When I returned to my hometown, I went back to Xiaobo's house, and I saw that Xiaobo was not at home, and I didn't call him to tell him that I was back, and I didn't want him to know what he was doing and where he worked, and I didn't want to know. I don't want to ask either. I find that I seem to be very cold-blooded, very ruthless, and I don't want to know anything about this one of my only relatives. Now I only think about my deceased parents.

I haven't been to my parents' graves for a long time, and since my father died, it didn't take long for me to be forced to return to Beijing. In fact, in my heart, although I have always wanted to come to my parents' graves to worship their two elders, I still don't want to come back to my hometown, for fear that I will touch the scene. Now I feel like a ball of catkins, I don't know where to drift, back to my hometown, I am afraid that I will touch the scene, and in Beijing is my sad place. So I don't know where else I can go.

I thought that I would feel better when I returned to my hometown, and maybe I wouldn't have so many strange thoughts, but what I didn't expect was that I was not in a good mood when I returned to my hometown. I'm still struggling with the things I used to do.

I arrived at Xiaobo's house, and after a little rest, I decided to go to my parents' grave to have a look, because the village where my parents used to be was still far away from Xiaobo's home, I didn't want to take a bus to go, I felt too slow, I was afraid that I would not be able to come back at night, so I took a taxi directly.

When I went to the village where I lived when I was a child, because my parents were buried in the land of this village, the habit of our rural hometown is that after the old man passed away, he was buried in his own family's land, so my parents were still buried in their own land in their own village, and this land was temporarily planted by my fourth brother and sister-in-law.

I didn't tell my brothers that I had come back to visit my parents' graves. I don't want to say a word to them anymore, I don't want them to know anything about me anymore. I think they are not filial, although I feel that I am not filial, but I am much stronger than them. The more I believed in my parents, the more I hated them in my heart, especially the fourth brother and four sisters-in-law, my parents were the best for them, and now almost all my father's property is in the hands of the fourth brother and four sisters-in-law, but they did not treat my father well. Such brothers, I have completely denied them in my heart. They can abuse even their own fathers, what other human touch? And what else can I say about people who have no human feelings? I don't know if there is an afterlife in this life, but if there is an afterlife, I believe that my father will definitely seek revenge on them.

I asked the taxi driver to wait for me on the road, because I had to take my parents' car back after he had finished his grave, and I couldn't look for a car because it would be a big delay. After talking to the driver, I took out the paper money I had bought in advance from the car and walked to my parents' grave, and talked to their grave while burning the paper money for them.

"Dad, Mom, I've come to see you, I haven't come to see you for a long time, and I don't know if you blame me, it's all my unfilial piety as a daughter, I can't come back to see you often during your lifetime, but when you die, I still can't come to see you often, in this life, I owe you too much, if there is an afterlife, I still want to be the daughter of your second elder, at that time, I will definitely spend my life to repay the kindness of this life." Speaking of this, I actually burst into tears.

I always thought that I was no longer in tears, I thought my tears were dry, but I still shed tears, maybe it was really not sad and not tears, right? I knelt on one leg in front of my parents' grave to burn paper, talking to myself and my parents, while thinking about what happened when I was a child, thinking about how my mother took care of me, at that time I was weak and sick, and I would always get a little sick for no reason, and there was no hospital or health center in our village, so when I got sick, my mother carried me to the health center in another village seven or eight miles away to give me injections and buy medicine.

At that time, my father used to say that I was so weak that even a kitten or dog would get sick if he farted and collapsed. And every time I get sick, my parents are in a hurry, especially my mother. I think about every bit of my childhood.

I really don't have a chance to repay my parents' kindness to me, just like the saying goes, "the son wants to raise but the parent doesn't wait". I will never see my parents again, and I can only see them in my dreams.

The paper money is burned, but I still don't want to leave, I just want to talk to my parents for a while, I'm afraid that after I leave this time, I don't know when and when I come here again, who can say for sure what will happen in the future? All of a sudden, I had a very sad thought, and I thought, what would happen if I died? Where will I be buried? Will it be buried in Beijing? But if I were buried in Beijing, it would mean that I would be thousands of miles away from my parents in that world. So what can I do? Will I still be able to see my parents?

When I thought about this, I suddenly became a little scared. I want to be buried next to my parents, and I don't want to die in a foreign land. I felt scared like never before. What can I do, I can't go back to Beijing, I want to live in my hometown, and I will be buried next to my parents when I die. Suddenly, there was such a strong thought. It seems that my heart disease has been committed again, although I have not been to the hospital for examination, but I am still awake, I know that I am really sick, I have a very serious depression, because I think about death, it is not a half time, I have thought about death many times, and I have thought about how to die, but again and again, I still endure. Now I feel that way again.

I wondered, was it my parents who were calling me over there? They thought of me as much as I thought of them, but I thought that they would not want to see me, because I was not a dutiful daughter, and I was not present to them when they needed me.

But they are great, and in their hearts they will tolerate all the shortcomings of their children. When my father was alive, he was worried about these sons and me, who was a daughter, and he was reluctant to spend a penny more in the hospital, but when he saw his children, he always asked, "Do you spend money?" If you don't have any money, I'll give you some. ”

All of his sons have spent his money, but I, the daughter, did not ask for his money, because I always thought that spending the old man's money was the most unprofitable, and even though the old man gave it voluntarily, he could not ask for it. The most important thing we should do is to give something to the elderly, not to ask for something from the elderly.

When my parents were alive, every scene of my life appeared in front of my eyes like a movie, tears blurred my vision, I couldn't hold back anymore, I no longer cried silently, but cried loudly. No more scruples. I no longer deliberately control my emotions. I vented all the thoughts and grievances in my heart through tears.