Ladies and gentlemen, I am Tang Seng. Now I heard that the Jade Emperor is going to hold a report meeting on my deeds and a discussion meeting on my mental journey, at the invitation of Sister Guanyin, I will briefly say two words first, please correct.

Wandering, suffering several times, looking back at the green years that have long passed, I can't help but feel sad. The past is vivid, as if it were another world, more like a dream, a real and cruel dream. In this dream I lost everything I had. Memories are bitter, like wine filled with bile, and I hold my glass alone, looking at the moon in the sky, and a ray of sadness crosses my heart.

I was born in the prosperous era of the Tang Dynasty, but my family was poor. For a poor child like me, there is no other way to get ahead than to study and seek fame. However, comrades, how many years do you have to endure from a poor sour talent to a lifter and then to the palace test. There is a comrade named Fan Jin who also went to Suijiacang because of this, which can be described as a lesson for the future. Fortunately, I found out that at that time, our emperor was devoted to the Buddha, so I stomped my feet ruthlessly and shaved my way to become a monk. Everyone knows the story of learning scriptures, but Old Man Wu has many inaccuracies in his book, and he writes me like a noodle melon. A few days ago, I have already filed a complaint with the court against him for infringement of my right to reputation, and I have claimed 900 million euros (tentative) from him, and the lawsuit is being heard by the Intermediate Court.

Many people asked me, why didn't I let Wukong Tengyun send me directly to the west sky, why bother to go for so many years? All of you are honest people, so I'll tell you the truth. There are three reasons: First, I have a fear of heights, and I occasionally vomit when I get to the clouds. The monkey is not a fuel-efficient lamp, he has a habit of cleanliness, and when I vomit he always asks me to wipe the clouds; Second, it is mainly to move the emperor. For example, the work that people can only complete during working hours, you must still be doing it after work, and you will not rest on holidays to move the leader; Thirdly, it is for my personal consideration, traveling to the scenic spots, magnificent rivers and mountains of our great country, and at public expense, don't be too happy.

During the journey full of dangers, I discovered that the great motherland is rich in land and abundant products: along the way, we ate watermelon, tasted ginseng fruit, and washed our feet with water from the Daughter River. We saw rare animals such as the yellow lewd yellow-haired lion, the green-capped and shrunken-headed big turtle, and also visited many township entrepreneurs such as the Cow Baking Bull Demon King, which greatly broadened our horizons. In the most difficult time (there are many monsters and monsters), we were lucky to meet Bai Jingjing, Chun Thirteen Niang and other enchanting and charming goblins, which added endless fun to our journey. As for the demons and monsters I encountered on the road, my standard is that all those who have no background will be cut down by the monkey; Anyone with a background, but I haven't touched a trace of other people's foot hair, the so-called back black pot I came, send the dead monkey to go (many gods praise me for doing things). At one time, I thought that the purpose of going to the Western Heaven was to recover the escaped pets, mounts, and acolytes of the Buddha.

In addition, in order to achieve my dreams, I have never relaxed my business studies. In addition to studying the scriptures himself, he also often gave lessons to his disciples and never relaxed his ideological education. Of course, Bajie often tempts me with some pornographic books, and I occasionally glance at it, and I personally think that "Playboy" is more distinctive, because ...... Yes?! Oh, it's going to be pinched in a while!

By the way, since I successfully returned to China, there have always been paparazzi asking me if I have a leg with Sister Guanyin and Sister Chang'e? I often stalk and secretly take pictures, which seriously interferes with my private life! Here I would like to solemnly reiterate that my relationship with them is absolutely innocent! Sister Guanyin and I are pure sisters and brothers, and for Sister Chang'e, I just stop at lewdness. If I want to say that the woman I love the most, of course, is the queen of the daughter country, in my mind, her figure can't be dispersed......

In fact, I am also a human being, and I also have seven emotions and six desires, but the biggest difference between me and ordinary people is that ordinary people can't resist these preferences, and always expect to fall into a state of drunkenness and unbridled fantasies about happiness that they think are related to happiness, while I can solve them through various unknown methods. Comrades, as a typical example set up by Rulai, I have been suppressing the desire of **, am I easy?! A lot of people are expecting me to stumble, but I just don't give them a chance to see the excitement! My aura from a bitter child to the present is all around, and the hard work and efforts I have put in must not be in vain! I want to be a famous monk and saint forever, although the road ahead is still very tortuous, I often ask myself, when can I survive this life and suffering, how far will it be forever, but I believe that there is a distance, so I have been on the road, I think I will be cool in the future......