Dad, the more I grow up, the more I feel that the warmth of the family and the affection of the family become less moving. Because in the process of long-term separation, they do not know each other's habits, let alone understand each other's good intentions, so people will feel that "love" disappears almost untouchable and unfelt.

Actually?

It's not that "love" has disappeared, but because everyone's life pursuit is different, our perception of "love" is different.

Secondly, I like Mianzhu, not only because I was born here, but also because in the process of growing up in my life, all the villagers I met in my life gave me the most sincere "love" and care.

When my parents were busy with the industrial construction of my hometown, they gave me a strong sense of nostalgia and selfless care when I was a child. Although I grew up I was not good at talking, let alone communication and negotiation skills, and even did not understand what kind of deception existed in real life, my desire to make this once beautiful and rich but inaccessible "plain" famous at home and abroad has never changed.

Mianzhu already has a strong regional color and mysterious religious culture, and this land is a livable home that several generations of people have worked hard to build with their hands and sweat in the "post-war wasteland".

Unfortunately, in the 2008 earthquake, the contribution of three generations to the goal of "beautiful homeland" was basically wiped out (because I have lived in Guangji for a long time, the Mianzhu mentioned in this article basically refers to Guangji and the surrounding areas. ）

Natural disasters are naturally terrible, but man-made disasters are unforgivable.

When the 2008 earthquake hit Guangji so badly that many families lost their loved ones, I was heartbroken when I stood on the blood-stained cement pavement in Guangji Farmer's Street (the hospital's makeshift emergency tents were stationed on both sides of the street, and many seriously injured patients were being rescued and lying on limited hospital beds for infusions......

At that moment, I tried to restrain all my imagination, and deliberately did not look at the rust-colored mottled ahead, because I was afraid that the blood stains would make me imagine what the villagers called a mountain of "corpses".

I don't want to see such a tragic picture, let alone imagine it.

I never thought that such a terrible natural disaster would happen in my lifetime in this peaceful little village where I lived—even though as a child, the flower pots on the iron shelves in the downstairs patio, the various iron items hanging in the kitchen, and even the wood-framed glass windows would "jingle" as the ground moved.

In '08, on the afternoon of my first day on the blood-soaked street, there were piles of corpses.

This was true not only on the streets of Guangji, but also in Luoshui, across the river, and Hanwang was also badly affected (the entire school building of the vocational high school sank into the ground, and my cousin was buried forever under the old site of the school she attended). ）

......

Dad, I once swore that I would fulfill the "order" you gave me, and that I would spend my whole life pursuing and eventually accomplishing it.

But when I saw with my own eyes all the trees and grass, even the garlic seedlings, that had been dyed yellow overnight due to "pollution", my faith was shaken.

At that time, I said to myself, "If anyone shows up in my life to help me at this time, I will marry him and not achieve the ultimate goal." ”

And he came with his father and stayed here for three days when there were hundreds of earthquakes a day.

......

Later, I told him not to go to work in the place where the school was assigned work, and to sell building materials in the first tent at Guangjichangkou, but he was too young and afraid of tiredness to ......

Leaving aside the decisions made during that special period, the past is not important at all.

At that time, I lived in a tent made of fish maw, and I used mineral water to wash my face and eat - so that I would not wash my face for many days.

Why?

The earthquake caused cracks in the earth's crust, destroying the original geological structure, and the team had no water after digging more than 40 meters deep.

However, we inherited the strength of our fathers, cleaned up the grief, and united to "start from scratch", with labor and blood and sweat, to build the current new home.

The people here are simple, hardworking, kind, and full of a sense of justice, and they all want to do a good job in all aspects of construction for the future of the next generation, and jointly build Mianzhu into a world-class tourism and cultural city for the benefit of future generations.

Today, no one would have thought that in the past, except for the ancient city of the Three Kingdoms period, the surrounding area was a vast river beach and mountains.

The mountains here are magical, and from a feng shui point of view, each one resembles a large tomb – it is not known whether it is a tomb or a "masterpiece" of moving mountains and reclaiming the sea.

After all, the tombs of "celebrities" are very secret in history - there are very few well-preserved corpses in the tombs, and all archaeology is aimed at better exploring the "unsolved mysteries", that is, finding the truth and making life better for one side of the people.

The strength of the people's unity can be seen from the case of "the Great Northern Wilderness turned into black land".

Dad, do you remember?

In 2003, when I heard the news that Xie Zebo had returned from Singapore to learn Chinese, I was overjoyed but jealous and sad because he had "read with him", and even because I didn't see him that day, after closing the store that night, I rushed to the Taiping Bridge to look at the stars in the sky and cried for a long time (at least an hour), and kept saying to the stars: "Dad, I'm sorry, I saw that red Santana - The front of the car stopped across the road in the direction of the train station outside the glass window, but they were eating on the second floor opposite, and they didn't call me, and I was too shy to run over. I'm sorry, Dad, I'm useless, maybe I'm too immature and immature to 'attract' him. Dad, I'm useless, am I? I can't be the daughter you've always been proud of. Although his father Xie Shiqian's car was deliberately parked across the road in front of the store (less than five meters away from the bar chair I was sitting on), and he didn't even drive away for a long time after eating, even his uncle came to the store to tell me about his good things, but I pretended to be calm and pretended not to know anything. Dad, do you know why I'm pretending to be calm? Actually, I don't know. Anyway, I only knew that I was sad, inexplicably sad! At the same time, there was a kind of jealousy and cowardice, because I didn't know how to talk to him, and I wanted to give him responsibility for the rest of my life. ）

But what I missed was just what I missed, and I didn't know what was going on, so how could I be "serious" about everyone and everything?

Before I fell unconscious, I quarreled, tore up a handwritten outline, a thick outline marked with colored pens, and tears continued to fall as the scraps of paper flew in the sky on the bed where my child and I were lying. The already confusing life, coupled with the self-righteous interference of more people, has led to serious physical and psychological damage and rebellion.

Many times, I don't want to pay attention to the actions of these self-righteous people who don't know at all, maybe their original intentions are all good intentions, and some people's original intentions are "greedy and selfish", after all, this is human nature. I can't get rid of myself like this, and no one can get rid of myself like this. But I never coveted anything that didn't belong to me, especially when I remembered my mother's "ugly and arrogant" smashing my personal belongings and those of my friends, and that kind of "contempt" from the heart spontaneously arose. What right does she have to touch my personal belongings. Could it be that she was right to fight for our money with his mother when I was anxious about my own life?

Especially those so-called relatives who inexplicably broke into my life for money and have never met a few times in their lives, and they still spoke to anger me, and took videos and audio recordings during quarrels, don't you think it's shameful to do such a despicable thing at the age of sixty or seventy?

There are also those moments of friends that I posted in order to vent my grievances, but they are just my personal factors, not public, and they are worth making a fuss about these people around me. How much I hate and hate self-righteous people who help others master their lives, and what qualifications do I have to express my opinion on other people's words, deeds, and lives. That's someone else's life.

Anyway, in recent years, I have seen too many ugly faces and femme fatales. I don't go into details. Many times, you treat others as bosom friends, but you don't know that when you are trapped, the friends you think you have made for decades are the source of the conflicts in your life.

Is there really a pure friendship between a man and a woman? I always thought there was. Because I have such buddies and friends in my life, who have helped me at work and in life, but when my boyfriend and my bosom friend huddled together in the same bed, did the two of them think about me?

As soon as the spring night is over, they will drink with me, full of smiles, and the brothers and brothers will sing and dance strongly, forcing me to light a cigarette and blow the wind on the chair outside the song city to watch the night scene.

Or, they have been like this for a long time, "deceiving" me with my sense of life. In fact, people rely on self-discipline, who cares whom?

When a man deceives a woman with all sorts of rhetoric for the sake of certain factors, he is already doomed to lose this woman. When he deliberately laid a "trap" for a woman who didn't want to pay attention to her for the sake of face and profit, he was doomed to live a mess. Or when he robs a woman's private property and belongings and puts her to death after the relationship ends, a man like him is just a street rat, and he can't live a life when he gains power.

A person's circle determines a person's life.

Some people don't listen to advice, don't have self-discipline, and don't have a positive outlook on life.

He does not belong to my circle, let alone my companion on the journey of life.

When my mother smashed the computer and mobile phone, I knew who she was listening to, the person I always thought was the most important family affection. It's just that my mother was wrong and she lost my love for her. That deep love, she completely lost. She didn't know the hardships of earning money, and she never thought about my future. When he is old, he is still like a person in his teens and twenties, learning to act and play with his temper, so pitiful and pathetic.

She was completely immature, only her age and body had aged. It can be regarded as living in vain in the world for decades.

I didn't want to talk to her, those insults and strong words made me feel from the bottom of my heart that she was just a stranger, and she didn't deserve my love to continue to give her. I have loved her for so many years, but in exchange for the shallow provocation of others, I vented my anger and beatings. I put up with it because I didn't want to sin, and I felt in my heart that she was living a cowardly and stupid life.

I am the victim of the whole incident, and I am the victim of being "ruined" by some criminal gang, isn't it?

She didn't care, but she kept fearlessly asking for my mercy and fulfilling my promises to her, and she didn't know that her words and deeds had already made me miserable. These narrow "worldviews" are frightening, and I have always been reluctant to have children because I don't want my children to live in such a "world".

However, all events were dominated by those "dark" human natures and could not be controlled, and I almost died by design several times.

When I was deliberately taken to the hospital and tied up for an infusion, these self-righteous elders actually used my life as a "test", and when I was dying, I actually said to her: "You have to be strong." "It turns out that if I were going to die, my last words were a word to her.

And she said to me with an embarrassed expression, "You have to be strong too." ”

In fact, when did my heart stop being strong?

I've never minded the damage, but the damage doesn't stack, otherwise it's all going to fight back. Children are pure and kind, please those older people, stop "trapping" kind and simple children.

I've always been sincere to everyone and use the same "fraternity", but I don't understand what other people mean sometimes. It's like a lawyer asking me, "You're leaving?"

What if I don't leave, how much sadness is hidden in my scarred heart, I have never told anyone. And my own business was not done, and my life was messed up by these inexplicable people, and it was a mess for years.

So hateful, so hateful. Some people who don't know anything think that I messed up my life by myself, and they are embarrassed to shout in front of me.

Looking back, I feel that all this is silly.

Kindness can't be exchanged for treating each other with sincerity. It's more about using and those "local dialects" that I don't understand, but I never understand and don't want to understand. The local dialect is so niche, and the story I wrote is for more people to see, it is only beautiful, and the determination and courage to help each other overcome difficulties.

I don't want to say more, everyone's life is bought by their own efforts, and we should learn from the spirit of others instead of plundering other people's assets. May all those who have gone astray turn back, or those who have been injured take back all that they have.

Dad, I want to love myself well and be the best version of myself.

The so-called "one nautical mile" seems to be out of reach, because time has drawn a deep ravine between us, and that insurmountable ravine is the wall I have set for my soul. Once, in this "city", there were all the relatives I loved, but everything that happened inexplicably in the past two years led to the fact that there was only me in this city.

For the rest of my life, I would only write letters to myself and actually go to live in a place where I could live alone.

Enough, those who deceived people too much, in fact, many people don't need to get rid of their little mistakes, people who are used to getting rid of them will always live with treacherous behavior, and life is really good?

And I don't care who is doing it, it has nothing to do with me. In the past few years, the stranger who inexplicably intruded into my simple life, in the end, was he as entangled and sad as me? I lived my own simple life, and I provoked someone who wanted to kill me.

In fact, the "ruthlessness" of men and the "poison" of women are not something that people like me can provoke.

On a rainy night, my heart hurts. Everything I cherished passed away like this.

Dad, I don't want to mention anyone, and I don't want to express my emotions, and the inexplicable encounters over the years have turned into the next volume of 168,000-word stories. I should let go of all my past and hatred, and just be a new me.

No dust, no dust, I'm just me, that's all.

In this book, I will do all my dreams and future.

Love you because you have used the most mature paternal love for me.

Note: Because the parents, parents, and parents in this book represent different people at different times, I don't know how to name them when I write a letter at the end.

(I wish you an easy and enjoyable life, and live the life you want in a world I can't see.) ）