A colleague of Kong Ling's surname is Wang, (temporarily known as Wang), she is the same age as Kong Ling, has been engaged in primary school Chinese teaching for more than ten years, in recent years, she hates work incomparably, and has repeatedly mentioned in front of Kong Ling that she wants to change her job, and she doesn't want to be confined to such a "small and trivial" space, but although this job is chicken ribs in her eyes, "the food is tasteless, and it is a pity to abandon it", but after all, she has been living from this job for more than ten years, but the world is so big, she really wants to see it. Pen ~ fun ~ Pavilion www.biquge.info ask Kong Ling what to do. Kong Ling thought about her situation for a long time, and then guided her step by step to recognize her real problems.

Under the guidance of Kong Ling, Ms. Wang pondered the following: "I began to hate my job, but I still stayed because I felt that I couldn't leave - I needed money; or work experience on a curriculum vitae; Or I'm afraid I won't find another job; Or my family will be mad at me for it. I felt trapped and started to become angry and resentful. ”

Kong Ling reminded Wang, "Here, you have to admit to yourself first. "The reason why I am angry and resentful is because I chose to stay in the sense of security."

Seeing Wang nod thoughtfully, Kong Ling continued: "By doing this, you are not questioning the right or wrong of this choice - you are simply admitting the facts, and this may be unconscious. As you become aware of the facts, your anger begins to subside a bit, as you begin to take responsibility and get rid of the victim role. ”

"What should I do next?" Wang asked expectantly.

"Then you can be more specific about why you hate the job – is it because you don't feel appreciated, or bored, or stressed, or restricted? Or for other reasons. Seeing Wang's eyes begin to move to the lower right corner, Kong Ling knew that she was feeling the sensations of her body. She paused for a moment before continuing:

But whatever the reason, the next step is to understand that you have a choice about how you view the status quo. You can tell yourself that you don't feel like you're doing this job, or that you're missing out on a wonderful life, or that you don't feel any joy in this job. In either case, you define yourself as a victim - you have no way to change the situation. ”

"Or you can have the courage to admit that these are just your own reactions to the situation – it does take courage, because it's much easier for the mind to keep trying to pull you back to blaming and complaining about the situation."

If you are responsible for these reactions, which are in fact your own, then you can try to find the culprit, why you feel bored, angry, unappreciated, stressed, etc., and then see if you can change the way you react. You can start asking yourself, "Would someone else react the same way?" "You need to be honest with yourself, is it possible that the same situation will not be a problem for some people? If yes, you can ask yourself "Why am I reacting the way I do?" And this will put the blame entirely back on you, so you have a choice, and it's a state that empowers you more than the victim character. ”

For example, you can ask yourself, what beliefs are causing your stress? What kind of unconscious messages do you give yourself that makes you stumble and run around directionlessly? If you slow down, what's the worst thing that can happen? What do you need to believe in order not to feel stressed in this situation? ”

If you feel unappreciated or disrespected, you can ask yourself, do you appreciate and respect yourself? How can you appreciate what you do more? How would people who do the same job feel if they respected themselves and didn't care too much about what others thought and treated them? If they are happy with themselves, how will they behave and behave? ”

"If you're feeling bored, you can ask yourself, what makes you feel bored? If you use this work as a way to practice being fully present in the moment, or to become more aware of yourself moment by moment, is that boring? Can't you really find any satisfaction in this job? If a student annoys you, you can ask yourself, are they really that hard to get along with? Rather than just focusing on the shortcomings, don't they really have a bit of a positive quality to keep them focused? They must have their own reasons for the way they are, and maybe you're not perfect yourself, but in any case, it's none of your business how they are. If you can really have that attitude, it will make you more natural and relaxed, and that will make the people around you feel more natural and relaxed......"

"So...... Once you're ready to take responsibility for your reactions, there are plenty of possibilities to explore. And it's a fascinating, deeply relieving process. Relief comes from the fact that when you become aware of the unconscious ideas that have controlled your life so far, you have lifted the power that has overridden you. ”

Wang listened to Kong Ling's analysis and felt that it was very reasonable, and she expressed her gratitude to Kong Ling, saying that she would go back and digest these ideas and ideas that she had never thought of before. Kong Ling's conversation is actually conveying to her a problem-solving angle - "looking inward".