"Second uncle, I'm back."

After saying this, the whole meditation room fell silent.

Only the green smoke that rose from the bronze incense burner trembled slightly in the air, and then dispersed leisurely. A faint smoke color permeated the eyes that were half stained with red dust, and even his gaze seemed to become hazy.

But I know that he keeps an eye on me.

I looked at him silently.

After being silent for a long time, the Zhengjue monk said softly: "This way, how long have you been walking?" ”

"Sixteen years."

"Where did you go?"

"Heaven and earth."

"What did you find?"

“…… No. ”

"So, what do you have to lose?"

I thought about it, but still shook my head.

He looked at me with a smile for a while, and a faint smile appeared on his old face, and he said, "You have grown up." ”

Just hearing this sentence, I felt that the tears could not stop pouring up.

In Xichuan, there are not many people who are qualified to say this, although the person in front of him is also one of the most qualified, because he is the second son of the Yan family - Yan Yizhi.

I can't say that I am too familiar with him, because when I began to remember, he was already in Buddhism and became a monk in Tianmu Temple, and when I knew that his identity was actually my second uncle, it was already when my mother was expelled from the main house of the Yan family and took me to the foot of the West Mountain. It was also in the conversation between the fearless monk and his mother that I learned that the monk who looked young and handsome, but had an unusually old and serious monk, was the son of the Yan family, my second uncle.

It's just that I didn't expect that after sixteen years, he has grown old like this.

Even in front of me, he was about to slowly get up from the futon, and his movements seemed so sluggish and strained, I hurriedly stepped forward to help him, and felt that the arm in the crook of the elbow was very thin.

Helping him slowly to sit down at the table, I picked up the teapot to the tea, but found that the tea was cold.

There are still two monks by his side who have been guarding him, so that the tea is cold, which shows that he eats cold tea on weekdays.

I held the teacup in both hands and looked at him quietly: "Second uncle, how are you doing all these years?" ”

"Every day, it's the same."

"I remember when I left, the second uncle was supplementing the incomplete "Treatise on the Seventeen Lands" and "The Treatise on the Great Vibha", I wonder if it is complete now?"

"It's over."

"Congratulations to the second uncle."

"My heart is like a mirror, how sad and joyful."

It's not the first time I've had a conversation with a monk, but it's the first time I've encountered such a conversation, which seems to be close to the real and far away, he is obviously playing meditation with me every word, and he doesn't know what to say for a while, he just looks down at the teacup in his hand, which reflects the flickering candle flame, like a mirror-like tea, pauses, and sends the teacup to the hand of the enlightened monk.

Because after covering it for a while, the tea is not as cold as when it was just poured out.

Monk Zhengjue looked down at the teacup, the corners of his eyes were piled up with fine wrinkles, as if looking at me with a smile on his eyes, and said softly: "You are becoming more and more like your mother." ”

The candle flickered a little.

I raised my eyes, looked at the old face of the monk Zhengjue, and said softly for a while: "Second uncle still remembers my mother." ”

"Can't forget."

"How much does the second uncle remember?"

"Remember, remember."

“……”

I only felt my throat dumb for a while, and I couldn't even say a word at this moment with so many words and so many questions.

It's like, when I was facing the Queen Mother, I couldn't say any of those words and questions.

In retrospect, the Queen Mother and the second uncle in front of her turned out to be so similar, they were both in a prosperous and splendid place, and they were both people who could enjoy the glory and wealth, but they were in the most envious eyes of the world, devoting themselves to Buddhism, guarding this green lantern, and the years were like flowing water, gurgling away.

I was silent for a long time, and finally asked softly, "Why did the second uncle become a monk?" ”

"Why do you ask?"

"The second uncle is the son of the Yan family, in the eyes of ordinary people, this is some-"

Before I finished my words, and I didn't know what to say, I heard him smile indifferently, and then said, "In the eyes of ordinary people, the poor monk has done a stupid thing, right? ”

I smiled awkwardly.

The Zhengjue monk also smiled, but he smiled calmly: "However, 'Zi said: Chaowen Dao, it is okay to die at night'." Even death is fine, so what is not to give up the glory and wealth of the world and become a monk? The poor monk never thought that he had done a stupid thing, and the poor monk thought that there was no time to spend his life in the day and night. ”

I was stunned for a moment.

I had a lot of speculations about his ordination, but I was a little surprised to hear his frank answer.

In this world, some people like to eat the lips of the orangutan, and some people are good at burning the knife and throat sour, but in fact, only people who have eaten the lips of the orangutan and the emerald of the swallow are really qualified to tell everyone that they are good at burning the knife and swallowing sour.

My second uncle, this enlightened monk, is like this.

He got what the world thought was best, but he really understood what was "best" for him.

It turned out that he was completely different from the Queen Mother.

For him, Buddhism is not a place to escape from earthly suffering, but a place to truly enjoy great happiness.

However, I asked, "Second uncle, don't you have any regrets in this life?" ”

“……”

The old face darkened for a moment.

I looked at him with some surprise, although I just wanted to ask for a peace of mind, but I didn't expect that it seemed that the little stone broke through the underwater sky, causing ripples in his mirror-like heart.

At this time, I suddenly remembered some things I heard when I was a child.

Is it?

I was not allowed to think about it, but the enlightened monk had already sighed and said, "In this world, there is no life without regrets. ”

……

In this world, there is no life without regrets?

Everyone's life should be, and there will be, regrets.

It's just that, looking back on this life, I will always have to make this and that choice, what is missing, and what is complete.

The second uncle spent half of his life to complete the "Seventeen Lands Treatise" and "The Treatise on the Great Vibharva", so there must be some defects that cannot be repaired.

For example, his affection, his love......

At this time, the monk had calmed his mind, looked at me quietly for a while, and said, "Where are you from?" ”

This time, I didn't use the "come from" meditation machine with him, but replied honestly: "Come from Nian Baoyu." ”

"Why where?"

"There's a war there. My husband and I, and my daughter, we went over to help. ”

"Are you married?"

"Yes."

"Who are you married?"

"......" I thought for a moment and said, "The former crown prince." ”

The enlightened monk looked at me for a while: "What kind of person is he?" ”

"He's been very good to me."

The Zhengjue monk was silent for a moment, as if he had thought of something, and suddenly said, "You are like your mother." ”

“……”

"Just know what you want."

When I heard this, my heart suddenly became suspicious, but I didn't know what was wrong, and after thinking about it, I still said the question I wanted to ask the most: "Does the second uncle know that back then, Xichuan - my father once led people to fight with the cavalry of the Dongchahe Department in Nian Baoyu?" ”

"Yes."

"Why fight?"

Zhengjue frowned slightly and looked at me: "Why do you ask?" ”

"This time, I met the general of the Eastern Chahe Department who participated in the war in Nian Baoyu, and he told me some things about the past, which made me very confused."

"What kind of doubts?"

"The general said that he said that the battle was like my father fought for my mother." Speaking of this, I paused slightly, looking at the flickering candle flame in front of me, Zhengjue's eyes seemed to be invaded by the candle flame, and flickered slightly, "Second uncle, is this the case?" ”

Zhengjue said lightly: "No one can guess your father's thoughts." ”

I frowned slightly, but before I could say anything, he said, "However, you should be able to figure out your mother's thoughts." ”

"Why?"

"You have a bodhisattva heart."

“……”

"And your mother is a bodhisattva."

“……！”

I just felt a sudden jump in my heart.

This sentence was said by Su Su to me at the beginning, Uncle Ai once said, and now, the second uncle actually said the same thing in front of me.

I have a bodhisattva's heart, and my mother is a bodhisattva.

Why do I feel more and more that this very simple sentence seems to have a deep meaning in every word, hinting at something obvious, but I can't understand it at all?

After a long silence, I slowly asked, "Can the second uncle sue me, what kind of bodhisattva is my mother?" ”

Zhengjue was stunned and looked up at me.

I continued to ask: "My father and my mother met in Yunchifeng, Xishan, at that time, what was my mother doing in Xishan?" What kind of person is she? ”

Zhengjue looked at me for a while, and those blue-gray eyes slowly calmed down, and said, "Light, are you here to visit your mother today?" ”

I thought for a moment and said, "I just want to get to know her." ”

“……”

I know, it's ridiculous. How can there be a daughter in this world who asks other people what her mother is, especially since I was not separated from her since childhood, but grew up by her side to a teenager, but asked this question, which is really ridiculous.

However, I really want to know the answer to this question.

From childhood to adulthood, for me, she was my mother, the mother of the Yan family, and later went through hardships but always smiled in the face of all the ups and downs of women, I never realized that my mother had so many mysteries, and behind her, there were so many shadows that I couldn't see clearly.

So, I can only ask, ask everyone who might have known back then.

Again, I asked quietly: "Second uncle, who is my mother?" ”