So far, this has gone up to the second floor, and it is still exactly the same as every day in the past, and he opened the office door in numbness, but in the current Internet café, it seems to be very warm, which is completely different from the outside he is in, the cold world, really completely different.

I entered the office, took off my coat, took out my mobile phone, and saw that the time was 8:03 in the morning, which means that I am not late, but whether I am late or not, what is the point of this? So I locked the door and sat down in the leather chair, but unlike before, I didn't immediately start sorting out the accounts, or like a very distant past, waiting for the cashier downstairs to call me, or wondering if I should copy a book for a while.

Yes, I didn't think about these things at all, because there was no reason at all, just a person who was extremely numb, smoking a cigarette, looking out the window at the world covered in ice, yes, the world was already frozen, cold enough to penetrate the marrow of every person who stayed in the outer world.

Picked up the liquor bottle under the desk, this is the strongest Beijing Erguotou, opened the bottle cap, smelled it, the strong and extremely pungent smell of alcohol, instantly eroded to the depths of the nasal cavity, dizzying, coo-dong drank two big sips, then smiled stupidly, thinking, but, what should I think?

……

As for how I lived today, in fact, the madman didn't understand it at all, or really didn't understand it at all, but his thoughts were extremely complicated, like a group of dense, headless flies seeking blood in the summer, and even his ears were buzzing, yes, this is how he lived today, and his mood was really terrible.

It's just that this kind of separation is by no means the first experience, I always think that as long as I experience more, people will become accustomed to it, or become silent, but? However, whether it is the first time I experienced parting, the female maîtress of the hometown hotel, or Juan, who watched her disappear in the snow, or Yuhan, who left without saying goodbye to seek tomorrow, or Lili who said goodbye to herself, and then to the heart-wrenching quiet.

This is my own life, this dazed journey, as if I have gained nothing, and it seems that I have lost nothing, because I am still myself, or the lonely self who wants to commit suicide, but I don't know why, at this moment, I actually remembered the old man at the entrance of the ancient town again.

The old man is so wise, so full of infinite wisdom, yes, the old man always holds his purple sand cup, half lying on the chair, all year round, even every minute and second, and never changes anything, just like nothing is gained at the same time, nothing is lost, but the old man also has his own love story.

Hehe, thinking of this, the madman lit a cigarette again, and looked at the world outside the glass window, it was night at the moment, strictly speaking, it was exactly so, so outside was the intoxicating light of the sunset color street lamp, this light seemed to be very warm, but this was only because there was a warm temperature in the office, yes, there was air conditioning here, and it was 30 degrees Celsius.

However, near the bright halo of the street lights, there seems to be a thick fog flying, is it really fog? But fog usually only appears in the morning, and now it appears, what does it mean? Is this a joke played by God to the world?

So the madman got up indifferently, slowly walked to the window, looked carefully, and saw at this moment, it turned out that it was not a fog, let alone a joke made by God and the world, this turned out to be winter snow, yes, this is winter snow, snowflakes flying all over the sky, like thin needletips, also accompanied by the cold wind whistling, standing by the window, you can hear the whirring cold wind.

Seeing people in such a world, in a hurry, some of them are still big bags and small bags, and some of them are full of spring breeze in this cold world, are they going to a certain restaurant to have dinner together? Or have you come back from dinner and are chatting about something very fun? It's just a rush of cars speeding by, always honking, so it's impossible to know what they're talking about.

Suddenly, there were a few tom tom sounds in the distance, this is the sound of firecrackers, is it the New Year? That's right, it's really going to be the New Year, this New Year is destined to be covered by ice cubes and small snowflakes flying in the sky, the madman grinned, and casually wanted to pick up the bottle and continue drinking, but didn't the liquor have already been drunk?

Huh?

……

……

……

Why do you cry and why do you cry? Why is the heart so painful, as if someone is cutting their own heart with a knife, pursing their lips and gritting their teeth, trying to stop crying, but even if they bite their lips until they bleed, what can they do? I still can't stop crying, yes, the night has already fallen, although I don't think of Yaping, but I understand that Yaping has left this heart-wrenching big city.

This big city seems to be dancing in the small snowflakes flying in the sky, and under the light of the sunset lights, it begins to show its unique charm, yes, it is so beautiful, so intoxicating, but behind the beauty, it is so heart-wrenching.

The madman has been crying for a long time, he has forgotten the existence of time, in short, he has been wiping his tears indiscriminately, and he has been looking at the cold world outside, so he wants to die at this moment, so that he does not need to continue to suffer, he can stop the pain at this moment, but God loves himself very much, obviously as long as he breaks the purple sand cup, he can get the tool to commit suicide, but he is as timid as a mouse and is afraid of death.

Hehe, laughing at himself for a while, wiping away his tears again, I really want to pray to the world, pray that Yaping is still in the rental house, I really want to tell Yaping that I will definitely work harder, and ask her to give herself some more time, even if this is just a lie that she is about to leave casually, but do you really want to continue this love that has long been soured, even if it only lasts for a minute? It's okay for two minutes.

However, the only way to really get out of the pain is to face the pain head-on, I don't know who this sentence came from, and I can't find any source, but it is like a wise saying, because it is useless to escape, yes, any escape is useless.

So I continued to wipe away my tears, and tasted the blood from the bite of my lips with my tongue, salty, this taste was really terrible, and I wiped my tears indiscriminately, because now, I want to go out, I want to go back to the rental house where I am left alone, and tell myself in the incomparable angina that I actually didn't have Yaping at that moment when I first came to this Internet café, and at that moment I didn't already decide to be alone and live strongly?

But my nose was so sour, my eyes were so sour, I wanted to cry, I wanted to drink, but I couldn't get drunk, and there was no more wine, I wanted to smoke, but there were no cigarettes, so I wiped my tears again, and walked out of the office door with a tired heart and a heart of complete despair for the future.

I saw Wang Yu on the first floor, and I also saw the cashier on the night shift, the two of them were talking and laughing, and even the two network administrators were there, and I don't know why, they seemed to be very happy recently, and the madman was just expressionless, trying not to let his tears flow again, after all, he couldn't let them see it, let them see their weakness and incompetence, this is not a small leader, this is what it looks like to show others.

It's just that Wang Yu and the others still enthusiastically asked the madman to pick up his girlfriend? The madman just shook his head and smiled bitterly, but didn't say anything, and then went straight out of the Internet café door, as for the outside world at the moment, it was really too cold, just like his inner world, the dense needle tips were snowy, and the cold wind was howling wantonly, blowing on the face like countless cold steel needles pricking, and the stinging sensation was extremely intense.

Both sides of the long street are filled with the atmosphere of the upcoming New Year, and I don't know why, why I am so sad, and my tears break the embankment again, but what can I do?

On the road, all you see are strangers, so in this cold world, you don't have to care about anything at all, you just need to continue crying, you only need to buy cigarettes and liquor, yes, that's enough, as long as you have cigarettes, as long as you have liquor, then you are still yourself, or that stupid, and extremely lonely rotten goods.

I hate the world, I hate myself like this, I hate my incompetence, I hate that I can't earn enough money to keep Yaping, such a cowardly and incompetent self is still a hypocritical little leader who manages nearly ten Internet cafes, this is really ridiculous, it's ridiculous.

Smoking cigarettes, drinking liquor, crying wantonly, don't care about the howling of the cold wind, and don't care about the extremely cold needlepoint snowflakes, but this needle-like snowflake hit the face, but it really hurts, that is, the hands, ears and even the face, it seems that they are completely unconscious at this moment, which is really too bad, but what is the meaning of this?

returned to the rental house again, and those memories with Yaping were like a raging tsunami, ruthlessly impacting his heart and the world of his drunken mind, so his heart continued to ache, his nose continued to be sore, and his eyes continued to be sour, but at this moment, there was only smoking and drinking, maybe only in this way could this alleviate some of the pain, but is this really the case? The more I smoked and the more I drank, the more I felt the pain......

I'm so scared, although the light in the bathroom next door is still on, and there is 24-hour hot water in it, although there is still no one next door to my room, so it's dark, but in my rental house, it's also dark, gently put down the wine bottle in my hand, take out the key, and open the door.