I walked in with my aunt's urn in my arms, and Soeren came in behind with the slipper I had forgotten. I respectfully placed my aunt's ashes on her bedside table as if I had offered a priceless pearl. I gently clasped my palms on my forehead and kowtowed sincerely. Soeren seemed to be saying something, and I couldn't make out a word.

Above the head of the bed, there is a picture of an aunt hanging on the wall, wearing a black gown, with a delicate figure and a clever smile, and the background is a starry sky, as beautiful as a picture embroidered on velvet. There are still so many beautiful clothes in the closet. The dress that was almost thrown to the tailor by Yi Xu is still there.

This home is clean and tidy, exactly what I remember. The brown upholstery sofa on which I used to sit with Yi Xu and watch TV. In this restaurant and kitchen, we used to cook here, and our first kiss of "Hunan cuisine plus kissing equals Sichuan cuisine" happened here.

The entire wall of the living room is hung with a painting that Yi Xu drew when he was a child. Orange sky, yellow grass, purple house, blue road, green face. When he was a child, Yi Xu saw the world in such a color, because he always used the color that the teacher did not ask for, he was expelled from two painting classes, and his mother encouraged him to paint by himself. His mother said that the paintings he painted were good, and she also hung those paintings on the wall, from the wall of the previous house to the wall of this home, hanging all over the whole growth of Yi Xu.

Easy room, red and black sheets and duvet covers, this is his love for AC Milan. There are all kinds of books on the shelves, most of them about animals. Easy wardrobe, more shirts and suits than before. In the past two years, he has gone from a boy who can grab a T-shirt and put it on his body to a man in a suit and leather shoes. He put on a suit for the first time, and showed me a video call, he said: "Xijia, look, I look like a dog!" ”。

The voices of the past are still vivid. I touched the suit, and it seemed to have his temperature. It's not so much that I'm standing in a home where I'm not changing much, but that I'm falling into unforgettable memories. Time is not heavy, passing away like the morning glow, the wind is changing, the snow is changing, thinking about the king and thinking of the king cannot come true, this house is like the previous life.

“Heyheyhey！！” Soeren nudged me impatiently, "Why don't you talk to me?" ”

I woke up: "Say! Of course! What did you say? ”

"I have a question, who are they?" Soeren asked me, pointing to a photo.

On a long table against the wall in the living room is a photo of Yi Xu and his aunt when he was a child, and some sketches drawn by Yi Xu.

"This is easy continuation, this is Auntie. Auntie is the one we brought back. ”

"How old is he? The photo is not new. Soeren said.

I picked up another frame and stroked the face of Yi Xu in the photo: "He's the same age as us." He doesn't like photography, so there are no new photos. ”

"Is this his mother?"

"Yes."

His eyes widened and he said, "He looks like his mother." ”

"Not like it now." I say.

"Like Daddy now?"

I sighed, "I don't know. He doesn't have a dad. ”

"Why don't you have a dad?"

"When he was one year old, his father left."

"Dead?" He asked one question after another, probably the reason why Yi Xu agreed with me not to talk about my father back then, the topic is always easy at the beginning, but the answer to the question is difficult to find.

"I went to Russia, and then there was no news."

"Why is she important to you?" He asked me, pointing to my aunt's photo.

I put the frame on my chest and pressed it tightly: "Because her son is my boyfriend." ”

"Who?"

"That's him." I pointed to the smiling face on the other photo.

Soeren looked at me from top to bottom: "You're not ......"

Through the frame, I still felt my heartbeat: "I'm sorry, I lied, this is someone I've loved for six years, I'm not Gay." ”

I always thought that the two of us were not friends, but only acquaintances, because I deliberately kept my distance from him from the first time. The first time I saw him, I thought he had snatched Cupid's quiver, and when he saw a girl, he fired indiscriminately, and I haven't seen his serious girlfriend to this day. I was a little afraid of him, I don't know if it was because of Italian origin, I always felt that he was a bit of skin hunger, especially like to cuddle with people, every time he wanted to come to me to the German double kiss to say hello, or wanted to hug me, I avoided it.

One time he suddenly grabbed my upper arm and escorted me safely across the road, thinking it was a gentleman's move, and as a gentleman he took a woman safely across the road. But it's not that I can't cross the street, I'm not mentally retarded or disabled, this action is too ambiguous for me, and you are not easy to continue, so I said seriously, "Nevertouchmeagain!" ”。 Because of Funny, we also have conversations in English.

He was shocked, for him, not grabbing a woman to gnaw, it was not a "touch", he felt extremely desolate, and suddenly realized, pointed to a man on the side of the road and asked me, "Willyouallowanyofthemtotouchyou?" (Do you allow any of them to touch you?) ）

Of course I say no! Later, I called Zhang Yi and proudly told her that I had traditional feminine virtues, and men other than Yi Xu didn't want to get close to me, and I was the best kind of girlfriend. In the past, in China, I looked more ordinary and had no chance to know, but when I got a chance in Germany, I found that it was not uncommon for me to really get close to other men. Zhang Hengli is not included in the scope of men.

Soeren distanced himself from me and asked, "Areyouagay?" instead. (Are you gay?) ）

I don't remember if I had told him about having a boyfriend. But I remembered a German I met when I first arrived in Germany, and I understood that this land seems to be a little different from China, you say that you have a boyfriend, it doesn't make a difference, he wants to do to you, or what will happen.

When I first arrived in Germany, life was quite comfortable. In the morning, I took my student ticket and departed from the center of Hamburg, went shopping and took pictures, and in the afternoon I went to meet some seniors of the Chinese Student Union. Every day, the tips of my hair are fresh and refreshing. At that time, I still had a sense of responsibility from the country of etiquette, and I greeted everyone warmly, but once at the door of the teaching building, I greeted an inexplicable German.

The Germans kindly asked me how long I had been in Germany, was it from this school? What major? I am very sincere in answering them one by one. Within two minutes, he asked me if I had a boyfriend. He said we're friends now, and if you don't have a boyfriend, I want to be your boyfriend. I politely declined to say that I had a boyfriend. He asked you if your boyfriend was in China? I'm right, he's in China. I thought it was all over with my answer, so I smiled and said good morning to him when I met him at the school gate a few days later. But he came over and asked, you should be my girlfriend today, right? I calmly reminded him, didn't I tell you I had a boyfriend? He shrugged and said but you're not together now, he's in China! I ignored him and rushed upstairs.

The third encounter was already a new Monday, the first day of school. For two days over the weekend, I had forgotten all about the unhappiness. When I saw him waving to me at the door from afar, I remembered that this man had already met him twice. He handed me a cigarette and asked, "Have you thought about it, I think there's enough time." I refused his cigarette and asked him what he was considering. He said, I've said it twice, I want to be your boyfriend!

I didn't have time to get tired of him, but I was already impatient. I said I said too, I have a boyfriend! He's far away in China, but he's my boyfriend! The man frowned, shrugged his shoulders and smiled and said, It's okay, I don't mind half and half! You know, if you are with a German, you can get a lot!

I understand what half and half mean, I really can't understand the person in front of me! This so-called half and half, divided not a bottle of beer and a box of cigarettes, it represents a kind of blasphemy, on feelings against the body! It represents a trampling, a personal and self-esteem! He saw the change in my eyes, and the simple eyes that were supposed to be casually greeted became complicated, confused, surprised, and contemptuous, I don't know how much he understood, I shook my head and wanted to leave.

That man, maybe twenty years older than me? He was yellow, skinny, and a little hunchbacked, with crow's feet at the corners of his eyes, and only a few strands of hair crawling from the back of his head on the top of his head, and he smelled of alcohol. He also said that if I was with him as a German, I could gain a lot! What do I need to get at the cost of selling myself? He wants to be my boyfriend? Phew!

What should my boyfriend look like? He should have an upright spine with a clean appearance, he should be energetic and energetic, he should run in the snow with a smile in the sun! I'm not raising my own value, my youth is my value, it's so precious that I can't look down at it and I can't handle it at a low price! I'm not a dreamer, my boyfriend is like that! I don't really know Germany yet, but at least in China, what kind of big deal are these conditions for getting love that goes hand in hand with self-esteem?!

The German didn't let me go, and he suddenly grabbed my wrist and said, "I think we're going to have a good chat at a bar!" I yelled and shook off his hand and ran to the subway station. He was like a monster that had just escaped from the primeval forest, savage, ugly, dirty, and his whole body evaporated with stench! I felt the disgust and fear so strongly that I just wanted to run, and the farther I went, the better! I didn't dare look back to see if he had followed. I buried my head all the way until I rushed back to my rented room.

The next day, I prayed all the way not to let me touch him and not let him see me. I thought about going out at the subway entrance, going around to the side of the teaching building to see if he was there, because the teaching building was so perverted that there was only one entrance! But as soon as I stepped out of the subway, I saw him standing there. The place where he stood was a diversion point for several exits, and whoever wanted to get out had to walk under his nose. I'm sure he's him, he's hunched over his head and looking around blankly, I've seen him three times, and he's never changed the clothes he's wearing, last week, yesterday, today, it's exactly the same! Maybe the strong, sour smell I smell isn't just the smell of alcohol! He just looked around, examining the people who walked by him from time to time, and I couldn't take a step. Suddenly he saw me and ran towards me! I turned around and ran towards the back of the car, I was scared, I knew I couldn't go far, there was no exit ahead! The alarm bell sounded on the subway, and I rushed into the last car, the subway door shutting my backpack shut. He was banging on the car window outside, and the glass in front of me projected his savagery.

I got home and called a senior sister trembling to explain the situation, and the next morning the Chinese student union invited a German teacher to warn the person in person. He is a person who lives on government subsidies, and if he has a bad record, it will have an impact on the subsidies in the future, and the teacher reminded him to think clearly.

The man never reappeared. But the senior sister of the student union told me that this is not an isolated case, this person is fortunate to be poor, and he has some scruples, and it is easy to solve it. Many Europeans, when you tell him that they have a boyfriend, they still chase after them as a joke. In the past, a senior sister who was four years older than me summed up the experience, in Europe, if you don't want to be chased by men, just say that you are married, Europeans still respect marriage and family. If you don't want to be hugged by a man, just say you're gay, straight men always avoid crooked women. So there has been such a joke in the Chinese circle: a girl is obviously unmarried, and she tells those foreigners that she is married, and her boyfriend breaks up after hearing about it, thinking that she has been hooked up by a married man! Others said that they were gay, but they were targeted by a group of real lesbians.

I was confronted by Soeren on the side of the road because even though I was married, it seemed to him that the behavior he had done to me was only out of friendliness, not too much. But the men I have come into contact with, except for Yi Xu, is Zhang Hengli. Yi Xu is a boyfriend, a person of love, and the touch on the body is sweet. Between Zhang Hengli and me, I will give you a punch and you will kick me back, which is a child-like fight that has continued from the junior high school days. Soeren's daily habits are really too tiresome and ambiguous in my opinion!

As a precaution, I nodded and said, "Yep, Iamalesbian." (Yes, I'm gay)

Since then, Soeren hasn't done anything to me, and the deliberate way I kept my distance from him made Yi Xu laugh.

Soeren held his head and shouted, "Ohmygod! Youreallyhaveprivacy！ (You have so much privacy!) ）

I asked him to sit on the couch with me and tell him the whole story. When I speak, I always hear my own voice far away, as if there is a little girl in the distance, hiding behind the thick smoke, sometimes cheerful, sometimes whimpering, slowly telling her happy past and the bleakness of reality.

“Oh，my！” After listening to this, Soeren held his head and said excitedly: "If you want to keep distance with me, you don't say that you are Lesbian, you just say that you eat a lot of animal brains!" ”

"That's called preserved eggs!"

He spread his hands and looked at me innocently, like a child who proved that he had not stolen candy: "But I am a little hurt. Am I bad? ”

"Nope!" I hurriedly comforted him and said, "It's my problem!" ”

"He asked you to tell me you're GAY, right?"

"It's not. It's my own decision. ”

"Why? If it's his decision, I can understand it, because he doesn't know me, and he can be jealous. If it's your decision, I don't understand, I'm not dirty, and I don't stink! ”

I tried to explain: "He's not such a stingy person, he just asked me not to drink, nothing else." It's me who has decided not to drink, smoke, make friends, play ambiguously with men, and be the most rustic person, keeping a distance between men and women who are not intimate with men, including you. I know I've been a little bit too much, as if you're really interested in me, and you're not a daughter, who is rare? But that's what I want, the more I feel at ease, I know that I have a good relationship, because of trust, give each other freedom, because of cherishing, restrain myself. ”

Seeing that he didn't respond, I asked again, "Do you understand?" Should I speak in German? ”

"No, I want to learn Chinese. I think that last sentence is very important, can you say it again? ”

I repeated: "Should I speak in German?" ”

"Not this one!"

I smiled and obediently repeated: "I think I have a good relationship, in this relationship, because of trust, to give the other party freedom, because of cherishing, to restrain myself." Got it? ”

His eyes rolled, as if he understood.

"Because of what? What to give? ”

“AusvertrauenlassenwireinanderRaum，ausdankbarkeitsetzenwirunsselbstGrenzen。”

“Jesus！” He couldn't deny: "You love him a lot, why go to Germany alone?" ”

"He wanted to go with me, we imagined our study abroad life, and imagined that we were dependent on each other in a strange country, and we were so excited. But then his mother came home from a business trip and told him that it was very tiring to manage a company by himself, and he needed to join the company as soon as he graduated. Out of filial piety, he decided to stay in Changsha. I wanted to give up and not go to Germany, but he convinced me. ”

"Persuasion?"

“Convince。”

“How?”

"He said to me, 'You shouldn't just love me, you have to love your parents, you love your dreams, you have to love the distance, you love the unknown, you have to love life. We live in an era that is too good to be true, with advanced information, convenient transportation, and unimpeded communication. The world is big, and people should travel far and wide. He asked me to go and see the other side of the world for the two of us, and he said that being apart is not not disconnected, and being separated is not a breakup. He also asked me, 'Are you worried that your parents don't want you when you're away from home for a few years?' I said of course not. He said that if it is a relative, it will not. ”

"That's it? Four or five sentences? ”

With a little pride, I said, "Yes, no matter how big it is, he can handle it with just a few words." ”

He frowned and asked, "But why didn't you go back to China in the summer?" ”

"My plan is to work hard in September during the summer vacation. At the end of the summer vacation, I have to renew my visa and support the woman, and I don't have enough money in the bank. ”

"Yes, yes, yes! Who is it? You still haven't told me! ”

"It's Zhang Hengli, it's my sick friend, his EX. You can see that Zhang Yi loves him very much, and I don't want her to always see the two of them together, so I found a way to find a job for that girl in another place, and I need to pay the salary for that job. ”

He was surprised: "Are you crazy? ”

"yes!" I said, "What a ghost, how can I imagine that I am so short of money now!" Zhang Yi used to say that I would be killed by money one day, and sure enough. ”

"What about August?"

Yi Xu was planning to go to Hamburg for a month during the summer vacation, and August was an off-season for foreign trade, just enough to take a vacation. But the company expanded, and he was very busy in the off-season, so he didn't go. My parents immediately said that they wanted to have fun, but they didn't go in the end. If I go home, I can't make money, I'm embarrassed to talk to my parents, and the round-trip ticket is a big expense. So I used the excuse of studying, gritted my teeth and didn't return to China. ”

"Your mom and dad are also very busy at work?"

"It's not. Funny didn't agree with them living in her house, but she didn't tell me, and when she pretended to be friendly and greeted my parents in the video, she suddenly pulled out a piece of paper, which was actually in Chinese, and it said 'You are not welcome'! made my mother mad, swore not to go to Germany, and asked me to find time to find a house every day after studying, not only to pick a good house, but also to choose a good landlord! She wanted me to move, and said she wouldn't let that old monster make my money. It took me three days to put on wallpaper and move furniture, so I didn't dare to let my mom see that I hadn't moved. ”

Soeren listened, his eyes getting more and more wooden.

"I should speak German, right? Or English? You don't understand a lot, do you? I asked him.

“No！” As if he had been awakened, he instantly showed embarrassment, and quickly changed the subject: "Where is he?" ”

"Who? Easy to renew? ”

“Yep。”

My desolate voice came out of my throat, low: "ImGef?ngnis." (In prison)

“Howcome?”

I suddenly became interested in teasing him, deliberately slowed down my speech, and said gloomily: "Because two people died, the police suspect that he killed them, and they are sitting on the sofa where we are sitting." ”

He jumped up, and he startled me. I thought he was going to rush out the door, but he just excitedly said, "I like it!" ”

I didn't like to hear this, so I gritted my teeth and asked him, "Do you like him being caught?" ”

"It's not! I've always wanted to come to such a magical place, is this it? He asked, pointing to the couch.

"Yes, aren't you afraid?"

"Don't be afraid. Ichbinaufgeregt！ (I'm so excited)" he smiled, stood up, looked left and right, and said, "Duglaubstnicht, dasserderM?rderist, oder?" (You don't think he's a murderer, do you?) ）”

"Of course not!"

"What can we do?"

I said sadly, "My lawyer said nothing could be done. ”

He hung his head in disappointment, with a confused expression, like a child who has been snatched of a toy by an inseparable companion, who not only snatched the toy, but also crushed it in front of him.

"But ......"

He immediately brightened: "What? ”

"You help me find out, do you have a wallet or bank card, I need money to save him!"

"Bank card?"

"If it's easy to continue, I know the password."

He shook his head and muttered, "Crazy! ”

Shaking his head, he rushed to inspect the long table in the living room filled with frames, paintings, and some decorations.

I casually rummaged through the drawers in the room, but I couldn't find any money or a bank card. Soeren in the living room was holding a bottle of wine and turning it upside down.

"He has very good wine." He said.

"Did you find your card?"

"I looked for a little bit, and then I looked for this wine."

I counted the wine on the wine cabinet and 17 bottles were not opened.

Going to Yi Xu's room, he has a watch on his bedside table. There are also watches, necklaces, and earrings in my aunt's room. I immediately made up my mind that I was going to be a thief. But not today. I can't get involved with Soeren, next time I'll come alone.

Thinking like this, my heart feels sad. Yi Xu used to be so intentional and stubborn to respect the agreement with his mother - to go home every day to maintain the popularity of this family. Now there is a dead silence, and they don't even know that their home has been broken into like this.