I woke up and found myself in the hospital, and I certainly didn't know how I got to the hospital. I saw my son Bob sitting on a stool on the edge of my bed with his head resting on the bedside table and asleep.

I was sad for a while, and I didn't want to drag the child down, but in the end, I dragged him down. How did Bob come back? Why didn't I die? Is it not enough, or is it something going on? How could anyone find me in that empty rural field, where there was no one but a few graves? I couldn't figure it out.

Just when I was thinking nonsense, Xiaobo suddenly opened his eyes and got up, and he said to me, "Mom, are you awake?" ”

"Xiaobo, how did I get to the hospital? When did you come here? How do you know? ”

"Mom, why are you doing this? What's the big deal about deserving of this? "Xiaobo never knew that I would go back to live in his house, because when I said I wanted to go back, he was a little worried and didn't let me go back, for fear that I would be in danger. Because I was also afraid that he would worry about me, I could only lie and say that I came out and didn't live there, so all kinds of things that happened after I went home, Xiaobo naturally didn't know, not only Xiaobo didn't know, no one knew.

I didn't even tell Xiaobo, let alone anyone else.

Hearing Xiaobo say this, in fact, I don't know what to say, I just can't think about it in my heart, I just don't want to live anymore. I don't want to face such and such things anymore. I want to leave this world, leave all the people, I don't want to see anyone.

Bob asked me this, but I didn't answer. Then he said to me, "It was the people of the village who went to look in their field and found you lying there, and then they informed my uncle that they had taken you to the hospital, and then they informed me." Although I didn't ask Xiaobo a second time, Xiaobo still told me everything that happened.

I see. Why save me? I thought silently to myself. If I don't save me, will I be free? Haven't I had enough of my sins? Or do I deserve to die? Now I don't have the pleasure of coming back from the dead, and the knot in my heart still can't be untied.

"Xiaobo, you don't care about me, you can do whatever you have to do." I said coldly to Xiaobo. I'm really disheartened right now. I really don't have the courage to live, and I don't dare to face anyone.

"Mom, what's wrong with you? Did you suffer any grievances outside? If you have any grievances, tell me, and I'll help you solve them. You say, who bullied you, I'll go to him to settle accounts. ”

As soon as I heard Xiaobo talk like this, of course I didn't dare to tell him everything, if I did, I don't know what kind of things he would do, I don't want him to get involved in these things about me.

"Nothing happened, I just miss your grandma and your grandfather, I want to see them." I said plainly.

"Mom, my grandma and my grandfather are gone, if they live, they don't want you to do such a thing? Besides, even if you're dead, can you see my grandma and them? When a person dies, he dies, and how can there be any afterlife that will not be in the next life? Mom, don't get into the horns. You don't have to think about the past, I know you miss them, but the more you think about them, the more you have to live well. Xiaobo, who has always been not good at talking, actually said the truth.

I don't have his words, and I still don't want to say anything now. Seeing that I didn't speak, Xiaobo asked me again, "Mom, have you thought about me?" You know you want your parents to feel bad. You also know the feeling of not having parents, but if you leave like this, won't I also have no mother? Haven't I become a wretched person too? Can you bear to make me a motherless child too? As Bob said these words, I saw the sadness on his face. I knew this kid was really scared. Seeing that his face had also lost weight, I knew that he must be guarding me, guarding my side all the time. Who else can control me but him?

I felt sorry for this child again, and all of a sudden, I felt a little regret for my actions, but what should I do?

"Xiaobo, it's my mother who is sorry for you, and has dragged you down again. I really didn't know that this would happen, I thought that if I died, everything would be over, but I really didn't expect that I would be found and sent here. ”

"Mom, don't talk about it yet, you just woke up, take a good rest for a while, I'll go out and buy you something." Xiaobo said, stood up and walked out.

"Son, you go home and sleep first, I'm awake, I don't need you anymore, there won't be anything wrong, I'll wait a little longer, and I'll be discharged from the hospital when I can be discharged." Don't be here to watch me anymore. ”

"I'm not sleepy, I'll go out and buy you something first." After saying that, Xiaobo walked out.

"I don't eat anything, what do you buy?" By the time I finished saying this, Bob had already walked out. I just woke up and my body was still a little weak, and I thought that even the sound of Xiaobo was not very loud.

I don't know if Xiaobo heard it or not, anyway, he went out.

After Xiaobo walked out, I struggled to sit up from the bed, I leaned on the head of the bed, and began to blame and reflect in my heart. I'm in my fifties, what's this thing called? Am I not messing around? Who am I tossing? In addition to tossing Xiaobo, who else can you toss? Who would be sad except for Xiaobo who is sad?

When Bo came back from shopping, I insisted that he go and go home to sleep, but he wouldn't go. Just then, I heard his phone ring, and in front of me he answered the phone. From the content of his phone call, as well as the girl's voice on the phone, I knew that Xiaobo was in love.

Bo walked out on the phone, and I knew he didn't want me to know what he was calling. That's why he walked out. It is also possible that he wants to say something to his girlfriend, for fear of being heard by others.

I guessed like this, and when I thought that Xiaobo had a girlfriend, I felt a little relieved. It would be good if he found a girlfriend, and it would be better to get married early. This is not like other mothers looking forward to holding their grandson as soon as possible, I don't have that kind of thought, I just hope that Xiaobo will get married as soon as possible, and then there will be one more person who feels sorry for him. In my heart, even if I leave one day, he will not be too lonely, maybe he will miss me a little less as a mother.

Bo was on the phone in the hallway, and as much as I wanted to hear what he was saying, I couldn't hear it at all. If you can't hear it, it's okay, he's older anyway, he has his own ideas and attitude to life, and I don't need to know everything about him. Although Xiaobo is young, he has never been a child that worries me, and he has never worried me about anything since he was a child. I didn't worry about him, but now I'm going to make him worry about me. I don't think I really deserve to be a mother. I suddenly felt that in my life, I was sorry for the person I gave birth to, and even more sorry for the person who gave birth to me.

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