Have you ever thought about how you will take care of your parents in the future as they get older? Have you ever thought about who you can rely on if you are old one day......

I'm old and determined not to live with my children

A few years ago, I just got married, and my mom came to live with me for a while. One evening we watched a family drama about the mother-in-law and daughter-in-law war, and I blurted out: "When I get old in the future, I will definitely not live with my children, I would rather save money to go to a nursing home!"

My mother, who usually interjects two sentences to show her authority, heard this, but did not say a word, and after a long time, she said in frustration: "Parents regard their children as everything, and it is dispensable to be parents when their children are older." ”

A few years later, I quit my job and worked with a few friends on a nursing home project that we called the "Elderly Care Center", which specializes in helping seniors who live alone, empty nesters, or need to be cared for.

The story of Grandpa Ma

What prompted me to do this was not only my mother's words back then, but also an old man I met on a rainy day - Ma Lao, who lived in the same community.

It was raining so hard that everyone was in a hurry to get home, and he stood alone with an umbrella. When I passed by him, I couldn't help but stop and ask, "Uncle, why don't you go home after such a heavy rain?" What if you slip and fall?"

He suddenly looked at me happily and said, "Thank you." ”

I was so confused by this "thank you" that I pulled him into the canopy next to me, and then he said to me: "Girl, you don't know, I'm too bored at home, come out and see, there are people outside, maybe someone will talk to me." Look, didn't I meet you?"

The old man with age spots grinned like a child.

Grandpa Ma has a son who is also very filial, but he is far away in Beijing. His wife died a few years ago, and his son wanted to take him to Beijing, but he was unwilling.

One is that he doesn't want to leave the city where he has lived for so long, and the other is that he is afraid that it will cause conflicts to his son and daughter-in-law after a long time. He lived alone in a two-bedroom apartment of 80 square meters, the house was empty, and he used to go downstairs to play chess and chat with his neighbors, but one day he fell down the stairs and rarely went downstairs after that.

Grandpa Ma said: "I was really uncomfortable today, so I came down and stood for a while to look at the people on the road." When someone passed by me, they felt like they were guests at home, and they were happy. Girl, you know what, it's been a long time since I've been out of this neighborhood......"

I opened a nursing home

I made up my mind to do a nursing home. Prior to that, I worked for a non-profit organization for five years. My selfishness is that when I am old, I can do what we find interesting in my own nursing home, with a group of like-minded friends, at least, not so lonely.

Gradually, I discovered that old age is actually divided into 4 stages:

Stage 1: 60-70 years old

After retirement, between the ages of 60 and 70, the health is relatively good, and the conditions are permitted. Play when you want and be kind to yourself. The money is some to live in, the house is kept, and all the ways to go back and retreat are arranged.

The child's economic success is the child's efforts, and the child's filial piety is the child's gratitude. We can not refuse their funding, we can not refuse their filial piety. But you still have to rely on yourself and arrange your own life.

Stage 2: No disease after the age of 70

After the age of seventy, there is no disaster or disease, and life can still take care of itself, which is not a big problem, but you must know that this is really old, and slowly your physical strength and energy will not work, you should eat slowly - to prevent choking, and to walk slowly - to prevent falling.

Don't worry about this and that, take care of your children and daughters, be selfish, and take care of yourself. Everything should be leisurely, give yourself the time to live independently as long as possible, and live a better life without asking for others.

Stage 3: Illness after the age of 70

If you are not in good health, you must be prepared, and the vast majority of people will not be able to escape this hurdle. The mood should be adjusted and adapted. Birth, old age, sickness and death, the normalcy of life, treat it calmly. This is the last period of life, there is nothing to be afraid of, and it will not be too sad if you are prepared.

Or go to a nursing home, or employ people to care for the elderly at home, do what you can, do it as appropriate, there will always be a way, the principle is not to grind the children, do not add too much burden to the children's psychology, housework, and economy.

Overcome it yourself, our generation has gone through all the hardships and difficulties, and I believe that the last journey of our life will be calmly passed.

Stage 4: The last stage of life

When you are sober-minded, your body is riddled with incurable diseases, and your quality of life is extremely poor, you must dare to face death, resolutely do not want your family to rescue you, and do not want relatives and friends to do unnecessary waste.

And at every stage of old age, spiritual companionship can be said to be the most important. Of course, my place soon became a club for the elderly, which not only provided a "full service" from accommodation to professional escort for the elderly, but also provided "spiritual companionship" for the elderly who lived in their own homes but usually had no one to accompany and have no entertainment life.

"Spiritual accompaniment" is even more important for the elderly

Don't underestimate the importance of the word "spirit" to the elderly, so that the elderly don't need to be spiritually satisfied? I didn't notice that every time I went home to visit my parents, I either bought clothes, food, or money.

"Otherwise, what do you want? Aren't we going to work and watching you at home twenty-four hours a day?" It's not that they don't want to be filial to their parents, children want their parents to live well more than anyone else.

However, when they are young, children have jobs, their own lives, dreams, and want to explore the wider world...... There is no right or wrong in many things in this world, young people have the needs of young people, and old people also have the perspective of old people.

Let the elderly find their "sense of existence"

One of the tasks of nursing homes is to enable the elderly to find their "presence". Every Monday to Friday morning, the elderly gather at the center to do aerobics with the teacher, and there is a chorus time after the morning exercises. The center also has a reading room and a chess and card room, and organizes theatrical performances for the elderly from time to time.

Of course, these are for the elderly who can act on their own. An old man once said to me that if you are old and have a good body, and your legs and feet are sharp, you are even luckier than meeting a beautiful girl and falling in love with her when you were young. Many old people who can't walk are the loneliest ones.

Later, there was a professional social worker girl in our center, who was familiar with the situation of the elderly in the surrounding community, who could not walk, who were paralyzed in bed, and who needed to be taken care of, and the girl often took people to visit them and chat with them. Not only to help them in life, but more importantly, to listen and listen to their stories of the past, their lives that were either ordinary or brilliant.

When we get old, our biggest reliance is not on children, but on the fullness of our hearts

During the days of running this elderly care center, I spent time with all kinds of elderly people every day, including those who lost their partners, those who lost their independence, and those who were empty nesters......

I slowly found that many times, if you want to really release their loneliness, it is not that your children are always by your side, nor are you always accompanied by a nanny, nor do you keep giving money, but to keep them busy and fulfilling, so that they can regain their self-confidence and sense of "being needed" when they were young, and what they are really afraid of is that they are "useless".

I love my current profession from the bottom of my heart, and I often bring my mother to the center, let her join the choir, let her do aerobics, and talk to other old people.

One day I went out for a meeting and called her to buy more food in the evening, and my friend wanted to come to the house for dinner, and she refused me and said, "You guys go out to eat, I don't have time today, I have to rehearse, and I want to perform in the community next week." ”

Suddenly, I felt a sense of comfort and joy in my heart. Mom refused because she had her own life in her old age, I was not all of her, she was not my vassal, let alone my nanny, she was an independent woman who lived for herself.

I hope that at the end of my life, my greatest reliance is not on my children, but on the fullness and dignity of my heart.

In short, whether you are a long-lived Ojisan or Obasan, in the end you are a person, this sentence is not sad at all, nor is it terrible, it all depends on how you arrange your life, and it all depends on whether you have a mature psychology.

If you like it, it's worth doing, don't forget, it's only this time in this life, and when you encounter something healthy or happy, don't always look forward to leaving it to the next generation.

We are destined to be the last generation to be filial to our parents, the first generation to be abandoned by our children, and we must not say that "people are in heaven and money is in the bank." All kinds of negative messages such as "a person is very lonely" and "no one to take care of him when he is old" have long been outdated.

When we are old, do we rely on ourselves, or rely on our children, or rely on nannies? This is the problem that each of us will face, in the final analysis, we really have to rely on ourselves, rely on our own hard body, rely on our own inner fullness!

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