After returning from my parents' graves, my mental state deteriorated, and the thoughts that had been suppressed resurfaced, I thought about death again, and I really didn't want to live anymore. But I am not reconciled, not afraid of death, not that I don't want to die, but thinking that after I die, my father's revenge has no one to avenge him, I still want to avenge my father, I always think that my brother and sister-in-law and my aunt killed my father, it was they who abused my father, my father died so quickly, and the corners of my father's mouth were bleeding when he died, he was too angry, how much torment did he have to endure in his heart?

If I die now, who will get justice for my father? If there is no one to seek justice for him, then he will not be at ease under Jiuquan.

In this way, I thought for a while that I should die quickly, and go over there to reunite with my parents, but then I thought, I can't die, and if I die, who will avenge my father? And Zhang Xu, I don't want to let him go, I want to see him get retribution, I want to get justice for myself.

I've been struggling like this, and my mood is worse than when I was in Beijing, and I started to look at my phone again, looking it up on my phone. Find and search for whether the bad guys will be punished. And then I look at the answers, and when I see the words "punished", I am happy, and I even think it is very comforting. If I find out that there is no retribution and I will not be punished, my heart will be very lost.

Because Baidu is full of netizens' answers, in fact, they don't know if they can be punished, they are also blind to themselves, and they can say what they think. I saw the answer that there is no afterlife, and the so-called retribution is said to the weak, and it is also something that is said to comfort the weak. Because no one sees that there will be an afterlife.

After seeing such a passage, my heart was very unbalanced, why didn't they get punished? They have obviously done so many bad things, why should they let them live so nourishingly?

Gradually, I was no longer satisfied with looking up such topics on Baidu on my phone, and I began to go to reality. When I was walking, I would suddenly think of this question, and then I would ask the person who was walking, "Do you think the bad guys will be punished?" ”

After asking this sentence, I saw that the person I asked quickly walked away, as if fleeing the plague, and then ran for a while, and then looked back at me in horror. I knew they were treating me like a psychopath. Yes, mentally ill beatings are for nothing, and they don't need to be punished by the law, so the farther away they are, the better.

Actually, I know that I'm not mentally ill yet, I'm just a little bit out of control of my emotions right now, and if I think of anything to say, I have to ask it so that I can feel at ease.

Walking is like this, and it's the same with the car, and I will ask the people sitting next to me the same topic, and the result is the same as on the road, and the people around me immediately get up and walk away from me, and of course on the bus, it is unlikely that they will want to run too far. When they fled from me, they looked at me with the same frightened eyes, and I suddenly thought they were a little ridiculous.

Why are they so afraid of me? I'm just asking them a question, I just want to know why a person can go unpunished for doing too many bad things. Wouldn't you just tell me what you think? What is there to escape, am I that terrible?

As soon as I thought it was ridiculous, I unconsciously laughed again. When I smile like that, it's even more scary, and they are even more scared. So I laughed louder, I thought, finally there are people who are afraid of me, I have always been afraid of others, I am afraid of offending everyone, I am afraid of everything, I will be careful. It feels so good now, and finally someone is afraid of me. It's not that I'm careful with others, it's that others are careful with me.

It's a good feeling, but I know that I'm really going crazy and I'm not far from having a nervous breakdown. So I can't go on like this. I started to get scared too, I was really afraid I was going crazy.

When I was a child, I saw crazy people, and I saw people like me talking to myself, and I saw people like me who were just as frightened as they ran away. Now I'm going to be like that now. I can't allow myself to really get to this point. That's terrible, it's much more terrible to go crazy than to die, because I think of Xiaobo again, I think of my only relative in this world, if I go crazy, then the blow to him is the biggest, others don't care about me, he can't care about me, in that way, wouldn't I drag him down? I've failed enough, I'm sorry for the person who gave birth to me, I can't be sorry for the person I gave birth to, so I can't leave any burden on Bob.

Thinking of this, I finally made up my mind, I don't want to live anymore, I don't want to suffer like this every day, besides, if I really die, then I will definitely see my parents. So I don't think about anything, the only thing I want to think about is to end my life quickly, and go over there to find my parents quickly, as for whether the bad guys can be punished, I can't care so much, if there is really an afterlife, then they will definitely be punished.

After making up my mind, I went to the pharmacy and bought some sleeping pills. After buying it, I started to think about where to end myself, definitely not in Xiaobo, so where do I go? If you think about it, I should go to my parents' graves, and then my parents might be able to see me, and maybe they would come to pick me up, and I wouldn't be able to see them. lest they not be found when the time comes.

After all this was thought about, I picked it up and left a suicide note for Xiaobo. The suicide note read: "Xiaobo, mom is leaving, you don't want to miss mom, because mom is not going to suffer, but to reunite with your grandparents." When I get there, I can see them, so that my mother doesn't think about them all day long. Mom is sorry for you in this life, because she didn't give you a good life, and she didn't be able to be by your side all the time. You don't want mom. You have to live a good life, and your mother will be happy when she sees it over there. Mom's greatest wish is to be buried next to your grandpa, so only you can fulfill this wish for your mother. I won't say much else. Again, don't be sad, you have to live a good life, you have to bless your mother, because your mother can finally see her parents as she wishes. ”

After writing this, I put the bank card I was carrying on the paper because there was still some money in it, and then wrote down the password. After all this was over, I started working on sleeping pills.

I'm in a good mood because I've finally made up my mind, I've always had this plan, but I've been afraid to implement it, and now I've made up my mind, and I'm sure I'll see my parents soon.