Yan Qinghan looked stunned at me, but smiled faintly: "What's wrong?" ”

I don't think he'll understand, no one else will understand, that even if I dig into the past about my mother, even if I find even a little clue, it will be like a treasure for me.

But-

Looking up at his faint pupils, I still tried to calm my feelings, and said with a smile: "Do you remember what my mother told you?" ”

"Of course I do." He smiled: "What my aunt said is very interesting and reasonable. ”

"So, do you remember what my mother told you?"

He didn't answer immediately, but looked at me deliberately and said, "Why did you suddenly ask about this?" ”

"It's nothing, it's just, I miss her a little."

“……”

"The more time passes, the more vague the memory of her becomes, so I want to ask everyone who has seen her about her, otherwise, I'm afraid I'll slowly forget about her."

Yan Qinghan looked at me silently, and after a while, he suddenly smiled: "At least, you still have something to forget." ”

“……”

"I don't even have anything to forget."

“……”

"I don't even know what she's like."

I looked up at the faint smile on his pale face, and suddenly a gust of wind blew into the mourning hall, and those white flags were hunting and flying in the air, and I suddenly felt a chill and shrank for a moment.

He looked at me again and smiled, "Maybe one day, she really came into my dream, and I wouldn't know that she was my mother." ”

I know he must have been in a lot of pain when he said that.

It should be said that he must have lived in this kind of pain all these years, but at this moment, there is a faint smile on his face, and there is not even a trace of painful expression.

It seems that he has learned to hide his feelings too well.

Thinking of this, my heart couldn't help but feel sour, and I said softly: "Auntie, she doesn't want to be like this." ”

Yan Qingchen glanced at me.

"She must also wish she could be there for you, babbling and toddler, and then watching you grow up. Every time you are sick, she must hope that she can replace you. ”

Listening to my words, Yan Qingchen seemed to be in a trance for a moment.

After a moment of silence, he said, "Yes, I believe that a mother must have such expectations. ”

“……”

"She's not wrong, she's just- she can't take it anymore."

“……”

I looked at his pale face and suddenly felt a little speechless.

Listening to his words, I also understood that he must have known what happened back then, and also knew how his mother, the originally ordinary Huansha girl, separated from her fiancé and then married into the Yan family.

This qiē may be a beautiful story of flying on a branch and becoming a phoenix in the hearts of many girls, which is worthy of their praise and envy, and even as a model for life, but when this story really falls on them, whether it is happy or sad, maybe only those who are in it will understand all kinds of tastes.

What others give may not be what she wants.

Otherwise, how could she die in such a prosperous and extravagant place because of a childbirth?

At this time, he said sullenly: "I think Auntie, it's probably the same, right?" ”

"......" I looked up at him, and he said calmly, "I know that after you left Xichuan, she passed away. ”

“……”

"Although she is in pain, she is finally relieved."

Suffering?

These two words seemed to stab me, I was silent, and then slowly said: "Actually, I think that my mother may not be very painful." ”

"She's not in pain?" Yan Qinghan looked at me and suddenly smiled: "What woman would not be painful if she had such an experience?" After experiencing that qiē, she was originally supposed to be the wife of the Yan family, but now, she didn't even have a place to worship the spiritual seat. ”

There seemed to be a flame in his shallow pupils, and he looked at me burningly: "Do you really think that my aunt is not in pain?" ”

“……”

I thought about it, met his gaze, and said calmly: "Whether it hurts or not, maybe I can't see it." ”

“……”

"But I know she doesn't hate."

Yan Qinghan shuddered.

At that moment, the flame in his eyes was extinguished, and he slowly regained his calm and coldness before, and even his tense body relaxed, but immediately, he covered his mouth and coughed.

The servants who had been waiting outside immediately came in and gave him a good luck and a medicine for him.

I was slowly pushed aside by these people.

By the time the group of people had finished their mess and helped him to sit down in a circle chair on the side, his breath was already faint like a gossamer, and his thin chest kept rising and falling, like a candle in the wind.

But finally, his face turned a little red.

I stood by and watched, and he only then looked up at me, and smiled apologetically: "Laugh." ”

I shook my head.

"Your health is so bad, don't guard it, go and rest."

"No, it's the last night, I'm going to keep it."

"But you're—"

"Don't worry, I know my body. It's you—" He glanced at me, glanced out of the corner of his eye again, and a faint smile floated, "You should go back to rest." Your husband has been coming to see you for a while. ”

“……？”

I was stunned, turned my head to look, and sure enough, I saw Pei Yuanxiu standing outside the mourning hall from afar, looking at us calmly.

I hurriedly walked out: "Why are you here?" ”

"I see you haven't come back so late, come and see you."

"Then why don't you come in."

"Seeing how speculative you are, I don't want to bother you."

He smiled, and the flickering candle flame in the mourning hall reflected on his face, perhaps because of his ruddy complexion, but it was even more warm. I couldn't help but reach out to hold both of his hands, only to find that his fingertips were still a little cold.

I don't know how long I've been standing outside.

I couldn't help but sneer, "You really are, too." ”

He smiled, and didn't argue, just glanced at the chaotic crowd in the mourning hall, and then looked at me: "Do you still want to keep the spirit?" ”

I also glanced inside, Yan Qinghan smiled faintly at me, waved his hand, and then I turned around and said, "No, I'll go back with you." ”

"Okay."

He smiled and took my hand with his backhand, I looked back again, and he led me back.

When we returned to our room, there was only a small candle flame left in it, which made the room dim. I walked to the side of the small bed at the other end, only to see Li'er covering her chest with her two hands, sleeping gradually a little unstable, her brows were furrowed tightly, so I gently took her two hands open into the quilt, and then carefully pulled the quilt up a little to cover her chest.

Pei Yuanxiu walked over and wrapped his arms around my waist, knocked his chin on my shoulder, looked down at Li'er for a while, and then smiled: "It turns out that she changed her teeth." ”

"Hmm."

"No wonder she looks like that during the day."

I turned my face sideways and said softly, "Don't mention it, she's sad." ”

"Why?"

"......" I was silent for a moment and shook my head: "It's nothing. ”

Pei Yuanxiu looked at me for a while, and didn't ask much, just smiled and rubbed the tip of his nose against my ear, and his broken hair was a little itchy by him, I couldn't help but shrink a little, and I heard him say, "Go and rest." ”

"Hmm.

The night passed.

Early the next morning, we both got up early, Li'er covered herself in the quilt and played tricks, and finally was reluctantly pulled up by me, and when I rinsed my mouth, I could still feel her low feelings.

However, everyone's interest was not high.

Because today is the last day for the ashes of enlightenment to be enshrined in the Yan family.

Early in the morning, we had already heard the hurried footsteps of the attendants and maids walking around in the inner house, and we walked out of the inner house to the mourning hall, and we heard many monks chanting mantras there in the distance.

I was leading Li'er to that side, but out of the corner of my eye, I saw a familiar figure on the other side, and I couldn't help but stop and look, but it was Mrs. Yan, who was wearing a plain white robe, holding a dragon staff in one hand and holding the railing with the other, looking at the small building in the middle of the lake in Qianqiu Lake in a daze.

I thought about it, and although I hesitated, I walked over anyway.

And she heard my footsteps and turned back.

It didn't seem to be adjusted, and when she turned around, I vaguely saw a smile on her face that hadn't had time to fade, but the moment I saw us, the smile disappeared.

"Is that you?" As soon as she saw me, her face immediately showed a look of disgust, and her eyes, which had been in a trance, became arrogant, and when she saw Li'er beside me, her brows furrowed even tighter. Li'er was already a little afraid of her, and when she faced a cold old woman like her, she shrank behind me even more.

Old Madam Yan immediately said coldly: "The good daughter you taught, she is crazy all day long, she has no taboos with men, and she doesn't know how to salute when she sees her elders!" ”

I thought about it for a moment and patted Li'er on the shoulder: "Go, salute my grandmother." ”

Li'er was a little timid, but when I said so, I still obediently stepped forward and saluted Mrs. Yan.

Her face did not ease in the slightest, she only looked at Li'er coldly and said: "Even if you don't have it, you still have the blood of the Yan family in your body, don't go out and go crazy, let people look down on the women of the Yan family!" ”

Li'er turned and ran behind me, grabbed my sleeve and stopped talking.

I turned around and saw Pei Yuanxiu standing a few steps away, but he didn't mean to intervene to speak, so he nodded and said softly to him, "You take Li'er over first." ”

"What about you?"

I didn't speak, I just handed Li'er's little hand to him, Pei Yuanxiu didn't ask any more questions, took Li'er's hand and walked to the mourning hall.

Here, only me and Xue Qian are left.

The light of the morning sun slowly moved up from under the fence, illuminating the eyes of the two of us, and outlining her outline more and more clearly, for some reason, I always thought she was so tall and terrifying when I was a child, but now I am alone with her, the previous fear has disappeared, and I even feel that she is not so tall and so terrifying.

She's just a thin, poor woman.

Perhaps sensing the soft pity in my eyes, Old Madam Yan immediately frowned: "What are you doing here?" ”

"I ...... I have something to say to you. ”

"Hmph, what do I have to say to you, a bad girl!"

After saying that, she turned around to leave.

But I didn't know why, or even the guts I had from there, so I walked up a few steps and said to her, "I don't think you hate me that much. ”

“……”

"I don't hate my daughter that much."

“……”

The sound of the dragon staff on the ground became heavier and heavier, thumping, as if it was hammering heavily on people's hearts, but even this sound could not hide her heavier and heavier breathing, and in the end, she seemed to be a little breathless and unable to walk, and stopped to look at me.

"What did you say?!"

Looking at her sharply heaving chest, I thought about it and softened a little: "At least, you don't hate my daughter, do you?" ”

“……”

She snorted and gasped a few times, and suddenly sneered: "What, do you think I scolded her enough?" ”

I still looked at her calmly: "If you don't scold her, you hate her." ”

“……”

"It was originally wrong for her to pester Master Liu at the dinner table, but we all felt that she was too young to bear it, and we were not in a hurry to manage it too strictly; She likes to play everywhere, and there is no taboo between people, and it is indeed a headache for me, but she has not been by my side since she was a child, and there are some problems to take care of, and I have no way to make her change overnight, so I can only slowly figure it out. ”

I said softly, "I appreciate your willingness to discipline her." ”

Xue Qian's face was red and white, as if the whole person was in chaos, and for a while, she didn't say a word, turned around and walked back.

I stood still and didn't move.

But she took two steps, stopped again, slowly turned to look at me, and with an indignant sneer on her face, she said, "Do you think I'm really helping you discipline her?" ”

“……”

"I'm just disciplining the granddaughter of the Yan family, lest I let her go out and be embarrassed, lose our Yan family, and lose your father's face!"

“……”

"What I'm more afraid of is that she is like you, like your mother, and will not abide by women's morals in the future!"

My brow immediately tightened: "What did you say?!" ”

My mother doesn't keep women's morals?

At this time, Xue Qian seemed to have finally found a weakness that could attack me, so she simply turned around, slowly walked in front of me, and sneered: "Do you think your mother is really so perfect and so innocent?" She marries your father, whether she likes it or not, she should be in peace when she marries. But she has been restless, and she has been involved with Fu Badai, and the poor scholar, hmph, what kind of erudition conference did she bring her children and daughters to, and your mother also met with him in private. It's her who doesn't keep women's morals! ”

Drag your children with you?

My heart chuckled: "What are you talking about, Liu Shizhou?" ”

She was stunned: "You, you know that person?" ”

My breath couldn't help but mess up a little, but I immediately said, "I know who he is, he is indeed a poor scholar, but he is not as unbearable as you say." There is nothing unpleasant between him and my mother, but my mother sees that he is poor, so she subsidizes him with some silver taels, not the dirty things you said. ”

"Really?"

She gritted her teeth and sneered: "Even if these are not, then what is the wild man that your mother often goes to private meetings?" ”

Wild men?!

These three words pierced my heart fiercely, and I only felt that my breath was blocked in my chest, and my voice changed: "You are talking nonsense!" ”

"Am I talking nonsense? Hum! ”

Xue Qian sneered: "This kind of thing, she is probably embarrassed to let her daughter know about this kind of thing, and even Mu Zhi is ashamed to mention it." But today, I'm not afraid to sue you. ”

"You, you don't want to spew blood!"

"She thinks she's stealthy doing things on her own? But paper can't hold the fire, if she does things above board, abides by women's morals, and doesn't have to secretly run out for private meetings, and let that wild man come and go with a mask, then I'm afraid that people will see it, why do such a cheap thing? ”

My heart skipped a beat.

"What did you say?!"