Before I knew it, I had been in this world for almost twenty years. All the days I had experienced before had been almost forgotten, and there were only bits and pieces of life left, which I wrote down on paper, intending to keep them in my mind and, most importantly, in my heart. Originally, this article should not have been issued, but it is very inconvenient to look up it in a thick book, and it is inevitable that it will not be very comfortable to recall.

At the age of 19, I felt like I was worthless, and ironically, there was always an inexplicable sense of urgency during that time, as if I had come for nothing. But I couldn't do anything by myself, and confusion and panic filled my 19-year-old. When words cannot be heard, so you can only use words to express your feelings, many words written in the notebook, many feelings, now seem to be mostly innocent moaning, but they should also be accepted and forgiven. I have always thought that I am more emotional than rational, which is embarrassing for a science student, but this is my truth, so I also accept that in the following days, of course, we must still have the all-round development of emotion and reason, just like the combination of macro and micro in scientific research can have a unique and comprehensive perspective.

What I write down is just a record of my life, and many things that I think are bad are left on paper, and I don't go through them when I'm free. And what is uploaded on the Internet belongs to what I think is worth leaving at that time and can give some explanation to my future self. There are many things that can be used to record, but such as taking pictures, videos, recordings, etc., and I chose text only because I had no choice. I am a person with few hobbies and few people, and I am deeply trapped in the mud of life, and I am constantly making some difficult treks.

People always say that the opportunity to choose will become more and more scarce with age, yes, the road of life is not so easy to change after making a choice, because the problem of survival, food and clothing, and development gradually emerges from the childlike interest, pressing on people's shoulders, and the childhood time has been hidden in the depths of memory without saying hello, and it will not be able to appear again in the future. But I still want to try to make one decision after another, without affecting others, just so that I can experience this wonderful novelty, so that my life is not too boring, and my life is not too standardized. I don't want to stick to the stereotyped definition, so I can only use customization as my choice for life, life.

I know that freedom is expensive, so liking freedom is my only freedom, and at such an age, it should not be too much to do something that I have never experienced and want to do. As a result, the great limitations of reality can only be comforted by the fiction in words. At the beginning, most of the written records were accompanied by sadness, confusion, and anger, and at that time, words were only used as a tool for venting, without the slightest affection, Mr. Wang Xiaobo said, "Through writing, we can change ourselves, that is, what can really teach us how to write is writing itself." ”

This sentence is very true for me, I use words to record myself, to vent myself, so words have also changed me in many ways, is this the interaction force? Should be. Later, I really got used to writing, and writing became an integral part of my life, and it became an integral part of my life. I have an intuitive feeling about this, and in daily communication, the words can be slowly reached, accurate and concise. I can't go into detail about the many feelings, but they are enough for me to feel its power again and again, and I have gained a lot of knowledge and motivation from the writings of some of my predecessors. You can't finish reading books in this life, but you can't do anything about it, but the meaning of reading is to make your mind less ignorant and boring!

Immanuel Kant said: There are two things that the more I think about them, the more miraculous I feel, and the more awe I feel, and that is the starry sky above my head and the moral code in my heart. So I borrow this sentence to express me, I not only feel small in front of nature, but I also feel small in front of the thoughts of the former philosophers. What makes me curious is whether the mind is fused with nature to have such power, or whether nature has this situation through the refraction of thought, this is a difficult question, but I will use my limited time to answer. It doesn't matter if I don't find the answer, because I know this is my heart, this new world that I love!

I read a lot of online novels in junior high school and high school, all kinds of fantasy and supernatural things, but I never had a deep impression. Because these are derailed from reality, and going to college has kept me in touch with reality. So, in literature I found the answers, which allowed me to overcome my fears. Before this, I never thought that I would read the works of Lu Xun, Lao She, Ba Jin, Contradiction, and so on when I went to university, but since the established facts have happened, and I have not changed for the worse, I am happy to accept such a good change. Everything changes, and the fickle wins. Good here refers to good changes, changes that have an upward effect on life. And there are those who are eternal and unchanging, which is the way of saying.

Lao She is my favorite writer, because I feel that his experience makes me not feel strange, but very familiar. But what I admire the most is that he once said, "I am a pawn in the literary and artistic circles, and for more than ten years, I have practiced every day between the desk and the small stool, the pen is a gun, and I sprinkle my blood on the paper." Where I can be proud of myself is only my hard work; The pawn didn't have the general's strategy in his heart, but I did everything the pawn should do. This was true before, it is true now, and I hope it will be the same in the future. On the day I entered the tomb, I would like someone to give me a short tablet with the inscription: The dutiful pawn of the literary and artistic circles sleeps here. - Lao She "I am also willing to write down my life's pursuit here at this age, to encourage myself: I am also willing to be a pawn, to spend my life to do my own dreams and paths, I am not a smart person, the only advantage from childhood to adulthood may be resilience, I hope to be able to continue this only advantage for a lifetime." I pursue truth, goodness, beauty, and freedom, and use this short life to be worthy of this sentence, and the tombstone should be engraved with the words "The fantasist in action rests here." - Wave Light"

Finally, this article is also written by me emotionally, although there are still two or three months before my birthday, but here I am, say happy birthday to myself in advance! I am also grateful to my mother for bringing me into this world on this day 20 years ago. Hopefully I'll be touched by that one day!