According to my grandmother, I was born at 11:55 p.m. on the 5th day of the 12th month of the lunar calendar in 1981.

The reason why the old lady remembers it so clearly is because on the night I was born, when the midwife doctor at the town health center, my grandmother, and my father were busy cutting the umbilical cord and boiling water, my grandfather, who had studied Zhou Yi all his life, was holding a hand-copied hexagram book, holding an abacus and pulling it aside for a long time, and then looked bitter and straightened his teeth: What's the matter, why was it that he was born on the lunar day of the lunar year, it was really unlucky.

As a result, my grandmother screamed and ran out of electricity: roll the calf, what yin and yang, I can't see the height of my eyebrows, so hurry out and hug the halberd (firewood). My grandfather suddenly lost his temper, and he slipped out to hug the halberd.

If you want to say that the Northeast woman is really not covered, it is really called a domineering, don't look at the Northeast old men drinking a little wine outside, one by one, they are blowing brightly, as if seven are not satisfied with eight are not angry one hundred and twenty are not ambiguous, but when they see their daughter-in-law when they get home, they are immediately confused and upright, upright (Northeast dialect: can be understood as Lisuo, obedient, etc.).

On the one hand, it may be due to the harsh environment in the Northeast that has created the pungent character of women in the Northeast, and it is also related to the fact that the Northeast is the birthplace of the Manchus: because the Manchus respect women, for example, from the Qing Dynasty to the liberation, the banner people called their aunts aunts, which was very status and authority. This is also recorded in Lao She's novels.

Gossip is far away, although my grandmother and my policeman father and teacher, who were born under the red flag and grew up in the spring breeze, and believed in atheism, sneered at my grandfather's so-called feudal superstition, but, as if to verify the truth, it is often in the hands of a few, and as I grow up day by day, it is really more and more feminine:

I was noticeably thinner than my peers, and it always seemed as if I could hear the whispers of something in my ear. What's worse is that I often have accidents. When I was 6 years old, I went to the river with my parents to wash blankets, and I saw a very beautiful little black fish at the bottom of the river, which seemed to be still winking at me.

If my sister hadn't seen it and called my parents, I guess I would have hung up at that time, and I wouldn't have had those strange experiences that I couldn't look back on. Later, the walkway fell into a ditch, crossed the road and was cut by a car, and the fish was stabbed...... In short, the situation is constant, so scared that my parents are snot and tears all day long, and the heart says that this child is Gaha (Northeast dialect: what to do), you TM was born just to scare us to play, right?

When I asked my grandfather again, my grandfather was also vague. Why? Dare to love my grandfather to engage in that Zhou Yi is also playing tickets, usually check the solar calendar and lunar calendar conversion, and watch an auspicious day of the zodiac, but if you really want to say that it is divination, he is also confused.

Later, when my aunt's family was building a small second floor, no matter how to build, a cover to the second floor was on time, several times in a row, my aunt knew that something was wrong, and quickly asked someone to invite a famous Mr. Yin and Yang from Dayan (place name, a small town rich in coal), as if he called Dr. Ni to take a look, only to know that there was a yellow skin nest under the building, which was equivalent to occupying other people's space, and Wong Tai Sin was not happy.

My aunt asked, "What should I do?" Doctor Ni pinched his fingers and calculated: This great immortal is quite kind, for the sake of river crabs, you will ask Wong Tai Sin to be a family immortal, and on the fifteenth day of the first day of each month, just remember the offering, so that your house can also be built, and you can also ensure that your family is safe in and out, why not.

Not to mention, the building was built later, and what to do to make money, I don't know if it is really the blessing of the Baojia Immortal. But at that time, after dealing with my own affairs, my aunt immediately sent someone to take me to her house, so that Dr. Ni could see what was going on with me.

As soon as Dr. Ni saw me, he frowned at the time, and then counted my birthday, saying that my birthday was Guihai, Yichou, Xin Chou, etc., belonging to the lunar year, the moon and the cloudy day, and the heavenly life is evil, belonging to the special person who walks on the border of yin and yang, to put it bluntly, it is easy to recruit unclean things. As for the things that I almost lost my life when I was a child, there are ten ** ghosts that are haunting.

After listening to Dr. Ni's words, my parents' hearts were completely shattered at that time, too, no one can stand it, and my son is surrounded by a group of ghosts every day, which is too exciting, right? Hollywood blockbusters aren't so suspenseful (Lai Fa three times, meaning nonsense and exaggeration), right? But after all, the mother (father) and son are connected, and they still ask Dr. Ni in a low voice if he can break it. Dr. Ni's old face turned red: Hey... This one... What's... Let's talk about world peace, ah, hahaha.

According to him, if you want to change my life, you have to have a warlock who can pass the yin to go to the underworld to coordinate with a ghost named Cui what. Either that, if I encounter something particularly incredible, I will die, and it can also change my life.

At that time, my parents were almost desperate, thinking to themselves, isn't this equivalent to nonsense? is still nine deaths and one life, isn't that basically equivalent to ten deaths and no life? People are gone, and you're still making a hair? But they never expected that in their son's later years, these impossible things would become as common as daily routines. This is a later story, so I won't show it for the time being.

Besides, I was so sick and scared until I was 18 years old, and I was not careful, and I was actually admitted to the Inner Mongolia Police Academy, of course, during the interview, my second aunt's husband sent 5,000 yuan to the examiner in the admissions office of the league, and my french-like figure was fooled through the physical examination.

The police academy has nothing to say for three years, it's nothing more than some skipping class and clubbing, lying in the dormitory at night, and regretting that you are still a virgin after graduation.

But the sad thing is that when we graduated, I thought that we would successfully serve the iron rice of the police, and since then the fish and meat people in the township have been grooms with big gold chains and small watches three times a day and a small barbecue. For a while, we, the students, looked up to the sky and roared, dear, dare to ask where the road is?

As the saying goes, God is not hungry and blind, just when we are dangling at the intersection of the rice word in life, someone actually came to our police academy to recruit people, and it was actually the big yamen who hung the hall sign to recruit new police, Allah Jesus God turned **, we are saved.

The recruitment went very smoothly, the police officer in charge of recruitment was called Tian Qigong, in his 40s, with a thin face, but his figure was like a steel bar, and he looked like a practitioner, especially his eyes, which were shining, like a small awl, to see who blushed. After reading my resume, Officer Tian basically didn't ask me anything, and motioned to the other police officers who came with him, and this kid passed.

Mom San, it won't be so easy, heaven, earth, which angel sister has branded such a big pie and smashed it on her brother's head.

It's a pity that I was patronizing ecstasy at that time, but I didn't expect that this time the recruitment was successful, I was completely equivalent to digging a pit by myself, and showing people how beautiful the pit I dug was, and then jumped in like a stupid B without hesitation, and said with a shy face: Come, bury me!

If you want to say that the efficiency of this organ with a hall plate is like premature ejaculation, just one word, fast. Early the next morning, Director Mao of the Student Affairs Office knocked on the door of our dormitory and asked me to hurry to the principal's office, saying that Tian Qigong and they had come to pick up the files.

So, under the envious gaze of a group of sleepy-eyed bedmates, I followed Director Mao to the principal's office, and saw Tian Qigong wearing a police uniform, sitting in a precarious position, and a young man next to him who was also wearing a police uniform was looking through the materials in the file bag, which was estimated to be my school file or something.

And the principal who appears in our field of vision is always majestic and solemn (in fact, it is all the principal's self-thought, you think, a short and fat man with a height of 1.6 meters, wearing a right Dannu suit but wearing a round-necked shirt bought from a stall, and then stretching the frame, looking left and right, looking up and down, it looks like a second goods), it is simply a little humble to accompany the smiling face and Tian Qigong to greet.

However, Tian Qigong was obviously absent-minded, and he didn't have a match. It was only after seeing me enter the principal's office that he politely shook hands with the principal and said, "Then let's go, let's call if there is any situation." ”

"Okay," the principal patted me on the shoulder while getting up to see us off: "Yang Xiaokai, do a good job when you go to Director Tian, don't embarrass your alma mater." ”

I was a little blindsided for a while, and while picking at the in my eyes, I wondered: What is this swollen situation, what does it mean, I am Tian Qigong's person? Damn, how does this feel like being bought and sold by two traffickers with bad intentions?

However, mental activity is psychological activity, and there is no ambiguity under my feet, and I will go out with Tian Qigong. In these years, is it easy for TMD to find a job, think about those students who are crowded in the talent market, dressed brightly and holding hardcover resumes, and can't dislocate their jaws with a smile, not to mention that Tian Qigong is a policeman, he is the CEO of Qinglou, and the master will go with him, as long as he takes care of the food, it is a big deal that the master is raped in several positions.

Seeing my Alzheimer's smile, Tian Qigong also snorted and sneered: "Boy, there is a time when you cry." ”

Let's say that I followed Tian Qigong into his Land Rover like a dog, and the driver who had been waiting in the car turned around and asked: Director, where are we going?

Go to the airport. Tian Qigong leaned back and closed his eyes, as if I was sitting next to him.

The book was brief, and when we arrived at the airport, there were already people waiting there and ready our tickets. At this time, I was a little bit of a reversal (Northeast dialect: woke up), and hurriedly said to Tian Qigong: That, Tian ...... Director, ah, that's right, you see, I was taken out by you early in the morning, and my mobile phone was left in the dormitory, you see, did you borrow me a mobile phone, I called my parents and told me where I was going, or my family still thought I was playing peek-a-boo, hehehe......