Me, am I dreaming?

Last night, in my heart, in front of my eyes, in my mind, the figure that had appeared countless times, and even in my dreams, appeared in front of my eyes like this, holding a wooden bowl in his hand, and slowly walked down the hillside.

His face was a little pale, the corners of his eyes were slightly blue-gray, his eyes were a little red, and he didn't seem to sleep well, a thin and simple gray robe was wrapped around his thin and long body, lining his tall figure, almost blending with the green and green bamboo behind him, but it also made his face even darker, and his excessively thin cheeks had an indescribable dull atmosphere.

He seemed to be distracted all the way, until he was only ten steps away from me, only to suddenly realize that there was someone in front of him, and when he looked up, the person froze suddenly.

The two of them looked at each other in silence.

In a word, I can't say it.

The wind blew through the woods, and there was a rustling sound in the silence, and the wind carried the cold morning dew on my face, which made me shiver slightly.

He seemed to have come to his senses suddenly, looked at me in a little panic, looked down at the wooden bowl in his hand, was silent for a while, and finally raised his head and said softly: "It's you." ”

His voice was still the same as before, clean and clear, but it was a little calm.

I whispered, "It's me." ”

“……”

After saying this, it was quiet again.

The two of them didn't seem to know what to say, I thought about it, tried my best to open my mouth like an ordinary person, and said, "You got up so early? ”

"Well, teacher, he wants to drink tea."

"Tea?"

"I'll get him water."

Saying that, he lifted the wooden bowl in his hand, and I saw that there was half a bowl of clear water in it, which was clean and clear as if warm jade, and I knew that many people were particular about drinking tea, the water of the rivers and lakes was the lower grade, the well water was the middle grade, and the mountain spring water was the upper grade.

I didn't expect Fu Badai to come here, and he was still exquisite.

Hearing my last sentence jokingly, Liu Qinghan said: "The teacher is not particular about weekdays, but when he came here yesterday, he seemed to be very happy, got up early in the morning to burn incense, drank tea, and asked me to come out to find good water." ”

“……”

Seeing that I was silent, he smiled faintly: "Here, it should be enough." ”

“……”

I never thought that one day, when I said goodbye to him, I needed to talk like this, like two strangers, saying ordinary greetings, inconsequential, regardless of depth, speaking in my mouth and listening in my ears, and none of them could enter my heart.

Still, I wanted to hear his voice, the one that had whispered in my ear for countless nights, giving me so much warmth and stability.

"What, only half a bowl?"

"Oh, I just met a passer-by who said he was thirsty, and I gave him half of it."

"......" My eyes were slightly bent, he was still the same as before, if he could help others, even if he was poor, he would not refuse, but-

Passerby?

My eyebrows furrowed slightly.

This large area is the territory of the emperor, even if I can't see it, I know that there are guards around it, and I shouldn't even be able to fly in or fly out, otherwise they wouldn't just let me go out for a walk, but how could there be a passerby?

Just when I was distracted, he was already bowing his head slightly towards me: "I'll go back first." ”

After that, you have to turn around and leave.

As soon as I saw him turn around, the familiar back of leaving, I suddenly felt like someone had been stabbed in the heart, and the whole person trembled in pain, and stepped forward: "San'er!" ”

As soon as he heard the name, his whole body trembled, and I even heard the sound of water rippling in the wooden bowl, but he didn't look back, just stopped.

I stood behind him, my voice trembling, "How have you been—how have you been?" ”

He stood there and was silent for a long time before he slowly spoke, his voice a little hoarse: "It doesn't matter if it's good, it doesn't matter if it's bad." As he spoke, he looked back at me and said slowly, "What about you?" How have you been doing all these years? ”

“……”

"I, I didn't expect him to be the emperor, no wonder at that time, you-" Speaking of this, he looked at my gloomy expression, and did not say any more, only asked: "By the way, what about Li'er?" ”

As soon as I heard Li'er, my heart immediately ached, and Liu Qinghan was still asking: "Li'er, she should be a princess, right?" ”

“……”

"She's over three years old, is she literate?"

“……”

"Is she good?"

“……”

"I want to meet her. I should be able to see her, right? ”

Every time he said a word, it was like a needle piercing my heart, and I trembled with pain, but I didn't know how to call for help when I met his calm eyes.

After a long silence, I finally choked up and said, "I don't know. ”

He didn't react for a while, looked at me stunned, and I said, "Li'er, it's gone." ”

"What?!" He was immediately shocked, and even the water in the wooden bowl in his hand swung up, and he walked up to me: "How could it be gone?" When did it disappear? ”

"Three years ago, I was taken away."

He looked at me in disbelief as if he had heard a ghost anecdote: "Back then, Li'er wasn't with you by him-there are so many people around him, how could Li'er be-"

I didn't speak, just gritted my teeth hard.

He looked at me as if he understood something, and said no more.

Both of them fell silent, the wind blew through this bamboo forest, and the leaves made a rustling sound, but apart from these sounds, Yiqiē was so quiet as if nothing existed, and there were only two people between heaven and earth.

After a long time, he opened his mouth again, and his voice was a little hoarse: "Then, why aren't you his concubine?" ”

"I wasn't."

"......" He furrowed his eyebrows slightly, and said no more.

I said, "You don't ask me why? ”

He shook his head: "I guess, I probably know. ”

"You know?"

"Hmm."

Actually, he won't know, he won't know what I've experienced in the past few years, and he won't know why I thought Pei Yuanhao was my husband when I lost my memory, but listening to him say these words, it's as if he really understands everything, I just feel a burst of grievances sourness surging up from the bottom of my heart.

I sniffed my sour nose and said, "What about you?" How did you get into Mr. Fu's door? ”

He said softly: "That day, when I went home, I found that there was no one in the family, not even my aunt. Later, I heard from my neighbors that it was Yuan, who took her away, and there was no one at home, and I couldn't stay any longer, so I suddenly felt that I didn't want to be trapped there, and I wanted to go out for a walk, so I just left. I walked a lot of places, and I had nothing to eat, so I found a place to help, saved money, and continued to walk. I walked all the way to the mountains in the southwest, when the dry food was eaten and the coiling was used up, I followed a monk who fetched water back to help, and later I learned that the temple was Tianmu Temple. ”

“……”

"The teacher's eyes, at that time have been broken for more than a year, I temporarily live in the temple, often go to take care of him, nothing to listen to his lectures, after a long time, I am reluctant to leave."

“……”

"He asked me if I would like to worship him as a master, and I said yes, so I recognized the teacher."

“……”

When he talks about all these years, he has a plain tone, but maybe even he doesn't know that what he has experienced is the monstrous waves in the eyes of many people.

Perhaps, Liu San'er has always been such a person, he has experienced great changes that others can't imagine, and he is still the same.

He is strong by him, and the breeze blows the hills; He is crossed by him, and the bright moon shines on the river.

I said softly: "Mr. Fu is a contemporary Confucian, and accepting you as a disciple is not a shallow blessing. ”

When he heard this, he smiled: "It's true that it's not a shallow blessing, in the first half a year, my hands were swollen." ”

“……”

"The teacher usually doesn't scold me, but there is a big monk in Tianmu Temple, usually meat and wine are not taboo, and he will bring some vegetarian wine to the teacher if he has nothing to do, as soon as the teacher is drunk, he wants me to recite "Getaway" and "The World", and if he can't memorize it, he will beat my hand with a ring ruler, saying that he has only accepted three disciples in his life, and I received it myself, but he is the stupidest."

“……”

Hearing this, I felt a burst of heat in my eyes, but I couldn't help but smile.

Fu Badai is a famous Confucian in Shu, but what he learned and taught, not only Confucianism, but only suffered his disciples.

Tears rolled in my eyes, as if they were about to drip down, I endured it, the sight of this man blurred, but in a trance, there was no change from more than three years ago.

I said softly, "So, have you blamed me all these years?" ”

“……”

He froze and looked at me stunned.

I stepped forward gently, tried my best to look at him through the water in front of me, and said softly, "Do you hate me?" ”

“……”

Watching me like this, he lowered his head in a little panic to avoid my gaze, and after a long silence, he spoke, but instead of answering my question, he said in a rambling voice: "The teacher once told me a story. He said that there was an emperor who opened the world and built a huge and vast palace, which was as gorgeous and extravagant as the heavenly palace, but was later burned down by those who rebelled against the emperor. ”

“……”

"The fires have been going on for three months, and the heavens and the earth have changed color, and when you think about it, what a terrible fire it was."

“……”

"However, even if it is so terrible, this fire has long been extinguished."

"......" My heart sank, and I looked at him with wide eyes.

"I can talk to you like this here now, because ......" He slowly raised his head to look at me and said, "Lord Yue, my fire has long been extinguished. ”

“……”

"I've forgotten."

When I heard this, tears fell from my eyes.

As soon as he saw me crying, he subconsciously stretched out his hand, but halfway through it he suddenly woke up and froze there, and my tears fell into the wooden bowl in his hand, and with a click, it was as light as if a gust of wind would blow it away.

He and I both lowered our heads and looked at the rippling water, distorting the figures of the two people reflected in it.

It seems to be distorted, as if it has been distorted for many years......

After a long time, he finally took his hand back and said softly, "I'm sorry." ”

"......" I shook my head silently, tears fell, I wanted to raise my head and smile at him, but I kept crying, I could only say wolf: "You are not sorry for me, you are not ......"

“……”

"It's me who is bad, it's me who ...... Not good. ”

I was crying and laughing, and I wanted to say something more, but I was so choked that I couldn't say it, Liu Qinghan looked at me like this, was silent for a long time, gently tilted his head to the side, didn't look at me, but didn't leave, just stood there quietly, as if guarding my cry.

I don't know how long it took for me to finally calm down.

A handkerchief was handed to me.

I looked up at him, only to see him looking at me calmly, those eyes were like a bowl of clear water in his hand, there were no more ripples, but the kind of tranquility and warmth made people unable not to linger.

I took his handkerchief and heard him say softly, "I'll go first." ”

After saying that, I felt a gust of wind on my face, and a whistling sound, with his smell, but it was so light, so light and gone, as if there had never been a zài.

I held the handkerchief and listened to his rustling footsteps on the fallen leaves, and covered my face silently.