So I kept crying, hating myself for being a lot older and not learning anything, and since many, many years ago, since that bookshelf and door cabinet were ready, I have been preparing for a global road trip for some year, isn't it?

The equipment that appeared slowly, the related books that appeared one after another, the TV programs that were set, the computers that were remotely controlled, hehe, but after so many years, I was getting farther and farther away from what I wanted, and my life was about to end, and I had never been to Yellowstone Park to see the shadow of the end of the world......

Even when he is approaching middle age, he loses the basic ability to protect himself.

There was also that row of cooking books, but after moving with them, they tore them when they got angry, and they didn't learn a few exquisite local specialties anyway. In this way, it is far from the exquisite life that you are pursuing, let alone the life of global exploration. Before I went on an adventure, my body collapsed, and I collapsed. I have been preparing for so many years but I have forgotten.

At that time, although I knew that I should not shed tears there, because the customs of each place were different, maybe they were taboo, and I did not know that I could not deal with the coercion of hesitation and inexplicable arrival.

Ah, another night, someone said that there was only one commissary in the industrial area, and that man had a big dog, and he was crazy. As soon as I heard this, I planned to visit the commissary at night. So I took the stick by the door and went to the place where she had pointed it out to me. I wanted to go and see the man who opened the commissary and ask him if he was lonely on the Gobi Desert. But just walking past the Qinyang Electric Pole Factory, I heard the voice of a big wolf dog lingering in the empty factory.

I continued to walk forward, and saw a large steel factory, but there was no shadow of a commissary, nor was there the owner of the commissary who was said to be "immortal and crazy". On the dark road, there are no people, only the vast Gobi Desert. The fierce dogs stood behind the gate and looked at me, constantly roaring, I approached them with bamboo sticks, wanted to see what kind of dogs they were, I had read a very thick book on domesticating dogs, and I thought that I had to raise a fierce dog to go on an expedition, so as to fight with the beasts.

But the dogs in the steel mill barked too loudly, and the sky was shaking. Afraid of disturbing the rest of the people in the dormitories of the factories, I hurried back to the main road and continued to walk to the endless and distant factory stores. Suddenly a car came, and they stopped in front of me, "We're going to Etbon, do you know how to get there?"

I showed them the way, but I continued to walk forward, and as I walked, there were no street lights, so I was a little timid and wanted to give up visiting the commissary at night.

Maybe it's better to go during the day.

But I wasn't allowed to go out of the gate during the day, and the heat was unbearable.

When I got back to my accommodation, I grabbed the baton at the door, put on my hat, and went to look for the guys who had just driven in. Coincidentally, I saw a one-dimensional man sitting under the incandescent lamp at the door of the workshop in the factory area, his eyes were very beautiful, his hair was slightly curly, and he was also looking at me through the door.

Immediately, I walked to the dormitory, because someone reminded me a few days ago, "Recently, there have been armed police everywhere, and there are a lot of troublemakers." And one day I looked at the body armor and asked, "Is this body armor bulletproof?"

After ten o'clock the next night, I saw someone coming home from work, so I was anxious and sad, I felt uncomfortable after drinking Chinese medicine, lying on the bed listening to the music played by Electrician Li next door, I felt that my body suddenly became so weak and was shocked by some kind of coercion, I must have been poisoned. According to the methods written in some books, if you want to cure Gu poison, you have to go to the high mountain village with all five poisons to find a witch doctor to fight poison with poison.

It happened that at noon the next day, a CCTV advertisement broadcast Guangxi's high mountain tea, and listening to the voice, I actually mistook it for Jiang Xiaoping. I suddenly felt that if I wanted to get rid of all the poison in my body, I had to go to Guangxi. Maybe I can go to him and ask him to help me find a powerful witch doctor for the old irons, and get the "Gu" out of my body, I don't want it to crawl out alive.

I don't know why I think I have such a self-righteousness, but when I went from being awake to being in a coma, and then when I woke up from a coma, I knew in a daze, I transferred to several hospitals, and cried and called my brother in "Tibetan/Yi/Korean" on the emergency channel - it's not a good thing to watch too many movies, and I actually spoke Shanghainese to others when I was in Shanghai, I really had a problem.

At the hospital, I woke up without a high fever (41°), and was tied to the hospital bed, and I was dazed to see that the blood vessels on the back of my left hand had been injected with a small coagulated red "thing", and the blue and white cloth bag had strangled my hands out of the bruises. I looked listlessly at the card on the wall of the hospital bed with my name written on it, and a red heart and a green leaf drawn underneath.

Someone whispered to me, "Don't struggle, let you go." Don't even want to run. ”

I know what the doctor means by saying this. Because the first time I was taken to the second floor of the hospital, I looked at the fire escape map of the floor where I passed in a daze and wanted to get out. In the process of escaping, I was intercepted by a very strong female security guard, and then struggled desperately - to outsiders, I was no different from crazy. But who knows what a person's "experience" is?

We've been preparing for my unrealistic ideals, but life isn't perfect. Life is impermanent, and I haven't given up that unrealistic ideal, so I've been struggling, and it's a futile and a joke in the eyes of others.

But I never thought that ideals were utopian.

I gave up on myself only from the moment my body collapsed.

Without the help of me to plan and realize and follow the "itinerary" to urge me to learn to deal with the unknown, I can't even fix cars, I can't even shoot guns, and I don't even dare to kill snakes...... I'm so weak, when I walk into the rainforest, I'll be swallowed by cannibal flowers.

Hehe, Li Ruotong is very powerful, after playing the little dragon girl, she took the female photographer exam for National Geographic magazine, less than ten in the world. I had planned to be a photographer if I could explore. But the legendary assessment conditions are: swallowing live rats alive and crawling in the wilderness for dozens of hours without moving......

This is the idol of life, the idol of God.

No matter what tribulations or rewards life gives us, it is not eternal. We are constantly being challenged, but those who think that it is their duty to interfere in the lives of others are actually just trying to get the results they want, what they want to have, and the future.

It's not the future I want, and it's not the life I want.

Obedience is only servility, not human nature, and you can't ask another "person" who doesn't know the length of life to become what he (she) wants to be with "human feelings" or "self-perceived moral bottom line".

We can only ask ourselves to continue to improve, to become what we want, and wish the people we meet in the journey of life can live as they want, if we are lucky, we will meet people who move forward with us, and go to the thrilling end of life hand in hand.

The night I saw the Uighur boy, I was timid. I was suddenly afraid that he would hurt me, and even though I had a baton in my hand, I was still afraid that he would hurt me, and I was weak after my illness. Why are I afraid, because I am always open-mouthed, and I always complain about those who have hurt me at the first time. But once I complained, I forgot about it. I didn't really hold a grudge against anyone. But when the riot broke out, I felt empty, even though it was the Uighur man who couldn't remember his appearance that "scared" me first, which caused me to complain with a regional language.

For some reason, in that case, I regretted my complaining – but on the other hand, I should prove that the man who had forgotten his appearance was not ,......

It's contradictory! Everything has two sides, it's very contradictory.

A few days ago, I made another mistake of being open-mouthed. But that's my character, a scheming, harmless, and direct-speaking personality.

Someone in the author group asked: Where are you?

I replied casually: Sichuan.

But after a moment, I regretted it, I should have typed: China.

After all, there are foreign ones among the authors of large numbers.

Well, I still don't understand the nature of the "company" I'm in. The day before yesterday, the stock price of Chinese Online fell, and some authors asked them to buy, and if they bought more, they became shareholders. Hehe, if there is a lot of manuscript fees in the future, I will buy them all. If you are not in good health and can't go on an actual adventure trip, then write until you die of old age, and write a fantastical story of survival in the wild, so that the manuscript fee can be increased? Buy all the stocks, and in the ten years before you die of old age, will you be promoted to one of the major shareholders? Is this another joke, but it is possible to achieve it, isn't it?

When I was suppressed by inexplicable coercion, I was so scared that I deleted a lot of friends, leaving only the editor, author, and artist's contact penguin account and WeChat account, especially a girl surnamed Xiong, who added me twice, and then I still deleted it. It's not that I don't like her, I do. She asked me to remark, and said that it was introduced by Xiaoman, and said, "I'm your fan." She was the first girl to talk to me like that.

But at that time, I was scared, afraid that my words would always emit negative energy, and make my friends feel bad. However, at that time, I couldn't vent my inner emotions if I didn't silently post something. In fact, the words I said in the circle of friends have restrained my confusion and anger.

When life deceives us, we find that everything we care about has a very small heart. That kind of caution and selfishness will eventually make seemingly familiar people part ways, and many people pretend not to care or forget, and don't even want to get to the bottom of it, but in fact just want to leave a good memory for themselves.

It is precisely because I always think that my life is only happy pictures and gentle tones, so I respect the privacy of others, respect the lives of others, and respect the choices of others. The people who leave find a better belonging, and the people I want to get rid of because I need to stick to my ideal life.

Life is very short, too short to be repeated.

And in this short life, live as you want to be, not what others want you to be. Even parents cannot deprive their children of the "freedom" to pursue their ultimate self, let alone restrict them.

Because, we live in China in the Belle Époque.