Today, perhaps for the first time in years, I'm so sad.

So much so that my typing hand is trembling now, just like Lin Kang in the novel, the heart, was held fiercely by an invisible hand, it hurts, it hurts, I hope it will burst, but it doesn't, it just keeps shrinking, shrinking again, squeezing together, all the impact of blood instantly poured all over the body, blood vessels burst, but it still exists so humbly, it still hurts.

This is the second time I feel so powerless, obviously very conscious, but it seems to be choked by the throat, all the breath can't come up, lingering in the throat, impacting, tearing.

I wanted to close my eyes and ignore anything, in reality I was very strong, but no one knew that in the deepest part of my heart, what I was bleeding was no longer tears, it was blood, blood gushing directly from my heart.

I couldn't see the world clearly, and in the scarlet crowd came and went, they were talking and laughing, and I could only hide in the corner, pinching my chest with my fingernails, letting the pain escape from the cracked flesh.

I think that if the human heart has a smell, then mine must exude the smell of rotting corpses, and even the blood flowing will be black.

This paragraph has nothing to do with the novel, but I don't want to post these things in QQ space or Moments, so I thought about this, maybe, no one will ever see it, so I let myself die in my own world, silently......