Dad, once, someone told me to forget "you", but I did not forget "you", but instead of wholeheartedly planning to inhabit the "small island" closest to me in the sea, to suddenly feeling bored and even "dead".

"You" gave me all the joy I once had, gave me education and training, and "drawn" a blueprint for my future, although it did not move forward according to the "career direction" you "set" for me - because "you" is gone, I have no route, let alone dependence.

After all, father's love is like a mountain!

Dad, although I know that my "lighthouse" is there, how to "dock" has become a big problem. And on the way forward, countless "undercurrents" and "reefs" made the "ship" I "drive" run into walls everywhere, and even almost dilapidated, so I stopped many times in the "ocean of life" in the "small island" that I thought could save life, but in fact, instead of "recuperating and rectifying", I was robbed by the indigenous people on the island and almost "ran out of ammunition and food".

Since the lighthouse is not extinguished, it is still waiting for me to "return" in the "port" that I know, so how can I not find a "new route" and start again?

So with one last bit of faith, I want to finally dock this ship of life in the "harbor" that "you" told me.

Countless winds and waves and countless dark loneliness make me feel that this journey is like "one man and one tiger" in Ang Lee's movie, which has made my soul try all the flavors, from incomparable suffering and despair, until I feel that the "bland" in life is "beautiful scenery".

Dad, your proudest daughter since childhood, driving the "ship of life" you gave him is finally about to "dock", and I imagine that it will not be long before I can start a new "journey" with the man you mentioned in the lighthouse. At that time, I and his "double sail", without the "lighthouse" you planned for me more than 20 years ago, and without the "next stop" you gave me - it was a strange sea of life, only me and him "asked for more blessings" and slowly explored.

I'm sorry, Dad. "Your" proud daughter is not an excellent "sailor", in the "route" ordered by "you" before leaving, she was lost several times, and even fell into the trap of "mirage", and was even tempted by the charming "fairy tale world", and even tired to ignore the "lighthouse" for the sake of the "confused world".

But fortunately, my indisputable boat, in the search of countless search and rescue ships, has returned to the right course - and I know that the person who was locked in the lighthouse must have thought about me, but because of the long time, he happily stood on the top of the lighthouse with the beauty in his arms to watch the sunrise and sunset, and forgot me to the clouds, not knowing that I was carrying out a painful and long-lasting marathon cultivation for "me and his harbor".

And the source of this pain is all because of him.

Maybe I think he'll say, "He's also locked up at home." ”

Suddenly it felt like the search and rescue ship was someone else.

But in the vast sea, I asked the original people about his existence.

Dad, when I was drifting on the sea, I hid him in my heart, just like a "pirate" hid the "treasure map" tightly, for fear of being peeped at by others.

Although I don't know if he is the commander of the "port" who commanded the rescue, he has been looking for me for almost 20 years in the vast "sea of people".

But now it feels like the commander is not him, but the "tree hole".

Because the tiger godfather posted the content of my confiding in the "tree hole" at that time. "The current stock market is like a cheating husband, you believe again and again that he will get better, so he refreshes your bottom line again and again to hurt you, but you are pregnant with his child, you have to cut the meat if you want to run, and the month is too big to cut the meat, so you can only wait for delivery. ”

Dad, in September 15, I said in the readers' area of the book city that if we work together as a small team, there will definitely be a star in 5 years. Coincidentally, at the end of December, Tang Gandad said that he thought I was like a star. But I don't want to be a star, I'm just an ordinary woman, but I have suddenly been tossed and aged a lot in the past two years - all due to inexplicable distrust.

The so-called "love" means that you love me, and I love you. You are selfless to me, and I am selfless. Love is to fulfill each other, so that the other party can enjoy a higher pursuit and meaning of life.

But shouldn't all this be known after we get to know each other?

Sometimes I don't know why it's like this, I just believe that people are doing it, and the sky is watching.

At the same time, he firmly believes that those who do not believe in others are not worthy of being believed, and those who use others will eventually be used.

At the beginning of 16, I asked Hu Godfather to ask Xie Zebo to call him and ask him to give me money, and I wanted to open a company. But the tiger godfather asked me to find Xie Shiqian - in order to promote my hometown, for the dreams and future of many children, I was stopped by some invisible "force".

In this life, for the sake of your instructions when you left, I have read books for many years, and I have been frail and sick since I was a child, and I don't like to go out.

But coincidentally, there are a lot of thoughts in this world of "spending the belly of a gentleman with the heart of a villain", doing something shameful and just wanting people to stay away.

The harm caused by mistrust and exploitation is like a virus that can be infected, suffocating.

And my father, when I was "kidnapped" last year, he had to take me to release goldfish and turtles, and he asked me: "The living Buddha said that I should release goldfish and turtles in order to change my luck, where do you think it is better to put them?"

I thought about it for a while, and said lightly: "Three swords water." ”

So we took the goldfish and the turtle to the side of the mountain - and suddenly I felt that he was pretending to be nice to me outside, and it was all acting. Pretend to give me a piece of clothing, pretend to shush and ask for warmth......

Everything that happened after he appeared was acting for anyone, which confirmed the sentence: Life is like a play!

Dad, I want to set up a "ring" and go head-to-head with him.

If he loses, he will be punished for voluntary labor, making movies to earn money to support his parents and children, but he has to pay me back the money and compensate me for my mental loss, after all, he hurt me. (Actually, it's ridiculous to think about it, a man who has nothing can still trick other women into sleeping behind his wife's back, in the name of love.) ）

There is a saying that tiger poison does not eat children, but he actually wants to interrupt your blood on the earth for money and other women.

His heart can be punished!

Dad, with such a vicious heart, he was embarrassed to say in front of me in front of many people, "She was raised by me." ”

I don't know if he feels ashamed.

On the day of the goldfish, a sudden rain shower, just as you had abandoned me, I went to the credit union with my basket on my back to deposit money, and as soon as my feet stepped on the arched bridge of the creek at the back door, the raindrops the size of beans hit me through the branches of the cherry and pear trees, and soaked my blue and white shirt.

You asked me to deposit 40,000 yuan in my own name, although I signed for you to deposit money at the credit union, but I was afraid to save it myself.

I didn't want to leave, and when my clothes were soaked, I ran upstairs crying and said, "Dad, it's raining now, can I go save money tomorrow?"

After that, I'll give you the money in the back fence.

The reason for grinding and chirping is that I don't want you to leave me to Xie Zebo just like that.

That little back basket, my mother used to carry money.

However, the more money-carrying equipment is the pigweed's back.

After putting some pigweed, put the bundled hundreds of thousands of cash in the center, pretend to cut pigweed, and carry it to the financial room of the factory.

And after she and her aunts put the money in the factory's financial office, they would go to the winery to cut pigweed—next to the creeper wall, there was a well, and the clear water of the well was continuously pumped up and flowed quietly.

There is a clean dam next to the well, and every time I pick the songs, I take off my shoes like many adults, wash my feet and step on the music fixed by the wooden frame, and feel soft and comfortable under my feet.

When I was done, I went to peek at my aunt, who was sweating profusely with a shovel, blocked from view by a large steamer made of bamboo fences. When he saw me enter, he smiled and said, "You stand outside, it's too hot here." When I'm done, I'll get you a drink. ”

So I obediently walked over to the bamboo pipe on the steamer and waited for him to come.

The steamer is full of smoke, and the workshop of Nuoda is as fascinating as a fairyland.

The fog is rising, so beautiful and beautiful.

When he was done, he took a shower and changed his clothes in it, and when he came over, he took a little hot wine with a bamboo spoon and handed it to me to drink.

I blew it and it was dry, and said, "It's a little spicy, but it's delicious." ”

My aunt smiled, and her longevity eyebrows curled even more.

Actually, I didn't tell him, I thought it tasted good because that little bit of elixir and jade liquid was exchanged for his blood and sweat.

In addition, Dad, you used to work in a winery, wearing a dark green undershirt.

......

Dad, in this long journey of life, I don't know if he will stand in the harbor and pull me into his arms when the "me" that everyone wants to rescue appears in front of him tiredly, and hug me tightly, like a part of his own body, and will not let go for the rest of his life.

Dad, there is still one last nautical mile for me to dock.

If he had walked out of the lighthouse and stood at the dock a mile away waiting for me to disembark, I would have recognized him at a sight—even though my eyesight was not good, and although I no longer knew what he looked like, I had "salvaged" the "drifting bottles" he had "thrown" over the years from the "cyber ocean", and each of them contained a photograph of him from a different period.

I looked at them carefully, although I was confused that some of them were not him—well, maybe I was a "blind eye", or maybe he was also a "blind one", mistaking other "sailing ships" for the ships I was piloting, and temporarily "containing" the "poor and pitiful" ship of "my port", the only one that could park a ship.

When I cross this sea and be embraced by him, I will learn to "change myself", learn to "be a little woman", learn to "stop pretending to be strong", learn to "argue with reason", learn to "not drill the horns of the bull", learn to be "domineering and mighty", and no longer be violated and "robbed" by any "aboriginal people" crossing the "sea" - of course, the most important thing is to let other "boats" dock capture his heart or carry him around the world.

Dad, not to mention this nautical story with a romantic ending despite the difficult navigation, I think that the future is a broad road, how can I slack off my life for the sake of my children's private feelings, and let myself be tired of his "pursuit journey" for the rest of my life?

So many years ago, I wanted to write a book for myself as if I didn't listen to anything outside the window - "People have left their names, geese have left their voices", isn't that the case?

The second reason is that I think there is a big difference between me and him in the lighthouse, I used to think that two people must be the same to really go to the end, but Jin'er doesn't think so.

I inquired about him for many years, perhaps because he was the only one who saved me from fire and water when my life was on the line, so that I can never forget his sincere and wholehearted "love" for me. Plus this time I'm in a desperate situation, and I don't want to miss him again.

I'm afraid that after missing this time, I will never see him again in my life.

And I have worked silently for so many years alone, but I don't even have a real hug, a real kiss, I am unwilling.

So in Xinjiang, I had to go back to Sichuan, and at 5 o'clock in the morning, I rode my bicycle back along the road alone.

Because I have no money and no papers, but I am not afraid. Because I know that there are armed police officers along the road, and there is water on the armed police table, if I am thirsty, I can take water on the armed police table to drink, as a solo ride is a "marathon" exercise.

When the sun rose and I passed two sentry posts, I didn't want to be discovered by the armed police, so I secretly rode to a small road, and I met the officers and soldiers guarding the woods going out to wash, and at that time I wanted to run in and tell them, "In the future, I will live with them and guard the woods there." ”

But I'm a little timid.

I was so thirsty that there were woods everywhere and there were no people, so I put my bicycle in a conspicuous place and got some water in the ditch to drink.

The water was not very clean, and it was still "stagnant water", but I didn't want to disturb the officers and soldiers guarding the forest, so I drank it.

After drinking, I heard the long train honking, so I jumped over the ditch, climbed over the toothed barbed wire and ran to the train to play.

In fact, I want to wait for the train to slow down and climb up and come back to Deyang for a "smuggling".

But I had walked a long way along the train road, and had not seen the village until noon, when suddenly a large tractor pulling water honked its horn not far from the fence, so I climbed out again, jumped on the tractor, and asked him where he was going?

He said he went to the village to deliver water.

I said, I'll stand on the tractor and won't get out of the car, and I'll go to the village with you.

My mother-in-law, who brought me into their house and gave me a bottle of mineral water to drink, lived at the "forestry station" in the village. And when I was charging my phone, I mistakenly thought that their charging cable was their own because it looked the same.

I didn't want to be in Xinjiang that day, I was very anxious, and I really wanted to go back to Sichuan to meet Xie Zebo because I needed him to protect me. It was as if I had lost my sense of security without the land where he lived with me.

When the armed police officers and soldiers found me, I kept crying, and I said that I was no longer with my mother - I had written big letters on the highway with coal: "Mom, I love you, I'm leaving, please don't look for me." ”

"Please help me take care of my mother, she calls 158......"

......

I thought I could find a place to hide, and I wouldn't let her find me for the rest of my life, I was tired, I was really tired. Dad, if I promised her to take care of her for you, I want to invalidate it.

On the railway, when the sun rose to nine o'clock, I remembered Haizi and remembered what he said, "Facing the sea, spring flowers bloom."

But he committed suicide by lying on the rails.

But I was standing across the train and watching two young men come by the train. I wanted to say hello to them, but the train was speeding and couldn't do it.

Dad, when I finally cried and cried that I could go back to Sichuan, I saw the super large pasture next to the Qinling Mountains, the lawn and beekeepers of milk vetch, and even their home, which I liked very much.

It's like a paradise I once wrote about, with blue skies and white clouds, and it's very pleasant.

......

Anyway, the scenery along the road from Xinjiang to Sichuan is very beautiful, many times more beautiful than that from Sichuan to Shanghai.

When the train was moving in the Gobi Desert, I was scared, so I called Sibo. He asked me where I was, and I said it was too big to have landmarks, but he told him a nearby location.

The reason I called him was because I saw a lot of new tombstones along the road, but there were no people, and the sporadic road guards made me feel at ease. But I was afraid that the train car would be derailed, and that I and the people in the car would be abandoned in the wilderness, and no one would know about it.

Perhaps frightened by his treachery and cunning, I was afraid of everything.

After inquiring about him in early 2016 to no avail, I thought that since I couldn't find him, I should give up. Maybe he already has the woman he loves, and he lives a chic life with others.

In addition, when I didn't go out at first, I wanted to trade the time I spent writing this book for a dream of my own.

A dream that has been hidden in my heart for many years - and my dream is love, and the protagonist of love is him. But he was too cold and ignored me all the time.

So I practiced alone, and I developed a habit of Wang Xiaoman, who I had never met.

A few days ago, I saw a song called "Good Night, Good Night" on NetEase, but I didn't dare to click on it to listen to it. Because Xiaoman and I quarreled over an unsaid good night.

And he knows that I like Lin Weiyin, so there is a central reception hall in Qiankun Tianlang, just like Lin Weiyin's reception hall, where many talented celebrities gather. But when I read the introduction of the website, I remembered the Palace of Versailles, if I was with him, would I be able to invite literary friends to come to the party in the future, so that life is full of positive energy and at the same time endowed with a humanistic atmosphere.

And the origin of Eton Manor should be a fashion magazine I read back then, which has the origin of Elizabeth Arden's skin care brand. At the same time, there is also the Bulgarian Rose Garden in that book. There is also an advertisement for the Jimmy School about the SAP Spa training class.

If he wasn't mistaken, he must have read the book.

At that time, I always said that if there was a hot spring hotel nearby, you would not have to travel to this hotel.

The cherry blossoms are full of flowers, and it is very pleasant. Or in the snowy snow, you can experience the graceful fairy mist of the hot spring, wouldn't it be happy?

Time flies, no matter what kind of life it is, it will be lost quietly, just like people's "hearts". Although I have an old saying here that "the human heart is made of meat", when I was "hurt" and "poisoned" again and again, I just wanted to look at him.

But he set the ringtone of his phone to "Kiss Goodbye", so that I didn't dare to see him, I was afraid that he would say the same thing as Chen Le, "I have nine brothers, and my partner and I want you to be with Xiaoman." ”

Or he would say, "Let's have a kiss and bye." ”

So why say goodbye?

Why so many years?

I often heard a sentence, "Eighteen years later, he is a good man again." ”

But how many eighteen years are there in life?