Sanbao learned that she could only stand outside the glass of the ward and watch, her mother could not be disturbed after the operation, she had a lot of tubes inserted in her nose and mouth, the major trauma to the stomach did not completely let her leave this world, the long-term pain had already made her bear the threshold higher, lying down to rest was a relief, Sanbao did not know why she wanted to "arrange" this meeting, so that the imaginary mother who had passed away fell in front of her eyes in less than 24 hours with her heart full of sores in less than 24 hours of meeting. Pen ~ fun ~ pavilion www.biquge.info

On July 10, 16, I received a text message from a nurse.

"Your mother left without pain, and having your unfilial son is really the greatest sorrow of her life."

The whole person who received the news of Sanbao seemed to be tightly held by a big black hand, and the second half of the sentence had nothing to do with it, but "left", these two words were like tens of millions of pounds of grip strength to make Sanbao breathless, for the first time, no, again and again, digging deeply into his own selfishness, like whipped flesh and blood blurred in front of the public, he was in a cramped and dark rental house, rolling left and right on the bed and out of breath. "Leave" is not around, this is not the most unfilial piety, but a long time ago foresaw this moment, deliberately did not take care of the time, let the pathos in the heart surge, but not a single tear, just suffocation, the brain can receive less and less oxygen, the nose is hard and greedy to breathe towards the oppressive air, the throat is dry, ah, can't make any other sound, not for their own unfilial piety and shame that can't breathe, but for the self who has been working hard to be indifferent to a kind of spontaneous punishment of the body.

And now Sanbao thinks about why he knows most of the things that most of the circle of friends imagined at the time, but only a few, such as this sentence "You must not forget your current mood." "I can't recall the artistic conception at that time,

Could it be that the circle of friends knows better than themselves under what circumstances this circle of friends imagined? Or did he force me into a mood that was suitable for this sentence? His brain hurts, and he can clearly think of more possibilities in his mind, but the nerves of his brain seem to be blocked by inexplicable power, and the more he thinks about it, the more confused he becomes, causing him to be dizzy and dizzy, and he can't continue to investigate, and the gray light in the dim place of Sanbao's pupils in the miserable white light will dim and burst out for a while, fortunately no one is paying attention to him, otherwise he must think that he is abnormal.

Intense brain operation and thinking have no results, in this "world", San Bao seems to be able to only go against the grain, weakly paralyzed on the cold chair, and even the fat nurse who likes Korean variety shows to wake him up, it is a matter of half an hour, this half an hour The brain is in a hollow state, in layman's terms, it is the feeling of "as if the body is hollowed out", so that time passes out of thin air, and he can't grasp his weight.

"Are you a dependent? Mr? The fat nurse seemed to still have an impression of Sanbao's very aura cry early in the morning, her greasy thick lips, and the leek leaves for breakfast were still stuck between her teeth, and her tone was full, she asked very carefully, no longer indifferent as yesterday.

Sanbao woke up, his nasal cavity was maliciously harassed by the breath of the sewer, first he looked at the nurse with a sluggish sideways look, and his eyes were restored, of course, to give others the feeling of waking up from a big dream, it was not so mysterious, he wanted to be very surprised, and then reacted, and said, "Yes, I am her son." ”

This man was stupefied. The nurse thought of this, and the heart of the fat wrap rose with warmth, hoping that his mother could recover soon, and not to live up to the fact that he had just been out of breath because of the anxiety, and the panic and pain because he was afraid that you would leave.

Under the guidance of the nurse, they signed a bunch of things, handed over some money, the money is good to say, the 100,000 yuan and the prepared took out, left their names and mobile phone numbers, they couldn't wake up in a short time, listen to the doctor who didn't want to come forward, they could only rely on medicine and wait for treatment, although cruel but the reality is so, there is no room for delicate and pretentious, Sanbao returned to the glass and looked at the more emaciated face without luster, thinking about what he could do, but he couldn't even take care of himself closely, and he felt powerless all around, The old patient who suddenly appeared next to her after her mother's operation suddenly appeared, how did she appear, she didn't even trigger a gust of wind, when was she around, she looked like she was going to fall at any time, she just arrived, but she seemed to be everywhere, these are not clear.

"Kid, go and do your own thing, it's not for anyone else to manage here." Her voice was slightly hoarse, obviously on the right side of the shorter body, but it seemed to be standing at level and talking from the ear, maybe people have lived a long time to be somewhat old, close to psychic, Sanbao is still thinking about what to do next, and she will take her words as comfort, thank you for your kindness but I don't want to speak such an expression in response, my eyes always look at my thin mother, watching the liquid flow into my body from the intubation, but the old man does not take it, opens his mouth with empty white teeth, and says slightly accusatory: "Child, look at my eyes, Look at the other person when they talk to you.

Four eyes to Sanbao looked at her eyes, the smell of hospital disinfectant water was tangy, only the sound of the instruments in the room was in her ears, and the black duck fluttered out of the pool farther away, there were all kinds of sounds in the world were human smoke, but Sanbao did not see her figure from her sunken pupils, the cloudy, brown and gray eyes could clearly reflect the white light of the chair trash can behind her, but there was no oneself, not even a hair, blood vessels, I couldn't find it, interesting, how to look at it, what a conversation! You don't have me in your eyes at all, huh? Sanbao smiled dumbly, grinned, and his mouth was slanted into a strange arc, like a flight attendant who had just learned to smil, and then slowly left, since he was here, he really said "nothing to do" according to the old man, so he wrote down the most familiar appearance of his mother, the touch of his mother's thin body was still in his arms, he wanted to cry when he left, but like a clown he could only twist and twist his facial features, how could he not overflow tears, maybe this is the worst mood, he can't even cry, he can only hold the bone feeling that will slowly fade away, memory and nostalgia are used to forget, In the future, I will definitely forget the deafening waterfall and the most lonely and persistent mother in the world as before, and at the same time, there is no mood that "must not be forgotten".

He explained his original thinking trajectory, and he could go on smoothly until he came to a place where there was no smell of disinfectant water and the sound of the treatment instrument, and his expression was not so cloudy, on the other hand, the enthusiastic old patient who was silent after looking at Sanbao, this time it was her turn to be woken up, and the nurse helped her from the side and said You came out again, she thought for a long time a simple question, and then asked the nurse with a smile what is the name of the new little girl, Maybe she just hopes that Sanbao's mother can chat with her to be so enthusiastic, as for the young man just now, whatever, once people are involved in death, their thinking will be much simpler, and people who don't achieve their wishes just have to work hard, what they like most in this life, just continue to do it, like Sanbao's mother's confession before she fell into a coma, the old patient probably also cared about the people around him all his life, but because he liked to instigate too much, no one visited, all for the sake of agreeing to the unsteady, unclear.

And the very simple question she was thinking about was that the old woman sensed that the three treasures were approaching, and his enlarged dark pupils shone with a secret and hard gray fire, but there was no self, nothing more.

The old man stubbornly ran out of his ward, one room after another, accompanied the uncle and aunt inside to talk about the family's shortcomings, listen attentively, she is the best listener, listen to the things they do when they are healthy, big or small or true or false, he can make the best response and expression, the most arouse the desire of patients to communicate, because he respects every lonely patient what he says, and respects birth, old age, sickness and death, never sad and self-sad, people die every day, the old man is the same as the early advance, Arriving earlier than the doctors and nurses and their families, holding their hands, the patients were also meek in their eyes because of her, and without the slightest cowardice to embrace death, this old man made the cold sanatorium warm and bolted together, so that it flowed with an invisible but powerful vitality.