(a)

For as long as I can remember, I used to sit on a stone bench far away from Jiang Hua and watch her play with the maids. Her little face of a beautiful embryo is very pleasing to her father and Erniang.

The Jiang family has two children, one is a Chuchu beauty with a face like jade, hair like snow, and a waist like a willow branch-Jiang Hua (younger sister), and the other is my brother, who was born with a crippled face and a strange physique-Jiang Shan. Daddy said that Jiang Hua was born to Erniang, and the eldest mother called by the painting should be my biological mother, but my mother died early, and she and I have never called. It is said that my mother died because of the monster who gave birth to me, and I thought that my father must hate me to the core, gritted his teeth, and abused me for being an unlucky thing. On the contrary, my father was surprisingly good to me, and he couldn't beat me or scold me, so that I was often misguided by my stubborn nature.

It's strange to say, I'm the same age as the girl in the painting, and even the birth date is the same, but I can't tell the elder from the young, but the elders in the family insist that I was born a few hours earlier than Jiang Hua, and I am the eldest brother. I didn't want to be a brother, I wanted to be an old man, a collection of thousands of favors and one, with my father and mother, my sister coquettish, stealing food without being beaten, being lazy and not being punished, just because I was too hurried when I was reincarnated, so I couldn't help it. The painting is a happy brother, a long brother, and a short brother. After a long time, I got used to it.

When I was three years old in the winter, Jiang Hua and I were both taking a nap on Erniang's couch, and she suddenly cried. Jiang Hua cried, I cried too, crying liver and intestines, heartbreaking. Erniang asked, "Why is the painting crying?"

I sobbed and blew my nose as I said, "I'm wetting the bed."

Erniang asked again: What are you crying about?

I said, "I think I've been holding my pee for a long time, and the painting says I'm peeing."

Erniang said that I am an elder brother, a man, and a younger sister, and I should be more sensible than her. My understanding at the time was that older children should not defecate in the open.

(b)

When I was seven years old, my father invited us to teach Mr. Lu, whose surname was Lu Mingsheng, but at that time Chang'an, there were few people with the surname Lu, Lu was the national surname, and only the royal family and nobles or did something that was beneficial to the country's society could be given the national surname, and Mr. Lu only wrote a shocking "Beauty Fu" at that time, which described the beauty at a deep level that was hearty and exquisite, so "Lu" was born. I also have no rules, no big or small, one bite of "braised eggs" on the left, and one bite of "braised eggs" on the right. At first, Jiang Hua couldn't understand the mystery, but after knowing some words, he thoroughly understood the difference between "braised eggs" and "Lu Dan", and felt the fun of it.

Mr. Lu liked his book "The Thirteen Treatises of Science", but he never taught us one of the thirteen treatises. On weekdays, I try to teach some articles about Gu Lang, a popular talent in Chang'an. I don't like Gu Lang's tirades very much, the rhetoric is too ornate and lingering, but there are some clichés that are not sick*, and they are full of panic. Mr. Lu thought that I was trying to please him and pat him on the back, so that I would have malicious intentions towards the talented man in Chang'an who I had never met, and I would comment on him viciously.

Mr. Lu asked me what I was interested in.

I said, "Fame."

Mr. Lu said: This is not the content of the class, I will not tell your father.

Mr. Lu asked again.

I said: Beauty.

Mr. Lu was surprised: Ah!

I said: The beauty of the country and the beauty of the country, everything is destined.

I asked again: What is Mr. Lu interested in?

Mr. Lu said: Naturally, it is fame.

I said: This is not the content of the class, I don't tell outsiders.

Mr. Lu said: Beauty!

It is said that heroes are sad to pass the beauty pass, so from this point of view, Mr. Lu and I are also heroes in a certain sense. I have always wondered what Mr. Lu's "Thirteen Treatises on Science" is. Mr. Lu said: Curiosity kills cats.

I said: curiosity can only kill cats, because they are inferior animals and have no brains.

Mr. Lu said: If you have a brain, don't be curious.

I don't understand, I'm curious. However, my thirst for knowledge turned out to be blind curiosity in Mr. Lu's eyes. The desire to explore the unknown forced me to have a heart to dig for the truth. The emperor lived up to his wishes, and in the hands of a market vendor, he bought a pirated copy of Mr. Delu's "Thirteen Treatises on Science", except for the different shades of the printed font and the rough paper like toilet paper, the rest was the same as the genuine version. The Thirteen Treatises are actually books that can't see the light and see the parents, including about beauty, on the love of men and women, on the love of men and women, on the love of the emperor and me, and on the bright moonlight in front of the bed. After reading it, both men and women, young and old, will have their blood swelling, their faces flushed and their hearts beat, their breathing strained, their seven orifices bleeding, and their eyes glowing. I have a talent for being good at learning and drawing inferences.

Mr. Lu said in class: The quality of beautiful jade is fine and hard, the luster is transparent, and it is really the best quality. Just describe it briefly.

I said, "I'm holding it, caressing it, it's smooth and delicate, and it's cold and warm." I pressed against its snow-white ice muscles, felt its pulse, its heartbeat—"

Mr. Lu said: Class!

Mr. Lu said that I had gone astray and that there was no cure. If I am astray, then he must be the leader of the astray. Mr. Lu consciously said goodbye to the old man and returned to his hometown, so as to prevent the next generation from harming the country because of his personal ideals. Later, I heard that Mr. Lu continued to write and sell fragrant novels in his hometown in the countryside, which developed rural culture, encouraged more rural villagers to pursue and release their emotions, and promoted the harmony of the boudoir in the countryside and the happy reproduction of the next generation.

It's just that I never have a chance to surpass Mr. Lu again.