Chapter 192: The Day of Reincarnation (38) 1127 Heaven

The chaotic voice came from the intersection in my ears, and I stood there and looked at the position, and the sound came into my ears, which seemed to be very close and yet very far away.

Is this the truth? Is this what makes this day of constant samsara special?

On July 21, 2005, my parents were killed in a car accident as I went back to look for my wallet.

A strong sense of dizziness suddenly flooded into my brain, the hustle and bustle of the voices gradually dissipated, the sharp roar in my ears and my panicked heartbeat, the light and shadow in front of me disappeared little by little, and in the darkness of nothingness, I only remember feeling a embrace before I was completely unconscious.

When I opened my eyes again, I was greeted by a night sky with a little starlight.

"You're awake."

A familiar voice came from above, and I realized that my head was resting on a person's lap. When I sat up, I realized that there was a bench under me, and the surrounding environment was very dark, and when I turned my head, the face of the person who spoke was also hidden in the shadows, and I couldn't see clearly.

But I know that it is Lu Haisheng.

"Is this a park?" I looked around and could vaguely recognize the park next to my house. "Have I been fainting for a long time? It's dark."

"It's been a few hours, and it's been considered death." Lu Haisheng's voice was very low, and he couldn't hear any emotion.

As a premonition of death, I hummed softly, did not speak again, leaned back on the back of the bench, and for a moment felt only a blank in my mind, as if I could not think of anything, and it seemed that there was nothing to think about.

After being silent for a while, Lu Haisheng spoke again, "You haven't reset today in the time you fainted. “

"Hmm." I whispered again and didn't speak.

So there was a long silence, I don't know if Lu Haisheng couldn't think of anything to say to me, or if he felt that it was better for me to be quiet. In my spare eye, I saw that Lu Haisheng followed my example, leaned back on the bench, and looked up at the night sky with me.

I know what he meant, and since I didn't reset this day in the time I fainted, it means that the reset is over.

And at the end of the reset, we must have thought that we did something right, which means that our previous guess was correct, and that car accident was the truth of this reincarnation day.

I closed my eyes slightly, feeling incredibly safe in the dark. Man is a strange creature, on the one hand, afraid of the unknown and fear represented by the darkness, on the other hand, he loves to hide in the dark or expose himself wantonly.

"I didn't just talk to Xu Ruohan yesterday."

I said softly, as if I was saying it to Lu Haisheng, and it seemed to be giving myself the courage to face it, or - an excuse to escape self-blame.

Lu Haisheng didn't speak, and all that responded to me was the sound of steady and even breathing in the dark. He knew that I didn't really need to respond, that he just listened quietly, and that was enough.

"When I got home last night, I told my mom and dad about the time reset as well." I closed my eyes and continued, only in the dark did I have the courage to continue, and only with my eyes closed, I could control my emotions and not collapse or explode, "including those speculations, including that they would die, including that because I missed my wallet, the act of going back to pick up the wallet indirectly killed them." ”

"I thought that they would resent me, they would hate me, they would choose and demand that I never stop this cycle as long as they could continue to live."

"But I was wrong. Both of them chose to let me end this cycle, both of them chose to let me go on, and both of them said it wasn't my fault. ”

"They don't even say a word that they're going to die, they're not afraid of death at all, the only thing they're worried about is their life after they're gone"

"They told me sentence by sentence how to go on in the future, and taught me over and over again how to get out of this matter, only worry, but not the slightest resentment, they are not reluctant to live their own lives, they are reluctant to live alone in the future"

"They said to me, don't cry, they said I'm going to be alone in the days to come, so don't cry, don't cry for them."

My eyes were hot for a while, and I didn't dare to open them, for fear that even opening a slight gap would cause tears to flow out. I promised, I promised them not to cry when they died, I couldn't cry.

Taking a deep breath, I let out a wry smile, "You know, when I got their answer, my heart suddenly relaxed, and then I suddenly realized that I was such a despicable person, it was my parents, my parents who have been by my side since I was born, how could I not understand them?" How could I not know. They won't blame me? Actually, I never thought they would complain about me, I just wanted to hear them say that they didn't complain about me. ”

"I knew from the beginning that they wouldn't blame me, and I knew they would make that choice before I asked them. My inquiries, when I tell them about the time reset, just want them to say the answers I want in person, so that I can be at ease with my mistakes and mistakes. And if, even one in ten thousand, they don't say the answer I want, then I can take it for granted that they don't love me that much, and I don't have to feel so guilty and blame myself, in fact, whatever the answer they give, it is an excuse for me to let myself go. ”

I raised my right arm and pressed my forearm against my closed eyes, and the darkness became even thicker: "What's even more terrifying is that the courage to say everything is based on the premise of time reset." I know that as soon as I fall asleep, they will forget what I have said, they will not remember that I am going to send them to death according to the set route, they will not remember that they gave me an excuse to escape self-blame and guilt, they will not even remember that they are about to die. They will remember nothing, and will only be two tools that I can send them to death with peace of mind, so that I can escape this day of samsara. ”

"And because they don't remember anything after the time reset, I don't have to feel the greatness of them dying for me willingly, and I don't have to bear the pressure of sending someone who is willing to die for me. I just had to tell myself that they didn't remember anything, that they didn't have the fear of death, that their death was their choice, that they didn't blame me, you see, and just like that, I got everything I wanted, but I didn't have any guilt or self-blame, it was all in my plan, and I could fully accept the sacrifices they made for me and feel at ease that I was such a despicable person. ”

I put down the arm that was pressed in front of me, opened my eyes, looked at a few dim starlights in the night sky, and said to Lu Haisheng, "If what you tell me is true, if there really is an endless room, then what is the meaning of the existence of this room?" Fulfill my meanness? Or do you overestimate my character and think that I can't do such a despicable thing and I'll be stuck here forever? Huh"

There was a sound of rustling around me, and I tilted my head slightly, Lu Haisheng sat up, put his arms on his legs, and crossed his hands in front of him.

"When I guessed that, I hesitated to tell you the truth." "I've thought more than once that I've been selfish, I'm just going to live here forever, you don't remember what happened before we got here, I don't want to explain too much, I can only say that it's much better to stay here forever than my old life." ”

The original life? I was a little confused, as Lu Haisheng said, I don't remember what happened before, just thinking about it, I can't think of what Lu Haisheng's original life was like, so I didn't speak, and continued to listen to him.

"I ultimately chose to tell you the truth, not because of how desperate I wanted to get out of here, but because I wanted you to be the real you."

The real me? What does that mean?

I said, "You mean you want me to be 25 again?" ”

"Nope." Lu Haisheng shook his head slightly, "I used to think it was the real you, but later I found out that it wasn't either." ”

I didn't quite understand what Lu Haisheng meant, so I sat up slightly and waited for his next words.

"I've never figured out one thing." Lu Haisheng's voice was very low and a little hoarse, which sounded at this time, but it unexpectedly made me feel a lot calmer, "At first, I thought that you had completely returned to the state you were seven years ago, and now you are Mu Li Moli in 2005, but later I found out that many things show that you just look a few years younger on the outside, but whether it is physical condition, physical fitness, preferences or others, it is the same as in 2012." ”

My heart moved, and what Lu Haisheng said now was exactly the question I thought of before, "Yes, you are right, but there is a lot of difference between my personality and that time, this is what you don't understand, right?" ”

"Yes." Lu Haisheng nodded slightly, "I just don't understand why your personality is so far from the personality I knew in 2012." I thought about it for a long time, thought of many possibilities, and finally came up with the most probable explanation. ”

Lu Haisheng continued: "The most likely explanation is that you have never changed, and the one I came into contact with in 2012 is just your appearance, or a disguise. You instinctively don't want to come into contact with people, and you voluntarily choose to close yourself off, I vaguely felt it before, but I don't know why you are like this. ”

"Now, I think I know. On July 21, 2005, your parents died in a car accident, and the idea that you thought you had indirectly killed your parents made you reject contact with others and closed yourself off. Lu Haisheng said, turned his head to look at me, I couldn't see his face clearly in the dark, only two eyes with a little light, "It's not just the two of us who have been trapped today, but also your heart that is trapped because of this idea." ”

"And now it's time to get out, that's what this room is about."