"Yuncan!!" Zhou Kaicheng also rushed to me in a panic, "You hold on first, I'll send you to the hospital now, it's okay, it's going to be fine." He said that he was going to pick me up, but because he was beaten by Jiang Feng just now, his arm was broken again, and he couldn't hold it after gritting his teeth and trying several times, he turned around and yelled at Jiang Feng, "What the are you doing stupidly, hurry up and help!" ”

Jiang Feng pulled out of the shock at this time, picked me up with trembling hands and rushed out...... I could feel his heart beating like thunder, panicked to the extreme, and I couldn't think about what he did just now because of the physical and mental pain, and the only thought in my mind was that the child was gone~ I let Jiang Feng go to the hospital, I lay motionless, bleeding continuously, my pants were soaked, I didn't cry and scream, I didn't speak, as if I was frozen, while feeling the physical pain and mental despair, tears welled up.

Soon I went to the nearest hospital and hung up the emergency department, when I clearly heard the doctor say that the child had no fetal heartbeat and was about to prepare for the operation, my mind was spinning, my eyes were dark, and the whole person fainted.

When I woke up again, I was lying on the hospital bed with infusions, I was weak and weak, my thinking was also chaotic, and everywhere I looked was Jiang Feng, who was facing away from me, sitting on the chair and looking out of the window blankly...... At this time, Zhou Kaicheng had already walked into my sight and came up to me, surprised, "Yuncan, are you awake?" One of Zhou Kaicheng's hands was still hanging from the plaster, and his face was covered with bruises.

Before I could answer, I saw Jiang Feng get up like an electric shock, and he couldn't wait to pounce on me...... He looked at me tightly, his eyes flashed chaotically, showing pain and entanglement, he wanted to reach out to touch me, his hand hung in the air and then fell down again, his lips trembled and wanted to speak, but he didn't say a word, just like a child who had made a big mistake, his eyes drooped.

As I became more and more conscious, my thoughts became clearer, and I finally realized what was going on from beginning to end, I immediately sat up from my hospital bed, "Child! How is the child? "I subconsciously touched my belly, and it was very flat, flatter than before I was pregnant...... Although he already understood a little, he still grabbed Zhou Kaicheng's sleeve without giving up, "Tell me, what did the doctor say?" I looked at the bottle of my infusion again, "What kind of potion is this, is it for fetal protection?" So it's okay to say that the child is fine, right? ”

Zhou Kaicheng's eyes also drooped, his eyes were gray, he held my hand, and said in a low and difficult voice, "It's gone,"

"What do you say? I...... I didn't hear it. ”

"The child is gone." Zhou Kaicheng raised his voice slightly, and looked at me as lightly as he used to, but his comforting words were very pale, "The doctor gave you an abortion, you are very weak now, let's calm down and recuperate first, there will be more in the future." ”

Hearing this, I only felt a thunderbolt in my head, my heart was pierced by thousands of needles, my eyes closed in pain, and I fell softly at the head of the bed...... I can't hear their condolences clearly, I just feel as if I have entered another strange world, I don't want to hear or look at the world in front of me, I curled up together, my hands covered my head, my mouth open and wanted to scream, but my voice was like a hoarse, no matter what, I couldn't scream, I couldn't cry, I could only clearly feel the heart-piercing pain, the endless darkness surrounded me...... Yes, the feeling of the end of the world is back, just like I just received the news of He Yu's 'death' many years ago, but at that time I could still cry and shout, but now, I can't vent at all, I feel like I am sealed in a claustrophobic box, there is no light and no hope, and all I can perceive in my consciousness is despair.

I didn't even know what was going on around me later, I only dimly saw that there were nurses who came to help me change my dressing, there was a gentle and charitable chief physician to comfort me, and Zhou Kaicheng persuaded me in a mess......

I don't know how long this half-dream-awake state lasted, Jiang Feng, who had not spoken, knelt down in front of my hospital bed, he grabbed my hand and opened his mouth in pain, "I have already committed an unforgivable mistake to you, and it is too late to regret it, you can cut me with a thousand knives, but can you say a word, even if it is a cry, don't hold it in your heart and torture yourself, please." ”

As soon as he spoke, it pulled me back to the real world, and I could hear what he was saying...... But what does it have to do with me what he said, I glanced at him blankly, and my mind was still flashing with his fragmented memories, all the emotional entanglements with him in the past have turned to zero at this time, I am no longer entangled, I have no feelings for him, no love, no hate, no complaints, no expectations, I don't seem to know him very much, but I smiled at him stupidly......

After a few days of self-depression and the intervention of a psychiatrist, I gradually digested the fact of losing my child, my body and heart were not so numb, I had a sense of warmth and cold, and I was discharged from the hospital and returned home. But I stay at home every day, the state is sometimes good and sometimes bad, and when it is good, I sit quietly somewhere, not saying a word, seriously close myself, drink some water when I am hungry, look at the scenery outside the window in a daze, and when I think deeply, I will shed a tear or two; When the state is not good, he tears up all the pregnancy and baby books that can be seen at home and burns them, knocks over the food carefully cooked by Sister Tao to the ground, and when he sees the picture of a child on the TV, he will be crazy and want to smash the TV......

At first, Zhou Kaicheng and Jiang Feng always came to see me one after another, guarded me, and talked a lot of nonsense to me, but all they got was my zero response. One day, when Jiang Feng couldn't help but come and hug me, I suddenly let out an oozing scream in horror like an electric shock, so frightened that he immediately let go of his hand!

"You hurry up," Zhou Kaicheng warned him in a deep voice in front of me, "Can't you see it, even if you appear in front of her, you just sprinkle salt on her wounds, she is very sensitive to your existence, you'd better stay away, don't come out at this time to aggravate her condition!" Go away and don't let her see you again. ”

Jiang Feng looked at me gloomily, and after looking at me for a long time, he turned his face away, "Okay, I know you hate me, I'll get out first." ”

After he left, Zhou Kaicheng picked a moment when I was not so manic, sat next to me, and stroked my hair, "Yuncan, you cry out loud, it's good to cry, the pain will become vast and wide, we can all help you share it, and pressing it in your heart alone will only make it more and more uncomfortable......"

"Others say that you are selfish and ruthless, but I know that you have always been a person with the most important feelings, you have never received warmth since you were a child, you have always longed to be loved and protected, others are good to you for three points, you will always return ten times more, once you are emotional, you will fall into a deep place, for He Yu, for Jiang Feng, for He Yi, and for the child in your belly, and even for me and Sister Tao, it is like this, it is easy to be emotional and easy to get hurt, to be honest, many times watching you and those two people's emotional entanglements, it is very distressing for you, but more often there is nothing you can do. I hope that after this time, you can get back on your feet and have a new understanding of yourself......"

Zhou Kaicheng's warm words poked my heart, I finally had a little bit of emotional fluctuations, there was no numbness and sluggishness in the past, my nose was sour, but I still couldn't cry...... After a brief fluctuation, emotions return to endless darkness. It was as if a huge, bottomless hole had been dug in my heart, and I would never get any better, and the rest of my life would be a pool of stagnant water.

"You can go too," I finally spoke, but my words were full of bitter resentment, "I just want to be alone now." ”

Zhou Kaicheng paused, and patted me on the shoulder again, "Okay, I'll go too, leave you alone here, you can adjust it yourself, I won't bother." But I'll call you every day, and you can pick it up or not, just let me know you're okay. ”

I didn't answer him again.

In fact, when I was alone, my state did not improve, and I was always soaked in this great pathos, and I couldn't vent it...... What comes out of crying is sadness, and what can't be cried becomes depression. Yes, I feel that I am depressed and withered, I know that I am very sick, but I don't know how to get better, I can't wait to jump off the balcony every minute, but there is always some shackles to support myself, I don't know when the energy consumption will be the day when the lamp will dry up...... I can't laugh, I can't cry, I don't have any emotions, my brain is very empty, I sit and watch the time pass every day, but I can't do anything, I lose my enthusiasm for everything, I don't like to listen to songs, I don't like to watch movies, I don't like to watch dramas, I don't like dress, I don't like food, I don't like anything, I'm very sleepy but I can't sleep every night, I finally fall asleep but I have nightmares all night, or I don't wake up for more than ten or twenty hours, it's like I'm going to die.

In the middle of the night, when the scene of losing a child came back to my mind again and again, and the pain of falling from the clouds to hell wrapped me in layers and tighter, completely breathless, I finally decided to be free...... I went to the balcony and found that the second floor was too low, and I couldn't get rid of it, which would only make it more painful, so I had to go downstairs to the living room to get a fruit knife, go into the bathroom, and fill the bathtub with warm water...... In the face of the sharp knife edge, I did not fear and flinch at all, but felt that it was the antidote...... I took the knife and slashed deeply into my wrist without hesitation, blood gushed out, and the pain gradually turned into pleasure~

I heard that soaking my body in warm water can keep the blood flowing out and prevent the wound from clotting automatically, so I soaked in the bathtub, closed my eyes and silently enjoyed this relief, saying goodbye to this world unprepared, and I lost consciousness at some point......