If I hadn't read Barkin's Caprice, I don't think I would have had the courage to face what was in my heart, because self-deception is always intoxicating, and even turns falsehood into truth.

I'm used to telling lies, I'm used to telling people, and there's nothing wrong with that, but if in my work, I'm all false, and I don't reveal the truth, that's really sad.

Even I feel like I'm worthless, illusory from beginning to end. In fact, I wonder why the focus of my memory is so unique, that every important thing cannot leave a mark, but it records some small things.

My mother and I had a good relationship, so she gave me many opportunities to argue, and each time the argument was accompanied by my shouting, slamming the door, and all the ugliness of anger.

Then came the Cold War, and time would dilute everything, wouldn't it? I thought it was like this in all families, until one of my classmates told me when I was in junior high school

"He often confesses his mistakes to her mother", I thought it was inexplicable, but I tried it, but it turned out to be embarrassing, and I never confessed my mistakes to my mother since.

Until recently, I suddenly felt that in fact, all tolerance is because of love for you, how many people have loved you in my life?

Tolerance is torturing one's own heart with the sins of others, therefore, no matter how much time has passed, I still want to express my sincere and sincere apologies to my mother, thank you for always tolerating me, you must be disappointed when you look at me angry, yes, even I am disappointed in myself sometimes, but you still have hope for me, don't you?

I've never believed in perfect, and if there were, then I'd be careful, because perfection shouldn't exist in reality.

I'm a person who can compare hearts to hearts and exchange hearts for hearts, so when my feelings don't receive the response they deserve, I will become very irritable, and I will have a great doubt about myself, so in this state I have deleted a friend, I have really felt that she has regarded me as a friend, but I still do it, I can't deny that when the friendship is filled with too many hormonal fantasies have too much interference with myself, I only blame myself for my weak will, unable to defeat myself, It was I who buried many precious friendships, and all the faults were mine.

I'm sorry for the impact this has had on you. I'm always a little self-inflicted, I see some girls always inexplicably fantasize about her as perfect, but always use some words that I think are affectionate to tease, every time I drink a few bottles of beer, I don't know what my last name is, and every time I learn the result, I always vomit bitterness, saying something like confession and failure.

When a friend chats and tells me,

"Confession is a relationship that is good to a certain extent, which is equivalent to getting it when the love progress bar is full, what kind of confession are you",

"You don't confess to say it in front of the girl, who believes you", yes, my fault. I shouldn't be so unvainly disdainful of emotion, and vainly get the fruit of romantic and illusory love through the simple and innocent flower of friendship, but the flower is gone, and the fruit is impossible to talk about.

Who can blame this, blame yourself for your delusions, it's sad that I hurt a girl because of this, sorry, after all, I sometimes do things that I can't even understand.

If there's anything wrong, then it's all mine. As for those who removed me for no reason, I

"I don't forgive anyone", and I don't ask for forgiveness for those I deleted. I bear the consequences alone.

I write it now, just to remember the past, not to repeat the mistakes of the past in the future, and to add new apologies again.

The old apologies will grow deeper as I remember, but I still have to keep them in mind!