere, and my colleague said: No, no, you are busy.

My eyelids were always jumping that day, I couldn't sleep well, my life was on the right track, I owed too much, and I wanted to pay it back step by step.

Later, according to my father's colleagues, most of the coast guard colleagues searched and rescued me on the beach in the nearby sea for several days and nights, and they never dared to talk to me.

It wasn't until the body lay white on a beach that even my father had never set foot on that the guard called me: Are you a relative of so-and-so? Come to the Hainan Police Force.

When people are on the beach, because their facial features are soaked white, they can't recognize who it is, and they are treated as anonymous at first.

I bought a direct flight ticket in Wangjing, because it was urgent, there was nothing else, I could only buy first class, and I didn't tell anyone, although the police force didn't say it directly when they called, but I knew that the worst had happened.

I kept texting and calling my father's cell phone, but there was no response.

In front of the half-hidden coffin, I began to have a violent chest tightness, kicked out of breath, my throat was like being twisted in the palm of my hand by a giant, and I kept pulling it into various shapes, lying on the ground and roaring a few times, I couldn't cry anymore, but my heart was already overturned.

Suddenly quiet, not going to cry, squeezing out tears, and not continuing to make trouble.

At that moment, I stopped crying, I didn't tremble violently, as if it had nothing to do with death, as if I was out of the way, I put my hand on the temporary, cold coffin, and promised you in my heart that you would continue to work hard, and that you would live well, and then bowed deeply and left the room without looking back.

I was calm and didn't panic in the slightest.

My father's colleague was crying at the door, as if his eyes were wet with tears.

The parents of the rescued children looked at me cautiously from the side, and more than a dozen pairs of eyes of various moods stared straight at me, waiting for me to make a decision.

I chose a shroud for my father's taste, the same color as the beach pants I had worn for decades, and buried him inland.

It's like taking an exam in high school, and the whole city is the only one who wants to leave the area and live, methodically, methodically, and very resolutely giving answers, and thinking about it.

Unilaterally rejected the gratitude of the family of the rescued child, the father has saved more than these two bear children in his life, if he accepts them, it is too lacking in his demeanor.

Answer the questions raised by the police and the local staff of my father's workplace, look at the results of various autopsies, and give solemn thanks to the people involved in the rescue, until finally a reasonable solution comes out.

The company commended my father, and there was a pennant, which was hung in the old room, and there was a generous condolence money, and I saved him for his use.

My father's colleague said to me, "You're amazing."

I didn't express my grief when I was settling my father's funeral, and I didn't have any suppressed emotions that were difficult to express.

But I know that this is not great, convenient eloquence and logic, and excellent ability to deal with people, all taught me by my father, and I am extremely calm, and it is possible that my mother only exists in memory taught me.

I used what they taught me to make this family smoothly change from three people to one.

This kind of strangulation of personally dealing with the aftermath for a period of time has given me comfort to myself, and perhaps this is how the wicked should be treated.

After staying in Sanya for an extra day, I couldn't sleep in the middle of the night and walked around the beach, walking over and over again to my feet with frayed skin, smelling the salty smell of the seawater, and the deep bitterness mixed with the wind, I felt as if you were all still around, and I could see it at any time as long as I wanted to come back.

But it couldn't be, the sun was rising from the sea level, and my hair smelled of charcoal, and no one helped me up and said, "I'm still playing, I'm eating."

Soon ushered in the cremation, came to my father's colleague, arranged the vehicle, process, put on black funeral clothes and picked up and dropped off at the door.

After the funeral, I took a nearby plane back to Beijing.

Lying in the new house that my father bought, the paint inside had just dried for half a month, and after waking up, I coughed violently and was sick and couldn't get up.

At the time of writing this letter, just after his illness, he got up from his bed, picked up his scruffiest self in front of the mirror, and began to prepare for the wedding.

I felt cold-blooded to the point of calmness, without the slightest enthusiasm of the waves, but inherited the coldness of Sanya at night, carrying the weight of the moonlight with water ripples and traveling far away.

The most terrible thing is that I feel that I am being persecuted, so I hate all those who treat me well, but I take good care of my in-laws who treat me coldly.

It's sad, but I have to finish the letter because that's why I wrote it.

My father didn't always come back, he spent most of his time on the coast, watching the travelers there with a serious attitude, and never tired of reminding them with a yellow whistle that they couldn't play in the depths.

Every week, I save one or two guys who don't value their lives.

Speaking of which, my father's life seemed meaningless, but according to him, he took me by the hand when I was still a child, walked on the beach, and told me:

When I was young, I worked here, saved your young mother, and then fell in love, the girl from Xi'an married a young man from Sanya, which was a wonderful thing, and gave birth to you soon after, and then my mother wanted to go back to her hometown, and there was no trace of her again.

I asked why.

You say that this sea can't keep people after all.

I asked why I was doing this job.

You say the sea will never leave.

You provided me with food and clothing, saved money, said that the money was saved for me as a dowry, and instructed me to marry a local boy and give birth to two fat sons.

I'm afraid that my life will be decided, and I will move towards stability step by step according to what you said, and I have met two or three times before the end of college.

At that time, I felt that I was being coerced, frowning in pain every day, but I could not make up my mind to leave this city until one day.

A woman who claimed to be my mother appeared at my school that day, and I recognized it at a glance, because I didn't resemble you in the slightest, almost carved out of the same mold as her.

She said I forgot what she said, she wanted to take me to meet you, and then give me a large sum of money, and kept saying that I am not your daughter.

She said that she wanted to commit suicide when she was pregnant with a negative child (that is, me), but she was saved by you, and after marrying you, after giving birth to me, she heard you smile and say.

I am not of childbearing potential.

Then she had no face and ran away.

She informed me of this fact with a numb expression, and then calmly lit a cigarette and waited for me to choose.

I said with a similar expression to her: "You."

Then she went away without looking back, and I hated everything about her, including myself, no matter where this strange woman went.

I thought about it for a long time, and I left you without sending a text message and went to Wangjing alone.

It may be that the virtues I have learned from you are nowhere near as cold as the nature she has passed on to me.

Maybe it's just that I wanted to leave early in the morning, but I wasn't prepared earlier, she just came over and pushed me, and it has nothing to do with not being your own daughter.

I wanted to know who I really was, but I became more and more confused, and then I spent the autumn in Wangjing, breathing in the haze, not seeing my own shadow, thinking that maybe this was me.

Life is not easy, you make three or five phone calls a year, pretend not to care every time, and then take the initiative to end after two sentences, and say a few words casually every time: You hang up.

I also hang up directly every time, not long ago I said that I was getting married, and I want to pick you up to come to Wangjing to attend the wedding.

You were silent for a long time, and I heard your breathing grow heavier and heavier over the phone.

Then, holding his breath, he let me hang up the phone seemingly unconcerned.

You think I'm going to hang straight as usual, but that time I was stubborn and didn't.

Then I heard your crying, a handful of snot, a handful of tears, I was on the other end of the phone, tears raining down, holding back my voice, running out of the room, looking at the only picture of you and me, crying non-stop.

Even now, his eyes are red, and he keeps swallowing tears.

My name is Zhou Qing, and my father's name is Zhou Zizhi.

My name is Zhou Qing, and my father's name is Zhou Zizhi.

......

I repeatedly shouted, shouted, and cried hoarsely on smog days with no shadow in sight in the noisiest part of the city.

I'm so glad I finally know who I am, and I miss you so much, and think about the old guy I've been calling for years.

But I didn't have time to say it.

Father.

daughter Zhou Qing