In this society, there is a group of people who have silently devoted all their youth and youth to social stability.

Of course, love is an expensive luxury that they will never reach.

They gave everything, and in the end, they couldn't find a place to belong in this life.

Because they have experienced too many ups and downs, because they have seen through the warmth and coldness of the world, they hope to have a warm harbor to live in, but at a certain moment, they don't know where to be a safe place.

Perhaps, they just want to win back someone's heart, don't they?

Or maybe they just want to get back on track and live up to it.

Just like me, I have always been reluctant to get married, and in the end I would rather close myself in my own world and talk to a group of friends I don't know. He even discussed with professors and parents at Lanzhou University in the old locust trees, "Do you want your children to go to school?" ”

At that time, I was also in the head, and I even said that I didn't want my children to go to school in the future—but how much I wanted to go to school.

However, I think the purpose of going to school is very simple, that is, to let him be my companion.

Just like when he went to school, he brought a companion.

It was SARS in '03, and he came back, and the whole city was sanitary.

The Health Bureau took a bottle of disinfectant tablets to the stores every day to distribute them, and I was so tired that I cleaned every day, while my mother took the children out to eat and sing, so happy.

On the day he came back, when his father told me about him, I only heard the key word "accompanying reading", and I felt unhappy for several days.

My godmother also said to me before dinner, "Xie Boer invited us to dinner on the other side." ”

I listened silently, not daring to show a trace of emotion, for fear that she would see through my thoughts. She was wearing her favorite oily green tracksuit that day, and she looked into my eyes with a certain smile on her face, as if she knew some clues.

At that time, I really wanted my godmother to take the initiative to take me to see him.

But she didn't say anything.

After she left, I sulked, sat awkwardly at the bar and read a book, and from time to time I thought I would see them eating out through the glass door, and wanted to see what he looked like - just like when I was in junior high school, I was curious to see the protagonist in my parents' brainwashing education, and ran to ask Xie Boer who he was.

If you don't see the deity, how can you know what kind of student guidance Mr. Wang Shenghua gives?

I was even wondering if all the test papers that Mr. Wang Shenghua brought with him when he was a tutor were the answers to my questions and solutions?

Or, did he mention my name in front of him, I think, he did.

After all, Mr. Wang is the math teacher I admire the most, and I often say this in front of my father - flexible thinking, serious and responsible.

But it wasn't like going to school, and I didn't see him, as if he had disappeared out of thin air.

Obviously, I couldn't take my eyes off the door of Su Xin Pavilion.

At that time, I didn't rush out to the other side to ask him about his skills—and now I don't either, after all, shouldn't boys take the initiative in everything?

It's a pity that I missed out on it, but I had a boyfriend at that time.

It seems that Fei Xiang is coming to hold a concert or something, and he is responsible for the hairstyle.

At that time, I was very confused looking for life in Ito-Yokado, and I resented my mother for not letting me go to Kunming to live a simple life with the person I liked, so on the eve of his birthday, I ran away from home alone with a suitcase and went to find him.

Of course, he was not found, but he was intercepted and turned back by He halfway.

At that time, when I was working in Ito, I met Ho, and he saw me in the parking lot of the Ziwei Hotel, so we made an appointment to go to the water bar to play.

For me, everything is very fresh in the provincial capital, I really like the big poster of Li Xiang hanging on the Huamei building.

So, just after January, I went home and opened a small shop for beauty and hair.

However, he was too romantic, and played a lot of girlfriends under my nose, and the most angry time was to play with my cousin in a song city, and when I got a tip, I asked Miwa to take me to the song city, and as soon as I entered the door, I saw him and my cousin singing with a beautiful woman.

He went even further, and fed candy to the beauty.

I can't figure it out, my mother is tired and tired every day to make money, and even the clothes I used are arranged for him, and she actually looks for other women behind my back, let alone with my cousin.

I smiled and turned to leave. Stunned, they continued to be happy.

But after I saw my mother back, I went to the small bar that Wang Yong opened at that time, ordered several bottles of wine, and sang in the huge private room while drinking alone, shedding worthless tears.

We used to sing there.

Because my mom likes to sing and play, but I don't like it very much, I have to call the children in the store to accompany my mom.

But He is always uninteresting, and often takes girls to wander on the street, selling fruits and barbecue, thinking that he is my mother's son, and saying in front of me: "Your son took your daughter-in-law to the front song hall to play." ”

I really want to say, fuck life, fuck man.

But I didn't, because I didn't know how a person was going to live his life.

And when I quarreled with him, he always said that I loved other men, and I didn't like him in the first place.

I really think how boys can live so short-sighted.

Love, should it also be compared?

If that's the case, then I'm sorry, sister, no one wants to love.

Because the starting point is too high, no one else can compare.

Sister didn't compare, why should others compare?

That year, he played a girl, quite beautiful, but the girl's boyfriend went to the store and asked my mother for money. My mom called me and she ran away, leaving me alone with the five boys.

I said to him coldly, no.

A couple of boys told me that if they didn't, they were going to smash the shop.

I smiled and said, "If you smash my shop, I'll make you pay 50,000 yuan." ”

They don't believe in evil, and I don't know where I got the courage to say that.

Later they said it was because my boyfriend touched their girlfriend.

Fuck, I'm still a victim and I'm asking for money.

Later, for this matter, I went to the fourteenth floor of the Jiannanchun Hotel to sit at a long table with more than a dozen men and drank a few glasses of wine.

In front of the long table, across from me sat Tian Qiang, he stared at me, and I looked at him.

They called me second brother, and I did.

They said I was the youngest sister.

In the dim light, it seemed that I was the youngest with him, and I was the only girl.

Later, I didn't hear what they were talking about, so I looked at Tian Qiang curiously, because he kept looking at me curiously.

Around ten o'clock, they were going to sing, and I said, "I'm going back, and the store wants me to go back and lock the door." ”

Tian Qiang was very arrogant, glanced at me, stood up and turned around and walked inside, and the others also stood up and walked with him. Without looking back, I turned around and walked out of the private room door, and went downstairs alone.

So far, I have never met him.

But no one came to the store anymore to cause trouble.

At that time, I was really depressed, why do little boys love to be so mischievous.

Don't you know that life is not easy?

Later, Liu from Guanghan would drive to the store with his brother every week to see me and tell my mother that he was going to chase me.

But my mother told him that I had a partner, but no.

He doesn't give up.

At that time, my boyfriend was still playing with my girlfriend, and I was so angry that I wanted to die, so I followed Liu to KTV several times.

He said he came here every three or four days because he wanted to have someone to eat, drink, and have fun.

Once I was drunk and sitting on the sofa, watching the demons dance wildly, I happened to meet a former classmate who walked in, it was Li Pan.

I looked up drunkenly, recognized him, and asked him, "Li Pan, do you know where Li Yue is?"

He said he didn't know, and quickly disappeared in front of my eyes.

Liu and his brother would always bring me back to our store when I was drunk, and I would vomit all over the floor.

It was as if I couldn't find anything to numb myself except wine.

And my boyfriend seems to have always had a relationship with a beauty, and I am so numb that I don't want to care about him, after all, everyone has their own way of life, and what they force is not their own.

Those who love me and those who are willing to pay for me will cherish me well, and if I don't cherish it, it is in vain for me to cry to death for him.

At that time, Liu, who was about the same age as me, said, take me back to Guanghan, and don't work so hard to open a store.

I don't know what my future is, I just want to live for myself, can't I?

Why do you feel so pitiful and cruel to someone who has loved you or loved you deeply?

There is no reunion in this world, Zhang Ailing can only write "Little Reunion", and how can there be a reunion in life?

Life, after all, has something to give.

Now, is it abandoned?

Just like the people around me, I have treated them with sincerity.

In the world of love, how many of the so-called matchmakers are just illusions, or illusions created by others?

However, parents plan for their children, that is how they should be, and everyone wants their children to live happily. Instead of burying me in the ground like my mother did, just to survive for herself - what she thought was happiness was not the life I wanted.

Someone in my family used to tell me that she killed my father, but I didn't believe it.

But why now, I think she's like that, not only killing my father, but also trying to kill me.

Otherwise, why would you do this to me, all these years?

Why is there so selfishness in human nature, why, why, can anyone tell me.

Dad, why did you kill yourself together, but you died, and she was alive to torture me?

Dad, tell me, why did you kill yourself together?

Dad, why did you brainwash me in turn before you died?

......

Now that I think about it, I was like a super long worker, not only having to take care of my mother's life, but also having to pay for her high medical expenses due to her hypochondriasis.

Every day I am tired and have back pain, and I have to think about the next quarter's purchase, rent, salary, etc. But how is she, not only always gossip about other people, but also confidently said how and so she used her money, and never knew how to worry about people.

It's funny, my dad's will is clearly written, and what money is for my school - even if there is no will, the inheritance should be half of us.

I never make money, I have been working to support her.

If you want to count it, she owed me so much back then.

And why should I be at her mercy?

Why force me with the shackles of morality, why fabricate and orchestrate my life?

Let me find my current husband, and blame me for owing her money when something happened.

If you want to say what is the closest, I can see from her that money is the closest.

feelings, she didn't have for me.

Mother's love, she doesn't have any love for me.

I've been thinking that she has no one to care about, to pay for her, and what has she considered for me?

No.

There were a lot of times when I thought genetics were important, and I didn't have the slightest genetics in her.

And I'm just a fool like my father, the kind of person who always finds the brilliance of other people's humanity.

Actually, everyone has shortcomings, doesn't they?

Is it unwise to always remember the shortcomings of others, not to examine oneself's own shortcomings, and to constantly remember the small mistakes of others in the past?

When I was forced to return to the countryside by my mother and my little sister, she said to me, "If it weren't for your mother, I would have adopted you that year and let you study abroad." ”

So, my mom wouldn't let me associate with anyone anymore.

Maybe everyone is like this, but in my case, I will work hard to make myself able to give my children the same conditions, instead of blindly trying to make my children live a humble and lowly life.

also took the initiative to abuse and slander, which is really uneducated. I was embarrassed to say at some point, if it weren't for me, how would I have educated such an outstanding you.

I'm sorry, but the reason why I am like this now is because of my own choice to flee and hide, not because of who educated me.

Or, it is the online world that transmits truth and knowledge to people.

In other words, any normal person, as a child, would not care whether she lived or died.

But I gave up on my future and took care of her selfishness.

I'm tired, I want to be free, to have a beautiful new world.

I have my own family, don't I?

I love my son and I can't live without him.

I still have to work hard to live for him and start a new life so that I can give him a better life and not have a hard time like his father.

What you think of as happiness is not what I think of as happiness.

I should be responsible for myself - just like Wang Bucket, who disappeared for about a year, paged me in the middle of the night, claiming that he had finished his mission and wanted to see me, and he was trying to live because of me.

I didn't know what he was going through, but I could hear his anxiety and anticipation.

But I refused to see him again. And calmly told him not to call me again.

So, he didn't call me.

And I always wanted to know if he was alive.

He has solved several big cases, how many enemies he has, whether he is okay now, whether he has disappeared in the long river of time.

When I talk about him, I hate myself again.

I hated myself for not working hard to get back into high school, and I hated myself for choosing to enter a social university too early, which led to a loss of interest in anything and a feeling that there was a lot of danger everywhere.