I smiled and said, "Guess, I feel like you know a lot about depression, and I feel like you've suffered from depression too." ”

The green light turned on, and Sun Xiaoxiao continued on the road, saying to me, "That's right, that was a long time ago. ”

After a pause, she added, "So I know how uncomfortable depression is, and I may commit suicide, I just don't worry about you!" ”

"Tell me about it, what did you get from depression and how did you get better?"

"Want to know?"

"It's not that I particularly want to, it's just curious."

Sun Xiaoxiao cut off and said, "If you want to know, just say it, you have to make such a big detour." ”

After a short silence, Sun Xiaoxiao finally said: "I suffered from depression because of many things, at that time I was preparing for the college entrance examination, but my parents had a conflict and wanted to divorce...... I was depressed all day, and I didn't do well in the college entrance examination, so I collapsed......"

"That's it?"

"I've said it all because of a lot of things...... During that time, I didn't see anyone, I only ate one meal a day, and sometimes I didn't want to eat at all. ”

Speaking of this, Sun Xiaoxiao smiled bitterly, glanced at me and said, "Guess how much I weighed before I suffered from depression?" ”

"How much? It can't be a fat person, right? ”

Sun Xiaoxiao smiled: "It's really a chubby girl, I still have previous photos, I'll show you when I get to ...... At that time, I weighed more than 150 pounds, and my face was the size of a basin, and my legs were very thick...... At that time, I also fell in love with a senior, and I mustered up the courage to confess to him, but I was said to be ashamed of myself. ”

I wondered, "What are you talking about?" Say you're ugly? ”

"It's okay to call me ugly, because I'm used to it...... He even said that I was shameless, that I had no points in my heart, and that even if there was only one woman left in the world after all the women died, he would not be able to like me...... You say, what could be more striking than that? ”

I couldn't hold back my wild laughter, Sun Xiaoxiao glanced at me again, and complained: "Is it so funny?" ”

"I feel like you're making jokes with me."

"If I make up a joke about thunder, I'm telling the truth...... In this way, my depression became even more serious, and I closed the door every day, but I didn't expect that I managed to lose weight from more than 150 pounds to more than 120 pounds in one summer vacation...... However, I also suffered from stomach problems that hurt me so much that I wanted to die......

I've really looked for death, I've cut my wrists, you see, ......."

As she spoke, Sun Xiaoxiao stretched out her right wrist towards me.

When I looked at it, she did have a very obvious scar on her right wrist, which was shocking.

"And then?" I became more curious.

"Later, my mother found out and took me to the hospital in time to save me, but since then I have become depressed and feel that the whole world hates me, even my mother scolds me...... I thought about death again, so I climbed to the top of my house while everyone was not caring. ”

"Who stopped you?" I said.

"I figured it out myself this time."

"How did you figure it out?"

When I arrived at the traffic light intersection again, Sun Xiaoxiao stopped the car and asked me for a cigarette.

After I lit it for her, she said slowly: "I was sitting on the roof of the 19th floor, and the wind was blowing very hard that day, and my hair was blown up, but I was not afraid at all, because I knew that the world was not worth ......."

"You get out of the car, I'll drive, you just tell me a story." I interrupted her.

So I braved the rain and switched places with her, and just when the green light came, I started again.

Sun Xiaoxiao also began to recall seriously, and continued: "At the moment when I was about to jump, one of my classmates who had a particularly good time called me...... I got through to her and she told me that there was a dance school with admissions and told me to try it...... She knew that I had always liked to dance since I was a child, but because of my size, I didn't have a place in various activities organized by the school, so I felt very inferior. ”

I answered, "Are you going?" ”

"Go, I have to thank my classmate, it wasn't her, and what I'm sitting here and talking to you about now won't be me."

"That's how it stopped you from jumping off the building?"

"No, in fact, I figured it out on my own, I want to make myself better, and I don't want to live up to my mother's hard work to pull me up, so I gave myself another chance......

After I got off the rooftop, I went to the dance school with my classmate, and I got into that school without any problems......

My mom was very supportive of my decision, but my classmates at school were even worse because they were all girls, and they all loved vanity...... I was still fat at that time, and they violently attacked me in all kinds of ways, and I hid in the bed and cried every night and night. ”

I couldn't listen anymore, so I directly interrupted her and said, "You just tell me how you changed, don't talk about these sad pasts." ”

"No, I'm going to say, I'm going to let you know me thoroughly."

After a pause, Sun Xiaoxiao continued: "I still haven't given up on myself, I want to prove that I can, so I started all kinds of overload training and sports, and I will practice again in private every day after completing the teacher's regulations......

At that time, every good part of my body hurt so much that I couldn't sleep in the middle of the night...... My classmates also bullied me, saying that I was practicing alone in private to please my teacher, and they continued to use all kinds of soft violence against me, even throwing their used aunt's towel on my bed while I was not in the dormitory, with blood on it. ”

"! Can you bear this? I couldn't help but scold my mother, because it was so hateful.

Sun Xiao took a faint puff of cigarette and said, "Bear it! If you can't bear it, you have to endure it...... What else could I do? Do you want to kill them? Then my life is over. ”

"That's true, but if it were me, I probably wouldn't be able to bear it."

Sun Xiaoxiao smiled bitterly and continued: "There was a day in the past, my efforts were not in vain, in the second year I met the master who completely changed my entire destiny, and she also brought me to the Beijing Dance Academy. ”

"How did you meet your master?"

"It's just that the school has a theatrical evening! I also participated, and then the master saw my performance, and she talked to my school, and then came to talk to me, hoping that I could go to the Beijing Dance Academy, and said that she could help me fight for work-study opportunities. ”

I smiled and said, "You really met a nobleman." ”

"That's right! My master treated me like a family member, because she was never married and had no children, so she raised me as if I were her own daughter...... Under her nurturing, I began a long period of change......

At that time, I was very strict with myself every day, and I started to lose weight in various ways, but there were ways and means to lose weight, and the effect was obvious...... After half a year, I managed to lose weight to the point where I am now, and suddenly I found that I was better looking, and there were more people chasing me in school, and no one was soft and violent to me......

It was the happiest time for me, when I won the prize so hard that I didn't even have to pay the tuition, and I used the money I got from various competitions to pay the tuition...... Master still loves me and loves me as much as before.

But it didn't last long, my master passed away of cancer, and I was in my senior year at that time, when I was about to graduate......"

When she said this, Sun Xiaoxiao suddenly fell silent, and her eyes were full of crystal clear tears.