The moment I saw the message, I thought I was going to pass out.

But I didn't.

While suffering all the sensations that came with this news, I thought I was going to cry.

But I didn't either.

Not even a single tear flowed, and my eyes were so dry that they hurt even if I blinked, so I barely blinked, just opened my eyes so blankly, looking at the silver-gray rain curtain outside the door, which obscured everything in front of me.

The sky is getting brighter.

At some point, the rain stopped, but it was also dark.

The sunlight faded little by little, like a huge black hand, slowly squeezing me tightly, and the surrounding qiē was slowly swallowed up by the darkness, and the whole room was so quiet that it became a silent ancient tomb.

In such a dead darkness, I slowly lit a candle.

As soon as the fire lit up, I suddenly felt a sharp pain in my eyes, and tears welled up, blurring everything in my vision.

But I stubbornly kept my eyes wide open, looking at the flickering firelight.

It's just that, in the blur of tears, the faint candle flame turned into a sea of fire.

A familiar sea of fire......

I was reborn from that sea of fire, but why did the figure in the sea of fire, the figure that gave me a chance to be reborn, become so blurred, so blurred......

It's dawn.

The candle flame struggled all night, and finally could no longer support it at this moment, and the candle heart fluttered, turned into a wisp of green smoke, and finally went out.

I kept this candle all night.

When I raised my eyes, a faint light shone through the hidden door, shining on my face.

I thought that this night would not be passed.

The corners of my mouth curled slightly.

Speaking of which, this world will not be unable to continue because of who has left, even when I lost my first child, I was so painful, and in the end, didn't I give up my life?

In fact, whose life is not like this?

How is it possible to have absolute happiness, and a certain eternity?

Born as human beings, how many opportunities do we have, and how lucky are we to meet the person I love him, and he will love me, even if we do, what are the chances that two people can go on forever? Maybe a small thing in life will separate two people, destroy this love, and even tear it apart.

And God made me meet him, and made him love me, and even willing to do things for me that he didn't even dare to think about in the past.

This is already the greatest kindness that God has given me in this half of my life.

Thinking of this, I slowly stood up, but because I sat all night, my legs were almost swollen and unconscious, and I almost fell down again, so I hurriedly held on to the table to barely stabilize my body, and when my legs and feet regained consciousness, I pushed the door and walked out slowly.

The morning air is slightly cool with a hint of sweetness.

It is not far away, the smell of bamboo forest.

I raised my eyes and looked into the distance, looking at the verdant green of the inner courtyard, the morning breeze was full of the fragrance of bamboo leaves, I took a deep breath, only felt cool into my heart and spleen, and seemed to wash away all the sorrow, sorrow, and unbearableness of this night, this half of my life.

In a trance, I remembered another early morning, he was wearing a long robe, holding a bowl, holding a bowl and half a bowl of clear water, as if he was in a different world, his eyes were clear, his smile was cold, and the air was full of the fragrance of bamboo leaves and the fragrance of earth.

My tears fell into his palm, and the half of the clear water caused ripples.

In my life, the unforgettable joy is because of this.

I don't blame him.

I don't hate anyone.

I was only distressed, it turned out that it was an empty joy.

I don't know how long it took, there was a sound of footsteps, and several maids greeted me and said carefully: "Mrs. Qingying." ”

"Madam, what's wrong with you, your face is so ugly!"

The faint phantom in front of me was like a morning mist, and it was blown away by the wind, and I stood there stunned for a long time, leaving only an empty space in front of me, and only then did I come back to my senses a little.

Turning his head, he met the concerned and cautious gaze of the maids.

I smiled faintly: "Where's Childe?" ”

"Childe is in the inner courtyard. Miss Li kept shouting to find Madame last night, and Childe stayed in the inner courtyard to accompany Miss Li. ”

"Oh." I nodded and said to them, "Please get some hot water, I want to freshen up first, and then go to the inner courtyard to find Childe." ”

"Yes."

They had already prepared, and not long after I finished speaking, a copper basin and towels with hot water were delivered, and after a little freshening up, although I was still haggard in the mirror, and the red blood in my eyes could not be washed off, but it was somewhat like a little bit of appearance, so I changed my clothes and came out, and walked to the inner courtyard.

After the spring rain, it is often a better sunny day, especially the spring rain in the south of the Yangtze River, it is to add a moving vitality to this land, the flowers and trees in the courtyard have sent out new shoots, more and more prosperous after the rain, there are crystal rain and dew on the eaves, the bluestone slab under the feet is cleaned, no matter where you go, you can feel a fresh breath.

As if, a qiē is a new look.

I walked unhurriedly in such a vibrant courtyard, but walked to the arched bridge, and when I looked up, I saw a familiar slender figure standing at the head of the bridge, looking forward to me.

It's Han Ruoshi.

I didn't expect to see her first, but she was clearly waiting for me like this - if she was waiting for Pei Yuanxiu, she should naturally look in the direction of the inner courtyard.

After thinking about it, I walked over calmly: "Miss Ruoshi." ”

"Sister Qingying." As soon as she saw me, she immediately greeted me with a smile and reached out to hold my hand: "Are you okay?" When I saw you like that yesterday, I was worried that you were sick, but are you okay now? ”

Her hands were cold, colder than mine, and it looked like she was supposed to be questioned. I shook my head gently and said, "I'm fine, I lost my temper yesterday." ”

"Sister, don't say that."

She clenched my hands as if trying to warm me up, but I felt nothing but cold in her palms.

However, when she spoke, her words were very enthusiastic: "Sister, you must know that your every move is holding the heart of the child." As soon as you felt unwell yesterday, Childe didn't care about anything, didn't send Xichuan's distinguished guests, and didn't even read any of the brochures sent from the house, and now they are still piled up in his study. ”

“…… Yes. ”

"He doesn't even care about something as big as casting soldiers."

“……”

Han Ruoshi held my hand and said softly: "Sister, you stay by Childe's side, Childe is very attentive to you, if you are really sick, Childe is afraid that he will not be able to endure it." In this way, my sister doesn't know what to do. ”

I raised my head, looked at her worried look, and said lightly, "No." ”

"Won't? Does my sister think that even if you are sick, Childe will not matter? ”

"......" I shook my head slightly, "That's not what I said. ”

“……”

She blinked her black and white starry eyes, looked at me puzzled, I had already withdrawn my hand, and said, "Thank you Miss Ruoshi for your concern, but don't worry, Childe won't be unable to hold on." ”

"That's fine."

"Now, I'm going to the inner courtyard to see Li'er, is Miss Ruoshi going to go with you?"

"Well, I'm not going."

She said, her smile adding a little embarrassment. Recalling the way Pei Yuanxiu stopped her outside the inner courtyard, I also regretted my words, but at this time, I couldn't take much care of it, nodded apologetically at her, and turned around and crossed the bridge.

As soon as I walked to the bamboo forest path in the inner courtyard, I heard Li'er's voice from inside: "When is my mother coming?" ”

My footsteps faltered, and I heard a quiet inside, and then, Pei Yuanxiu's voice sounded: "Soon to come." ”

"Daddy, you said the same thing last night."

“……”

I sighed.

It seems that Pei Yuanxiu is a person who has been tossed by this girl.

Thinking of this, I quickened my pace and walked over, turned a corner, and saw that in that elegant house, after a day of drizzle, it became more and more new and warm, and the rain and dew were falling on the eaves, Pei Yuanxiu was wearing a white dress, standing on the porch, looking up at the clear rain and dew, and Li'er was standing beside him, holding his clothes and belts with one hand.

Both of them saw me at the same time, and Li'er immediately pounced with a happy smile: "Mother! ”

I walked over and hugged the girl who bumped head-on, feeling the warmth of her small body, which seemed to drive away the numbness of my limbs and body, she put her hands around my neck and kept rubbing my cheeks: "Mother, why didn't you come back last night, Li'er is so worried about you." ”

"Don't worry, isn't my mother back?"

Speaking of this, I raised my head and looked at Pei Yuanxiu.

He still stood there motionless, with a gentle look in his eyes, but he could see that it was bloodshot.

This night, for him, is also a sleepless night.

I felt a little guilty, walked up the steps with Li'er in my arms, and said softly, "Childe." ”

"You're back."

"Hmm. Thank you Gongzi for helping me take care of Li'er. ”

"Between you and me, why do you need to say thanks."

“……”

I looked at the gentle eyes and didn't say anything, but turned my head to Li'er in my arms and said, "Li'er, my mother is so hungry." ”

Li'er immediately said, "Didn't my mother eat breakfast?" ”

"Well, hurry back to see Li'er, I haven't eaten yet."

"Then leave to help my mother get it!"

"Okay. You go to tell the people in the kitchen that your mother wants to eat snacks, and she wants almond crisp, chestnut cake, jam and gold cake, and a plate of crystal buns, and shredded chicken porridge. ”

"Mother wants to eat so much?"

"Do you remember?"

"Absolutely!"

She shouted triumphantly, and I put her down, and the girl turned her head and ran out, still silently reciting as she ran, as if she was afraid that she would forget.

Looking at her cute appearance, I only feel that no matter how big the pain is, it doesn't seem to be a big deal.

When her back was out of sight, I slowly turned around, but Pei Yuanxiu didn't have the slightest smile on his face, but he was too calm, and he didn't even have any brilliance in his eyes, looking at me quietly.

I thought about it, took a deep breath, and finally said: "No matter what, Gongzi has raised Li'er for so many years, so that she can grow up carefree and happy. ”

"......" He looked at me and didn't speak.

I didn't say anything, but I could read everything in those eyes, as if he had read the news yesterday and knew what I was going to do.

Thinking of this, I apologized, but also confessed: "I have something I want to say to my son." ”

“……”

After a long silence, he finally spoke, but his voice was hoarse, and although a smile appeared on his face, it was so reluctant that it seemed to disappear in the next moment.

"Do you have to say it now?"

I looked him in the eye and said softly, "Actually, when I was on the boat, I should have said it." ”

“……”

"But Childe advised me not to say it in a hurry, you said, maybe time will change what I want to say."

"Time, hasn't it changed you?"

“……”

I was silent for a moment and shook my head gently.

At this moment, his eyes flickered, as if something had broken in an instant, shattering to the ground.

That kind of brokenness made me feel the pain too, but no matter how painful it was, it should be a short pain.

I opened my mouth and said in a deep voice, "It's time for me to go." ”